I need your help, Internets.
Dear smart people of the Internet,
I need your help.
You see, I must have these night vision goggles for Christmas.
However, I need to have some rational reasons for why a grown man in his thirties would NEED a pair of night vision goggles!
So far, I've come up with the following:
1. Hurricane preparedness – if the power goes out, I'll be able to see much easier.
2. Apocalyptic preparedness – when the world ends, you'll wish you had a pair.
3. Nighttime searching – if you lose something in the yard, this is much easier than carrying a flashlight.
4. Save electricity – at night, who needs lights when you have night vision?
But I need more legitimate reasons for me to buy these awesome items for myself as a Christmas gift.
Help me Internet, you're my only hope!
Posted in 
Spy on people who sneak into your backyard to go skinnydipping in the middle of the night.
You don't have to turn on the lights when you have to go pee in the middle of the night.
You can find you way to the kitchen for a snack in the middle of the night.
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To further your pursuits as a pervert
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Because they are the "grown up" version of this — which you know you wanted when you were eight!
http://bwacky.com/XRay-Glasses/M/B0006L3ECO.htm?traffic_src=froogle&utm_medium=organic&utm_source=froogle
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They'll give you longer, harder erections.
You can help deliver babies in Alaska in January.
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DIY Gynaecology… will save Amy tons of gynaecology costs
I thought THAT reason would be kinda obvious. I am surprised you didn't think of that one yourself.
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For when the zombies attack man!
You know that you're going to need these, some guns, ok, make that a lot of guns, a really big vehicle like a tank, some more guns, food, water, more guns, ammo, can't forget the ammo!
You need these, you have to be able to be up on the roof of the mall at night and be able to see the zombies so you can shoot them in their heads. Duh!
You could be the soul survivor/savior when the zombies attack if you have these.
Total no brainer man, think of the people you could save from the flesh eating zombies, you could be the hero man.
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P.S. Totally missed out on entering the Buffy contest, (I'm always late to the party) but can't wait to see which lucky fan wins it!
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Night-time golf.
Or skeet shooting.
Or, ya know…peeping.
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Because you could kick my husband's ass at nighttime paintball.
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How much do those suckers cost?
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Top Ten Reasons Avitable Should Buy the Night Vision Goggles.
#10 As the economy takes a downturn for the entire world, you know you will need to protect your family business with occasional slips into corporate espionage. Night vision goggle just means Amy will have to spend less time bailing your ass out of jail. So really, the gift is as much for her as it is for you.
9. It's like cheating on your Ninja Certification tests.
8. People do things all the time in an effort to improve their vision. These goggles are cheaper than laser eye surgery, so really you are saving money!
7. I'm pretty sure Dave2 doesn't have a pair, so you could be the first kid on your Blog to own a pair.
6. Because frankly, that Britt chick scares the hell out of you! Any extra protection is worth any price.
5. You could totally drive without headlights. It would be like being invisible. You would have your real super powers.
4. It would be cool to get all of your employees in a dark room and wearing the goggles… and then turn on the lights.
3. They will provide you with entertainment when you visit places without internet connection.
2. Maybe… just maybe… when you are watching those movies with real bad lighting, if you wore your goggles you could tell what the hell was going on!
and the top reason to buy the Night Vision Goggles: While Amy prefers the lights out… you enjoy looking at YOUR partner.
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You can't go to Avitableween 2009 dressed as Jame Gumb without them!
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To be honest, I think the sheer awesomeness of those goggles should be reason enough.
*wants them*
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i'd just tell amy how much easier it would be to find the little man in the boat when it's dark… i'm sure she'd slip them under the tree for ya..
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Because then I can say to the wife "But why can't I get a pair, Adam has some!"
Someone beat me to the peeing without turning the light on.
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But please tell you aren't thinking of dressing up like the "Sort of Borg" shot in the customer images section on that page!
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because you want them.
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I love Amanda's comment way to much to have one of my own.
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Just say you won them with your Coke rewards points.
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They may give you superpowers, and will keep you from whining well into 2009.
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You can walk around in the dark Naked without stumbling and tripping over your willie.
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I think the number one reason – that damn end table is too hard to see at night and your shins will thank you forever!
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You can film the next episode of AvitablePorn outdoors at night and have better shots.
To me, that's VERY legitimate.
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They would make one helluva great start for a Cyborg-zombie costume for next year's Halloween extravaganza!
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I'm installing a fence.
And hooking it up with my alarm system.
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You'll need them to pursue those nocturnal pizza herds.
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For hitting the bowl and not pissing on the floor in the middle of the night when the light switch is just too much damn trouble.
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Because you're a grown man in your thirties who can afford to buy whatever he damn well pleases. If his wife says it's OK.
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dude. you are adam heath avitable. buy the fucking things. do it now. don't even wait for christmas. go. buy them NOW because they are awesome and you are you.
