Superhero


 

Watching the laughably plot-hole ridden Heroes got me thinking.

What superhero power would I want to have, if I could choose, and would I use it for good or evil?

After thinking about super strength, invisibility, time travel, invulnerability, telepathy, flight, and others, I finally settled on super speed. And here's my overly analytical nerdgasm of an explanation.

First of all, in order to be able to move at a super speed, which we're going to assume is faster than the speed of light, you'd need some type of automatic aura, which would protect you from the friction of moving so fast that you'd otherwise catch fire. This protective aura would envelope your whole body and would give you a degree of invulnerability as well.

At the speeds you'd be moving, you'd almost never be visible to the naked eye, so you could enjoy the benefits of being invisible. Additionally, since f=mv, you'd have an amazing strength that would allow you to toss aside the heaviest items with ease. Finally, at the speeds that you'd be moving, you'd be able to gain altitude easily, and flying would quickly become second nature.

Super speed seems to be an amalgam of most other superpowers, and anything you didn't have, you could emulate. Want to appear like you have pyrokinesis? Just light a match at super speed. Magnetic powers or telekinesis?? You can make anything move anywhere you want quicker than the eye can see. And I suspect that if you could move faster than the speed of light, you could probably go back in time as well.

Would I use it for good or evil? That's a tough one. Probably evil. You'd be pretty unstoppable, so what would be the point of doing good with your powers? A sense of heroism and well-being? I think I'd rather sleep on a pile of money in my own country.

What power would you choose and why?


Tonight, we'll be talking about circumcision: To snip or not to snip?

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39 comments

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  1.  

    Flying, I think it's the most practical

    Comments by Amanda

    comment by Amanda Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 12:22 am

     

  2.  

    The power to cleanse money. It is dirty. DIRTY.

    *scratch scratch*

    Comments by Poppy

    comment by Poppy Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 12:43 am

     

  3.  

    Invisibility - then I could eat all the junk food I want and not worry about clothes not fitting (I would be naked)

    Comments by blueppaintred

    comment by blueppaintred Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 12:47 am

     

  4.  

    I think I would like the power to heal. That would rock.

    Speaking of which, I'm going to try and catch your show on circumcision. That always brings on a very lively discussion on the blogs I hang around. I'm sure it will be very interesting!

    Comments by Ginger

    comment by Ginger Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 12:52 am

     

  5.  

    Your analysis of super speed is excellent. I wonder if there would be a calorie burn issue if in fact you then have this "aura"... because then in theory wouldn't you be moving at the same speed as normal and therefore not burn up any additional calories unless the aura burned it up for you?

    Personally, I think bending time and space would be a preferable super-power. The idea of being able to teleport anywhere, and at anytime is highly... entertaining.

    Comments by NYCWD

    comment by NYCWD Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 12:52 am

     

  6.  

    If you really went that fast all the time, wouldn't you age really fast?

    or do I have that backwards?

    Comments by whall

    comment by whall Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 1:01 am

     

  7.  

    Flying, although I'd have to be invisible too so I could fly during the day.

    Comments by Mik

    comment by Mik Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 1:52 am

     

  8.  

    Time travel, to the land where my wife is still living, and use to warn Marty, that Biff is all over the flux-capacitor.

    Comments by SingleParentDad

    comment by SingleParentDad Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 6:02 am

     

  9.  

    Flying - because I fucking hate commuting.

    Comments by Miss Britt

    comment by Miss Britt Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 6:51 am

     

  10.  

    The shallow superpower I've always wanted is the ability to instantly dry and style my hair, remove unwanted hair, and apply makeup by snapping my fingers. I could use this for the greater good by snapping my fingers at people to instantaneously correct fashion don'ts like mom jeans and wearing pantyhose with sandals.

    Comments by Laurin

    comment by Laurin Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 7:10 am

     

  11.  

    Oooh - circumcision! Always a fun topic. woohoo

    Comments by Robin

    comment by Robin Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 7:56 am

     

  12.  

    I'd have to agree with you, but it would be a lot of fun to time travel, although you'd kinda be time traveling, too, or at least, couldn't you?!
    I would not want to know what other people were thinking. No, thanks.
    I've also wanted to be like Samantha on Bewitched.

    Comments by Sybil Law

    comment by Sybil Law Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 8:40 am

     

  13.  

    I'd use my power for evil too... I wouldn't be able to help myself.
    As for which power to have- I don't know. That's a tough one. Probably be able to move things with my mind. Then I could throw someone into a wall without ever touching them. Or do the Darth Vadar choke- that'd be awesome

    Comments by Christie

    comment by Christie Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 8:57 am

     

  14.  

    I thought I might like the power of mind reading....but then I'd know what eople ACTUALLY think of me, and that might be upsetting though helpful. Then i thought I'd want to fly, but I am afraid of heights which has greatly reduced my ability to ride roller coasters. I think I will settle on super intelligence so I can really be a fucking know it all and cure my kids diabetes so they can live a normal life.

