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Seeing myself through your eyes.

A few days ago, Neil from Citizen of the Month had a post asking how his readers perceived him. I had no problem giving him my honest opinion, even if it didn’t mince words. The next day, Britt and I talked about the importance of someone else’s opinion of you. Britt knows her own worth and would prefer never to know someone’s opinion of her, while I would rather know what everyone is thinking at all times. We’re a bit diametrically opposed on that issue.

I’ve been thinking about that, and decided to bring out the good old Johari and Nohari windows. If you don’t know what they are, it’s pretty simple. In the Johari window, I’ve chosen the five or six positive attributes of myself that I think are the strongest. In the Nohari window, it’s the negative attributes I’ve chosen.

All you have to do is go to each one, select my attributes that you think are the strongest, put your name and save them, and it shows how closely my opinion of myself mirrors yours.

Don’t worry about hurting my feelings – this is an exercise in honesty. It won’t hurt me in the slightest to see your true, honest feelings.

Ready? Here you go:

Positive Attributes: Go fill out my Johari Window (opens in a new window)

Negative Attributes: Go fill out my Nohari window (opens in a new window)

How do you feel? Would you prefer to know what people think of you, or do you prefer being ignorant of that?

In birthday news, Missouri’s hottest blogger turns 48. Or 23. Or something. Anyways, go wish Amanda a happy birthday!

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61 Replies to “Seeing myself through your eyes.”

  1. amanda

    And I did the Johari one but I honestly didn’t have five for Nohari and I didn’t want to just pick arbitrarily. So the ones I would have done were “vulgar” (because dude, I had never seen bestiality until you.) and cynical (which I think means you understand how the world works)

  2. Faiqa

    First off, “Nohari” sucks. I fucking hate it. I almost didn’t fill that shit out because I hated it so much, but since you asked me to… Now, I’m going to spend all of the next time I see you explaining the context of why I selected what I selected and how it really doesn’t adequately reflect what I think of you… To answer your question, No, I don’t what to know what all people think of me, only some people. To elaborate on your question I fucking hate Nohari. See how mad I am, I used the effword, like, 80 times.

  3. Dave2

    It’s interesting how I actually think some of the negative words are positives. Vulgar is not such a bad thing to me, when done humorously. Inflexible can be a very positive trait when it comes to morals. Cynical is a trait I admire when somebody can express it in a positive way… it’s just a more entertaining way of being observational!

  4. Catherine

    I think knowledge is good. Others’ thoughts on you are like any other input in that you have to get the hang of how to be judicious about interpretation. There is a lot involved in that, a ton of things to consider. If you’re well armed with the strengths it takes to deal healthfully with scrutiny of yourself by yourself and others (and btw, this can be truer during some times of your life than others, so it’s a good idea to be in tune with yourself before anything else), then I think it can be helpful and enlightening.

  5. Miss Britt

    I didn’t say I never want to know what anyone thinks of me. That’s pretty fucking ignorant and self absorbed. How I’m affecting the people closest to me is important to know.

    What I SAID was, in most cases, it’s none of my business what other people think about me. Because in most cases it’s more about THEM than it is ME.

  6. Breigh (Canadutch)

    Ok I managed to come up with 6 positive words but when I tried to do the negative one all I could come up with was “loud” and “vulgar” which I don’t necessarily consider to be all that negative depending on the person πŸ˜›

    I had a hard time finding other negative ones, I think it’s because I haven’t been reading your blog long enough or don’t talk to you outside of the blogs. So I don’t know enough to have an opinion. I dunno

    I think I’d be scared to do it and see what people think of me tbh.

  7. Sue

    I really did not like the Nohari Window and some of the things I chose were only slightly what I thought you were. Vulgar was the only one I was sure about… hey… nuts.

    But I did enjoy doing this. What struck me was that there were no words in the ‘facade’. Well done!

  8. SciFi Dad

    OK, so somehow I missed vulgar in the list. I would have added that to your Nohari, but there isn’t any way to edit it (I think).

