So I survived my trip to a haunted bed and breakfast – I’ll write more about that later. Today marks the end of the week of Avitable, culminating on my birthday.
I turn 32 today, a fact that fills me with dread, because no matter what anyone else says, everything from 30 on is downhill, the inevitable march towards 40, which is even worse than it sounds! “40 is the new 20,” people say. Bullshit! You’re still 40!
I received gifts from several of my blogger friends, and I will be thanking each and every one of you soon, so don’t worry if you haven’t heard from me yet. I’m sure the gift arrived, but I just haven’t had time to properly appreciate it and respond to you.
Anyways, in “celebration” of my slow decline into death, I thought I would come up with 32 things that annoy me. (Originally, I was going to list 32 things that I have witnessed or enjoyed or am proud of, but that’s way too sunshiny happy optimistic for a cynical elitist condescending bastard such as myself.)
32 Things that Annoy, Displease or Otherwise Offend Avitable:
32. People who don’t know the difference between possessives and plurals.
31. Movie talkers
30. Dress codes
29. American Idol
28. Country music
27. Spectator sports
26. Laugh tracks
25. Things that are dumbed down for people with no attention spans
24. Machismo
23. Freeloaders
22. Studio executives
21. Fake breasts
20. Children
19. Bodybuilders
18. Mushrooms
17. Overly friendly strangers
16. Incompetence at any level
15. Uggos
14. Anyone who watches The Hills
13. Old people who talk about sex
12. People who hide behind anonymity
11. Italian food
10. Food with bones in it
09. Couples who go out to dinner by themselves and sit on the same side of the table
08. Tattoos
07. People with no sense of humor
06. Bumper stickers
05. Ocean cruises
04. Tropical islands
03. People who try to correct me when I’m right
02. Surprises
01. Cynical elitist condescending bastards who complain about things
On the plus side, while writing this list, I figured out that I can keep this list going until my 90s!
Enjoy this post? Try these:100 Things for 2010: Part Two
What else do I dislike?
My bad. I identified with seven of your list. guess this is goodbye, eh?
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
I hope you’re birthday is totally awesome and your really happy today. I also hope that all of the birthday’s that you have from now on are great, too.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
i ate baby back ribs on sunday for my late lunch and i kept thinking how much you would have hated that. when we do all we can eat meat, i won’t get any ribs. coz i love yew, man.
you already know this, but i am so very thankful that you were born. even if you are a cynical elitist condescending bastard. good news is that you aren’t a bitter, lying bigot!
happy, happy day!!!
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
I don’t mind food with bones in it and I love Italian food, but other than that, I’m with you.
Happy Birthday!
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Happy birthday, young’un. :sex007: Three more days and I’m 40. It’s not as bad as it sounds . Two more years and I can be traded in on two 21 year olds. Thirty-two is nothing. Honest.
BTW, I’m so going to steal you “# of things I hate” for my birthday post.
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Of all the thing’s on Avitables list, #32 is my favorite.
I’m with you on a lot of those, especially children, mushrooms, and food with bones in it (or finding a nasty piece of gristle). My friends and family think I’m strange for being such a carnivore but refusing to eat meat with bones in it.
Happy birthday! I hope you’re day is filled with awesomeness.
I’m really looking forward to reading about your stay in the haunted bed and breakfast.
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Twitter: s_csr
says:
Happy Birthday!
Your present, apparently, is the death of our friendship.
::sigh::
Why must you hate cynical elitist condescending bastards who complain about things?
I can’t change who I am man!
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I’m laughing my ass of at one of those and I thi8nk you know just which one!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU BIG SWEET TEDDY BEAR!
(whatever, reputation schmeputation…it’s your birthday).
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Happy birthday!
Never mind until your 90s, I’m pretty sure you could keep that list going indefinitely. It’s good to see that you’re well prepared for your grumpy old man years, though.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
I’m gonna turn you around on tattoos one of these days.
Happy Birfday, young man! :woohoo:
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I’m pretty sure you have to wait till you’re 33 to really start the march towards death. What are you, better than Jesus?
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Twitter: maria0305
says:
Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!
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Happy birthday! Your list just proved that we’re perfect for each other in! :fisting:
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Appy birthday you olde scrote.
I shall join you on 32 in a few months, and aren’t all those people’s who don’t understand the apostrophe annoying?
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Happy birthday,crap I just realized how old I am going to be in 7 months time, dementia isn’t far off for me.
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You’d better get used to #13 since you’re getting there fast. Either that, or else clean up your act (the former seems more likely).
HBD – w00t!
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happy birthday. Hope it’s totally amazing
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Happy birthday, young man. (That last part isn’t sarcastic at all. I’m 43. THAT number is worthy of complaints.)
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Twitter: _scifidad_
says:
In light of #13, does that mean that you’ll no longer discuss sex on your blog, seeing as how you’re all old and shit now?
Oh, and happy birthday.
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:woohoo: :woohoo: Happy birthday from another birthday boy today. I’m 41 years older than you. Life is good.
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Bingo! I just hit the jackpot! Number 01 – Cynical elitist condescending bastards who complain about things!”
