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Avitaweek 2009: It’s over, finally!

So I survived my trip to a haunted bed and breakfast – I’ll write more about that later. Today marks the end of the week of Avitable, culminating on my birthday.

I turn 32 today, a fact that fills me with dread, because no matter what anyone else says, everything from 30 on is downhill, the inevitable march towards 40, which is even worse than it sounds! “40 is the new 20,” people say. Bullshit! You’re still 40!

I received gifts from several of my blogger friends, and I will be thanking each and every one of you soon, so don’t worry if you haven’t heard from me yet. I’m sure the gift arrived, but I just haven’t had time to properly appreciate it and respond to you.

Anyways, in “celebration” of my slow decline into death, I thought I would come up with 32 things that annoy me. (Originally, I was going to list 32 things that I have witnessed or enjoyed or am proud of, but that’s way too sunshiny happy optimistic for a cynical elitist condescending bastard such as myself.)

32 Things that Annoy, Displease or Otherwise Offend Avitable:

32. People who don’t know the difference between possessives and plurals.
31. Movie talkers
30. Dress codes
29. American Idol
28. Country music
27. Spectator sports
26. Laugh tracks
25. Things that are dumbed down for people with no attention spans
24. Machismo
23. Freeloaders
22. Studio executives
21. Fake breasts
20. Children
19. Bodybuilders
18. Mushrooms
17. Overly friendly strangers
16. Incompetence at any level
15. Uggos
14. Anyone who watches The Hills
13. Old people who talk about sex
12. People who hide behind anonymity
11. Italian food
10. Food with bones in it
09. Couples who go out to dinner by themselves and sit on the same side of the table
08. Tattoos
07. People with no sense of humor
06. Bumper stickers
05. Ocean cruises
04. Tropical islands
03. People who try to correct me when I’m right
02. Surprises
01. Cynical elitist condescending bastards who complain about things

On the plus side, while writing this list, I figured out that I can keep this list going until my 90s!

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115 Replies to “Avitaweek 2009: It’s over, finally!”

  1. hello haha narf

    i ate baby back ribs on sunday for my late lunch and i kept thinking how much you would have hated that. when we do all we can eat meat, i won’t get any ribs. coz i love yew, man.

    you already know this, but i am so very thankful that you were born. even if you are a cynical elitist condescending bastard. good news is that you aren’t a bitter, lying bigot!

    happy, happy day!!!

  2. Kris

    Happy birthday, young’un. :sex007: Three more days and I’m 40. It’s not as bad as it sounds . Two more years and I can be traded in on two 21 year olds. Thirty-two is nothing. Honest.

    BTW, I’m so going to steal you “# of things I hate” for my birthday post.

  3. Ioma

    Of all the thing’s on Avitables list, #32 is my favorite.

    I’m with you on a lot of those, especially children, mushrooms, and food with bones in it (or finding a nasty piece of gristle). My friends and family think I’m strange for being such a carnivore but refusing to eat meat with bones in it.

    Happy birthday! I hope you’re day is filled with awesomeness.

    I’m really looking forward to reading about your stay in the haunted bed and breakfast.

  4. Lisa

    Happy birthday!

    Never mind until your 90s, I’m pretty sure you could keep that list going indefinitely. It’s good to see that you’re well prepared for your grumpy old man years, though. 😉

  5. Valerie

    Happy Birthday Adam! With respect to aging, you’ve made the correct decision in not having children- their birthdays are an additional gauge of another year passing.

  6. Ginger

    Please imagine me singing this in my sexiest Marilyn Monroe-esque attire and spirit… :batting:

    ♪ Happy Birthday to you! ♫
    ♪ Happy Birthday to you! ♫
    ♪ Happy Birthday dear Adam! ♫
    ♪ Happy Birthday to you! ♫
    …and many more!

    Sending best wishes for a day that’s as badass as you are! :woohoo:

  7. SJ

    This year, my birthday post is going to be all about sex. Over and over and over. :sex011:

    Hope you have a fun actual birthday with great cake! Looking forward to reading about your ghost-huntingish night.

  8. wordnerd

    I agree with you on the majority of your list and am guilty of the rest of it. But that’s not what this is about. I’ve been sent over here by the incredible Tracy Lynn to wish you, in the smarmiest and cheesiest of ways, a very happy effin’ 32nd birthday.

    So. There you have it.


  9. SwanShadow

    Happy 32nd, dude.

    Remember, when Alexander the Great was your age, he had already conquered the Western world and would be dead in a year. If you plan to accomplish anything, you’d better hurry the heck up.

    By the way, I’m totally with you on #’s 2, 8, 16, 21, 28, and 32.

  10. martymankins

    Looks like you reached 100 comments already… too bad, I’m still leaving one.

    On your list of 32 things that annoy you, we’re in sync on 29 of those. The three in question are: #21, #18 and #08. True, real titties are nice, but there’s some damn fine looking fake breasts out there.

  11. twinkie

    Ok, as someone who actually made it in about 99.9% of your stupid list, I hate you.

    As someone who is 37 I can say.. you’re right. It’s only downhill after 30. Sucks to be you.

    As someone who will still read this blog because even though I hate you for hating me (refer to the list) I love this blog.

    Happy Birthday!

  12. Ali

    Found myselfself here in search of something entirely different, but turned out to be a cool read anyway, so I guess sometimes it’s ok that you can’t use a search engine properly.

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