Soup or bowl

Most of you know how I feel about spectator sports. I don’t understand what you retards enjoy about living vicariously through a team of athletes chasing a ball around a field or a court. Loyalties to a team because they’re from a certain town or part of the country or because your parents rooted for them is blindingly stupid in a world where players jump teams like frogs on crack in a pond full of lily pads.

I’ve figured out one reason that matters, though. One reason that makes it worthwhile to cheer for a team and feel tension during each play. One reason to care about football or baseball or basketball or hockey.

Money!

After winning $25 during the Super Bowl last night, I’ve figured out that I could totally care about sports if I bet on one of the teams.

Goodbye apathy about sports. Hello degenerate gambling!

Enjoy this post? Try these:
My experience seeing Jack Johnson which then turns into discussion about whether or not I’m a sociopath
39 Things That Annoy Me
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72 Responses to Soup or bowl

  1. Hilly says:

    That’s how my life of debauchery and gambling started…someone’s damned football squares!

    Reply

    @Hilly, I had never heard of such a thing until last night.

    Reply

  2. RW says:

    I feel exactly the same about the stupid shitheads who scorn organized sports. Just because they don’t understand it it must be bad. Heh, I hate peabrains like that.

    Oh….

    Reply

    @RW, tell me how you feel about NASCAR.

    Reply

  3. Amanda
    Twitter:
    says:

    I’m with you, only with no desire to gamble. I watched the fourth quarter because I was worried I would miss the office if the game ran over or under so I wanted to make sure I got to see it all

    Reply

    @Amanda, I’m hoping my DVR recorded the whole episode.

    Reply

    @Avitable, It started 10 minutes late, so I don’t know. If you missed the last 10 minutes, you’ll miss the part that made me cry

    Reply

    @Amanda, I’ll catch it on Hulu if that happens.

    Reply

  4. After a recent trip to Vegas, I learned that while my husband will cash-out because he’s up $10, I will play until the money is gone. I don’t play to win, I play to… play.

    Such is the case with the $20 I threw away in one of those Super Bowl pools this weekend. Have I ever won one? No. Will I ever? No. Will I still buy a square or three next year? OF COURSE. Do I have a point? No.

    Reply

    @Undomestic Diva, and that’s the hook with gambling. I only have fun if I win, though.

    Reply

  5. If you start liking sports, you know where that road leads…you’ll be eating Buffalo Wings with your fingers.

    Reply

    @Little Miss Sunshine State, never!

    Reply

  6. michelle says:

    YAY for The Office!!!

    Nuff said!!!

    Reply

    @michelle, I agree, exclamation points and all.

    Reply

  7. i hate gambling.
    and i love sports. specific sports teams, too.
    especially my six time champion steelers!
    :clap:

    Reply

    @hello haha narf, oh, did they end up winning? I left the party at half time.

    Reply

  8. p.s. i say i hate gambling, but i was the one who started and ran our football pool. although everyone wanted it to be $5 or $10 a block, i kept it at a buck a block. in it for the fun, not the money.

    Reply

  9. bluestreak says:

    I agree completely. There is no reason ever to care who wins unless you really have something to lose.

    Well, or unless you have awesome seats to a game, in which case I would root for whoever’s side I was sitting on, you know, just to keep the peace.

    Reply

    @bluestreak, if I had awesome seats, I’d go to a game, because that’s more involved than watching it on TV.

    Reply

  10. kapgar
    Twitter:
    says:

    Now you’ve got the right idea, my friend! May you have fun pissing away your retirement like the rest of us! ;-)

    Reply

    @kapgar, welfare, here I come!

    Reply

  11. Miss Britt
    Twitter:
    says:

    Hey! That’s great! You should your winning streak!

    I’ll bet you $50 that the Steelers win the Super Bowl.

    You on?

    Reply

    @Miss Britt, funny girl.

    Reply

  12. Sybil Law says:

    Damn – Britt beat me to it! But hey – you could double your money! :lmao:

    Reply

    @Sybil Law, that’s genius!

    Reply

  13. Christie says:

    money is nice…. I should totally start betting….

    Reply

    @Christie, do you have some to start with first?

    Reply

  14. Grant says:

    Who won? For that matter, who played?

    I’m just glad it’s over. I’m sick of all the excuses we’ve had to clog every store since Thanksgiving (pre-xmas shopping, after xmas sales, winter clearance, etc.). I want the shopping world to return to normal so I can buy a soda without standing in line for half an hour.

    Reply

    @Grant, it was a team in red and a team in yellow. And one guy ran the longest touchdown in Super Bowl history.

    Reply

    @Avitable, way to artificially inflate the number of comments you’re getting, dude!

    Reply

    @Grant, if only there were someone out there who wanted to pay me for every comment I got!

    Reply

  15. Jay
    Twitter:
    says:

    I got myself into trouble at work once for suggesting we start a weekly football pool. They acted like I was the mafia trying to take control of all the illegal gambling in the area.