That’s totally me and we haven’t even met!
Happy Birthday.
Robyn
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
Woo hoo!! I don’t do any of the things on your list! This is why you love me best of all!!!
Happy Birthday!
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Twitter: Kapgar
says:
Amen on 30. Been dealing with that shit for years now.
Happy birthday, man!
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Happy Birthday Adam! With respect to aging, you’ve made the correct decision in not having children- their birthdays are an additional gauge of another year passing.
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Did you call me old?? YOU DICK!!!
Happy Birthday, Adam!
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Twitter: GingerSnaps
says:
Please imagine me singing this in my sexiest Marilyn Monroe-esque attire and spirit… :batting:
♪ Happy Birthday to you! ♫
♪ Happy Birthday to you! ♫
♪ Happy Birthday dear Adam! ♫
♪ Happy Birthday to you! ♫
…and many more!
Sending best wishes for a day that’s as badass as you are! :woohoo:
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Happy Birthday, little one. :clap:
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
Hippy birfdy, old man. I always knew you hated yourself. I think for you that’s healthy. And I’m really glad you liked the cheesecake.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
PS – “Hippy birfdy” is the dumbed down version of “happy birthday” and you’re always wrong.
(Your welcome!)
(HAHAHA!)
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Happy Birthday! Do you qualify for a seniors’ discount yet?
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This year, my birthday post is going to be all about sex. Over and over and over. :sex011:
Hope you have a fun actual birthday with great cake! Looking forward to reading about your ghost-huntingish night.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
Great. Over the weekend I went and got gigantic implants to surprise you for your birthday. NOW what I am goint to do? :boobs3:
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
Well, I could probably start by proofreading my comments…
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I’m writing this from my sick bed.I hope you have a wonderful day, you young’in! Your gift is on the way!!!
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Happy Birthday to a man who takes the cake!
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I know the difference between possessives and plurals. Plurals are more than one and possessives are people who do not share. See how smart I am?
Happy Birthday!
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Happy Birthday!!
xo :sexytime:
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Have a great birthday! I hope you get all kinds of great new things to play with!!
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Your so awesome!:lmao:
Happy Birthday, Adam!!!!
:heartbeat: :heartbeat:
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Twitter: Jayman3768
says:
Happy Birthday Fucker.
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In honor of your special day I plan to eat some boneless chicken fingers, pick the mushrooms off my pizza and kick a little kid.
And I’m still old enough to be your mother, not that I’m complaining.
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Talking in movies should be a crime. A real crime.
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Twitter: snerkology
says:
Happy Birthday! You don’t look a day over 31.
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I agree with you on the majority of your list and am guilty of the rest of it. But that’s not what this is about. I’ve been sent over here by the incredible Tracy Lynn to wish you, in the smarmiest and cheesiest of ways, a very happy effin’ 32nd birthday.
So. There you have it.
:poke:
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Happy Birthday sugar. :sexytime:
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Happy Birthday Adam. I love you!!!! Not too many people would offer to bring a shovel to Ohio and I know you really mean it.
All my love.
A
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Happy birthday, Adam!
I hope your 33rd trip around the sun proves to be happy and healthy and unencumbered by surprises, Italian food, fake breasts, ocean cruises, mushrooms, American Idol, uggos, etc., etc.
:heartbeat:
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Twitter: tlkaply
says:
Hey, I’m an overly friendly stranger! WHAT THE FUCK? Happy birthday, you bastard. :thumbsup:
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:martini:
Happy Birthday man and trust me…I’m gonna be 42, turning 40 was awesome. You’ll have a blast. It’s not as bad as you think LOL!
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
Dammit, I have tattoos. I guess that is it for us, it was good while it lasted.
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Happy birthday! Hope you get lots of the stuff you actually like. :jerkoff2:
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Twitter: mamandesfilles
says:
Define “old people”. I am afraid that includes me. :boobs3:
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Happy Birthday! Have a great day.
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American Idol killed me otherwise I hate everything on your list too. Hey, at least I have the balls to admit it.
Happy Birthday Adam!!!!
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Crap…I like children…at least the two that I have.
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Hey! Put yourself in the shoes of the dumbed down people with short attention spans. Nice Day outside?
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Happy Birthday young’un! I’m not even going to count how many of those I am/have/resemble. :martini:
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YA JERK! I wish you another happy year filled with boneless finger foods and other delectables. And, you know, health and shit.
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I have two tatoos and 4 kids. But we can still be friends right?
Happy Birthday! I hope it is wonderful!
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I also apparently can’t type tattoo without misspelling it. Sorry about that.
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I have been reading you for awhile and thought we could be friends. But then you out up this list and it is clear we cannot. Machismo, really? I love the stuff
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Happy Birthday Adam! And quit calling 40 death, fucker.
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Twitter: alotofnothing
says:
Happy Birthday!
Just for you, I’m going to make a video of my kids talking in a movie theater eating boney fish & lasagna yelling SURPRISE!!!
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
Is it bad that I agreed with most of that list?
Happy birthday, you ornery old man! (;
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
:sexytime: :sexytime: :sexytime:
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Happy Birthday Adam!