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see, i don't think you can use nighttime searching, since last i saw you, you found a set of keys in the dark in your front yard — a set of keys i passed over like nine times.
i would just say you're really a CIA agent and that you need them for covert ops, mainly skulking around bushes on your way to hot girls' homes so you can peep them.
truth is always the answer, my friend
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Youse can see nude neighbors through their darkened windows?
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how else are you going to properly stalk me at my house? we have no street lamps.
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I'm afraid. I can only imagine you'll put these to some sort of pervy use.
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Because night helicopter rescue would be so much easier with them.
Because you have a case of AA batteries and don't have anywhere else to use them.
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To up your skill level of Peeping Tom-ness. What perv wouldn't NEED a pair of these? Also, I'm pretty sure owning a pair of night vision goggles would official move you up a rung to level 9.8 Dork, so you've got that going for you too.
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Is there a more awesomer reason than "because I can"?
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Dude, if someone tries to break into your house in the middle of the night, you will totally be able to get the jump on them and call 911. Without turning on the lights, and thus alerting them to danger.
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Become a superhero vigilante, who fights criminals at night using only his lack of tact and night vision goggles. So you'd be naked. essentially.
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Let's get down to brass tacks…because you need to see women through their windows.
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Because they're freakin' COOL!!! No other reason necessary.
P.S. And look how much you'd be helping the economy by spending the $$$.
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I refuse to enable you any further by providing you with a rational explanation of why a grown man would want night vision goggles.
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You know, those look JUST like the eyeclops we bought for Jaden and are waiting in our closet to be wrapped up for XMAS.
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Because you'll need them to to spy on your smoking hot 21 year old neighbor who hang out outside late at night during the summer months in VERY short skirts.
Wait. That's why I need them. Sorry.
You need them because, from time to time, the government calls on you to lead a rescue mission of Christian women and children missionaries in South America.
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Ask yourself; has Avitable bought something needless and random for himself in a while, or is he pretty good with his money? Because if you're pretty good with your money; buy it.
It's in human nature to indulge.
Even if they do get used for a pervet's need, it's still a need…is it not?
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That Deathstar/giant cyclops eye-thingy is really a third eye that will give you insight into the workings of the universe.
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:2girls: : The Night Goggles version.
:lmao:
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if you watched HIMYM, I would say it fits very well into Lilly's list of reasons to have sex… night vision goggles! (plus, she was willow, so that fits into your other post
hope your turkey day was awesome!
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Spelunking? It's a stupid answer. I just like the word and have never had a chance to use it before.
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The best reason to buy them is because you want them!! Go for it then spy on your neighbors.
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Oh wait, I got it!
Neighborhood watch. :woohoo:
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To justify this purchase, you need only to reference the last 20 minutes of Silence of the Lambs. (To defend yourself when trapped in the lair of a crossdressing, skin-sewing serial killer, for Christ's sake!)
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Um, because they're fucking awesome? And the possibilities of potential pornographic pursuits outweigh the cost.
Did you see all those P's?
I'm exhausted.
Buy me some. :boobs2:
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What I meant to say was buy me some, then I'll tell you if they're cool enough. And then I was going to dazzle you with mah boobies. :boobs4:
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You can also use them to go to the bathroom at night and not stub your toe… at least that's what I'd use them for.
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Dawg relayed this post verbally to me and my first thought was that you should use the glasses to find Amy's hoohoo in the dark.
I said "vagina" but that seems a bit crass, considering I've met Amy and know she's never, ever crass.
Ok, bye.
(And you said you missed me.)
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So you can masturbate in the dark in the woods where no one is watching of course.
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I could come up with a good reason, but then my husband would want a pair, too!
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Duh. The only reason you need these is to spy on the neighbors. While you stand naked in the backyard of your house. With the lights off.
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Night vision goggles are the perfect thing to buy the man that has everything.
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Catching crickets outside. Because when you are trying to sleep and they are noisy, turning on a light and walking around will scare them away, but only while you outside wandering. With these night vision goggles, you can go out once in really quiet shoes, find each one, place it into a mayo jar. Then take the mayo jar full of crickets over to the neighbor's house and place it inside of their milk delivery container.
Now you can get some sleep.
If that doesn't work, just buy then and say you got tired of stepping on the cat's tail on your way to pee in the middle of the night.
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Because if the planet gets attacked by borg-type aliens and you're wearing these they might think you're one of them and you'll be spared. The human race will have one survivor. You can then mate with a green woman and re-populate the (half-) human race.
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i have the perfect excuse for you to buy those awesome night vision goggles! the other day a local morning dj called off work because he was looking for his dog. the little rat terrier, gizmo, was chased by a group of bloodhounds. jimmy krenn quickly got the word out that the dog was missing and all media picked up on the story. that led to people coming out of the woodwork to help search for the scared dog. eventually they found little gizmo, but today on the radio jimmy said folks even showed up at night with night vision goggles to help in the search.
SOOOOO…if jiggy ever gets loose you will need the goggles to find her!
now that you have the perfect excuse, can i play with them after you get em?
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