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The Baddest Muthafaiqa Around

Baby Faiqa

There once was a chick named Faiqa,
It’s very hard not to immediately lika,
She’s smart and sassy
And snooty and classy
And would have preferred this to be a haika

It’s very unusual for a blogger to show up out of nowhere and just take over by storm, but that’s exactly what Faiqa has done. With a penchant for discussing her feelings in such a way that you really put yourself in her shoes (reminiscent of another amazing blogger), interspersed with savvy, insightful discussion (like this other unique blogger), her blog has become an intensely interesting yet familiar place to visit. Now all she needs to do is add in a little dolphin porn and more profanity and she’ll be unstoppable!

In honor of her birthday today, I thought I would list a few other accomplishments that Faiqa’s had over the last 33 years:

1. Just from listening to Faiqa during the 9 months of her pregnancy, Faiqa’s daughter’s first word was actually a glaring condescending look.

2. In high school, Faiqa’s exploits were the origin of the phrase, “Once you go brown, you’ll love going down.”

3. Faiqa made national news for boycotting a theater chain that was showing “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” because she considered it socially and historically inaccurate.

4. Even though it’s against her religion, Faiqa sneaks into farms and licks pigs.

5. Faiqa has a tattoo covering her entire back that looks like a portrait of the band Depeche Mode. She covers it with elaborate henna every time her parents come to visit.

6. In 1983, as a small girl, Faiqa made a waiter at Le Crepe en Haut cry when he brought her duck l’orange and it was undercooked.

7. In Pakistan, 90% of the citizens walk around wearing purple wristbands that say “WWFD?” The other 10% are related to her and call Faiqa directly to ask her what she would do.

8. The second Star Trek movie is actually about Faiqa.

9. Faiqa is not actually human. She’s a robot, and her name is an acronym that stands for Fully Automated Insurgent Quashing Assassin. Her cousin is Johnny Five.

So, go on over and visit her and wish her a happy birthday and tell her how impressed you are with all of her accomplishments!

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22 Replies to “The Baddest Muthafaiqa Around”

  1. Dave2

    I didn’t think it was possible for Faiqa to get any hotter than she already is… until I found out she has a Depeche Mode tattoo covering her back! Now what am I supposed to do? The perfect woman for me is married to another man AND having his baby. Again.

  2. Sybil Law

    Faiqa freaking rocks. Period. She’s fricking beautiful, smart… and I do worship her. I can’t believe she didn’t give me a bracelet! :crying:

    Happy Birthday, Faiqa!!!

  3. whall

    The look on her faika (is that the word for face?) in that picture just screams the following.

    “Yeah, you perv go ahead and just TRY to look up my skirt. I’m about to rip those eyes out of your sockets so fast it’ll make your head spin. Don’t you know I’m a princess? Where’s my plate of food?!!? If you don’t get outta my face, I’ll blog bad about you and you’ll wish you were dead. Bye! Love ya! Mean it! Mwah!”

  4. twinkie

    Avitable, your blogs always crack me up but this one tops them all. Hilarious. I love your humor.

    Faiqa does indeed rock. But if she wuz smart she’d RUN right now and market those purple bracelets while they are still fresh in our minds. I have a feeling we’d all buy one. hee hee.

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