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Breastfeeding is creepy

One childless man’s opinion on breastfeeding in public:

A huge issue among mothers is their freedom to feed their babies in public. In some locations, public breastfeeding has been banned, and in others, it’s been welcomed with open arms (and mouths). The former have faced mothers who have banded together to bare a breast and nourish a child as a sign of solidarity and some type of squicky civil rights issue. The latter are celebrated as champions of the oppressed swollen-breasted mother. The one thing that all of these lactatistas ignore are the men, and to be honest, I’m fed up with it. I’ll not presume to speak for anyone except myself. My opinion on women breastfeeding their hellspawn in a public setting can be summed up with four little words: It’s creepy as hell.

In your average everyday setting, I’m a huge fan of boobs. They’re sexy and round and awesome. They come in all shapes and sizes, and you never know what they’re going to look like until you see them. I’m in the pro-boob camp all the way.

But then you start sucking the sexy and the awesome away. First, you have the pregnant women, and unless you’re the spouse of said knocked-up fertile farm (and I even doubt it’s true in most spousal situations, too), pregnant women are not sexy. Next comes the wailing, cooing, smelly baby. And babies aren’t sexy either. Finally, we have lactation. And if there’s anything that’s going to remove the fun and awesomeness and sexiness from a boob, it’s lactation.

So, when I see a woman who just spawned some hellion from her womb whip out a boob, and then her little creature gloms onto it like a remora, all of the awesome, cool, sexy things about boobs just fly right out the window. There is this total moment of clarity when I fully and truly comprehend the real purpose of a breast and it transforms from an exciting fun balloon that gives flight to fantasy to a deflated unhappy sac designed for nothing other than satiating the appetite of a mewling whiny infant. (And, while we’re on the topic. What else do you know that latches onto human flesh and consumes their bodily fluids hungrily? You know what I’m talking about. Vampires.)

Once all of the fun leaves the boobosphere, the only thing left is the awkwardness. Oh hi there – you’re just feeding your baby from your breast right in front of me. Where do I look? Do I try to look you in the eye? Do I look at the baby? Can I just turn around and look away? What ends up happening is much like when you know you have bad breath so you try to turn your face away from the person you’re talking to, you’ll end up staring at a corner why you try to have a conversation with someone who has a goddamn leech attached to their chest and is acting like it’s the most perfectly sanely normal thing ever!

It’s not. Sane, that is. There’s a time for feeding your baby, and being near me is not that time. Neither is it when you’re in public, at a pool, at the theater, on the dance floor, surfing, appearing before Congress, teaching a class, sitting in class, in a restaurant, or in any other location where anyone other than your immediate family can watch you get milked.

Don’t bother trying to argue with me about this. I’ve already examined all of the sides of the discussion, and I know everything that the pro-breastfeeding brigade will say. “It’s natural,” they’ll shout, stained blouses sparkling like cheap jewelry. They’re right. Breastfeeding your brat is natural. You know what else is natural? Pooping. And I go into a bathroom to do that. With the door shut. I don’t drop trou at the middle of the table or on the bus and leave a nice, natural, steaming load right there for everybody to ooh and ahh over while they appreciate the natural wonder of it all. Just because something is natural doesn’t mean that it needs to be done in public. Shitting, pissing, fucking, crying, fighting, masturbating – all very natural acts, all of which should be done in the privacy behind closed doors.

“But it’s a beautiful bond between the mother and the infant,” they’ll say defiantly, while their babies eye their oozing nipples with a compulsive stare. And so it may be. But do you know what would be more beautiful? Covering it with a fucking blanket. Then you and your baby can share that beautiful bond without me retching. If the act of having your child suckle your teat is such an emotionally charged amazing time of sharing and nurturing between you and your newly minted mini-you, why the hell would you want to ruin that by exposing it to the world? Much like a boy’s special jerk-off sock or picture of his cousin three times removed in a bikini, it will have a much deeper and truer meaning to you if your interaction takes place under a sheet.

“The hell with you, misogynist,” they’ll exclaim while babies engorge themselves on once-sexy funbags, “they’re our bodies and we can do whatever we want with them.” I fully agree. I am a huge supporter of women’s rights. I think that women should be able to do whatever they want with their bodies and I don’t even think spouses should have a say. But. And this is a big but (although not quite as large as your post-partum posterior). Nothing makes your point less valid than hypocrisy. If you’re okay with freeing your breast from that oppressive clothing so it can do the wonderfully natural act of feeding your new little marriage-saver, keep those puppies free before, during, and after babymaking. If your integrity means anything to you, go topless all of the time. Let’s become a topless nation. Only when the lactating breasts are a small percentage of the unencumbered globus boobus population will the squicky factor reduce to as close to zero as possible. Plus, there would totally be world peace.

I would never say that a mother shouldn’t breastfeed her child and enjoy and relish the bonding experience. I’m just saying that you shouldn’t make the rest of us watch. Please.

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133 Replies to “Breastfeeding is creepy”

  1. Atomic Bombshell

    Oh, gee, thanks… Here I am almost six months pregnant, and I’m freaked out enough about all this stuff, and having an identity crisis… And here you are, like the dark angel of the deep, to make sure I know my fears are founded.

    I LOVE YOU!!! :boobs3:

  2. Karen Sugarpants

    With all the understanding you afford other things, I’m really kinda surprised at your stance and begging the question (and I want a straight answer too, Buster): did you post this to rile up controversy?

    While I don’t doubt you are telling the truth in your post that this is the way you feel, I’m surprised.

    If you were looking a nursing mother in the eye, you wouldn’t have to worry about seeing tit.

    When I was a nursing mother, I used a receiving blanket to cover things up, even when it was hot out. I felt more comfy that way. But I could care less if a woman whips it out. Course it doesn’t ruin the boobosphere for me as it would you, so whatevs.

    I guess I’m of the school of live and let live.

    But I still wanna know if you posted this to stir up shit. :lmao:

  3. Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]

    I’m a pro-boob sucking mom who did it with both of my kids.

    I’m also a VERY pro-covering-while-suckling person.

    I passed a woman just this weekend at Disney with her boob OUT THERE – I had to look, but I had to look away. Really? A simple cover is good manners.

    I’m surprised you didn’t mention that sharing is caring in your post – share the boob, women!

  4. Redneck Mommy

    While you know I have a deep and abiding love for all things boobie, I’ve got to tell you this my friend:

    You are a twat.

    A loveable twat, but still a twat.

    (Oh, and I was totally sexy while gestating AND lactating.)

  5. Maria

    That’s what tits are for. *shrugs*

    I didn’t do that whole blanket thing. I wore nursing tanks under my regular shirts, so really you couldn’t see anything unless you were at a particular angle or paying way too close attention.

    I once dropped my kid in a restaurant and shanked a guy with a steak knife for giving me a dirty look. True story.

  6. Kris

    I’d rather see lactating boobs than hairy balls sticking out any day. Yer just jealous that no one asked you to latch on. *snerk*

    I swear I’m a better aim with lactating boobs than I am with my .357.

