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General anesthesia

Some drugged up bullets for you:

  • I don’t know what other people dream about when they’re put under, but I had one of the most mundane and boring dreams. In it, I woke up, went to to work, talked to Britt, answered the phone, talked to clients, and then got woken up right as I was about to get a sale. I was pissed that Amy was waking me up and was momentarily baffled to find myself surrounded by several people standing over me on a table.
  • Apparently, it took seven people to intubate me before the surgery because I was bucking like a horse. My mother, who’s a CRNFA and a head surgical assistant, said I also almost broke her hand.
  • The surgeon did not, even though I requested it, insert cybernetic body parts while he was in there. I was really hoping for cyborg eyes at the very least.
  • I wasn’t nervous, except I kept having the idea that I might evacuate my bowels on the operating table. Britt, my best friend, decided to take that fear that I confided in her and tell everyone I did indeed do that. Luckily, I didn’t, and apparently it’s not really something that happens very frequently.
  • It seems like everybody gets good shit to bring home with them after a procedure – stuff like Percoset and Vicodin. Me? I got Liquid Tylenol with some codeine. I got screwed!
  • At one point after the surgery, my friend Mike (also a nurse) and Amy got me up and walking around the unit so that I could get the drugs out of my system. As I walked, I reached behind me to hold the back of the gown closed. I didn’t realized until I did a full circuit that I was actually holding the gown wide open instead.

Have a good weekend!

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33 Replies to “General anesthesia”

  1. Ioma

    You got SCREWED in the painkiller department. I’m surprised that they would send a man of your…um…magnitude home with something that weak. I hope you’re not in too much pain.

    I had really wild dreams under anesthesia when I had surgery as a child. Now that I’m grown up, my experience has changed dramatically. My experience now is: breathing into the mask on the operating table and then waking up in recovery instantly. No memory of falling asleep. No dreams. No sense of time having passed like you have when you sleep at night.

    Don’t be embarrassed about the fear of evacuating your bowels on the operating table. Common fear, but rarely happens. And your hospital gown fashion faux pas? Been there, done that…as well as asking my foot surgeon to marry me while waking up from anesthesia, and accidentally talking about my lucky panties while in a drugged-up haze.

    Hope you keep feeling better and get to go home soon!

    (They’re hot pink, by the way.)

  2. Black Belt Mama

    Well, I’m sure everyone appreciated that view! And you’re right about the pooping. Anesthesia slows everything down so nothing comes out.

    Clearly, they didn’t give you enough of the paralyzing drug if you were moving around like that while trying to intubate! Geez!

  3. Sybil Law

    So the poop thing was BS?! Dammit! That made me laugh, and then I felt bad when I thought it was true for laughing, and then I decided it was still funny even if it WAS true. All those emotions for nothing? Geez.
    I’m glad everything went well. Did Amy get any pictures of you in your gown?
    Flashing the hospital is classic. :lmao:

  4. NYCWD

    If you want the Vicodin effect, double on the Tylenol with Codeine dosage and follow it with two vodka shot chasers. Replicates Vicodin pretty damn closely AND it’ll also evacuate your bowels.

    Isn’t home self-medication wonderful???

  5. Squeaky Wheel

    When I had my wisdom teeth out, I woke up during the procedure (apparently it’s a redhead thing), and had to get more anesthesia. Then the fuckers gave me NOTHING in the way of painkillers. NOTHING. I popped all of my stitches playing my French horn. It sucked.

    I still don’t know why I didn’t get anything. This is probably where my fear of surgery comes from…lol.

    Even with THAT perspective, I still think Tylenol-3 sucks. At least you got something, right?

    Did I miss where you told us what type of surgery you had? Or is this the ONE piece of information/TMI that you’ll never share?

  6. hello haha narf

    i’m just glad you are alive. and that you didn’t wake up in the middle of your surgery. seems my system is pretty tolerant or that it processes drugs quickly or something, but i woke up in the middle of surgery and hollered, “ow! shitfuck, that hurts!” yay to your anesthesiologist for taking good care of you.

  7. B.E. Earl

    Cyborg parts would have been way cool.

    Dunno if cyborg eyes would have been my choice. I always a cybernetic arm with some kind of laser rifle embedded in it. You know…for bad drivers and the like. I would only take out their tires. Sheesh.

    (Glad things went ok with your procedure)

  8. Finn

    I always get lame drugs… even after they fileted me like a fish to get the kid out. What is up with that?

    Next time, I recommend getting a second gown that you throw on like robe. That way you don’t have to worry about the back door. I’m surprised your mom and Mike didn’t suggest it. I learned it from my labor nurses.

    I bet Amy was hoping for a cyborg penis.

  9. Karl

    Hoping everything is okay. Very glad you didn’t crap the bed. They didn’t plant the cyborg eyes because they implanted a Deadly Killer chip in your brain. Now whenever you hear a chime, followed by the words, “Flux Capacitor,” you’ll go out and kill heads of state.

  10. SuvvyGirl

    So far I have been lucky enough to only have been in the hospital to deliver my daughter. And with all of the unseemly things they made me do they at least gave me a robe to put on over the gown so I didn’t flash anybody while waddling around in circles while in labor.

    Hope you continue to make a good recovery!! And I loved the post with the reference to Burt Reynolds…laughed like a donkey in the middle of the work day!!

  11. Stephanie

    When I came out of the anesthesia from my first op in 2005, I kept asking the anesthesiologist, “Am I dead yet? Am I dead yet?” Apparently…over and over, like a parrot. He had given me an OVERABUNDANCE of drugs.

    The second anesth. for the 2nd operation, didn’t give me enough. I woke up screaming in pain, and if I am correct, told the entire staff in recovery that she was a raging herpes-infested bitch with runny sores on her snatch.

    To paraphrase.

  12. Avitable

    Crail, no angioplasty done, thank God.

    DB, do they screw you there?

    Britt, please don’t hurt me. I’m already in pain.

    Poppy, good point.

    Ioma, I only took drugs the day of the surgery. After that, I opted not to – didn’t want to be groggy.

    Jennifer, I know. It’s so me!

    Black Belt Mama, apparently not. I was like a horse!

    Sybil, yeah, it was total BS. Fuckin’ Britt.

    SPD, that would have frightened me.

    Metalmom, have you ever done that.

    NYCWD, that’s genius!

    SciFi Dad, oh, thanks for the heads up.

    Bridget, I got fucked!

    Squeaky Wheel, redheads wake up during anesthesia?

    Faiqa, yeah – punch Britt when you see her.

    Paticus, it was an accident!

    Hello, you did? Wow.

    Suze, I guess I could have asked for more.

    Amanda, you did? Fucking Britt!

    BE Earl, yeah, but maybe I would have gotten X-ray vision.

    Finn, hopefully there’s no next time!

    Jay, shhhh.

    Robin, ooh, cheesecake!

    Karl, does that mean I can’t watch Back to the Future anymore?

    LMSS, no, I had a new vagina put in!

    SuvvyGirl, I should have asked for a robe, too.

    Stephanie, I would have hated waking up in the middle. I’m glad I didn’t hear all of these stories before!

    Fantastagirl, luckily, I didn’t need it for more than a day.

    Delmer, good point!

  13. Squeaky Wheel

    Redheads get the total suck-ass end of the pain spectrum: lower pain tolerance and higher tolerance to painkillers/anesthesia. So yes, apparently it’s pretty common for us to wake up during anesthesia. I wish someone had told my oral surgeon…lol. I scared him when I woke up and said, “HI! I feel weeeeeeeird! The ceiling is moooooving!”


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