Front of card
Inside of card
On Monday, at Texas de Brazil, I got the above birthday card from a friend as a joke. After I read it out loud at the table, laughing, I flipped the card over to see that it’s apparently from “Mahogany”, which is a separate division of Hallmark.
What makes them different? Well, Mahogany is a division of Hallmark devoted exclusively to cards for black consumers. From the site:
Mahogany features more than 800 cards to help African Americans honor their relationships in innovative, compelling and culturally-relevant ways . . . Mahogany’s innovative, dynamic designs and heartwarming sentiments serve as an affirmation of African-American culture and heritage.
I’m not sure how you would know this from the card. Is saying “baby” and talking provocatively something that black men do on birthdays? If I read the card in a deep Barry White voice, will it make women orgasm instantly? What makes this card black? In my opinion, it’s just a farce that fosters corporate greed while SEGREGATING RACES!
Apparently, it’s working, though, because Hallmark has now announced a new division of cards called Cherry Blossom. This new division would be dedicated primarily to those of Asian descent. Here are just a few of the cards that will be coming out shortly:
For Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean, Middle Eastern, and Indian cultures
For the Japanese
For the Chinese
In other Avitanews, my birthday was outstanding. Thank you to each and every one of you who took the time to wish me a happy birthday. I also wanted to individually thank the people who sent me a gift, a card, or who took the time to mention my birthday in a post. I’m hoping that this list is inclusive, but if for some reason I’m a total tard and I forgot you, please email me so I can rectify the situation immediately. It’s not that I’m ungrateful, it’s that I’m disorganized!
Thank you to:
Janelle
Poppy
NYCWD
Heather
Finn
Karl
Bethie
Sheila
RW
Grant
Liquid
Becky
Faiqa
Hilly
Sybil
Karen
Britt
Stephanie
Tracy
James
Updated to add:
Cris
Lisa
Paul
Merry Christmas!
Avitaweek 2009: For my birthday . . .
Avitaweek 2009: The origins of Avitable
Please, please, please read the card in your Barry White voice.
Am I a bad person because the “Cherry Blossom” division made me giggle?!?!
i thought there were 3 sections of chocolaty wisdomss inside
I’m totally singing from Avenue Q right now.
What, no “Me so horny – sailor want to hump-hump?” cards? That’s a missed opportunity. I’ll give you a dollar if you say it to me.
Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
i wanted a video post of you reading the card!
this is me, demanding a do over!!!
lemme be your cake…hehe
I did not expect to laugh this hard today.
I am so sending this link to all my friends!
The Chinese one is awesome.
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Twitter: msmegan
says:
If that’s indicative of the Mahogany line, I think I’ll be buying those from now on. They’re so much more REAL than the white cards.
White people apparently don’t fuck.
Twitter: poppybuxom
says:
The Mahogany card? Hello, that’s what you buy if you’re too cheap to get her a present, but you’re hoping you’ll get laid, anyway.
Love your cherry blossoms … I want to gently unfurl them. And stroke them. In Bangkok. So I’m off to apply for my sex tourist visa.
:sex023:
:lmao: :lmao: :clap:
Those are good… can’t talk… laughing…
:lmao:
You’re not black? I thought you were black.
You have a really big penis, right?
Twitter: s_csr
says:
I accidentally bought one of those cards before – only it wasn’t nearly as cheesy.
And it had Obama on the front.
congratulations on graduating high school. your choices are now become doctor, or become doctor.
ps. date successful men and no soul brothah, too booku.
:lmao:
After reading the explanation of the card I went back and re-read it.That time I heard Chef from South Park singing it to the refrain of chocolate salty balls. I totally get where Hallmark is going with this now.
Twitter: nycwatchdog
says:
You may have found a great side gig writing greetings.
I so jealous.
Twitter: thursdayschild
says:
Mahogany cards are my favorite cards to give people. For whatever reason, they’re even more over-the-top than the normal Hallmark cards.
Also, if you can read that message in a Barry White voice, I’LL orgasm instantly. Just sayin’.
Twitter: Faiqa
says:
LOL. “I bought your used panties from a vending machine?” What does that *mean*??
Twitter: alotofnothing
says:
I’m BEGGING you to do a vid of you reading the card in your best Barry White voice.
And YOU unorganized? I can’t imagine.
Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
:lmao: Those were hilarious!