  7. Karen Sugarpants

    Once I was at the ER and this guy was staring at me breastfeeding like perhaps he might get a peek… I yelled across the room to “take a picture, it’ll last longer, ya pervert.”

    Another true story: Daren has what I call ‘bumdar.’ It’s like radar but it’s for when I’m washing my bum in the shower. He always manages to show up when I’m in a weird position washing my butt or my girly bits…so when I was a nursing mother, I heard him come in the bathroom one time…when he pulled back the shower curtain, I squirted milk in both his eyes. That curbed his bumdar till I was done nursing!

  8. Backpacking Dad

    Oh dude, you know what’s worse? Watching a fat dude cram steak in his mouth.

    I think before we tell moms to cover up because breastfeeding is like taking a dump or jerking off at the table next to ours, we need to ban all overindulgent asshats from restaurants. I do NOT need to see that shit.

  9. Jess

    I almost hate to comment after the whole herbadmother debaucle. But, I’m with you here. I love the boobs. Others, mine, anyone’s. But seeing a random one pop out in public gives me a nearly obvious physical reaction of ‘PUT THAT SHIT AWAY.” I have no kids, I’m sure when I do I will attempt the whole ‘feed from the fun bags’ situation. But I can tell you for sure, you won’t see it/them.

    Not that I show them to random people now or anything. Of course I don’t. That would just be nuts.

  10. B.E. Earl

    Well, first of all I know plenty of pregnant women who have been sexy. Not the mainstream idea of sexy maybe, but sexy nevertheless.

    And if they are breastfeeding their newborn then they ain’t pregnant no mo’! So what are you trying to say? Women who just have had babies aren’t sexy? Really? That’s a huge generalization.

    I really don’t know why I asked because I know you are going to say “Yes!” Sigh.

    :sexytime:

  11. Amanda

    Although I disagree with you on some points (for example, I think pregnant women can be very sexy. Especially if it’s your baby inside of them.) I agree with your over all sentiment. There’s no reason not to cover up, or go to another room. It’s just plain rude.

  12. Faiqa

    Dear Adam,

    I love you, but…

    As a pregnant woman, let me first say you’re a bastard.

    As a woman who solely nursed her child for an extended period of time and never gave her formula, I’d also like to say screw you.

    I was, am, and always will be sexy. On behalf of all the sexy women in the world, let me say, we don’t give a fuck what you think constitutes sexy.

    As a woman who has a very distinct sense of physical modesty (you’ve never even seen me wear a short skirt, have you?), I would never, ever show my breasts in public — even if it were for nourishing my child. I always went to the car or bathroom if I was out in public and N. needed a feeding.

    Still, if a woman wants to do that, it’s none of your damn business, so, again, fuck you. I don’t hear people complaining about those women on the beach who are wearing thong bikinis. It’s okay for them to flash their goods around with the intent of attracting a mate, but it’s not OK for you to be flashed when a woman decides to NOURISH a baby?!

    By your argument, a woman is free to show her body as long as it is for sexual purposes.
    Which, in turn, implies that this is the only purpose her body serves.

    I say this with love, but you’re argument makes you sound like a sexist fuck.

  13. Faiqa

    Crap. I forgot to subscribe. Cuz I know this is going to be goood.

    Oh, and Mr. My Balls Are All Over the Internet, perhaps people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. πŸ™‚ Because a nursing breast is far more palatable (pun intended) than your hairy bits.

  14. Kat

    You know what their other argument is, and I’m surprised that you didn’t say it and neither did anyone else?

    That breastfeeding a baby is just like eating for adults.
    Babies have to eat, and if you can sit in a restaurant at a table and eat, why can’t the baby sit at the table and eat?
    Would you want to be told to go eat in the bathroom?
    Would you want to be told to cover your whole head with a blanket while you are eating?
    Probably not right?
    So why should a mother be forced to go feed her baby in the bathroom or throw a blanket over the babies whole head while they eat?

    In a way, I agree with you.
    I personally don’t want to be eating a meal at a restaurant and glance up to see a woman at the next table breastfeeding, but at the same time, I totally see their point.
    A baby has to eat.
    A baby has the right to eat.
    A mother has the right to feed her baby at dinnertime whether it be at home or out to dinner in public.

    What is the solution to appease both sides?
    I have absolutely no idea.

  15. Lynn (Walking With Scissors)

    You have to be doing this solely for the attention it’ll get you. I think I’d rather witness a mother nursing her baby than your :cock: splashed all over the interweb. πŸ˜‰

    Someone needs to write a post about how Avitable’s balls are creepy. “Oh, hi there, you just whipped out your balls right in front of the entire internet. Where do I look?”

  16. Kat

    So Adam, just how much shit are you getting for the balls pic? LoL

    I was kinda shocked, but then it is YOU who did it, so not really shocked at all.

    I do think that you can take things a bit too far, you post a lot of shit just for the attention it will get you, which is fine because people like to get comments on their blogs, but I really think that one of these days, you’re going to do something that truly offends everybody, and then people will either stop commenting on your blog, or you’ll get nothing but hate comments forever after.

    Either way, it’ll be interesting to watch it happen.

  17. SciFi Dad

    That hornet’s nest was just begging to be poked at, wasn’t it?

    As another commenter already said, your comparison to bowel movements or masturbation isn’t 100% accurate: those things (voiding waste, etc) are done in private by all people. Nursing is eating, which (unfortunately in some cases, like the woman in McDonald’s who never closes her mouth when she chews, or the guy in the food court who lets out resonating belches) means we as a public all have to watch. Your argument will have more weight when everyone eats individually, all restaurants have discarded their tables for two or more, and the family meal is a thing of the past. Until then, you’re pretty much screwed.

  18. Leanne

    Firstly, boobs are for feeding babies. That’s why we have them and you don’t. Suck it up (no pun intended).

    However in saying that, if seeing a woman breastfeed a kid who was old enough to order his own happy meal and carry his own school bag is what made you lose your appetite, then I’m with you.

  19. kapgar

    It’s not just a guy thing, though. Katie is a bit freaked out by the whole breastfeeding in public thing, too. I think Angie has the right idea, though, so long as there is sufficient coverage, it’s not so bad. She and I can deal with a baby stuck there in public so long as not a lot is visible. Otherwise, it’s just kinda strange.

  20. Jennifer

    1) It sounds like a personal problem to me.
    2) Once you decide to go eat in the shitter, I’ll take my kid to the bathroom to BF
    3) BFing activists HAVE gone too far, and women do need to learn that it can be done discreetly, with minimal fuss. That point I will give you.
    4)I took great pains to ensure that my kid didn’t scream the house/restaurant down for a boob, and that we were seated in a booth, where I could nurse in private. I was not going to spend 8 months of my life chained to my house so asshats like you could feel comfy in public. Some women breastfeed longer, would you suggest that they stay chained to their homes for 2 years?
    5) For the record. My father was also VERY uncomfortable with my breastfeeding. He knew that he could leave the room, but I wasn’t going to run to the bedroom to feed his grandchild.

