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I need the American Express black card

I just got my upgraded AmEx Business Platinum card in the mail today. It came in a box, like a present, with a booklet chock full of all the little amenities and benefits you get for being a cardmember. There are little things like roadside assistance and a concierge service and nicer benefits like access to all of the first-class lounges in airports and first look at tickets for many different events in many different venues.

I have a good friend who actually availed himself of American Express’s foreign travel assistance when he broke his leg in France. They helped him communicate with the doctors and got him on a flight back to London where he could get some proper medical treatment.

This is great and all (free room upgrades! quadruple Membership Rewards points!) but all it does is whet my appetite for the next step up.

The Centurion card. It’s the black American Express card that didn’t actually exist until a few years ago, when the rumors were so strong about its existence that AmEx capitalized on it and created it!

I’m not quite up to that level yet, though. It has a spending requirement of $250K a year and an annual fee of $2,500. But the perqs are totally worth it. Some of the known benefits are:

  • Complimentary companion airfare
  • Personal shopper
  • Membership to several exclusive organizations
  • First class flight upgrades
  • Free hotel nights
  • Upgrades to the highest level of most mileage and airline rewards programs

Pretty good, but not quite worth the hefty annual fee. I’d like to imagine some of the other benefits that make it worthwhile:

  • Free delivery of Diet Coke anywhere in the world.
  • Exclusive access to the old “2 Whoppers for $2” deal.
  • You get access to the celebrity of your choosing to punch in the nuts or face.
  • A Golden Globe.
  • Personal cheerleading team that you can call anytime who will show up and inspire you with cheers about how awesome you are.
  • Your penis will grow four inches longer.
  • Willard Scott will wish you a happy birthday on air.
  • The weather within a 10-foot radius of you will never be anything colder than 75 degrees and sunny.
  • You’re told the truth about JFK’s assassination and the 9/11 attacks.
  • “Get out of jail free with this presidential pardon” card.

Of course, this is all idle speculation on my part, but I’m never wrong. Now all I have to do is spend $250,000 this year on my current card to get them to ask me to become a Centurion Card member. Piece of cake!

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42 Replies to “I need the American Express black card”

  1. Girl, Dislocated

    You have my full support in your efforts to acquire the American Express black card. And I’ll tell you what–to help you reach that $250,000 spending minimum, I’ll let you pay for my tuition with your card! No, no, don’t thank me. That’s what friends are for! :heartbeat:

  2. Dave2

    Meh. I already have all the perks except a personal shopper. Since I hate shopping, that’s no big loss.

    But I hear once you go black, you never go back, so that card may have psychological perks that make it worth having. Sign me up!

  3. B.E. Earl

    A Golden Globe?

    Haven’t you been reading my campaign against that sham of an award? I’ve only been posting it for 4 consecutive years now! Aaargh!!!

    Go for the gold. Go for an Oscar. You deserve it.

  4. Finn

    Give me $2,500 a year and I’ll be your personal cheerleader.

    You’ll have to tell me if the platinum card is worth the $300+ annual fee. They keep inviting me to get one, but I can’t get past that $300. The gold card is only half that.

    Here’s a thought, especially if you do rewards. Pay the business’ taxes with the card. That’ll up your spending for the year, plus you get points. My friends who have the black card paid theirs (seven figures) that way. They never pay for hotel rooms or airfare anymore. Ever.

  5. Jay

    “Personal cheerleading team that you can call anytime who will show up and inspire you with cheers about how awesome you are.”

    I thought you already had that. I have one, how can it be that you don’t?

  6. Sybil Law

    Haha Faiqa- I was wondering the same thing! Must be once you get your upgraded card, you start spelling different than the “little people”!
    What celebrity would you choose?!

  7. Avitable

    Turnbaby, she’s like my personal conscience, not my cheerleader!

    Amanda, the right ones do.

    Greg, that’s the best job ever!

    Girl Dislocated, how sweet. 🙂

    Dave, all of them? Automatic upgrades on all flights?

    BE Earl, that’s why they’re just giving it away as a perq!

    Karen, I’m okay with the rubber gloves. The pliers, though, not so much.

    Jester, good point! That’s the Rendezvous restaurant that’s part of the Beacon Hotel, right?

    Othurme, I’ll get right on that!

    Redneck Mommy, I can’t understand why you live there voluntarily!

    Chris, well, you have to ask for that benefit.

    Vic, that’s a fantasy of mine already.

    SPD, are you kidding? Diet Coke is the nectar of the gods!

    Britt, don’t we need a company boat?

    NYCWD, brought to you by Smucker’s!

    Kevin, that’s true. You have to read the fine print.

    Becky, you’re crazy!

    Finn, I think it’s totally worth that, just for the airport lounges. I’ll have to see if my accountant will let us do that for the taxes. Good thinking.

    Grant, that was plan B.

    Faiqa, I already have the Plum card. It’s not better than the black one, though. “Perq” is short for perquisite, which means a benefit, privilege, or advantage. I might be using the colloquial spelling of it, though.

    Blondefabulous, that’s not very much money for being a personal chef.

    Jay, well, I want to exchange mine for a better one.

    Sybil, I’d choose Spencer, he of the flesh colored beard.

    Karen, “perqs” and “perks” are interchangeable. I prefer the original usage.

    Angie, are you offering to do it for that fee?

    Dragon, ooh, that’s a nice benefit too!

  8. SingleParentDad

    Dan, judge me by my size do you? Anyway we are on an inversely proportional path, and if I stick to the full fat stuff, in no time, I’ll be fit (or fat) for a tag-team event.

    Avitable, go you mean all those ancient Greek fellows? They were a bit fruity you know.

  9. Clayton

    I don’t know if this is true, but e-how says there is an easier but slower route to the black card: 2
    Next you will need to either take the slow route or the express route to getting your Centurion card.

    The slow route involved waiting for about 5-10years while spending around $50,000-$100,000 per year.

  10. lawrence

    I know for a fact that the card does not include a personal shopper unless you pay extra andthe service isn’t really good since they almost never have a solution to your problems

  11. bravo4

    easy way to get one *if* you can afford it (costs the same or more as from Amex, but you are guaranteed to get it if you can afford it) – email “icurme AT gmail DOT com” (anti-spam measure) for details…

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