    However, this was a very interesting exercise. I may try it myself, although like a few others, I’m not sure how the results would make me feel.

  9. NYCWD

    I agree with Dave2 in that I don’t necessarily think that the Nohari words are all bad. Lord knows I’m a cynical SOB… so how can that be bad?

    I don’t necessarily put alot of weight into what people think of me… but I do think that it is good to understand how different people perceive you. While perception is 9/10 of reality (the remaining 1/10 being the truth) I also think that your own perception of yourself matters a bit more… especially since you spend the most time with yourself.

    What annoys the shit out of me is people acting one way to you… and entirely different about you to everyone else. That’s just shady.

  10. Sybil Law

    Didn’t I fill this out for you like, 2 years ago?
    I’ll do it again.
    I don’t mind hearing what others think of me. Sometimes, if it’s negative, you can use is for a little introspection and good.
    Or revenge.

  11. Finn

    Done, although it was hard for me to come up with the negative traits because I don’t think I really have spent enough time with you to see them.

    Me? I’ve always wanted to see myself the way other people see me. Not the way they say they see me, but to actual be outside myself, watching me and experiencing me AS someone else. I always thought it would give me some perspective.

  12. Avitable

    Wayne, damn. I almost trapped you in a dimension of hell!

    Amanda, happy birthday!

    Faiqa, look at you, with all the fuckety fuckety fucking!

    Elizabeth, that’s how I choose to see it!

    Mary, you are not banned, I promise.

    Dave2, what are these morals of which you speak?

    Cris, well, Britt knows me pretty well, so that’s a good barometer.

    Catherine, so you’re saying “yes”?

    BPR, and knowing is half the battle.

    Hello, okay, but be honest!

    Zanthera, yeah, that is how I kind of see it, too.

    Britt, you said you would prefer not to know what people think, as opposed to my desire to know everything that people think. That doesn’t make you self-absorbed – it just means that your self esteem is based around different values than mine.

    Breigh, I love how many people put “loud”, because I’m actually really quiet.

    Sue, I do think I’m pretty true to myself with regards to who I am and how I’m perceived.

    SciFi Dad, I definitely enjoy learning what people think, negative and positive.

    BE Earl, where would you get that impression? My whole goal in life is to make people laugh, so I take people opinions very seriously.

    NYCWD, I hate when people can’t just be honest to your face.

    Sybil, you probably did!

    Britt, you’re such a fucker!

    Finn, that’s where we differ. You’ve always wanted to be outside yourself, and I’ve always wanted to be inside myself. Like, as a clone, and we’d have sex.

  13. Sheila (Charm School Reject)

    I was just upset that I could only pick five positives….I could’ve gone on and on about those. As far as the negatives, like Dave 2, my negatives are actually positives and since it wouldn’t let me submit without at least five, the last two were random clicks. This action may lead to tarnishing of the reliability of this exercise. Whoops.

  14. Hilly

    Hrm, I will click through then see if I want to participate. I’m no wet blanket but I have a hard time with shit like this probably because there is absolutely no way in hell I’d ever do this. I mean, even Facebook’s “would you fuck her?” feature made me feel bad about myself when someone said no. And wait, why did someone say no? Haha.

    Anyway, I think that if there are negative things about me, they will come out as they are happening and by people who have a right to say something. I don’t need or want a list.

  15. Bec

    I come back from the lazy depths and the first thing I have to do is give my opinion and think about things?! I felt so horribly cruel with the Nohari window, but this just confirms my thought that you are one of the bravest people I have experienced on the internet… which I forgot to choose… Idiot.

  16. Girl, Dislocated

    What’s weird is that I’ve been thinking about this exact topic over the last week or so, and I can see the merit of your position as well as Britt’s (her real one, not the one you made up πŸ˜› ) Personally, being mildly reclusive and generally not very open, I don’t give a lot of people much to go on when it comes to formulating an opinion, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious how I come across. And when I do end up being privy to how people perceive me, it’s sometimes surprising/puzzling, which only fuels my curiosity. As far as how important others’ perception of me actually is, it’s something I decide on a case by case basis, taking into consideration both the source and the validity of the observation.

