I am currently hard at work at finishing the studio photos for those of you who attended the party and will soon have a post with information about that. It's more work than I thought! And now, your regularly scheduled post:

There are many ways to avoid a case of blogger's block. You can read the news, search for unusual holidays, or post a photo.

Or you can just call another blogger!

Using sophisticated IP tracking software, a favor from a college roommate with access to a CIA satellite, and a private detective I hired for 1,000 Canadian rupees an hour, I tracked down the phone number of Tanis, aka Redneck Mommy.

I dialed her number.

"Ooooooooooooooooooot," the phone rang. It was answered with a clatter, almost like someone might have tried to answer it but knocked it to the ground by accident.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes," she answered breathlessly. I heard squeaking in the background.

"Hi, is this Tanis? This is Avitable. Are you bouncing up and down on your mattress or something?"

"Oh God! God fucking yes! Oh God!"

"Oh, I'm not God. I know some people think I am, but I'm just a humble blogger, like you. So, how's it going?"

"Uhhh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-hmmmm." The rhythmic squeaking made it a bit hard to hear her.

"Well, it's not a trick question. I'm doing pretty well, but I'm having trouble writing a blog post. I figured that between the both of us we should be able to come up with a good idea."

"Right there! Harder! Softer! Slower! Faster! Ooh, don't move!"

"I'm not going anywhere. You want me to write faster? Anyways, I was thinking that I could just write about our conversation, and maybe people might find it funny."

"That's it! That's it! That's it! Yes! Yes! YES!" Squeak-squeak-squeak echoed in the background.

"Okay, great! I love your enthusiasm! Well, what should we talk about?"

"Give me your cock. Give me your cock! Give me your fucking cock!" I heard the sound of skin slapping on top of the incessant squeaking.

"That's a good idea – it would be funny to talk about us having some type of online affair. Then we could pretend that we emailed naked photos to each other and I could post something hideous."

"I'm coming! Oh God, I'm coming! Yes! YES! YES!" The squeaking reached a crescendo.

"Well, I don't know if you need to come to Florida for this guest post to work. And I already told you, I'm just Avitable. The Holy thing is just a title. I'm not really God."

"Eeeeeeeggggggffffffffffnnnnnn……." She trailed off and made a sound like an inflated mattress losing air.

"I'm okay with onomatopoeia too, if you want to try that, but we should come up with a cohesive plan, first, don't you think?"

*click*

"Hello? Hello?"

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