  21. Avitable

    Atomic Bombshell, yeah, but an ass like me won’t be around. I’m sure your husband thinks you’re beautiful and sexy and awesome.

    Karen, I don’t think kids should be allowed in restaurants – why would it surprise you that I think nursing mothers should cover up in public?

    Angie, I don’t want to share that! Ew! And see – you and I have the same opinion. Just cover it up.

    Ashleigh, well, I understand the need for it and I have no problem with it, if it’s covered. I don’t want to see it!

    BPR, no, I was just reading about some new controversy about breastfeeding mothers in a pool protesting.

    Redneck Mommy, why is it so hard for people to put a sheet over it?

    Maria, that’s what assholes are for, too. Pooping. Nobody expects you to do that in public, either.

    Kris, that last sentence? Nasty!

    Karen, you did not. That’s horrifying!

    Backpacking Dad, bad manners are pretty bad, too. But it’s not creepy.

    Kiefer and Emo, oh, I know you agree with me, old man!

    Jess, a simple cover up and some discretion is all I ask.

    VDog, you know it!

    BE Earl, women who just have had babies can be sexy after a little bit of time, I agree. But the nursing and the lactating and the baby just make the sexy go away.

    Amanda, I did say that I’m sure some spouses sincerely think their pregnant wife is sexy.

    Faiqa, no, by my argument, if a woman wants to show her body, don’t just do it so you can feed your baby. Do it all of the time. And, I know my nuts are creepy – that’s the funny part about showing them!

    Kat, kids shouldn’t be in restaurants anyways. The solution is to let them do it in public but just put a sheet over it. It doesn’t hurt anything, but it protects those of us who don’t want to see it.

    Lynn, my balls are creepy. I’ll totally write a post about that! That’s why it’s funny when I show them.

    Kat, I’ve tried to offend everyone. Nobody ever listens. And even if it’s written in an exaggerated manner, it’s my opinion and the opinion of many people.

    Daisy, at least when the baby feeds!

    SciFi Dad, so it’s eating. Someone who has a colostomy bag because they can’t properly digest doesn’t whip it out and put it on the table. Someone with a feeding tube who can’t chew their food for themselves usually has it discreetly put away. Why is it so hard to ask a mother to just do it discreetly by covering the baby and her boob?

    Leanne, oh, seeing kids that are that old multiplies that creepy factor by 100.

    Kapgar, exactly.

    Jennifer, if a mother is breastfeeding her child for two years, she’s doing something wrong. That’s just wrong. And all I’m asking is to cover that shit up!

  22. metalmom

    I see nothing wrong with breastfeeding in public. However I agree that perhaps in public places, you shouldn’t be exposed. What is wrong with YOU? Why couldn’t you simply say “Breastfeeding is a beautiful thing, but personally it makes me uncomfortable.Would you mind covering up a little more?” But if she turned into a militant “Fuck you, free country, blah,blah,blah” I’d walk away and wait for her to finish before continuing the conversation. :boobs4: :boobs2:

  23. Kimi

    As my hubby’s coworker said: “The playground has turned into an industrial park”.

    I won’t try to argue this point with you, I will only say this:

    “There is a time for feeding your baby….”

    yeah, when she is hungry and getting ready to cry, no matter where that may be.

  24. Leanne

    One quick thing though. Just out of curiousity.

    If your other half decided that your penis just didn’t do it for her anymore because it serves another very important, yet very unsexual, purpose, that would be ok with you. Right?

  25. Avitable

    J, but it’s not! That’s how I feel about the topic. It creeps me out.

    Metalmom, I don’t think it’s a beautiful thing. I understand the need for it, but I don’t want to see it.

    Kimi, so feed your baby when it’s hungry, but just put a sheet over it.

    Leanne, that’s her right. I will say, however, that she read my post and agreed with it completely.

  26. Sybil Law

    :boobs3:
    I have to say, I don’t particularly like it when a woman breastfeeds in public, like, just whips it out and expects everyone to just deal with it, but I also can’t stand a LOT of people and the things they do in general, so that isn’t surprising.
    The fact is, and you know this, is that she’d feeding her baby, which simply must be done, and it’s going to happen whether you like it or not, so basically, too bad.
    You’re certainly entitled to your opinion, and your viewpoint doesn’t surprise me in the slightest, even if it is incredibly immature!!

  27. NYCWD

    Yesterday it was about Harvey Milk.

    Today it is about Booby Milk.

    What’s in your sights for tomorrow? Strawberry Milk???

    You’re becoming fucking predictable.

    BTW I agree with you. If you can’t whip them out for shits and giggles in public, then you shouldn’t be given an exemption just because you don’t want to feel like a cow and milk yourself before going out.

    I bet you didn’t see the you’re coming, did ya?

  28. shiny

    I’m sorry; you lost me at “pregnant women are not sexy.” A blanket statement like that could only be made by someone who hasn’t seen Salma Hayek with child. Or Jennifer Garner. Hell, I always thought that Britney Spears was at her hottest when she was pregnant with kid number 1 and was filming that “Chaotic” reality-type show — and that’s saying a lot considering that there was a K-Fed factor involved.

    Or, if you’re looking for women more in your desired demographic, take a look at Jamie Lynn Spears or Bristol Palin…

  29. Blondefabulous

    :boobs3:

    You so totally stirred up a hornet’s nest here….. as you always do! I breastfed my kids because that fake milk crap was too expensive, but I had a cover at the ready every time. Just as you don’t wanna see it, I don’t want some fucking pervert staring at my boob and baby, thinking about fondling himself later to the memory! EEEEEWWWWWWWWW!

  30. Melanie (Modern Mami)

    I did the blanket thing, and you know what? You try eating with a blanket over your head. It gets hot. I’m not saying expose it out there for the world to see because I wouldn’t do that either, but it is uncomfortable…for both baby and mom.

  31. Robin

    You have a point comparing it to pooping, I see where you are coming from. I do however think some pregnant women (not all) can be sexy. I personally don’t really care if they breastfeed in public but maybe it’s because I am a woman and I don’t have that weird thing about boobs like boys do. I will say however I have an issue with kids in public, if they are out of hand, screaming or whining they should leave said store or whatever. I have had shopping and dining experiences ruined one too many times but a screaming child.

  32. Trishkfl

    I breastfed, two children. But I did cover up in public, just threw a receiving blanket over my shoulder. Even then I had some nutjob staring at me like I was doing something wrong.

    Most breastfeeding moms that I knew (it was a long time ago) covered up. The ones I know now cover up. Maybe its a demographic thing?

  33. Redneck Mommy

    Your feeding tube analogy is wrong dude.

    You did know that Bug and myself are the spokes people for Edmonton’s pediatric feeding clinic didn’t you?

    We tube feed children and adults any damn place we want and make no bones about it.

    You are still a twat.

    A loveable, misguided, rather sexist twat.

