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Avitaween 2008, part 1

Saturday night, I had a little soiree. You might have heard about it. There was nudity, vomiting, crossdressing, more vomiting, horrible screeching sounds karaoke, fighting, and a party that started at 8 PM and lasted for 9 hours.

Britt created a Flickr group for photos of Avitaween 2008, so if you have photos that you took, please join the group so that we can have them all in the same place. The rest of you can go check out this group to see a lot of the photos that were taken.

The party was a huge success, and I think everyone who came had a great time. It was not a solo effort and wouldn’t even have existed if it wasn’t for the efforts of several people.

First of all, huge props go to my friend Clown. Since May, he and I brainstormed, built, and developed every single decoration and prop. He spent most of his free time, even at home, working on this party. Thank you so much for the help – this was just as much your party as it was mine, and thanks to you, it was a huge success.

Secondly, I have to thank my wife. She has had to put up with our house slowly filling up with props and sawhorses and tools and nails and staples and wood as we worked, and never said a word. She also fully supported each and every blogger who decided to lick my nipples on camera. Thanks, sweetie! Of course, now we have to start even earlier to make next year’s party even better, so enjoy this short respite while you can.

Finally, let me thank Jess, Dave2, and Clown for the T-shirt designs. That helped us defray our costs significantly, and I have an announcement about the T-shirts at the end of the post that you don’t want to miss. Thanks again to Jess for spending the whole party taking photos of everyone in costume, thanks to Carolina for helping out Clown for hours and for helping to run the party, including cleaning up an anonymous blogger’s puke. Thanks to Karl and Mike for coming over to help with decorations after that mini-emergency on Saturday, thanks to Hilly and Dave2 for the late night beer and toilet paper run, thanks to Britt for helping out at the end of the night, and thank you to everyone who came to the party and contributed to it being such a huge success.

Here’s a little look at the party by the numbers:

Number of attendees: 93
Number of guests the caterer expected: 75
Number of times boobs were flashed: 38
Number of guests who flashed boobs: 1
Number of guests who were smoking pot: 1
Number of guests who shared: 0
Number of guests who vomited: 3
Number of guests who cleaned up their own vomit: 0
Number of guests who passed out: 5
Number of guests into whose unknowing mouths I stuck my penis: 5

Time the party started: 8:00
Time the first guest arrived: 7:40
Time the first guest passed out: 10:45
Time the food ran out: 11:00
Time the toilet paper ran out: 12:30
Time I started calling cabs to kick everyone out: 3:00
Time the last guest left: 4:00

States represented by attendees: 13
Countries represented by attendees: 2
Number of Canadian jokes made: 14

Karaoke songs performed: 62
Karaoke songs not performed by Turnbaby: 40
Karaoke songs performed well: 3

Number of times my nipples were licked: 5
Number of times my balls were licked: 0
Number of times I asked for my balls to be licked: 33

Age of oldest attendee: 60ish
Age of youngest attendee: 15
Apparent drinking age in the country of Avitopia: 15
Number of years in prison I could have gotten: 4

Obscure costumes: 2
Costumes that shed pieces: 3
Sexy costumes: 15
Sexy costumes not worn by me: 15
Men in drag: 3
Number of pirate costumes: 4
Number of costumes based on one skit of a TV show: 1
Number of costumes based on my drawings: 1

Cost of food and booze consumed by average guest: $25
Total amount of money put in jar to contribute to the party fund: $8
Total amount of money taken by pilfering drunk guests’ wallets and purses: $1846
Profit: $3.60

Number of guests who ran half-naked down the street screaming: 1
Number of half-naked guests that I had to physically wrestle into the car: 1
Entertainment level, on a scale of 1-10, of watching me in a wig and dress wrestle a half-naked man: 48

Total hours it took to design, build and create the party: 480
Total hours it will take to break it all down: 5
Number of days before we start planning for next year: 14


As part of the festivities, we converted one of the rooms of our house into a professional photo studio and my friend Jess took high-quality photos in good lighting of (hopefully) every single guest. As soon as we’re able to get those ready (ideally, by Tuesday), we’ll be posting those with instructions for ways to order them. For now, though, here are just a few photos from the party:

Since this was a theme around an abandoned carnival, my costume was that of the bearded lady:

The two best costumes at the party were courtesy of Dave2 and Clown. Dave took my Halloween T-shirt design and recreated the clown I drew exactly, and Clown reprised the role of Rainbow Brite that is usually played by Joel McHale from The Soup on E!:

I’ll post more photos as I get them ready, especially the ones I’ve taken of the decorations.


