Yesterday sucked. Today is much better. Thanks for all the nice comments, emails and phone calls.

Today is Wednesday, and Wednesday is usually the night of our show, "Clearly, You're Retarded". HOWEVER, Lil' Miss Britt has decided that she would much rather go with The Nerd Queen herself, Faiqa, to hear Barack Obama and Bill Clinton speak.

So, no show this week. But we'll be back next Wednesday, and it's likely that our topic will be the obnoxious safe haven laws that each state has.

Okay, now onto stuff that only people who are attending the party will care about. Sorry to the rest of you, but you'll only be bored with this shit for two more days.

Here are some questions that I have been asked and I wanted to take the time to answer them here:

What is there to do around Altamonte on Friday or Saturday during the day? Do you need help?

There is a movie theater, a decent mall, and plenty of great tourist attractions less than 20 minutes away from the hotel. Try Gatorland or Sea World, or maybe Universal or Disney if you're up for it. As far as help is concerned - while I sincerely appreciate it, the more people around, the harder it will be for us to do our work, and I'd much prefer that most of our guests get to see the decorations for the first time on Saturday night. So thank you for the offer but stay the fuck away until 8 PM on Saturday, k?

What type of clothes should I wear in Florida?

Well, it's going to be in the 60s to mid-70s throughout the day and night, so if you're easily cold, a light windbreaker or long-sleeved shirt might be nice. For those of you who are normal-blooded, you will be fine naked.

How do I get to your party?

My address is (attention all of you who felt bad for me yesterday and want to bake me cookies and send them to me):

605 Birch Blvd
Altamonte Springs, FL 32701

If you're staying at the Hilton, just tell the shuttle you're going to the party and they might need the address but I've given them directions already. If you're not at the Hilton or want to take a cab, you can call 407-422-2222 to reach a local cab company that I use pretty frequently. They're very reliable.

Do I need to bring money to get into your party?

Absolutely not. There is no cover charge, and there is an open bar. If you think you'd like to tip the bartender, you might want to bring a little cash. I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to have a "Contribute to the Party Fund" jar or not, but if I do, you'll want to bring hundred dollar bills to put in there.

What about drinks? Do I have to pay for drinks?

Umm, retard? That's what "open bar" means. You no have-o to pay-o for anything-o.

Do I need to bring anything (food, drink, hookers) to your party?

Thanks for asking, but it's all taken care of. The party is being catered and bartendered and will be fully stocked with anything that you'd like. That being said, if you have any unusual requests for liquor or drinks, email me.

Where should I park?

If you're not taking public transportation or a shuttle, there is parking down my street all the way to the end, where there is a small cul-de-sac that has plenty of room for cars. Please make sure to leave room for other cars to get by.

What if I have questions or get lost or if a strange man asks me to touch him in his no-no place?

If you don't already have my cell phone number, it is 818-398-2079. I will have that with me for every waking moment, so you can text me or call me if you have any questions or just if you want to masturbate to the melodious sound of my voice.

Can I show you my boobs?

Don't wait until the party. You should be emailing them to me as we speak.

I spent both days of my weekend working, with my friend James, on decorating the house, from 9 AM until well after 11 PM, almost straight through.

Our weeknights from Monday through Thursday will be busy from 7 PM until midnight.
Friday, he's taking off of work to come over and we're going to finish all the final touches.
Saturday will require some light work in the morning, and then the party at night.
Sunday I plan on sleeping all day.

I think I'll have earned it.