  34. Finn

    I must agree with Kat that an infant shouldn’t be forced to eat in a smelly public bathroom. However it’s weird to see a woman whip out her boob at the dinner table.

    My cousin makes a special cover for breastfeeing that’s light so it doesn’t get hot. It’s a good compromise.

  35. Rattling the Kettle

    Sounds to me like you’re jealous that, although you have big fat boobs, you can’t feed a child from them. Without getting arrested, anyway.

    For a guy who circulated a picture of his nutsack all over the internet, you’re quite the prude.

  36. Hilly

    I think that women have a right to do whatever they want with their bodies, sure. However, I will go on record as saying that it makes me uncomfortable when someone sitting with me whips out her boob to feed. I know Karen said, “Duh, just look at the face!” but come on…that’s like telling me not to look at someone’s penis when they drop their pants. It’s just human nature.

    With that said, I just try to avoid being around people who are breastfeeding. The fact that I don’t like seeing it is not their problem but mine. So, yanno…to each his or her own.

  37. Princess of the Universe

    1. So many pregnant women are sexy – that was a silly statement.
    2. I’m partially with you on this, in that I don’t appreciate the fact that because it’s a woman’s “right” to do it, then they just…do it. Without any considerations for the fact that they may be making people uncomfortable. In some ways, I view some women as doing it as an act of defiance.
    That being said, I would never tell a woman that she shouldn’t do it. It’s her body and if she chooses to breastfeed in public, of course she has the right to.
    xo

  38. Avitable

    Sybil, I think it’s rude of the woman to do so when she knows that it makes people uncomfortable.

    Leanne, heh.

    NYCWD, that “you’re” blew me away!

    Shiny, I saw them with child. And they were not sexy.

    Blondefabulous, that’s a good point, too.

    Melanie, they have light, breathable sheets that provide some privacy but don’t feel hot, too.

    Robin, well, you already know my opinion about kids in public generally!

    TrishK, it’s an empowerment thing.

    Redneck Mommmy, but my colostomy bag analogy isn’t! And thanks for having your daughter call me and call me a twat! Hah!

    Finn, no, they shouldn’t be forced to go into a bathroom. But a little cover is all I ask for.

    Rattling, you’d think that, but I’m one of those big guys who doesn’t have moobs! It has nothing to do with prudishness. It has to do with it being uncomfortable and awkward.

    Anndi, does that mean you agree completely? πŸ˜€

    Hilly, many people find it uncomfortable but women still insist on it. Why not have some manners and just cover it up instead?

    PotU, I don’t think pregnant women are sexy at all. It’s just my opinion. And it’s definitely an act of defiance and can be perceived as quite rude!

    Jay, especially if she’s on the pole at the same time.

  39. abdpbt

    See, this is the problem with the constant politicizing of boobs, then we get this asshat backlash. Pls keep this in mind next time you want to write about the horrible atrocities suffered as a breastfeeding mother, ladies. Thx.

  40. Avitable

    abdpbt, asshat backlash? One guy writing that watching a nursing mother feed her baby is awkward and uncomfortable and creepy? I’m just glad that other people feel the way that I do.

    Karen, you are evil!

    Dawn, yeah, I apparently have a theme this week.

    Mr Lady, damn you and your evil ways!

  41. Mr Lady

    (And now, for my real response)

    I never covered up because I sweat like a 500 pound pig on a spit at a barbeque when I DON’T have a human being suction cupped to my body. I tried to cover up and it was miserable. Like, freakshow. I’d sweat all over the babies and they’d cry and not eat and it was AWFUL. I tried nursing in a bathroom stall once and oh my god, that was horrifying. So I gave up and just nursed in the open.

    Which mortified my husband.

    He had major issues with it, but in the end he conceded that since he didn’t have to nurse, he couldn’t really argue with how I did it.

    Now, I will with no shame admit that when he and I were going out together, I’d pump milk and let him handle the feedings. It gave me a break and didn’t bother the jerk in the corner judging me. πŸ™‚

    WIth my third, I found a cloth that worked for covering up. So I used it. But that took 7 years, and I am not at all ashamed, nor do I feel the least bit sorry for the 7 years before that when I nursed publicly.

    Really, what’s worse for you, a screaming baby in public or the top of a boob?

  42. Avitable

    Nursing mother > screaming baby, I’ll give you that. But if a baby’s screaming in public, most considerate moms get up and take the baby somewhere that they can try to quiet it.

    Even just in the comments here, several people, some of them mothers, have admitted that it’s awkward and uncomfortable when a mom just whips out her boob at the table. If you knew that people found it very uncomfortable, would you still do it or would you try to find privacy?

    • Backpacking Dad

      I thought you were joking, or trolling, or playing around with this one. But you’ve convinced me that you are actually serious. So let me offer a serious reply.

      There are plenty of people who were uncomfortable with black folks eating in restaurants or sitting at the front of the bus, but fuck their discomfort.

      There is no argument from “It’s creepy” to “don’t do it”. You can have the first, because people find all sorts of things creepy. That’s personal taste, and personal tastes change from person to person, from generation to generation. But you don’t get the second, because in this case it is a human rights issue.

      But maybe that’s where you’ve gotten off the bus. If you don’t start from it being a human rights issue then you can sincerely end up where you are, and wonder what all the fuss is about.

      Separate but equal is indefensible in this case just like it was indefensible in Brown.

      As for being sick of those women who do it in public “just to prove a point”: that’s a fundamental misunderstanding of activism. There is no proving the point; there is no making the point. It isn’t “in your face, douchebag” antics. They are BEING the point. They are creating the world they want to live in. Some women breastfeed in public because they must. Some do it because they are creating a world in which there is no mustn’t about it. To be sick of activism-as-change is to be sick of living.

        • Backpacking Dad

          Whee! I can’t tell if you’ve genuinely misunderstood me or if you just want to bullshit.

          What I did there was equate your argument from discomfort to another argument from discomfort to show that that form of argument is at least counter-intuitive and most likely invalid, so you don’t get a legitimate move from ewww” to “Women ought to change their behaivour”. You haven’t offered any reason to think that move is legitimate. I offered one against. So far the boobs have it.

          There is a strong comparison to race equality, which adds some weight to the analogy I used, but isn’t integral to it. It stands, though, because in my mind both ARE human rights issues.

          But, nice attempt at derailing sincere debate with an ad homimem. I hope you don’t think calling my reply “insulting” or “ridiculous” does any argumentative work.

          • Avitable

            No, what you did was equate someone’s discomfort through blatant bigotry to my discomfort at the new trend of women who breastfeed without using a cover. That’s drawing a parallel between a racist who hates people based on the color of their skin and me feeling uncomfortable and creeped out by someone not showing any discretion. Not only did you just devalue the entire civil rights movement, your argument lost all validity at that point.

            If you wanted to make a good argument, you might have equated it with the discomfort someone might feel if they see a couple making out in public. Straight or gay, cute or ugly, people exhibiting too much PDA is creepy and uncomfortable and awkward, and they should stop. Go somewhere private.