Kimberly, my Barry White voice isn’t very good, unfortunately.
Liquid, but then your writings of your secret love for me would have been revealed.
Hilly, which song? I’ve never seen it.
Grant, I was trying to avoid blatant stereotyping!
Becky, I don’t want to make Britt retch.
Lenore, I’m glad to have exceeded your expectations.
Kimi, you can also use that “Stumble” link at the bottom too!
Muskrat, thanks!
Turnbaby, I think the new division is a winner.
Finn, no, we make sweet love!
Poppy, tell the Thai ladyboys I said hi.
Sybil, you can’t type and laugh at the same time?
Brad, I like small butts, though.
Sheila, oh noes! You bought an Obama card!
Liquid, I think Asian people are born with doctorates.
Starrlight, it’s the Barry White/Isaac Hayes collection.
NYCWD, I could be a millionaire!
Thursday’s Child, apparently “cards for African Americans” means “over the top”!
Faiqa, what does it mean? It means that Japanese men buy used panties from vending machines and in stores and schoolgirls sell those panties for lots of cash.
Angie, I might have to do a video of it. Hm.
Karen, thanks!
WOW you have a lot of love. Look at that list of people that wished you a happy birthday on their bloggies. yay you!
Twitter: Faiqa
says:
Are you messing with me? Is that true?
he’s not kidding, it’s true!
Those cards were hilarious! Thanks for sharing
Now, I hope you got my happy birthday wishes on Twitter on Monday? I don’t want you to feel like I forgot you because I DIDN’T! I am computerless
my computer is being stupid and won’t connect to the wireless and I don’t know why 
sometimes, I can sneak upstairs and use my future MILs computer…but usually someone is on it 
Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Yep. Loving the graduate/valedictorian card. You’ve just found yourself a new calling.
Twitter: poppycede
says:
Who thinks you’re ungrateful?
And, all my money is on James. That card rocks.
Twinkie, it warmed the cockles of my heart. And the heart of my cock.
Faiqa, it’s completely true.
Liquid, you’re a different type of Asian, what do you know?
Sarcastica, I did get your tweet. Thank you.
Heather, I think Hallmark should hire me immediately.
Poppy, nobody indicated that they thought I was ungrateful. I just wanted to make sure that everybody understood how much I appreciated the gifts and well wishes. And the card was from Jess, actually. James doesn’t do cards.
Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
There’s nothing wrong with a little racism as long as someone makes some bling-bling from it.
And that wording about “culturally-relevant?” Hmm. I guess that’s better than “politically correct.”
Shoot, a stick in the eye is better than “politically correct.”
Is it very very wrong that the Japanese card me laugh so hard I may or may not have farted a little?
And is that totally a turn-off, or are farts kinda sexy? I mean…when they are done within the confines of your own home, while reading a slightly soft-core porn Japanese greeting card that exploits schoolgirls?
What?
(Will you read the card in your Barry White voice? pleeeasseeee???? What a great vlog that would be…hint hint)
I’m going to have to remember to do an Adam birthday post next year to make the cut.
psh, are you suggesting that all ethnicity related information remains solely within said ethnicity? -_-
…plus i get the “asians only, all asians, all the time, newsletter”
HAHA love the card!!!
Shit if i knew by mentioning your birthday in a post, i would get a cool thank you i certainly would have!!!
AM I TO LATE????
I guess i can wait for this years birthday right?????
Twitter: Bellaventa
says:
I’m black, and I don’t buy the Mahogany cards…but after reading this, maybe I am missing out on some good shit. Next time I am in CVS, I will stroll over and check it out….
But tell me something – I don’t understand the whole panties thing….
Twitter: bethythewriter
says:
Glad you got the gift. Hope you like it and know we love ya!
I agree with you, just more corporate greed. Even though the cards are kind of funny, all these race-specific gimmicks annoy me. Next thing you know I’ll be going to the black section of the supermarket to buy fried chicken and watermelon. :banghead:
I found this greeting card (breeding card?) last night when looking for a birthday card for my wife, who’s black. I’d been about to go with one that had Snoopy on it. Instead, I got a “look, a beautiful card with sincere sentiments” card. There’s still time. I think I might need to go back for this one, for our romantic dinner Saturday night. What should I do?
BTW, I found this post by searching for “mahogany cards horny”.
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