  17. Giggle Pixie

    Like many here, I find that the “negatives” can often be “positives”, depending on their connotation. As for myself, I think I like to know what certain people close to me think, but others I could care less about their thoughts. More important is that I’m happy with who I am.

  18. B.E. Earl

    I guess I’ve heard you say that you don’t care who you offend, so I took that to mean you don’t care what people think of you. I guess it really only means that you don’t care about the people you offend and what they think of you. Something like that.

  19. Avitable

    Bubblewench, ignorance is indeed bliss sometimes!

    Lisa, well, even if I’ve never done anything negative, everyone has negative personality traits.

    Sheila, I’m sorry that “huge penis” wasn’t one of the options for you to choose.

    Catherine, I qualify my answers, too. A simple “yes” or “no” never suffices.

    Grant, by mature they just mean I have pubic hair.

    Tracy, I can see that about you.

    Ajooja, well, Amanda’s the hottest female blogger in Missourah.

    Bossy, then I’d totally just have sex with myself all of the time.

    Karen, heh – it’s okay to pick some negative traits even of people you like.

    Delmer, that’s how I feel, too!

    Hilly, here’s a good way to tell me exactly what my negatives are and I’ll still love you for it!

    Bec, welcome back!

    Kiefer and Emo, us either.

    Trukindog, true, but these were dominant traits, I think.

    Em, finally, somebody other than Britt who enjoys pointing out negative aspects of my personality!

    Girl, Dislocated, I do it on a case by case basis, too. Most people’s opinions aren’t worth shit to me.

    Giggle Pixie, I just want to be happy with who other people think I am!

    Robin, you probably did. Do it again!

    PotU, aw, no fair!

    AHAU, well-endowed didn’t show up either, disappointingly.

    Twinkie, I don’t see it as neediness. I see it as an audience with expectations.

    TrishK, ha! You are one funny old lady!

    BE Earl, I consider most people to be idiots, so their opinion doesn’t mean anything to me. But for those people who know me, whether it’s online or off, their opinion is important.

    Maria, that seems completely appropriate for you.

  20. Coal Miner's Granddaughter

    Dude. That was HORRIBLE! The Nohari window, at least. I HATE doing that! I HATE telling people what I don’t like about them. And honestly? I was reaching. Because I like you and if I like the person? It would take finding out that person is a serial killer for me to have a negative opinion of them.

    I think it’s great you did this and want to know the good as well as the bad. But the bad? Was so hard to fill out.

  21. Mari

    Well crap. Most of these people felt bad about the Nohari, they don’t want to judge you – blah, blah, blah. Thing is, of *course* we all judge you. Apparently we deem you acceptable (freaky porn links aside) enough to hang out here. Perception is a tricky beast, much more about me than you.
    Anyhow, I don’t really want to know what people think of me. Maybe just the lowest common denominator – do they like me? Way more than that, I don’t want people to know what *I* think. I was raised to be polite (even if I despise the bastards) – they’ve got no business in my head! ‘Cept you, cause you asked. :angel:

  22. Avitable

    Heather, I guess I’m just a bastard, then, because I can still see the faults and negative qualities of even my bestest friends.

    Turnbaby, yeah, some of them are obviously random, which is okay.

    Scout’s Honor, now you’re just a dirty, guilty, mean, judgy, bitchy Republican.

    Mari, that’s what I think, too. There’s always some judging going on.

    Poppy, I don’t get it.

    Kris, good point. A bitch is a good, powerful thing, in my opinion.

  23. Jay

    That was actually pretty interesting. It’s hard to do because some of the words sound pretty harsh and everyone wants to qualify the degree to which they think you are some of the “bad” words.

    And everyone wants to be nice all the time.

    I’m probably going to do this too. I won’t get nearly as many responses as you did though.

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