            People making out? Of course it’s their right to do so, and it’s my right to find it creepy and want them to stop. And if they had manners and knew that the setting was inappropriate for that behavior because people around them found it awkward, then they would stop. It’s the same argument for women who breastfeed their babies with no regard for the audience.

          • Backpacking Dad

            And…you got it wrong again. I never brought up hatred or blatant bigotry, and the example didn’t require it. I compared your discomfort to the discomfort some person might have if they saw a black person eating at a white counter. I don’t think everyone raised in an environment of institutional racism is full of HATE. Nonetheless they would be discomfited, and they would be WRONG to try to set policy based on that discomfort.

            Just as you don’t need to HATE women or publicly breast-feeding mothers to be discomfited, because there is an environment of discrimination against public breastfeeders that is doing the work. But, just as in the counter case that discomfort is not enough to set policy. I did nothing to devalue the civil rights movement at all, but again, it’s a nice attempt at an ad hominem.

            I don’t think the PDA comparison is a good one, because as it should be clear you and I already disagree about the very first premise: Is breastfeeding a human right or not? That already elevates the issue above the fray of proscribing people from making out in public, because I don’t think making out is a human rights issue. There is no history of sexism in the proscription of making out behaviour. It would, in fact, be a horrible comparison. And you rely on it to make your case.

            You can try to make this about me insulting you if you want, but that’s not what it is. You said something controversial (breastfeeding is creepy) and tried to use that claim to make a further conclusion, and someone called you on your flawed reasoning. Sorry. There aren’t any insults here: I’m not calling you a bigot, or a sexist, or even a bastard. In fact, I’ve been LESS insulting than many of the people who have disagreed with you.

            The only issue to be resolved is whether breasfteeding is a human rights issue. Your comparison to PDA depends on it; my comparison to the lunch counter depends on it. You deny it. I affirm it. And I affirm it in part because of the association with historically sexist attitudes. I don’t know why you deny it; you haven’t said.

          • Avitable

            Nobody denies the right of a woman to breastfeed their child. Not even breastfeeding that child in a public setting.

            Instead, this argument is about asking a woman to understand that many people are uncomfortable and feel awkward around women who breastfeed in public without any type of discretion. And then asking them to cover it up so that they can enjoy that special bond with their child without a creeped-out audience.

            Human rights are the basic freedoms that all humans are entitled to. If this includes breastfeeding in public, it also includes all basic bodily functions. As I said earlier, fucking, shitting, and masturbating – there are three freedoms to which all humans are entitled. Asking people to show discretion when enjoying those freedoms is not violating their human rights; therefore, neither is it violating a woman’s human rights to ask her to cover up when feeding her baby in a public setting.

          • Backpacking Dad

            You keep calling it “discretion” but that begs the question at issue: Is there something wrong with a woman breastfeeding in public? If there is something wrong with it, then doing it is being indiscreet; if there isn’t anything wrong with it then discretion plays no role. If you are married to a concept of discretion that already proscribes public breast-feeding of COURSE you aren’t going to think there’s anything strange about how you are arguing for the proscription. So yes, asking for “discretion” is not too much to ask. But you haven’t based your concept of discretion on anything that it isn’t also supporting.

            They understand that many people are uncomfortable. You don’t need to do any more work on that front. But that people are uncomfortable isn’t enough to justify a restriction in behaviour, especially when restricting that behaviour is so closely associated with discriminatory practices that aren’t based on some arguably innocuous personal taste reasons.

            As for fucking, shitting, and masturbating: all three of these are proscribed and do not have the collateral impact of singling out a non-arbitrary group that has historically been singled out for discriminatory practices. It’s that history, and that group, that makes it a human rights issue.

            As for not denying them the right, what do you think encouraging self-denial is? If you tell someone he has the right to shelter, but that he should be ashamed to seek it or build it, you are encouraging him to deny himself his right. It doesn’t matter that you say “But I’m not going to stop you from building a house,” because now he has a reason to not build it that he wouldn’t have without you shaming him about it. Human rights are not just freedoms, they are recognitions. I recognize your right to food. That doesn’t just mean that I don’t take all your food away. It means that I don’t do anything that discourages you from feeding yourself. If I do, then I’m not really recognizing your right. I’m mouthing the words.

          • C Lo

            BPD……wow!

            I would like to humbly add that, Avi, it seems somewhat disingenuous of you to continually refer to breastfeeding in public by implying it is primarily about momz needing to bond with their kid and how they don’t need to flaunt their bonding and how it’s a special bonding time that doesn’t need to be shared, etc etc. It seems like you’re trying to avoid the actual issue, which is moms feeding their children.

            (although it would be totally interesting to investigate the Freudian issues involved with you thinking that moms bonding with their kids is creepy)

        • hello haha narf

          i don’t find backpacking dad’s point of many things being uncomfortable (blacks eating in restaurants, gays holding hands in restaurants, breastfeeding a baby in a restaurant) ridiculous. sounded like a perfectly acceptable parallel.

          go backpacking dad!

          • Faiqa

            Adam, I don’t think his comparison is hyperbolic, at all. People compare gay rights and civil rights all the time, so why not this? For example, I know a lot men who are “uncomfortable” when gay couples show affection. They find it creepy, too.

            Is it OK to dictate to said couples about showing more “discretion”? I think not.

            You *are* being a bigot. Because a person who is intolerant of other people and who is ruled by their own prejudices is a bigot.

            Like most bigoted beliefs, this argument also smacks of hypocrisy.

            I think I would have been more sympathetic to your argument had you displayed some consistency in your application of it.

            You’re targeting a single group of people here and you’re letting others slide.

            What if a woman clad in crotch creeper shorts and a tube top makes me uncomfortable? Do I have the right to tell her what to do? Is she wrong because she offends *my* sensibilities regarding when it’s appropriate to show her body? I have a feeling that you have no problem with that kind of INDISCREET attire.

            You know, I don’t think you’re being very different from those wack jobs in Iran or KSA that make women walk around shrouded in black because anything other garments would perceived as “indiscreet”.

            Finally, whoever in these comments said that posts like yours are what makes women go out and do this in the first place may be entirely accurate.

            I’m def. a cover it up nursing mom, but I’d do it in public just to piss someone like you off… just to show you that *your* OPINION has little to do with the exercise of my rights and the discretion that I choose to employ regarding MY body.

            That said. I love you.

            But you’re being an ass.

          • Avitable

            Yes, it’s okay to dictate to straight and gay couples that they should show some discretion. I don’t care what sex the people are, nobody wants to watch a couple make out in public. It’s common fucking decency.

            This has nothing to do with prejudice. I’m not prejudiced against mothers. I think someone dressed like a slut out in public is also kind of creepy, unless they’re 16 and hot.

            If you ever breastfeed in front of me, I’m totally taking a picture and Twittering it.