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Twitter: SwanShadow
says:
Happy 32nd, dude.
Remember, when Alexander the Great was your age, he had already conquered the Western world and would be dead in a year. If you plan to accomplish anything, you’d better hurry the heck up.
By the way, I’m totally with you on #’s 2, 8, 16, 21, 28, and 32.
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Yeah, birthdays past 29 can suck, but you’re awesome!! Happy Birthday, Avitable : )
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Dude, it breaks my heart you don’t like tattoos.
Otherwise, you would be my dream man.
Sigh.
Happy Birthday Adam. I hope you have a fantastic day and a fucking awesome year.
Smooches.
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Happy Birthday you cynical elitist condescending bastard who complain about things!!!!
I like you that way!!!!
I’m just saying!!!!!
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Happy Birthday Adam!
P.S. – #16 is necessary to my survival. Dammit man, let me live…LET ME LIVE!!!
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Happy Birthday! I don’t know if I’m late or not since the only internet I have is on my phone.
Anyway I hope you had a wonderful day!!
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Happy Birthday, Adam. Hope you enjoyed your day. :heartbeat:
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
You don’t like Italian food or elitists? Asshole.
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Ugh, I loathe food with bones in it! What are we, animals? Oh hey, is that a t-bone? Mmmmmm…
Happy Birthday!
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Young whippersnapper. Whining about turning 40. Please. I’m five years closer than you. So, STFU.
Happy Birthday, Fucker! Here’s your spanking…
:sex007:
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Twitter: nycwatchdog
says:
Did I make it? Am I in time?
Oh wait… you still have 33 more years before you collect Social Security.
That sucks.
Happy Birthday anyway!!!
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
32 is 40 in octal.
I’m just sayin’
in octal, that is.
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I, for one, am over the moon that you are annoyed by fake breasts. :boobs2:
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Happy birthday, hon. Hope I made it in time. I also hate it when old people talk about sex. I just put my fingers in my ears and say LALALALA over and over again.
Love to you. XXXX
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Twitter: fandpinlv
says:
Happy Birthday!
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The only way your birthday could be any cooler is if it was on Feb 2… just sayin…
Aquarians rock… happy birthday!
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Happy (late) Birthday, Adam!
32 is the new 22… or something…
Enjoy your year!
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Mushrooms are a fungus and I don;\’t understand why people like them!
Hope you had a happy birthday and a fun birthday week:)
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Anybody who doesn’t get at least 100 comments on their birthday post isn’t a valid human bean. Of course, you could cheat and reply to each comment one at a time. Or at all.
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Shrooms…don’t knock ‘em till you’ve tried ‘em!
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Happy Birthday. Sorry its late. Hope you had a good one.
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Best wishes for another wonderful year!
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Damn, I never quite got those pics done and now they won’t make it there in time .
Happy birthday anyway. :sexytime:
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Yo Yo Yo…Happy belated berfday from MC Berfday!
I said a berf…a day…a berf of the day…
(I think that’s how it goes)
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Not only am I contributing to your 100 comment goal, I’m also ensuring that I stay on your list of top commenters. W00t!
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Ill be 33 in a month….32 wasn’t bad AT ALL!
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Happy Birthday comment whore!! :finger:
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
Comment. Whore.
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Happy late birthday.
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Only 4 to get to 100!!!
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Belated Happy Birthday, Adam! I hope turning 32 was fun, even if it does feel like a downward slope to 40.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
You do realize that your begging for comments TWICE now invalidates your entire comment count for your birthday – right?
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Two more to go…
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Seriously? I’m 100? Happy Birthday you elitist condescending bastard.
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101. Sigh.
Shall I dress up in my Marilyn Monroe outfit and pop out of a cake now?
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Wow I had to scroll forever! and I am late! but Happy Birthday!
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Looks like you reached 100 comments already… too bad, I’m still leaving one.
On your list of 32 things that annoy you, we’re in sync on 29 of those. The three in question are: #21, #18 and #08. True, real titties are nice, but there’s some damn fine looking fake breasts out there.
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Belated happy birthday, Adam. May all your sick, sadistic fantasies come true.
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I’m late to the party, but HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY, Adam!
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Happy Birthday!! :sexytime:
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Sorry I’m late with birthday wishes. Freakin’ special-needs kid o’ mine.
Cheers!
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
I’m taking back my first comment because you whored for more comments.
So subtract one from your total comments for this post. Wait! Subtract TWO because of this comment. Ah, fuck it!
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Ok, as someone who actually made it in about 99.9% of your stupid list, I hate you.
As someone who is 37 I can say.. you’re right. It’s only downhill after 30. Sucks to be you.
As someone who will still read this blog because even though I hate you for hating me (refer to the list) I love this blog.
Happy Birthday!
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Twitter: _scifidad_
says:
Sweet. Let’s go for 200.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
Is 111 the same as 666?
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Cynical elitists aren’t all bad.
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Found myselfself here in search of something entirely different, but turned out to be a cool read anyway, so I guess sometimes it’s ok that you can’t use a search engine properly.
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