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Masturbation that lasts the whole month of July . . . guaranteed

Here’s the thing. I’m going to go to BlogHer 2009 this July.

There are several reasons for this. First and foremost, it’s in Chicago, and I have several friends who live there that I want to see.

Secondly, I think it could be a good experience to do once, to see what happens at these conferences and see if there’s anything that can be learned. Although, since I know that I know everything, I doubt it, I am open to the slight possibility that someone might teach me something.

Finally, I really want to speak there. Really. I think I have a good perspective to offer to the attendees. It’s clear that I’m not in their typical demographic, and I think that an outsider’s point of view could prove invaluable to those who are interested in expanding their audience to all available markets.

So, in order to be a speaker, I could just wait for them to beat down my door asking me to speak, but I don’t think that will happen. The only chance I have of this happening is to get enough people to nominate me as a speaker.

You’ll help, won’t you? Pretty please?

All you have to do is send an email to Elisa at BlogHer at this address: elisa@blogher.com.

In the subject line, just say “BlogHer 09 Speaker Nomination

And in the body, say something like:

Dear Elisa,

My name is _____ and I would like to nominate Adam Heath Avitable from Avitable.com to be one of the speakers for the BlogHer 2009 conference. I understand that your speakers are almost always women, but I think he would have a unique and valuable perspective on being a personal blogger who’s a man in a blogging world that is heavily populated by women bloggers. This perspective could prove fruitful to those bloggers who embrace male readers or want to open their blogs to new audiences.

Adam is charming, funny, and an excellent public speaker. Your conference wouldn’t be complete without him!

Regards,

YOUR NAME

The bonus? If I get chosen as a speaker, I’ll totally do it wearing a dress. That’ll be hot.

Thanks to everyone who emailed Elisa. She emailed me this reply:

BlogHer Conferences have two kinds of programming, sessions *we* program, and sessions that are programmed by the community.

BlogHer Programmed sessions:
Until now, and for 2009, programmed sessions feature 100% women speakers. This policy is not set in stone, rather we poll attendees after every event, big and small, and take their pulse on how important our community feels this policy is. So far, the vast majority of our community and attendees still find this policy highly important to them. (While women may indeed be the majority of bloggers and Internet users, as you have pointed out in the past, they are still a noticeable minority of speakers on the roster at most blogging or Internet or tech or marketing conferences.) All this to say: The policy may change, and the longer we stay around, the more likely we will get to a place where it is no longer so important to the community.

Community programmed sessions:
There will be two opportunities to participate, however, that are open for men to submit:

1. The Community Keynote
We launched a new keynote tradition this year by having Community Keynote which consisted of about 20 bloggers reading pieces across a variety of subject matter areas. We will have an open period for people to submit their own posts, or favorites from others, and then a committee narrows down the list to ~20 bloggers. We currently plan to open the submission process on April 15th or so.

2. Room of Your Own sessions
When we announce our skeleton schedule (coming soon) of 30 programmed sessions, it is inevitable that we cannot program all the many topics and interests from the hundreds of submissions we receive. So we set aside two additional break-out rooms for what we call Room of Your Own sessions, 12 additional sessions that will be programmed by the community itself. We put out an open call for people to reserve their time slots. Some years we have gotten so many people wanting to reserve that we set up a little community poll to choose. Some years we don’t need to do that, and pretty much everyone who wants a slot gets one. We currently plan to open the call for Room of Your Own sessions as soon as we announce the skeleton programmed schedule, some time next week.

FYI: This year we did have a “BlogHims at BlogHer” Room of Your Own session, so if the interest is there, the session can be there.

Hope you will submit for the Community Keynote (there will be a Humor category) and/or sign up for a Room of Your Own session when we launch those.

Thanks for your interest in BlogHer ’09, I’ll look forward to meeting you in July.

Best regards,

BUT THAT’S NOT THE ONLY REASON THAT JULY IS ALL MASTURBATION ALL THE TIME!

It’s not this picture:

Butt shot

It’s not this picture:

Avitable_pool_1

But, in the month of July on the 2009 Hot Male Blogger Calendar, there is a photo of me that you totally need to have hanging in your office, kitchen, laundry room, or wherever you keep a calendar.

The calendars have been printed and are shipping now. Make sure you get one before they’re all out!


2009 Hot Blogger Calendar – The Men:
Buy Now


2009 Hot Blogger Calendar – The Women (including Miss Britt!):
Buy Now

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38 Replies to “Masturbation that lasts the whole month of July . . . guaranteed”

  1. bejewell

    I wouldn’t have sent the letter but the pictures got me.

    Don’t know how much good it’ll do, though — I haven’t been asked to speak yet so obviously those BlogHer ladies are of questionable taste and judgment.

  2. B.E. Earl

    Are you going to stir up shit? Britt pointed out your previous post that showed up in the feed readers about your problems with BlogHer, so I would assume you are going to stir up shit.

    I’m all for stirring up shit. Plus I like to say it and type it. Stirring shit up, ya know.

  3. Sheila (Charm School Reject)

    So you will speak about how much you despise BlogHer and all that it entails. That’s cool.

    Besides, it’s only a cover to come see me so, hey, whatever gets you here!

    Thank you for the nice form letter to send because when you requested this before, I didn’t know what to put in the e-mail. I didn’t think that telling the BlogHer ladies that you would give them free Avitable condoms for life would do much to sway their vote.

    Off to send my e-mail now…..

  4. Sybil Law

    Ooooh! One more reason for me to go! You AND Maria?! That is one fine :3some: right there!
    Can I just basically copy and paste what you wrote? My mind is like driftwood today. Actually, it has been for a month or so!

  5. RW

    Seriously though… why would you seek out this gig? I don’t see how it matters one way or another. It’s a collection of bloggers… probably means six people with an original idea and a thousand of their sycophants. Or am I just cynical?

  6. Anissa@Hope4Peyton

    I’ll be at BlogHer as well.

    If you think you have nothing of interest to learn, I promise you an serious life lesson involving a can of Wd-40, a midget and a pound of thumbtacks.

    You can always grow as a person.

  7. hello haha narf

    so here i am, ready to email away on your behalf, and they already replied.
    point here is that i would have done it for you. because you? are fucking awesome. (and i would so go to blogher just to see the reaction to your speech!)

  8. Poppy

    I will never intentionally go to a BlogHer. It’s a personal bias. One time B and I planned to go to a Chicago BlogHer but we realized we didn’t actually want to go to it, we wanted to hang out and vacation. So, nope.

    I had no idea Sheila lives in Chicago.

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