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Sizing Up Our Final Frontiers

I am actually back in Orlando, but I’ve needed this respite from blogging. Normal posting will resume tomorrow, but, more importantly, tonight, after a two-show hiatus, “Clearly, you’re retarded” is back on the air! Tonight at 9 PM EST on Talkshoe, Britt and I will be talking about voting. Should someone have to pass a basic knowledge or skills test to have their vote count? What do you think?

You can listen live online at Talkshoe.com, or download the Talkshoe application and you can chat and even call in!

I’ve saved the best guest poster for last. A cover model for Argyle Enthusiasts Weekly, voted one of the internet’s sexiest gay men who still live at home, and the famed creator of Super Viagra and Vagina Girl – please welcome Craig!


Well hello everybody! Craig from Puntabulous here. You may remember me from the debate I had with Avitable over which was better Star Wars or Star Trek. Oh, you do remember me kicking his ass? Good. Because I’m here once again to dominate.

You may be running through the list of things that makes me better than Avitable in your head. It goes on so long! But there may be one (very large) thing you’re leaving off. I don’t blame you, it’s something I don’t like to brag about, but it’s undeniable.

My cock is bigger than Avitable’s.

How do I know this, you ask? No, me and Avitable haven’t made sweet sweet love under a starry sky, as much as he’d like to, so I’ve never actually seen it. No, I know this because the evidence is irrefutable. And I’d like to run down it for you fine folks right now. I figured it was best to do this while Avitable was away, so he wouldn’t have to endure the humiliation in realtime.

1. There is photographic evidence:

2. It’s a known fact that gay men have larger dicks than their straight counterparts. It’s the reason we’re gay! We look down at the massive piece of junk dangling between our legs and recognize it as a thing of rare beauty. We can hardly believe ourselves! We need to see if other men’s dicks are just as big. And what do you know? They are! Because they’re also gay! Straight men on the other hand fuck women because they’re too embarrassed to show their tiny dicks to other men. I mean, comparing dicks and vaginas is like comparing apples and oranges (or more precisely bananas and beans) so they don’t have to feel shame. Sad but true!

3. The simple rule of proportions. While I’m a towering 6 feet and 4 glorious inches tall, Avitable clocks in at a measly 6 feet. That makes me approximately 5% taller than him, and therefore my dick is also (at least!) approximately 5% larger.

4. Look at that pussy up there hanging out with Adolf Hittler. What does he think, that makes him tough? Well guess what mother fucker, Satan is my homeboy. We spend eternities down in Hell just being two big-dicked, wild and crazy sodomaniacs. And singing showtunes. Because, you know, he’s also gay.

5. Blog names. What the fuck does Avitable even mean? It sounds a lot like “avoidable” as in “Stay away! You don’t want to fuck that guy! He has to wear 5 condoms just so his dick is big enough to fill up your vag!” Puntabulous on the other hand just goes to show how much punta I’m always getting with my big dick.

6. Lastly, he prefers Star Wars over Star Trek. Everyone knows that the lightsaber is a phalic symbol, meant to compensate for small dicked Star Wars fans all over the galaxy. They’re like the Hummers of the science fiction world. Phasers on the other hand are the sensible sedans for us (extremely) well-endowed folk of the world who don’t have anything to prove. Your schwartz is as big as mine? I don’t think so.

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40 Replies to “Sizing Up Our Final Frontiers”

  1. whall

    Mmmm, I dunno.

    You gays sure do like unicorns. That right there is scientifically proven to be an acceptable posit for peepee envy.

    Ahmoo, on the other hand, prefers dolphins, with their blowholes and indecipherable sqeeks and clickpops.

    I think I’ve adequately made my case.

  2. Dave2

    Just one more reason to vote YES on Proposition 8 in California! We can’t have these massive-dicked homosexuals getting married and BREEDING!! The consequences are just too terrifying to contemplate.

  3. Faiqa

    You know, Craig, I was going to kick Avitable’s ass next time I saw him for saying that he saved the “best” guest post for last, but… he did. I laughed until I cried when I saw that pic of you and the devil…sodomaniacs. I love it. :clap:

  4. Tam

    Wow, what a way to start the morning. LOL Thanks Craig. I really wanted some more tangible proof than you dancing with the devil though. Something involving a yard stick perhaps or an construction tape measure.

  5. Kimi

    Craig! I have to admit, that is the first time I’ve thought about your c*ck. I can’t say it out loud or spell it out, apparently. I also have to say I never even knew emoticons such as the ones on this site existed. You’ve opened up a whole new world for me! :clap:

  6. Tam

    Kimi: I’m with you there, these are great fun. Is it too early for this? :martini: I’m ticked off at someone in Europe and its after lunch there, so it should be allowed right? Although the situation is same old same old :deadhorse: so I’ll likely be an alcoholic by the time the issue is resolved.

    :woohoo: This is fun. (Damn I’m easy to amuse. :loser: )

  7. chamblee54

    Craig, I have suspected since the bloggies that nature was generous to you. While in person confirmation would be best, this will have to do for now.
    I always knew you had it in you. Or is that on you. If only it was in me.
    These emoticons are neat. Besides two girls one cup :2girls: , this place is a phallic :violent018: wonderland :crazywife: :sex023:
    Craig, does wearing Argyle make your goober bigger? Is goober strictly a southern expression, not appropriate for Yankees? :sex014:

  8. Tam

    Okay Nicky, tell me how the hell that would work. Does it just wind its way through your body fitting all orifices? In which case you’d be pretty much dead and unable to enjoy. And what kind of school are you going to anyway?

  9. Nicky

    Haha. Yeah, we don’t know how it works. My teacher was all “Wow… now I’m envisioning how that would work….”
    And I go to an amazing school and my witch class is amazing.
    We also talk about penises at other times, because witches were known to steal penises from sleeping men and hide them in nests in trees, where the penises would eat oats and sing songs.

    And the men had to go collecting their penises from the nests, but they couldn’t take the biggest one cause that one belonged to the priest (interestingly, priests are the ones that wrote these accounts…)

    Wow! That was like Teach Me Something Wednesday.

  10. Tam

    Okay Nicky, I think that was a myth started by under-endowed men. “I know its small honey, but a witch stole the rest of it, really. I’d be HUGE otherwise.”

    When I went to school we talked about things like economics, business models and chemistry. Damn, times are a changing.

  11. Polt

    Oh my GOD, Craiggers……I dont know what to say…who knew you could swear and talk about your netherregions like a drunken sailor on leave at a whore house? Sweet.

    Just a few comments:
    1)While the artwork is…pleasing as always, I do believe actual photographic evidence is required. I have a camera and I know how to use it…

    2)Quite true. But wouldn’t the comparison be more like bananas and tacos?

    3)My height is somewhere inbetween yours and Avitable….which is just where I am in my dream too…hooo-YAH!

    4) Im sure you and Satan can really cut a rug, but I just gotta wonder if the big dicks get in the way of your two-stepping? And where, exactly, do you store Lil’ (or NOT so Lil’) Puntabulous when he’s not dragging on the ground behind you?

    5) I actually was wondering about the blog’s name myself.

    6) Everyone knows Star Trek is light years more cooler than Star wars. Nuff Said.

    Nice post Craiggers…very un-Puntabulous-like, but quite enjoyable nonetheless. 🙂

    HUGS…

  12. Craig

    Alright, so I’m finally home from work and I’m here for my victory lap! Just imagine me running around a rainbow colored track with my fists pumping gloriously in the air while my big dick waves to and fro.

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