  43. Mr Lady

    That was sort of my point. I DID try. I tried everything and failed, miserably and often. I tried to be considerate and aware of my surroundings, but in the end if that kid started howling and I didn’t have a reasonable out, I didn’t have much choice but to feed him. Sometimes you can’t just leave the room with the baby. Sometimes it’s the only option.

    I can’t say I’ve ever “whipped out” a boob, either. I’ve never in 3 years spent nursing kids ever once flashed nip. I always wore nursing shirts or cardigans over tanks and I always, ALWAYS said, “Hey, I have to feed this kid. Everyone cool with that?” If I knew someone was sceeved, of COURSE I’d excuse myself and find somewhere to go.

    I’m pretty sure you could tell if I was cradling my child or nursing him if I didn’t tell you what I was doing, even without a coverup.

    All of that said, I understand why it would bother you. I can’t agree, but I get it. I watched my husband cringe for years. I GET it. But so did he. Maybe that’s what I hope for, for you. That you could understand that maybe that mom you’re judging is me, and I’ve tried everything, and this is what I’m left with and in the end I HAVE to feed my child. That i’m trying, and that I don’t like it much more than you do.

  44. Avitable

    I can live with that. In a situation like that, it makes sense. I just get sick of reading about all of the defiant mothers who are doing it just to prove a point, and not for any better reason.

  45. Beth

    As pro-nursing as I am, there are some locations I would never breastfeed in. And yes, I HAVE breastfed in a bathroom stall or in the car because I felt it more appropriate than nursing in a military office or in a nice restaurant — or I brought a bottle of expressed milk for the baby. It’s really not that difficult. Once my son was about 4 months old I had to stop nursing in public anyway because he was too wiggly. While I understand the “right” to breastfeed, I think that many women don’t do it for their kid — they do it to make a point. Small babies DO need to be fed instantly, regardless of where you are. But there’s no reason that a 4 or 5 month old baby can’t wait until you’re around the corner in a quiet place to nurse. And even if your baby is small, there’s no reason you can’t take the extra 30 seconds to be discreet about it.

  46. Beth

    AFA the pregnant women being sexy thing — I was devastated when my husband told me during my first pregnancy that he didn’t “get” the obsession of pregnancy and that he didn’t think it was very sexy.

    This time around, I get it. There’s nothing more awkward than trying to have sex with a giant kicking belly in the way. It’s kind of strange. Then again, I also don’t think childbirth is “beautiful” πŸ˜‰

  47. radioactivegirl

    I am not a fan of a woman breastfeeding in public just to prove that she can.

    I breastfed 2 of my kids and I only did it in public once because I had no other option. I made my husband shield me that time too so that no one would know. I don’t think it is offensive, but I am sort of modest and didn’t want people to know what I was doing. But honestly I doubt you could tell anyway. I have small boobs and the baby covered anything that was exposed. I guess I am middle of the road on this. I dislike when people do it just to get a reaction, but I also dislike making a hungry baby wait if there isn’t a realistic other option just because it may make someone uncomfortable. In my mind starving baby trumps any adults moment of uncomfortability if there isn’t a reasonable option to go somewhere private.

  48. hello haha narf

    i wholeheartedly believe that a woman’s body was made to create and nourish life so i have NO problem with a woman breastfeeding a baby regardless of where i am. in fact, i kind of appreciate the fact that she cares enough about the baby to breastfeed.

    • Mel

      @hello haha narf, Your comment almost offended me more than this asshole assuming women’s breasts are only here for his viewing pleasure (pre-baby only, of course). *puke* A woman’s body was NOT “made to create and nourish life” any more than a man’s was. They were created for the same purposes as a man’s – to contribute to the world in any way the owner sees fit. Having children, if one chooses to, should be only a small part of one’s life! I have a uterus and vagina and have ZERO desire to “create and nourish life”. I hate to admit that I agree with this asshat on everything BUT his problem with lactating breasts – children are generally little monsters. A woman breastfeeding, however, I hardly notice. Maybe that’s because I live somewhere where it’s legal for women to go topless – we’re not such puritans.

      • hello haha narf

        @Mel,
        for what it is worth, i have no children. it was my decision not to have children so yeah, i get it that people may use their bodies however they see fit. yet i still believe that a woman’s breasts were made to nourish life and that men’s aren’t…when a baby is around men simply cannot nourish them naturally. although i am not sure why you have such issue with something that i clearly stated was MY belief.

        and where the hell did i say a woman’s breasts are only here for his viewing pleasure? fuck off.

        • Mel

          @hello haha narf, I truly apologize if my comment came off as hostile. That was most definitely not my intention. As far as the comment regarding women’s breasts for viewing pleasure, that was directed at the writer of this rant, not at you. You’ll notice I reserved the name-calling for him – he seems to take pride in being called those things.
          I get worked up a little when I see comments that equate women’s bodies solely with motherhood while men’s bodies, even if they’re fathers, are always viewed as neutral. The author demonstrated in his entry how pervasive this double standard is. I interpreted you saying that’s *all* women’s bodies are for…which is sadly a message I very often get from society. Like if I don’t consider myself a baby incubator I’m not a “real” woman. Also, men create life as well – that is, afterall, what their sperm is for. What offended me wasn’t you saying women’s bodies are capable of creating/nourishing life – of course they are – but the implication that this is solely what women’s bodies are made for, while not thinking the same for men.
          I personally only see my breasts as means for sexual pleasure, as they will never have any other use. From a biological standpoint, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that breast play feels great to lots of women. We can’t discount that as part of their function. Much like the clitoris is technically useless in reproduction but generally necessary to get a woman aroused. Hence, I do not think women’s breasts solely exist (or were made, as you put it) to nourish life.
          Lastly, I enjoy hearing others’ beliefs and engaging in dialogue. I don’t see the harm in telling someone they’ve offended you (and the way you phrased your comment did offend me). Just as you felt compelled to comment on the author’s beliefs, I felt compelled to comment on yours. It’s all just a sharing of ideas.

          • Avitable

            @Mel, so I’m an asshole for “assuming women’s breasts are only here for my viewing pleasure” (and I was being sarcastic for those of you who are playing at home) but it’s okay for you to see your breasts as only being for sexual pleasure? Get off your fence.

          • Mel

            @Avitable, My breasts are for *my* (and my boyfriend’s) sexual pleasure. How does not wanting to be seen as a piece of meat contradict with enjoying have my breasts consentually stimulated by my boyfriend when intimate? I’m sure you view your penis as a sexual organ, but you don’t have to worry about complete strangers staring at it in public as if they’re entitled to do so. Objectification is never okay. I’d just like to walk down the street and be seen as a *human*, not a “hot chick” (or whatever it is idiots are calling conventionally attractive young women who dare go out in public).

  49. Laura

    Breastfeeding an infant doesn’t particularly squick me out (I agree with the whole “cover up, please” thing) – it’s when the child is a toddler and beyond that I start to feel all oogey. I saw a documentary not too long ago about a woman from the UK (I think) that continued to allow her children breast feed for as long as they wanted – aged 6 and 9, or somewhere around there, at the time the documentary was filmed. They wanted it for the “comfort” and the “bonding”. It was EWWW as HELL to see a tall, well grown child lie across the couch and latch onto this woman’s breast. I mean, IMHO, if a child can articulate, “Mother, I would like to snack upon your breast now, if it’s not too much trouble,” it’s time for that child to be CUT THE HELL OFF FROM THE NIPS.

