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I wonder if I committed a felony last night?

For 14 days, I tried to play Grand Theft Auto IV unsuccessfully. The game wouldn’t load, or I kept getting this obnoxious “RESC10” error and all I kept reading on gtaforums was that the idiots at Rockstar were working on a patch.

While the concept of releasing a product that is incapable of being played on 50% of the machines out there, especially the higher end ones, is abominable, I didn’t return the game for a refund. I waited for the patch. And waited. And almost gave up.

At long last, on Monday, the patch was released. I installed it and rebooted my computer. As I waited for my computer to restart, I told my employees not to expect to be able to talk to me for a while, plugged in my headphones, and got ready.

“Fatal Error (RESC10 = Video out of memory)”

It took a lot of willpower not to pick my computer up and throw it out the nearest window. Instead, I started poring through different forums and reading what everyone was trying. Editing the command line parameters for loading the game, downloading strange registry-altering software, buying a new video card – I contemplated them all and actually tried some of the attempts that I was positive wouldn’t fry my computer.

I swear that when I actually found the combination that worked, a light from the heavens shined down on my computer and I heard angels sing. I could finally play GTA IV!

Yesterday, I played pretty much non-stop from 9 AM until 8 PM, at which point hunger necessitated a run out to get food.

After spending almost 12 hours driving at top-speed in a fully-immersible, extremely realistic environment without any physical repercussions to actions like smashing into other cars, driving over pedestrians, and driving in the oncoming traffic lane for fun, I got in the car to go to a restaurant.

Without getting too specific, let’s just say that speeding was the least of the moving violations I actively and happily performed last night. In a distance of less than a mile, I’d say that I probably broke about six or seven laws and had I gotten pulled over, I cannot say with any certainty that I wouldn’t have led them on a high-speed chase just for fun.

Maybe I was better off when the game didn’t work.

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21 Replies to “I wonder if I committed a felony last night?”

  1. Redneck Mommy

    I don’t know if it’s because I’m slightly tipsy or because you are blogging about video games but the entire time I read this post all I heard was “WAH WAH WAH” in my head. Accompanied by a lot of white noise.

    I’m not going to examine this phenomenon any deeper. I’m just going to pour more wine.

  2. Grant

    I once spent an afternoon playing Hard Drivin’ in the arcade, then when I left I merged between two cars that had about 1.1 carlengths of open space between them. I was fine, but the guy behind me stared for a few seconds, locked up his brakes and whipped the wheel left and right until he came to a dead stop on the interstate. More people should practice on video games before doing the real thing so they don’t freak out so easily.

  3. Grant

    And when I was your age I could easily go 14 hours without a rest break. The trick is to have a row of Mountain Dews at hand to use for gaming fuel and to relieve yourself into the empties.

  4. bejewell

    Two years ago there was a high speed chase in my neighborhood and a policeman sped around a corner in pursuit, where I was stopped, and he hit me and my car flipped and I lost both of my middle fingers in the accident. The driver leading the chase was fresh off a 12-hour marathon session of Grand Theft Auto.

    It was an awful tragedy and I’m reminded of the blinding pain every time someone pisses me off ut I’m unable to flip them the bird.

    (Okay, that’s totally not true. But it could be.)

  5. GamerSweat

    Yeah, but what were the miracle settings you arrived upon to get the stupid game to work?
    A little less
    A little more

    Lets not try and blame video games for human stupidity, if one isn’t aware of the distinction between fantasy and reality then books, movies, TV, games, and especially historical re-enactments and real-life roleplays should all be banned and we should live lives totally devoid of entertainment. Lets not forget banning rock ‘n’ roll (devils music) and heaven forbid rap music. In fact, singing, dancing and laughing should all be banned too.

    You do realise when playing a ‘sandbox’ GTA game that you DON’T have to run people over, its an open world where you do what you like. There are consequences in-game by the way. The cops DO come after you and arrest you.

    “Proof at last. Video games do cause schizophreics to act violently…. ”
    Schizonphrenics choose to act violently in video games.

    And redneck mommy, when I read your reply it sounded like ‘WAH WAH WAH’ from a suburban alchoholic.

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