I Am Not The World’s Strongest Man


On Sunday I spent two hours watching the 2005 World’s Strongest Man competition on ESPN Classic. It’s hilarious to watch because these guys are like walking mountains of muscle who apparently have a goal of winning a competition that is completely sponsored by a nutritional supplement company. Even the final trophy has their company name covering 50% of the area.

While nobody can deny that their strength is impressive, what happens when the competition is over and they have to go back into the real world? With all of that time and energy spent training, can they really hold down a job or have any type of normal life?

“Hi, I’m Adam, Assistant Director of HR for CRS Consulting, Inc.”


“Magnus, what qualities would you say you could bring to CRS?”

“Well, I can pull a bus 150 meters.”

“That is impressive. Is that a hobby of yours?”

“No, I am a professional strength athlete. I participate in the Met-RX World’s Strongest Man competition every year.”

“Oh, wow. Did you win?”


“Oh. Ummm, well. Let’s get back to the interview. As you know, CRS performs a variety of consulting services to the technical and financial industries. What types of marketable skills do you have that would be applicable?”

“I can do 14 squat thrusts of an 800 pound log.”

“While that’s certainly interesting, it’s not really relevant to the skill set we’re looking for. If I refer to your resume, it says . . . well, it just says your name and then under ‘Experience’ just says ‘I work out a lot’.”

“Yes. Every day, to train to become the World’s Strongest Man, I lift cars and people and throw boulders and push buildings down.”

“Have you ever worked in any type of office setting before?”

“No, but I have climbed the side of an office building with my bare hands.”

“Okay. Do you have a college degree or business training of any kind?”

“Met-RX gave me a certificate saying that I am a Strength Athlete once.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t count. I’m not even sure how you got this interview.”

“I lifted a Ford Escort with a fat man inside.”

“As part of the competition?”

“No, to get the interview. The man inside was your boss.”


“So, do I get the job?”

“Well, you’re not qualified, you have no education, you’ve spent the last 10 years of your life doing nothing but lifting weights and training to win this competition, and you smell like a pig’s ass. I don’t think so.”

“What if I told you that I could tear you in two as if you were a piece of Kleenex?”

“I’d say welcome to the team, VP of Sales Magnusson!”

28 thoughts on “I Am Not The World’s Strongest Man”

  1. Magnus von Magnusson sucks!

    Now, Magnus Ver Magnusson is a different story. He was da bomb from 1991-1996! 4 titles and 2 runner-ups. That’s domination, my friends. (I spent a lot of late-nights watching ESPN instead of sleeping back in the day)

  2. LMAO! I haven’t watched a World’s Strongest Man in years. They are mildly entertaining and I bet my kids would love them. But you’re right, what the hell do those guys do afterwards? It’s not like you could go on to be the governor of California. Oh, wait.. (I don’t think Arnold was a World’s Strongest Man, but you know what I mean..)

  3. Ewww…just ewww. I always wonder what woman would find a dude with a neck as wide as her forehead and a nasty case of bad roid-rage attractive….

    By the way, why the hell were you watching that? Isn’t that a little low-brow for you? ::wink::

  4. Undomesticated Diva STOLE my reply… or kind of thought of it first. I was thinking these guys can never pass the UA to get a job cuzz the steroids shrink their junk to much they can’t reach the rim of the cup. Or that’s what I like to tell myself when I ask my little daughter to open jars for me.

  5. Stacy, oh, they’re a blast to watch, though.

    Sybil, there was probably some grunting.

    Undomestic Diva, in their minds, bicep > penis.

    Whall, would your name have been Whall the Destroyer?

    Jess, dangerously unqualified, was he?

    Amanda, I agree completely. Except for leprechauns.

    BE Earl, oh yeah, I remember him. The guy was crazy!

    Just Beth, you’re not? I’m so disappointed!

    Nobody, they’re fun to watch because of the crazy shit they can do.

    Robin, it was low brow, but there was absolutely nothing else on TV. Nothing!

    Becky, are those your type of men?

    DaDuck, I remember him, too!

    NYCWD, exactly!

    Karen, he’s right on the nose, too.

    Cris, does she help you put your shoes on too?

    Jay, yeah, well, it was ESPN Classic, and I’ll only watch offbeat shit like World’s Strongest Man or Trick Billiards.

    Popping Bubbles, I think that’s pretty obvious!

    Robin, your husband is a lucky man!

  6. Actually if they are a professional strongman they can get quite a bit in sponsorship and endorsements. Not as much as a more popular sportsman but still some.

    And if you watch a few of the WSM they go through what the guys do if they dont make enough from strong man comps to pay the bills.

    About half of them make enough doing it professionally. The others have been policemen, teachers, personal trainers, gym owners. Etc

    Sorry about the sensible reply, ill let you guys keep going now.

  7. Actually most of them have full time jobs/careers unrelated to the sport of strongman. They just spend their free time pushing their mental and physical limits with strength athletics, instead of sitting on flabby arses watching TV and blogging.

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