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My review of Watchmen

On Movie Friday at work, a group of us went and saw “Watchmen”. Those of you with even the slightest background in comics know that this movie is based on a graphic novel – one of the most influential of all time. A densely-packed 12-issue maxiseries, “Watchmen” was considered to be unfilmable. Clearly, it’s not.

I enjoyed the movie quite a bit. It really felt like the book had come to life. It’s hard to think about watching it over and over again, like I can do with Iron Man or The Dark Knight, because it’s not a fun movie. It’s dark and twisted and depressing and serious and morbid. It’s excellently shot and directed, and the actors chosen for most of the parts were absolutely perfect. Zach Snyder did an outstanding job.

I expect the movie to win many awards, including the following:

  • Most Blue Penis Ever Shown on Film
  • Most Uncomfortable Sex Scene to Watch Since The Specialist
  • Best Dark Avenger Raspy Voice
  • Best Use of a Midget Actor Since Willow
  • Random Matt “Max Headroom” Frewer Appearance Award
  • The “Is That Macaulay Culkin as Adrian Veidt?” Award
  • Least Subtle Ejaculation Symbolism, We Get It, It’s a Flamethrower
  • Movie That Could Most Benefit From a Giant Telepathic Alien Squid
  • Best One-Word Titled Motion Picture that Rhymes With “Shmwatchmen”
  • Most Likely to have 14,000 Hours of Deleted Footage
  • Top Movie Starring Nixon Since 2008
  • Bring a Catheter Because You’re Going to have to Pee Twice Award
  • The Prestigious “Alan Moore Should Grow The Fuck Up” Award

Have you seen it? What did you think?

In other Avita-news, I will be spending all day Saturday and most of Sunday babysitting Britt’s rapscallion ruffians while she and Jared go away for a night for their anniversary. Of course, this is what they’re telling me. In reality, they’re probably leaving for Europe for three weeks.

I’ll be staying over at their house and in charge of small children for 36 hours. Wish me luck. Wish them luck. Wish one of us luck!

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34 Replies to “My review of Watchmen”

  1. Jay

    “It’s dark and twisted and depressing and serious and morbid.”

    Sounds like my kind of movie.

    And some Christian group is all pissed off over the movie too. Which makes me want to see it even more now.

  2. Amanda

    I know this wasn’t your intention, but I think you just convinced me not to see it. I was worried it was going to be boring and too long. “Depressing and serious” and needing a catheter pretty much justifies my worries.

    Good luck with the kids!

  3. Redneck Mommy

    I personally loved it.

    But what’s not to love about a big blue penis?

    Plus, the graphic novel rocked my young adult socks off and I thought the movie would suck and was pleasantly surprised to discover it did not.

    You know what else would rock my socks?

    Watching you babysit.


  4. Alex

    You’re right about the re-viewing factor. I watched Dark Knight 12 times or so in the theater, and tried again as recently as a few weeks ago. Watchmen moves pretty fast, but I tried to watch it a second time and left before they headed to Antarctica at the end, because I’d seen all the good parts I wanted to see again.

  5. NYCWD

    I keep hearing good things about it from all ends. I hope not to be disappointed as I sometimes am with uber-hyped movies I am greatly looking forward to seeing.

    Other than that… good luck… and try to remember who the adult is when the urge to eat ice cream for dinner hits.

  6. Dan

    I have to admit that the idea of film at 11 of you managing the house of kids has a certain appeal. Good Luck.

    As for the Watchmen, I seem to remember the original was about as dark as it got when it first came out, so sounds like the film is faithful.

    And speaking of old comic series, you think anyone will ever attempt The Atomic Knights?

  7. diesel

    Hang on, so you didn’t think TDK was dark and depressing?

    I have mixed feelings about going to see this because I feel like I should read the book first. Yeah, I know, what am I waiting for?

  8. Avitable

    Karl, you really need to re-read the book. You were either an idiot, high, drunk, or all of the above when you tried to read it last time.

