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I’m like Jesus!

I’m actually still in town and don’t leave until tomorrow, but I have too many things going on to blog. So, here’s your week of Substitute Avitables!

My first guest poster is someone who seems to think that I have more substance than animal porn and masturbation stories. I don’t know if she’s reading between the lines, reading someone else’s blog, or if she has a puppet named Adam that looks like me, and that’s what she uses to teach herself lessons (and masturbate), but say hi to Janelle!

What Adam Taught Me About Myself

Hi everyone, it’s Janelle from, nice to meet you!

When I was about 12ish or so, my mom and I were driving home and she told me two life lessons in that car ride that have always stuck with me.

1st…. You can’t change a man. If you can’t love even the stuff that makes you mad as hell and gets completely on your nerves, then don’t be with that man because you can’t change ‘em.

2nd…. Never get involved with a married man. He will never leave his wife.

3nd…. You can learn something from everyone. No matter who or what they are, you can learn something for everyone you walk past.

Now, my mom and I don’t always see eye to eye on certain things, she is after all a lifelong hard core democrat and I’m a *ahem* republican, well I was up until George W. but that is a different post for a different day. BUT, my mom was right about these three things, you can’t change a man, he won’t leave his wife and you can learn something from everyone.

So, what has Adam taught me? Well, Adam has changed my life more than he will ever know. Reading Adam’s blog started out as a hobby and a quick laugh, but like when you drop a pebble in a lake and the ripples keep going and going and going that is what Adam’s Blog has done in my life.

Now, before we go much further, I have to get credit where credit is due. I found Adam via Miss Britt and I can’t think of one without thinking of the other so when I talk about Adam or Britt, just know that the other is also implied.

So what started as a hobby and a quick daily laugh gave way to me starting my own blog. I had started a few blogs in the past, but didn’t really follow through. Once I started my own blog, I eventually started to make my own friends. I found out about myself that I don’t like talking on the phone as much I like reading your blogs and texting you, IM’ing you and of course following you on Twitter. I found out that I don’t need to go out every weekend with you so that you and I can be considered BFF’s because you are always just a few clicks away via my phone or computer.

A year ago it was an impossible dream for me to think that I could actually go to Adam’s Halloween Party. I mean going to Adam’s Halloween Party was something “they” did, not me. And now this year, I get to go with my own set of friends that too have found the joy of Adam and I couldn’t be more excited about it!

Now, most of the folks in my real life just don’t “get it.” They don’t understand how I could possible feel so close to people I have never met face to face, and I’ve long since stop trying to explain it because I have come to realize that people in my real life don’t understand me nearly as much as the people that read my words each and every day. They don’t understand that with just. The. Way. You. Type. A. Sentence. Or the way you italicize a word, you put feeling into that word and it’s an art form to have a blog that makes people feel exactly how you want them to feel.

Yes, thanks to Adam, I found out a HUGE part of who I am. I am that girl that will text you non-stop, email you from my phone, stalk you via your blog and twitter and without knowing that about myself, I am sure I would be beyond depressed, well, more than I already am most days. But more importantly, I found that I’m not alone. There are tons of people out there just like me. That even though you could actually talk on the phone and say what you to need to say in five minutes or less, you’d still rather spend half an hour texting back and forth, or is it really just me and my friends are just humoring me?

So, besides how to eat a hamburger naked, what has Adam taught you about yourself?

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21 Replies to “I’m like Jesus!”

  1. Sybil Law

    He is NOT like Jesus. That would be an important lesson.
    But he also taught me people blow dolphins, and snakes, and girls like to eat poop.
    Also, he taught me that even though he’s crass and conceited, he is a sweet softy at heart.
    Oh wait – also: cockslappingmonkeyfucker. That is priceless.

  2. Janelle

    Hey Everyone, It’s Janelle, the author of today’s post. You’re welcome.

    Just wanted to say Hi again and let you guys know that Adam’s site is blocked from my work computer, why? I haven’t a clue….

    Anywho, thanks for your comments!

  3. Poppy

    Adam taught me how to not be scared of showing the people closest to me the real me.

    And I’m not even kidding about that.

    He also introduced me to the man that I love, so he indirectly taught me true love.

    He kinda rocks in my book. 😛

  4. Gina


    One of the three things your mother taught you is one of a few things I wish that men would learn too: you can’t change the person with whom you’re involved (love them as they are or move on). Sigh.

    Adam taught me that people you don’t know in RL can be kind, authentic, and worth the time to get to know. I hope someday I too can meet him. I’d be honored to have him as a RL friend as well.

  5. Hoatzin

    He taught me NOT to post a comment to HIS blog when I don’t have anything really, really funny to add.

    (So I post the un-funny shit on other blogs)

    Oh, and calling everyone I know “fuckers”

    Thanks, fucker.

  6. Evil Genius

    Oh wow, there’s so much he’s taught me! Like just recently I learned that I want nothing at all to do with chocolate covered bacon. Oh, and he helped me see what kind of sunglasses I do not want to see my husband wearing. And photoshoping? Ged oudda here – he’s the MASTER!!!!


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