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There is indeed, a party in my pants.

Yesterday sucked. Today is much better. Thanks for all the nice comments, emails and phone calls.

Today is Wednesday, and Wednesday is usually the night of our show, “Clearly, You’re Retarded”. HOWEVER, Lil’ Miss Britt has decided that she would much rather go with The Nerd Queen herself, Faiqa, to hear Barack Obama and Bill Clinton speak.

So, no show this week. But we’ll be back next Wednesday, and it’s likely that our topic will be the obnoxious safe haven laws that each state has.

Okay, now onto stuff that only people who are attending the party will care about. Sorry to the rest of you, but you’ll only be bored with this shit for two more days.

Here are some questions that I have been asked and I wanted to take the time to answer them here:

What is there to do around Altamonte on Friday or Saturday during the day? Do you need help?

There is a movie theater, a decent mall, and plenty of great tourist attractions less than 20 minutes away from the hotel. Try Gatorland or Sea World, or maybe Universal or Disney if you’re up for it. As far as help is concerned – while I sincerely appreciate it, the more people around, the harder it will be for us to do our work, and I’d much prefer that most of our guests get to see the decorations for the first time on Saturday night. So thank you for the offer but stay the fuck away until 8 PM on Saturday, k?

What type of clothes should I wear in Florida?

Well, it’s going to be in the 60s to mid-70s throughout the day and night, so if you’re easily cold, a light windbreaker or long-sleeved shirt might be nice. For those of you who are normal-blooded, you will be fine naked.

How do I get to your party?

My address is (attention all of you who felt bad for me yesterday and want to bake me cookies and send them to me):

605 Birch Blvd
Altamonte Springs, FL 32701

If you’re staying at the Hilton, just tell the shuttle you’re going to the party and they might need the address but I’ve given them directions already. If you’re not at the Hilton or want to take a cab, you can call 407-422-2222 to reach a local cab company that I use pretty frequently. They’re very reliable.

Do I need to bring money to get into your party?

Absolutely not. There is no cover charge, and there is an open bar. If you think you’d like to tip the bartender, you might want to bring a little cash. I haven’t decided whether or not I’m going to have a “Contribute to the Party Fund” jar or not, but if I do, you’ll want to bring hundred dollar bills to put in there.

What about drinks? Do I have to pay for drinks?

Umm, retard? That’s what “open bar” means. You no have-o to pay-o for anything-o.

Do I need to bring anything (food, drink, hookers) to your party?

Thanks for asking, but it’s all taken care of. The party is being catered and bartendered and will be fully stocked with anything that you’d like. That being said, if you have any unusual requests for liquor or drinks, email me.

Where should I park?

If you’re not taking public transportation or a shuttle, there is parking down my street all the way to the end, where there is a small cul-de-sac that has plenty of room for cars. Please make sure to leave room for other cars to get by.

What if I have questions or get lost or if a strange man asks me to touch him in his no-no place?

If you don’t already have my cell phone number, it is 818-398-2079. I will have that with me for every waking moment, so you can text me or call me if you have any questions or just if you want to masturbate to the melodious sound of my voice.

Can I show you my boobs?

Don’t wait until the party. You should be emailing them to me as we speak.

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40 Replies to “There is indeed, a party in my pants.”

  1. Amber

    I don’t even get to come to your Halloween Party (Wahhhhh!!!!!) but I still was amused as hell reading this entry.

    You are too funny, Adam!

    I would say “have a fantastic time at your party!” but… that’s pretty much a non-issue. Are you frakkin’ kidding me??? It’s THE party of the year to attend. Y’all are going to have an amazing time and the blog entries will be unceasing for weeks about it!

    I’ll look forward to reading them. And the mass influx of tweets. But I’m still jealous! lol πŸ™‚

  2. NYCWD

    There are two things I just want to point out:

    1) If the local theater is not showing Zack And Miri Make A Porno, then there will be a quest for such a place, and therefore I may not make the party until around 9ish.

