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I am a 9-Layer Burrito

Got this from Poppy:

9 Layers
A meme to peel away the layers of you.

Layer One:
Name: Adam Heath Avitable
Birth date: January 26, 1977
Birthplace: Weymouth, MA
Current Location: Orlando, FL
Eye color: Brown and green
Hair Color: Brown
Height: 6’0″
Righty or Lefty: Right-handed. Ambidextrous masturbator.
Zodiac sign: Aquarius

Layer Two:
Your Heritage: Italian and Irish. I’m a woprechaun. And my ancestor is known as the bogeyman in Pakistan. No, really.
The shoes you wore today: I only own one pair of shoes. Who needs more than that?
Your weakness: Spontaneity
Your fears: Being out of control
Your perfect pizza: Ground beef, bacon and cheddar
Goal you’d like to achieve: Retire by 35

Layer Three:
Your most overused phrase on AIM: “Is this Chris Hansen?”
Your first waking thoughts: One of these days, I’m taking a sick day and staying in bed.
Your best physical feature: I don’t know – maybe my smile?
Your most missed memory: That feeling of adventure as a kid stomping through the woods.

Layer Four:
Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke. Pepsi is urine from the devil.
McDonalds or Burger King: Burger King for the burger, McDonald’s for the fries.
Single or group dates: Huh?
Adidas or Nike: Who the fuck cares?
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Iced tea is urine from the devil’s assistant.
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: Diet Coke

Layer Five:
Smoke: I’ve never even had a puff
Cuss: They’re just words, and they only have the power that you give them.
Sing: I wish I could.
Take a shower everyday: Where else can I have my daily jerk off?
Do you think you’ve been in love: I’m in love all the time.
Want to go to college: Been there, done that, got the degrees.
Liked high school: I loved high school – it brings back great memories.
Want to get married: I’m hitched and would do it all over again in an instant.
Believe in yourself: Probably more than I should!
Get motion sickness: Yup – can’t even go on rides like the old Back to the Future one.
Think you’re attractive: I’m fucking gorgeous!
Think you’re a health freak: No
Get along with your parents: Absence does make the heart grow fonder
Like thunderstorms: I love them.
Play an instrument: No

Layer Six: In the past month….
Drank alcohol: No. I haven’t had alcohol since 1998.
Smoked: No, I’ve never smoked at all.
Done drugs: Only the type I can inject directly into my eyeballs.
Made out: Who makes out anymore?
Gone on a date: We go out on dates all the time, have a nice meal, and enjoy ourselves. It’s the secret to a great marriage.
Gone to the mall: I hate the mall almost as much as I hate Ikea.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No, but now that you mention it, I’m going to get on that.
Eaten sushi: I’ve eaten it quite a few times, but not in the last month.
Been on stage: Not since high school.
Been dumped: Not since high school.
Gone skating: I’ve never been skating.
Made homemade cookies: I prefer store-bought.
Gone skinny dipping: The cold water would make my balls’ balls recede.
Dyed your hair: Not since college.
Stolen anything: Oh, I’m sure I have. I don’t have many morals about theft.

Layer Seven: Have you ever….
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes. It’s my very own special version of Monopoly.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes. I can no longer come within 100 yards of Southern Comfort.
Been caught “doing something”: Yes. Wait, do you mean trying to get my own penis in my mouth?
Been called a tease: Can men be teases?
Gotten beat up: Once. That was enough for me.
Shoplifted: Most of my VHS collection was stolen from Suncoast and the video store I worked at.
Changed who you were to fit in: I’m like a chameleon, adapting myself to my surroundings -can’t you tell?

Layer Eight:
Age you hope to be married: I was married at 25, which seems like a good age.
Names of children: Thor, Serendipity, and Pubert
Describe your dream wedding: I had my dream wedding.
How do you want to die: Autoerotic asphyxiation
Where do you want to go to college: I went to Washington and Lee and enjoyed it.
What do you want to be when you grow up: I want to own a comic shop/movie theater.
What country would you most like to visit: Australia

Layer Nine:
Number of drugs taken illegally: I’ve never done any drugs. Not even “the pot”.
Number of people I could trust with my life: With my life? Maybe one. This is more a sign of my need to be in control than the trustworthiness of everyone I know.
Number of CDs that I own: 8-900
Number of piercings: I’m anti-piercing for men. It’s stupid.
Number of tattoos: I’m anti-tattoo. It’s stupid.
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: 4 or 5, and none of them were in the police blotter!
Number of scars on my body: One or two, maybe? Nothing major.
Number of things in my past I regret: I prefer to move forward without regret.

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25 Replies to “I am a 9-Layer Burrito”

  1. whall

    Re: bk or mcd: right on! Was just discussing that yesterday at work. Got a Texas Dbl whopper and had to survive the fries.

    Re: pepsi: sure, but, you see, all the devil drinks is the sap from crushed pure virgins, so his urine actually isn’t that bad.

  2. Janna

    I am highly amused by the name “Pubert”.

    P.S. I just finished looking at ALLLLL your wedding pictures. Each and every one! I’m now thinking of paying strangers to call me “Bampaw”.

  3. borysSNORC ™

    That link to your old dead General dude in the family is seriously cool. I wish I’d known that before I went to Pakistan last year then I could scared all the little kiddies with something other than by just being a western whore.

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