    • Leanne

      I saw that as well.

      FREAKED me out.

      Sorry but as far as I’m concerned if your kids are old enough to “help themselves” to your boobs, then they can bloody well help themselves to a glass of milk from the fridge.

      That woman in the documentary obviously had eff all better to do with her life.

  50. Breigh (Canadutch)

    I think it’s an American thing. Don’t EVER come to the Netherlands if you find breast feeding creepy haha they are really open about it here. At first I found it weird, like I had to try not to stare or notice, now it’s just like, oh whatever…

  51. Miss

    I had to read this post in pieces because I was laughing TOO HARD. You my friend, are hilarious.

    And I agree with you. Lactating boobs are fucking gross to look at. At least the nipples. If you dont want to cover yourself the whole time you are feeding then fine, but at least cover up or conceal it a bit when its time to wrap that shit back up.

    For me, I didnt feel comfortable breastfeeding in people’s faces. I always tried to find somewhere quiet and private to feed my son. And I succeeded every time. And my kid ate ALOT. Like every hour. So yea, most of these folks arguements are invalid.

    I would like to note BPD’s arguement. Which you are right about Adam. Insulting. But you have to remember, BPD backs the breast feeding moms because, well….. its BPD. He likes to kiss the mommy blogger booty. I wonder if anyone has broke some off for him yet or if his efforts have been futile. Hmmm…

    Keep doing what you’re doing Adam. Everyone who bitches keeps coming back so you’re doing something right.

  52. Turnbaby

    I think pregnant women CAN be sexy but being pregnant does not automatically make one sexy.

    And breasts are sexual components as well as for feeding babies and I think it is ridiculous to deny that.

    And I think that breast feeding is not polite public behavior when it is done without any concern for where one is.

  53. Avitable

    Beth, this is why I love you!

    RadioactiveGirl, I don’t think a hungry baby should ever wait. But I also don’t think it’s too much to ask the mother to cover up during the feeding.

    Becky, of course she should care enough to breastfeed. Just cover that shit up!

    Laura, I think anything past a year is even creepier than a baby! I saw that video, too. That woman is fucked up.

    Breigh, but, you see, toplessness is also more prevalent there, too, so it’s not all just baby feeding.

    Just Miss, it’s just about proper manners. Have some respect for the people you’re with.

    Turnbaby, I agree with your last statement completely. They make breathable covers that allow babies to feed without getting hot and allow some privacy for the whole mother/brat bond. Use those!

  54. abdpbt

    Yes, asshat politicizing about boobs results in asshat backlash. That’s right. I didn’t misspeak.

    Breastfeeding will cease to be a big deal once everyone on both sides just gives it a rest. I don’t post about every time I get offended by something someone says or does. I don’t make a political point of everything wrong I see in the world, every anti-Semetic remark I hear, every racist epithet. Why? Because not only is it boring and tedious, it just gives more time to that way of thinking. People know it’s wrong, they’re doing it anyway. Fuck them.

  55. C Lo

    Well, several really good points were brought up to which you didn’t actually respond, so I’m just going to assume this is to rile people up.

    I’d like to know where are all these militant psycho GIGANTOR BREASTED women FLINGING and FLAILING their boobs around, crying “HEY!!! EVERYONE!!! IMA GONNA LET MAH CHILD SUCKLE NOW!!!!!!!!!” while holding a gun to your head forcing you to watch? Cause, I’ve never met these women. I’ve never seen these women. I live in California, for pete’s sake, home to the crazy hippie liberals, and I don’t see these women.

    What I *do* see, when I make a concerted effort to pay attention, are new moms who are struggling in those first few weeks just to get the feeding right and who don’t really want to flash everyone so they turn, throw a receiving blanket over their shoulder (which the baby sometimes pulls right back off) and struggle to get a new baby to latch. I see experienced moms deftly and subtly slide up their shirt and latch their baby on in a manner in which you’d hardly tell the baby was nursing unless you were REALLY REALLY looking for something to bitch about. I see moms like me with niddlers so tiny that when the baby is nursing, their ain’t nothin’ to see anyhow.

    But, you and people like you who are so “creeped out” by ……….babies eating……seem to make a much bigger deal of it than is actually real. You are squicked out by something that you see, in all reality, probably a handful of times a year, and that is if you are REALLY seeking it out.

    The truth is these crazy amazon breasted women, squirting their boob juice all over Applebees and threatening your life if you don’t watch AND applaud them DONT EXIST.

    I’ll tell you something you probably tell people who come here and are shocked and squicked out and creeped out by the creepy hairy man……….if you don’t like it, no one is forcing you to look. If you think it’s gross, don’t endorse it, move on and go buy some PBR and come back to the internets and talk about how horrible and put upon you are because someone dared to feed their child in your neighborhood OH THE HORROR!

    Or maybe, if you are so creeped out by boobs being used to feed babies, stop seeking them out.

  56. hello haha narf

    SHIT!

    that comment was supposed to say i think your mom didn’t breast feed you so YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS.

    maybe that comment makes more sense. sheesh, i can’t even tease you properly this afternoon. must be the lack of alcohol.

    :boobs4:

  57. Avitable

    Abdpbt, you know, I like you!

    C Lo, you’ve never been at a table with someone who just pulled their boob out and fed their child? Because I have. And it’s fucking awkward and uncomfortable. I have nothing against a new mother who’s having trouble – obviously that’s something that can take practice. I’m talking about people who just don’t practice discretion or even care that people might find it awkward. There are plenty of women who will purposely breastfeed without a cover just to prove a point. Do a search on Google and you’ll see what I mean.

    And you know what? If I see someone doing that, I will look away. However, I’m also not beyond my rights to find that rude that they wouldn’t even try to be discrete about something that’s supposed to be a bonding experience between them and the baby. And that’s what this post is about.

    What good points, pray tell, did I neglect to address?

    Becky, you’re actually drunk again and just pretending, aren’t you?

    • C Lo

      I’ve been at a table with a nursing mother, yes. I’ve never seen these mythical nursing beasts you speak of, though.

      Yes, there are PLENTY of morons on the internet spouting off their ridiculous opinions and there are havens of Boob Nazis on the internet. Internet does not equal real life. Just because these bitches are all “OMGZ AHM GUNNA SHOW MAH TIDDAYS!!!!!!!” on their blog don’t mean shit. Most of em’ are too pussy to ACTUALLY breastfeed in public anyways.

      These women you speak of don’t exist in real life.

      And, breastfeeding as bonding is a nice side benefit but it’s not about that. It’s about feeding your kid. The end. It’s not SUPPOSED to be a bonding experience, it’s SUPPOSED to sustain life. That’s all. The bonding happens, but that’s not the point of it.