    Laura, I won’t have time to record anything because I’ll be wrangling!

    Jay, it was pretty damn good.

    BE Earl, the tone and look was pitch perfect. The subtlety was missing.

    Amanda, you should still see it in theaters. It’s not boring at all – it’s just dark.

    Redneck Mommy, how about a tiny white penis? Would you love that too?

    Mrs RW, oh, I’m bringing it!

    Alex, yeah, although that final Rorshach scene in Antarctica is pretty damn cool, and Bubastas looks just like I had imagined.

    Sarah, oh, they totally will. Probably within hour 1.

    Stephanie, for me or them?

    NYCWD, ummmm, Devin?

    Dan, well, they brought back The Atomic Knights last year, so I guess it’s possible.

    DaDuck, I only had to pee once, to be fair.

    Diesel, TDK was dark, but the Joker was so fun to watch that it made up for it. I would suggest watching the movie first and then reading the book. But yeah, you need to read it.

  9. whall

    I was so much not into comic books that I’d never even heard of Watchmen until NYCWD did a blog post some time back heralding it’s arrival.

    I’m geeky in a lot of ways, but I never got the comic book or RP games bent.

    But I do plan on seeing it. Maybe even today.

  10. Elizabeth Kaylene

    Ha ha ha, you in charge of children? I agree with Laura up there: Video PLEASE!

    I loved Watchmen. I had to go buy the book last night because I loved it so much. It’s definitely now on my list of favorite movies. I loved the dark tone of the movie, but I’d have to disagree with you on The Dark Knight; I thought that movie had a very dark and depressing tone to it, as well.

    I can’t wait to get it on DVD!

  11. clayton

    Don’t forget about simple things like soccer balls, crayons, etc. I show up at the park with a soccer ball and all the kids gravitate towards it. That sounded creepy, I’m with my 3 3/4 year old daughter. Also, legos, go buy Britt’s kids a nice box of legos. And of course, lose the smurf.

  12. clayton

    The above pancakes are a great idea. Also, though this comment is too late, but for future at any rate, take them to the local library, it takes time (that’s key), and check out books, videos etc. Cheap way to entertain. Or, the other day we planted trees, its interactive, outdoors, takes time. Go to Home Depot, get a tree and supplies, plant away.

  13. Ron

    I don’t know why you’d need a catheter. That’s why they make those 80-gallon soda cups. (I actually did have to pee twice, but they have a bar in the lobby and it was happy hour.)

  14. SciFi Dad

    I wanted to watch it this weekend, but my severe aversion to crowds (that usually ends up with me swatting imaginary flies away ala Rainman) combined with my staunch refusal to sit beside a stranger in a movie theatre means I never see a movie opening weekend.

  15. Avitable

    Kevin, you missed the part where I said I was staying over there, eh? That’s one of the main reasons!

    Whall, you should read it – it’s a good book.

    Turnbaby, lucky you!

    Grant, it’s even more faithful than that!

    Sybil, if I drank, that would be the time to do it.

    Laurie, I love that movie. I wish I was as cool as Buck.

    TMWW, I think you’re lying to me.

    Elizabeth, TDK was dark and depressing, but the Joker was so dynamic that it lifted the film from being depressing as a whole. I’m glad that you’re going out to read the book. The first time you read it, skip the pirate story and the written chapters and just read the main story. Then go back and read everything at once. It helps.

    J from Ireland, because I’m an evil perverted bastard? ๐Ÿ˜€

    Poppy, people were disgusted? I loved the over-the-top violence.

    Clayton, I didn’t put that much effort into it. If they didn’t want to watch what I was watching on TV, they could go amuse themselves!

    Crystal, not really, no. It had no story or soul.

    Ron, good thinking!

    Clayton, but it also means that I have to wake up earlier, so I’m screwed either way.

    SciFi Dad, I agree – I will not go on weekends to new movies. I go on the Friday before during the day or maybe the first Sunday showing.

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