    Comments by Blondefabulous

    comment by Blondefabulous Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 9:07 am

     

  15.  

    You've made super speed sound so good that I can't think of anything better.

    I wouldn't mind the ability to freeze time, though. It would give me so much more time to sleep!

    As for circumcision.. I don't know. I've only ever known guys who were snipped, so I don't know anything about being completely natural. Plus I'm a girl. :D Now you've got me thinking, though: would I snip my kid? Hmn...

    Comments by Elizabeth

    comment by Elizabeth Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 9:17 am

     

  16.  

    I would like to heal myself and other people. That way all the people I like would never be hurt or sick. Those I don't like, well they can rely on the medical field.

    Comments by trishk

    comment by trishk Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 9:38 am

     

  17.  

    I would go with mind-reading even though it might be painful at times.

    Ooooh I love your topic for tonight! Can I give my opinion right now?! Crap! I wish I could call in.

    Comments by Em

    comment by Em Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 10:02 am

     

  18.  

    Telepathy.

    Comments by Clown

    comment by Clown Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 10:04 am

     

  19.  

    All I've ever wanted was to be able to fly, be invisible and be able to float through walls. Being a ghost would be cool.

    Comments by Jay

    comment by Jay Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 10:19 am

     

  20.  

    Since I already have the superpower of being right all the time, I'd want the power to make people listen to my advice. I'd eradicate all the asshats in the world...BWAHAHAHAH! <- evil laughter

    Comments by metalmom

    comment by metalmom Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 10:28 am

     

  21.  

    Just this morning my 13-year old asked what superpower I'd want. (I'm not sure what this says about you.)

    I told him I'd like to be able to fly. He thought telekenesis would be good as I'd then be able to telekenetically make myself fly — so I'd get two powers for the price of one.

    Comments by delmer

    comment by delmer Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 10:47 am

     

  22.  

    Crap. Superspeed seems to be the all around jack of all super powers.

    Circumcision does your body good.

    Comments by Sheila (Charm School Reject)

    comment by Sheila (Charm School Reject) Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 10:49 am

     

  23.  

    I've always wanted the power to read people's minds, only when I want to though...not all the time. I'd probably end up hating it and everyone would avoid me because I'd know too much but hey, I'd have a lot of control.

    Comments by Robin

    comment by Robin Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 10:57 am

     

  24.  

    Great thoughts on super-speed, but would you really be able to light a match while going that fast? Have you tried lighting a match in a stiff breeze?

    If I could pick any super-power, I would probably go with Jean Grey's mix of telekinesis and telepathy without the added bonus of the Phoenix Force cosmic effect.

    Knowing what anyone thinks and being able to move shit with your mind would fucking rule! And thinking along the lines of your super-speed analysis, there is so much you could do with it. You could fly with telekinesis, create a force-field with it and basicall control all matter, energy and thought with those powers.

    I would like to think that I would use these powers for good, and I think that I would most of the time. But I'm sure I would also use them in immoral ways that I can only dream about right now. Ways that no one would really know about but me. Mwah-ha-ha-ha!!!

    Comments by B.E. Earl

    comment by B.E. Earl Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 11:23 am

     

  25.  

    The thing I wonder about super speed is how you can see things coming and turn fast enough to avoid them. That would seem to indicate super reflexes and superfast thinking, which might mean that you exist in a state where normal people seem even slower than they already do. Even though you can run across the country in less than a second, would it seem like less than a second or would your heightened superbrain make it seem like you are just jogging across America at normal speed surrounded by tarred tards? And just how far can you run anyway? Would super speed just mean that you would have the ability to get exhausted faster than any man alive?

    I'm sticking with pyrokinesis - the ability to set and control fires with the mind. You can tell where I'm going - just follow the trail of charred corpses from my door to the office. I wouldn't use it for evil, necessarily - I'd just randomly burn people to death for entertainment. I'm sure we both agree that most people deserve to die, so that's kind of a neutral use.

    Comments by Grant

    comment by Grant Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 11:32 am

     

  26.  

    I'd like the ability to eat or drink as much of anything I want...and never gain a pound.
    I'm not exactly sure how this superpower would benefit anyone else, but at least I'd be happy. And I'd look HAWT.

    Comments by Evil Genius

    comment by Evil Genius Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 11:33 am

     

  27.  

    Bossy would pick super-speed too... but only if you promise she would make that Bionic Woman sound when she ran.

    Comments by BOSSY

    comment by BOSSY Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 12:13 pm

     

  28.  

    I have never been able to pick only one. It would be 1) invisibility, 2) mind-reading, and 3) flying.

    Comments by Michelle

    comment by Michelle Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 12:20 pm

     

  29.  

    I went back to an old entry to see if my mind had changed between then and now and um, nope. I'd still like to be a Shape Shifter. Either that or invisibility!

    Comments by Hilly

    comment by Hilly Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 12:45 pm

     

  30.  

