Sometimes people come into my office, see my action figures, my life-sized Yoda, my 30,000 comics and say, “Adam, could you be a bigger geek?” And I just point to today’s guest poster, Heather, and say, “Yes.”
She and her husband have matching stormtrooper costumes that they’ve worn on multiple occasions. They met at space camp, and Heather has a geek’s eye for tearing apart the logic of a fictional situation. It’s just one of the many reasons that she’s so awesome.
There I was, trolling teh Interwebs for some kickass Lolcats action when I saw it. Staring at me was this really whiny tweet from Avitable about Oh poor, pitiful me! I have to go to St. Croix! *WAH!* I’ll be on the beach! *Boo hoo!* And I won’t have any Interwebs or Britt to kick me in the nuts! *Sniff!* And I forgot to draw a penis on my pitiful 7th anniversary picture! *Whine!* I just don’t know what to do! Could some of you guys write posts for me since I’m a big pussy and can’t pre-write my own shit? So, I took pity on the bastard. I told him to shut the fuck up and that I’d come up with something guaranteed to make you guys… click on another blog in your readers.
So, here it is. My interpretation of Adam’s need for a bigger schlong, told in the spirit of Adam’s stick-figure drawings. And since it’s October and close to Halloween, I added in a little Edward Gorey spice for good measure.
Less ambitious movies
Go team!
Sarah Palin emails Rush Limbaugh
:clap: :lmao:
:heartbeat: it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I like the sun. It looks like it’s got a shiner. Like it did that time I punched it in the nose.
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Twitter: blondefabulous
says:
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
:woohoo: :woohoo:
That was too damn funny!
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
Wait. I don’t get it.
How did he get a bigger schlong?
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I’m with Miss Britt … I want to know too!
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Did he answer one of those absurd emails?
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Heather, did you hand write the text below the pictures, or is that a font?
While some letters are the same, there enough subtle differences that I can’t figured it out.
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Awesome!
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Sybil Law – Glad you enjoyed it!
Fantasy Writer Guy – Wow. Sun hostility. That’s a first.
Blondefabulous – Yeah. I was snorting while drawing.
Britt – It’s an Edward Gorey thang. It’s not supposed to make sense. It just is. With dark eyes and much melancholy.
Mattie – See above.
MetalMom – ?
Clown – Handwritten, baby!
Turnbaby – Thanks!
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Your post made me laugh. I was thinking the same thing when I read his post about leaving to St. Croix *sniff. Thanks for filling in.
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
:clap: You have really nice handwriting. Creepily nice. That’s a compliment. This Avi-fan loves creepy.
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Heather, I think you just made me swoon a little…love this post!
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
fucking brilliant! terrific guest post. even if the face on avitable in the last frame kinda scares me a little.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
p.s. loven the post title
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Barbie – Glad you laughed. A hearty snort with some sort of liquid being ejected from your nose would be better, but I’ll take what I can get.
Faiqa – I whole-heartedly agree. Creepy is awesome.
Hilly – Swooning is totally awesome.
Hello Haha Narf – Thanks, hon! And don’t give Adam a big head about the title. He and I already went ten rounds over it and I got schooled. Don’t encourage him!
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Wow, he sure put on some pounds!
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Great job, Heather! The sun in the last frame actually reminds me of Peter Lorre. *ahem* Nevermind. Before your time. Heh!
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I think Adam is right: you ARE a bigger geek. But a brilliant one. :heartbeat:
Hilarious. :thumbsup:
J.
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Does anyone get those “Penis enlargement” emails but me??
I don’t even have a penis!(anymore!)
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Totally awesome Heather – you rawk!!
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
That was HI-larious.
ADAM, HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?
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I can’t hear “St. Croix” without thinking of Eddie Murphy.
So what I’m sayin’ is, it works.
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Twitter: Kapgar
says:
Did his cock at least get a tan?
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CMD – I am taking notes and consider this entire “guest blogger” thing a lesson in what works. Reviewing the enjoyment obtained by the audience it occurs to me that the way to the hearts of Adam’s readers is to talk about shlongs, fucking, sexually-oriented residue droppings, shit, the eating of shit, and more shlongs.
It came a little late, I suppose, but I’ll manage it better next time – speaking for myself.
:lmao:
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Trishk – He has to accommodate that giant schlong somehow.
Aunt Robin – OK. You’re right. Before my time. But, I looked him up on IMDb and YOU’RE RIGHT! He does resemble the sun!
Hoosier Girl – I’m currently in competition with that Hawking fellow for “biggest geek” and I fear he may win. Asshat.
MetalMom – I totally get the penis enlargement e-mails. So does Adam, obviously.
Evil Genius – As do you, m’dear!
Poppy – Thanks, hon!
TSM – That and watching Dan Aykroyd eat a salmon from between a salmon beard. *Shiver*
Kapgar – Prob’ly.
RW – Dolphin porn. Don’t forget dolphin porn.
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
TSM – ZOMG! I can’t friggin’ type. I meant to say “That and watching Dan Aykroyd eat a salmon from between a SANTA beard. Santa. Santa. Sheesh.
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
I can just imagine an Irish cop walking the beat, coming up on a crowd of onlookers surrounding Adam saying “nuttin’ ta see here, folks, move aschlong, nuttin ta see he… WHOA! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT PISTOLA!”
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So sunshine makes your schlong grow? Dang here in Seattle I’m doomed I tell ya.
“Life-size Yoda,” dang I want one.
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Damn, that’s funny! Didn’t know you had such artistic talent
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Whall – Oh, Whall. Whall, Whall, Whall. That was bad. So bad that I snorted coffee all over my precious Mac. I think I love you now.
Mik – That and TSA agents wanding said schlongs. Does it every time.
Molly’s Mom – Yeah. It was either draw or cross-stitch the stick figures. Didn’t have time for the cross-stitch. Give me a few months on that one…
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