    So I guess next season you will be making picks against the spread and betting teasers and parlays and all that fun stuff? Maybe you should move to Vegas?

    Reply

    @Jay, I’m just going to play online poker with the trustworthy offshore betting websites. I’m sure they’re legit!

    Reply

  16. Finn
    Twitter:
    says:

    I r sports :dunce:

    Reply

    @Finn, I can let you play with my balls if that helps.

    Reply

  17. B.E. Earl
    Twitter:
    says:

    I pick soup.

    I fucking love soup.

    Reply

    @B.E. Earl, me too!

    Reply

    @Avitable, How are you liking the new reply feature here? I would think it would take you longer than the “reply to all” comments you have been leaving in the past.

    Reply

    @B.E. Earl, it’s actually about the same amount of time, I think. I’m not sure if I’m going to stick to this type of reply or not yet.

    Reply

  18. Faiqa
    Twitter:
    says:

    Yeah. I sat in the bedroom catching up on my DVR recordings instead. Good times.

    Reply

    @Faiqa, so Tariq is a sports fan?

    Reply

    @Avitable, Seriously? You seem surprised. If I weren’t such a ball buster, I’d be a perpetual golf/soccer widow.

    Reply

  19. NYCWD
    Twitter:
    says:

    I don’t bet on the team.

    I bet on the coin toss and the colors.

    I’ll also bet on Summer Blockbusters… like from last night I’m willing to bet GI Joe grosses more than Transformers 2.

    Reply

    @NYCWD, no way in hell. Transformers 2 is a sequel to a high grossing movie – it will automatically win over something like GI Joe that nobody’s going to go see.

    Reply

    @Avitable, So I guess we’re on. Do you want to make it Opening Weekend numbers or the tally after 4 weeks???

    Reply

    @NYCWD, I think the tally after four weeks will show that Transformers 2 will bring in higher box office sales. What’s the wager?

    Reply

    @Avitable, For the 4 week tally… 4 boxes of 5 gum of the winner’s choosing??? Or pick something you would want 4 of…

    It’s all about the 4.

    Reply

    @NYCWD, how about 4 NY Lotto tickets if I win and 4 Florida Lotto tickets if you win?

    Reply

    @Avitable, Works for me.

    You’re on.

    Reply

  20. Hell, any excuse to pig out the entire day on pizza, buffalo dip and chips rocks. As long as I don’t actually have to look at the television, that is.

    Reply

    @Not Afraid To Use It, all day? The game didn’t start until dinner time!

    Reply

  21. trishk says:

    The other reason to watch is alcohol, of course. That’s what I do anyway.

    Reply

    @trishk, you’ll take any excuse to add alcohol, won’t you?

    Reply

  22. Robin
    Twitter:
    says:

    I only bet on the Academy Awards, they are my sports.

    Reply

    @Robin, I could get behind that.

    Reply

  23. martymankins says:

    Until Pittsburgh scored that last touchdown, I was up $60 on the spread. But then Steelers scored in the last seconds, which put me at a $20 loss. Not bad, but it’s nicer to win.

    Reply

    @martymankins, I missed the last half of the game. I can only handle a small amount at a time.

    Reply

  24. The only sports betting I do is a pool at work for March Madness. I’m very scientific about it so I won $100 last year. Pretty freakin’ sweet.

    Screw football.

    Reply

    @Sheila (Charm School Reject), is March Madness basketball?

    Reply

  25. I hung out on Sci Fi with the Ghost Hunters/Ghost Hunters International marathon.

    But, hey! Glad you won $25!

    Reply

    @Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, I totally should have done that instead.

    Reply

  26. Father Bob says:

    :shit: Man Ben Rothlesberger is ugly as :shit: The Steelers now have the distinction of the dirtiest team in football. And no I am not a Cardinals fan.

    Reply

    @Father Bob, I have no idea who that is. Is he one of the people who was playing in the game?

    Reply

    @Father Bob, dirtiest team in football??? where did you come up with that? maybe you just need help spelling “best.”

    Reply

  27. BOSSY says:

    Football game? Was that what they were doing between commercials?

    Reply

    @BOSSY, apparently! The commercials sucked this year, though. Except for the Hulu one.

    Reply

  28. Stephanie says:

    I heart football.

    Random, inane comment mission: accomplished.
    :finger:

    Reply

    @Stephanie, I knew you were a weirdo, but now you’ve given me proof!

    Reply

  29. I love college football and gambling. So, you don’t even like your college team? I don’t understand such a lack of allegiance. Unless, of course, you went somewhere without a team, like Emory.

    Reply

    @Father Muskrat, I have no allegiance to my college – why would I care about a sports team just because I attended school for four years there?

    Reply

  30. LV Lizard says:

    If it wasn’t for sports betting and cheerleaders, I’d be happy to let them all just disappear, but since it’s a decent moneymaker for me, I’ll let all the guys in tight clothes keep touching each other on television :cocksuck2:

    Reply

  31. My favorite part of the Super Bowl were the Heroes Commercials.

    Reply

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