    2) I am only a strange man to your offline friends…

  3. Hoosier Girl

    Oh Adam….it sounds like so much fun, but I can’t come. Even if I had the time (I don’t…it’s MY weekend with the kids, not the ex’s) or the money ( I don’t….dryer is broken, kids need to eat daily, etc.), I forgot that our French student is here until Monday. So I can’t come. :crying: :crying:

    But I DO hope you will videotape, keep a running stream going on Twitter and Facebook, AND possibly allow us to call your cell phone and just listen. All night. That’s fine with you, right?


  4. thedemigod

    This post makes my MAN-boobs hurt! You’re still a frickin riot, Avitable. Even an FAQ turns into a frickin hilarious read.

    I’d PAY to join the party if I weren’t halfway around the world and 26 fucking hours away by plane.


    Have fun! :sexytime:

  5. Coal Miner's Granddaughter

    Glad you’re feeling better. Glad the hug I sent you via Britt seemed to help. And glad said hug fueled your office gossip. :dunce:

    And you didn’t answer the hooker question. Yeah, you’re going to have an open bar, but will there be “open” hookers?

    I just couldn’t resist…

  6. Hoatzin

    Boob pics heading your way, dude!

    (Not saying they are MY boobs, but I’m fairly sure they are boobs.)

    Oh, and Hoosier Girl, je m’occuperais de ton etudiante Francaise, si il s’agit d’une Francaise et pas un Francais, comprends-tu?

    I’m not so much help with the kids or the dryer, but not having the student to worry about should be enough to let you attend the party with a clear conscience, n’est-ce pas?

  7. Mike

    Oh great! I was planning on helping you set-up, now I need to entertain myself on Friday/Saturday?

    Maybe I’ll send you a picture of my man-boobs to punish you. πŸ˜‰

    Anyone interested in entertaining a Canadian Friday/Saturday? Impromptu Davelando LeSombreLando? πŸ™‚

  8. Avitable

    Hilly, chocolate?

    Karen, is Canadian candy made from syrup and hockey sticks?

    Dave2, that place freaks me out!

    Brenda, thanks!

    Rattling the Kettle, he is a weird old man. He manually cleans up his leaves from the yard for hours, too.

    Robin, having it catered and bartended is always easier. We’ll be having baked brie, bacon-wrapped chicken, bruschetta, marinara meatballs, and veggies.

    Winter, I’m sure some of it will get recorded.

    Amber, there will probably be some crazy tweets.

    Carolina, it’s all of the Jesusness.

    Britt, you’re such a kind-hearted soul.

    Bubblewench, it should be fun!

    Crystal, no, no thank you!

    Faiqa, if you let it slide now it may become your new permanent nickname.

    Hellohahanarf, awesome!

    Greg T, I don’t know if we’ll have streaming, but I’m sure parts of it will be recorded.

    Kris, then just put your hand right there. Ahhhhh….

    Grant, I was going to, but then you said you weren’t coming, so I decided not to.

    Turnbaby, that is always fine with me.

    Laurin, disagreeing is part of the fun! We’ll be back next week.

    NYCWD, of course it’s showing it!

    Mattie, I’m not sure – we’ll definitely have tons of photos and video afterwards though.

    Sybil, can’t wait to see you on Saturday!

    HG, aww, that sucks. Maybe next year!

    Blondefabulous, can’t you just leave your husband without a car for the night? He’ll survive.

    Thedemigod, 26 hours is quite a flight.

    Sheila, just tell him it’s European.

    BPR, me too.

    Mrs. Kitty, I’ll definitely post them!

    Stephanie, suuuuure.

    Jen, c’mon – we don’t bite, and it will be a lot of fun. You’ll meet some great people. I think you should definitely come.

    Heather, open bar, not open hooooer.

    Sarah, yeah, that’s an important step.

    Hoatzin, boobs are boobs. Unless they’re moobs.

    Mike, people will be getting together Friday night, and I think some will be going to the movies on Friday. Email Poppy.

    Anissa, I’m sorry, but we, as IB students, ran that fucking school! :D. You’re invited to the party, by the way, so please feel free to come!

    Stacey, I’ve got them in my back pocket.

    Maria, okay, I’m going to hold you to that!

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