Several people at the party asked where they could get a Neverwas T-shirt, so I’ve decided to keep them available for about a week more. You can use the links below if you still want to get one of our awesome designs!

As I said above, Dave designed his costume based exactly on my drawing. The blood splatter is identical, the dots are placed in the exact same location, and the baby in his hand even has lopsided hair and no face!

Click the image to go buy this awesome design for yourself:

In addition, don’t forget that we have the limited edition shirt exclusively created by Dave for the Neverwas Fair, along with a kick-ass ticket shirt designed by Clown, and a carnival shirt designed by none other than our photographer Jess!

It’s almost 1 AM on Sunday morning and I’m still pretty exhausted, so that’s all that I have for now. Definitely take the time to check out the Flickr group that I linked to in the top of the post, and stay tuned for more photos and news about what I did with your kid photos!

51 thoughts on “Avitaween 2008, part 1”

  1. You’ve done it again! Amazing party!

    Interesting how if your beard and hair were blonde, you’d be the “Bearded Lady” from my T-shirt design… the hairstyle and dress are almost identical!

    I am convinced that we are psychically linked somehow, and becoming characters from each other’s shirts just confirms it.

    This world just became a much more dangerous place…

  2. I had the best time! Even though one of my friends was a puker and passer-outer. Thanks so much for doing this…see ya next year.

    @Faiqa…I now worship all things with your Faiqa-ness!

  3. Great party, babe. Thank you so much letting us share it with you. And thank you to Amy — there is a special place in heaven for that woman. And not just because she’s married to you. :heartbeat:

  4. Like everyone else has already said, THANK YOU for the awesome party. It was fucking awesome. And like Britt mentioned – I feel like complete crap today. I can’t really figure out why my body is so sore, but it was worth every bit of it!
    You also forgot the butt pictures.

  5. It was a great party.

    But I’m starting to think I didn’t drink enough because I wasn’t even hungover on the plane ride back home.

    So does this mean that I can still get my t-shirts because I am lame and forgot to email you back?

  6. I am new to Faiqa, but was happy to drink the Faiqa kool-aid at Avitaween and am now bowing down before her greatness. #1 on my to-do list when I get home is to start building my altar.

    Though I would be remiss if I did not mention the man behind her greatness… Faiqa’s husband is equally awesome.

  7. Can’t sleep… bearded lady will molest me…
    Can’t sleep… bearded lady will molest me…
    Can’t sleep… bearded lady will molest me…
    Can’t sleep… bearded lady will molest me…

    In all seriousness, it looks like it was a fun time. I’m disappointed I wasn’t able to make it.

  8. The thought of Avitable and Dave2 on the same wavelength like this has really been fucking with my mind all day. I’ve only been able to get my fingers to function just now. Looks like a great party. But looking at the pictures, I have to say I’ve never had that clown-phobia thing before.

    Is it something I could be developing??

  9. Adam, BEST. PARTY. EVER! I can’t wait for next year! This was 100% the highlight of my entire year. Thank you so much for all your hard work, it was well worth it. AND I learned one new thing about you, even if I don’t comment, I will leave a smiley to let you know that I was here. Because as you already know, your blog is blocked at my work which is when I do all my hard core blog reading. So, by the time late in the evening, you have like 500 comments. BUT from this day forward, I will leave a smiley if nothing else to let you know I stopped by and that will, ya know, our thing.
    Thanks again Adam, it was everything I had built up in my mind and more and that is so not true with most things in life. It’s always better than Christmas Morning when the thing you have built up in your mind turns out to be even better… you did good Adam (and friends and wife), you did good! AND I STOOD IN THE BLUE ROOM! totally awesome!

  10. It was the best party I’ve ever been to. I’m not kidding. Thank you for letting me walk around your house as geeky Princess Leia who killed a storm trooper with my bare hands with glittery eyes. And for letting me eat one of Clown’s bagels when I was starving.


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