    Oh and...I'd totally use my powers for evil. ;)

    Comments by Hilly

    comment by Hilly Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 12:47 pm

     

  31.  

    I would pick invisibility. Oh, how I would trade my kids for that superpower. (Kidding.)

    But as far as moving faster than the speed of light? Must I explain to you the problems of traveling at or beyond the speed of light. (Rolling up my physics professor sleeves...)

    You have mass, sweetie and traveling at the speed of light or faster means that your mass does not remain constant - it increases the faster you go and at the speed of light? Mass pretty much increases to infinity. And? You would need an infinite amount of energy to propel that infinite amount of mass. There is no infinite source of energy known to humankind (and chocolate-covered burritos don't count). So, unless you can also acquire the superpower of transforming yourself to a lightwave, then you can travel that fast.

    Whew. I'm beat. Did I just burst your bubble? Sorry.

    Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter

    comment by Coal Miner's Granddaughter Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 2:37 pm

     

  32.  

    Crap. "Can't" travel that fast. I suck at typing.

    Comments by Coal Miner's Granddaughter

    comment by Coal Miner's Granddaughter Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 2:39 pm

     

  33.  

    whall and sybi have a good point. The analysis of super speed doesn't account for the issue of time which severely diminishes the extent to which you might use your power. Since the superhero story generally addresses the costs of having higher abilities, this might actually add to your credibility as a superhero. You would be forced to address why and when you use your power, and the usage of your powers would reflect your core values. Who will you choose to benefit? Yourself or others? If yourself, then which areas of your life would you address? And if others, how do you decide who deserves your help? OMG, I fee like such a dork, right now.

    I would be a vampire slayer. DUH. And that is TOO a superpower, nerd boy.

    Comments by Faiqa Khan

    comment by Faiqa Khan Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 3:32 pm

     

  34.  

    As this is a game we play often in my house, i'd have to go with "mind control" because I am all about ruling your brain and bending your will to MINE! Oh the power, the absolute POWER!

    Comments by Anissa@Hope4Peyton

    comment by Anissa@Hope4Peyton Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 7:41 pm

     

  35.  

    F=ma I think a good superhero power would be a healing power where one could cure all ailments. If I could wave my hand and cure a swath of people, that would be pretty cool. I would travel the world making people well- focusing on children who have poor drinking water resources and nutrition.

    Comments by Valerie

    comment by Valerie Wednesday, October 1, 2008 @ 10:10 pm

     

  36.  

    Amanda, it's a superpower. It's not supposed to be practical!

    Poppy, take the money out of your mouth!

    BPR, why not super metabolism?

    Ginger, did you catch the show?

    NYCWD, I think that the aura would burn up any additional calories.

    Whall, no. The aura would protect you from any of those ill effects.

    Mik, you wouldn't want people to see you fly? They'd think you're really cool!

    SingleParentDad, that would be a nice power indeed.

    Britt, then everybody would just look up your skirt.

    Laurin, if you had super-speed, it would be like you were doing that instantaneously.

    Robin, snip snip!

    Sybil, I think you would travel fast enough that you could travel through time.

    Christie, telekinesis would be cool!

    Blondefabulous, super intelligence is a good one!

    Elizabeth, would you be freaked out by an uncut penis?

    TrishK, you're wayyyy too nice.

    Em, why can't you call in?

    Clown, then you'd know that everybody wants to stab you.

    Jay, so you want to be Casper.

    Metalmom, I'd love to force people to listen. I know what's good for them!

    Delmer, clearly, your son is highly mature for his age.

    Sheila, agreed on both counts.

    Robin, do you watch True Blood?

    BE Earl, yes - your speed is relative, so it wouldn't be like you'd be running.

    Grant, that is kind of neutral, it's true.

    Evil Genius, that's called being a teenager!

    Bossy, I'd just follow you around and make that sound orally.

    Michelle, I think telepathy would be more of a curse.

    Hilly, shape-shifting is a good one, it's true.

    Heather, don't inject logic into this. The protective aura would convert solar energy as necessary. Duh!

    Faiqa, wow, you are a dork. And are you a Buffy fan?

    Anissa, you'd use it for evil, wouldn't you?

    Val, shit, you're right. F=ma. Damn! And your superpower is way too altruistic.

    Comments by Avitable

    comment by Avitable Thursday, October 2, 2008 @ 1:07 pm

     

  37.  

    Because it's dinner time.

    Comments by Em

    comment by Em Thursday, October 2, 2008 @ 1:15 pm

     

  38.  

    I want super speed!!! I want to use it when i run! I want to run the fastest marathon ever!! Super speedily!!

    Comments by michelle

    comment by michelle Saturday, October 4, 2008 @ 12:36 pm

     

  39.  

    10 points for your use of the word Nerdgasm! Brilliant. And that's a single-word world record by the way. Previous record was 3. Congrats.

    Comments by Fantasy Writer Guy

    comment by Fantasy Writer Guy Thursday, October 9, 2008 @ 1:35 pm

     

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