      • Carolina

        I hate to chime in, but Adam has heard many complaints about my life as a restaurant manager. The “nursing mother” is weekly. I have dealt with complaints to have me talk to a nursing woman to cover up with a blanket. I would explain that the law permits them to breast feed uncovered and that my company policy prevents me from addressing that issue with them, and of course the bothered customer was displeased.
        I have also dealt with many breast feeding women who then in turn would demand to speak to me when they felt they were being stared at and would explain their rights to feed uncovered. I know they can, but I can’t stop someone from staring at them in a public area when you’ve chosen to expose your breast. And of course, the breast feeding mother was displeased.
        There are women out there who do elect to breast feed uncovered and have no shame in it, its just a matter of how often you are around this environment. I’m lucky enough to experience this almost weekly and Adam is also lucky, since the Orlando area of Florida is tourism central, and it allows women to breast feed in public (covered or uncovered since it is exempt from indecent exposure). You take your pick, but either side you’re on, someone will be offended by either the stares or the exposed boobs. It’s a lose-lose.
        It is what it is.

        You know what creeps me out? When parents decide to change their babies diaper in a fucking restaurant chair/bench and then leave that bundle of joy behind for me to pick up.

        Adam. Hows Saturday for F&F4? πŸ™‚

  58. Clayton

    Are you staring at and having sexual thoughts of all non breastfeeding women? And by the way, the breasts aren’t non sexy, I have to say, their pretty sexy, and also more fun, perhaps interesting, while breastfeeding/pregnancy isn’t going on, its the same (still interesting) breasts every day, but then you get such variation, different sizes, all the time, large, larger and something new, yet… its all sexy, and I’m not saying that because I’m married, I’m saying that because I can comment on that. Also… I know you don’t have kids so… either you have never spent quality time with current or post lactating breasts, relied your information on completely misguided images you’ve found online or on tv, or awkwardly spend a lot of time staring down the lactating breasts that you don’t like to look at.

    If you haven’t, so to speak “been with” lactating breasts, how can you say they aren’t sexy?

  59. Clayton

    By the way, just being a caretaker is very hard. Forget being a “mother” or women, I almost got a crappy haircut, I might of actually gotten a crappy haircut and my daughter and wife are just being nice, because I had no choice, nobody to watch our baby the other day, while I got my haircut. There were 7 men blankly staring at me while Miriam cried. I didn’t even get the lose hairs blown out after the barber was finished, she just said, okay thank you, and we were on our way. But in general, when you see a baby crying, just know that while you have to listen to the baby for a few seconds, that parent has to listen to their own baby, and other people’s baby’s like you do. I admit this has become a pointless rant which has lost its relevancy to this post, but that’s what you get when you delve into the realm of parenthood when your not a parent, because your life is a distracted blissful rant, if that makes any sense.

  60. impa

    “I think someone dressed like a slut out in public is also kind of creepy, unless they’re 16 and hot.”

    There ya have it. Yes it might make you feel creepy under certain circumstances…UNLESS IT SUITS YOU! It is always about YOU.

    Doesn’t bother me if a 16 year old hottie is out strutting her uncovered stuff, but a nursing mother should cover the hell up, eh?

    Good lawd!

  61. Sheila (Charm School Reject)

    Okay – I finally am done reading all of the damned comments.

    First off, I gotta say because it’s true. I love you. I love that you have the balls to stand up and say “You people creep me the fuck out. Cover that shit up.”

    To the person that said “It’s not SUPPOSED to be a bonding experience, it’s SUPPOSED to sustain life. That’s all. The bonding happens, but that’s not the point of it.” I’m in the totally opposite boat – I didn’t breastfeed baby number one. I was too young and creeped out by the thought. With baby number two, I did breastfeed for the first four months. And it was NEVER about just feeding her. It was ALWAYS about the bond. Sure it’s a nice way to save money but in the end, you do it because you WANT to. Otherwise, what the fuck is the point?

    The people Adam is referencing are the ladies who hold “feed ins” at airports and other public places to assert their “right” to breastfeed in public. Well, guess what? I think I have the right to smoke in a restaurant but guess how many states I can do that in?

    Your “civil rights” stop where mine begin. And if someone is uncomfortable with it, it’s a situation that should be addressed.

    It is NOT asking too much for a woman to cover up. It’s not like he’s asking you to put a down comforter over the baby’s head. Or, if you don’t want to put anything over their head, keep your ass at home until you are adept enough to keep it covered. I have a cousin that puts her baby in her sling and can walk around the mall while the baby nurses and you could never tell.

    And it’s really not asking THAT much.

    I don’t see why his opinion on this is causing so much drama. Besides which, tact is for pussies. You all should know that by now.

    P.S. Please excuse the rambling comment that may or may not make sense, depending on how much sleep you’ve had in the last five days, of which I’ve had little.

    xoxo

  62. Summer

    Your strong dislike of kids comes through loud and clear and I wonder where you’d be today if your parents felt the same way. If you have a child in the future I hope your feelings change.

  63. Valerie

    Lactating mother here. Careful covering, no blanket- too difficult to manage, hot, and awkward. Breastfeeding mothers shouldn’t be an issue. The babies just look like they’re being held and are asleep while you’re nursing. I let her nurse whenever she wants – restaurant, walking, playground running after my 3 year old, it doesn’t matter- if she needs to eat, she needs to eat and life has to move on. However if your wife becomes pregnant and you have the pleasure of witnessing her experience engorgement, mastitis, and leaky boobs, then you’ll have something ingrained in your head about the milk and breasts subject. Those images are hard to remove for all involved and are much worse than an innocent baby resting in his/her mother’s arms and drawing no abundance of attention.

  64. Avitable

    BPD, yes, discretion. Not because there’s anything wrong with breastfeeding, but because breastfeeding in public is likely to make people uncomfortable. However, you are more interested in jumping on a bandwagon saying that asking women to cover up when they nurse is somehow discriminating against them. I’d ask anyone to cover up when they nurse, woman or man. Let me guess – you have a degree in philosophy, English, rhetoric, or political science. Which is it?

    C Lo, the primary function is to feed the baby. No shit. However, it’s held out by women as being a huge bonding experience, especially among women who breastfeed vs. those who don’t. I think the act of breastfeeding is creepy, and if it truly is this bonding experience, why would a mother want to share that with gawkers and onlookers? My honest opinion is that kids shouldn’t be out in public at all, much less when they’re less than a year old, so this would be a moot point if everybody just listened to me.

    Carolina, thanks for giving concrete evidence where someone is putting on blinders. I’m totally up for F&F on Saturday! Woohoo!

    Clayton, have you been hitting the booze again? And I’ve seen plenty of lactating breasts. They’re not sexy at all.

    Sighbrrgal, just go through the archives.

    Impa, yes. Any questions?

    Sheila, very nicely put.

    LeSombre, I was the boob.

    Summer, I have no doubt I’d like my own kid. I just don’t like yours or anyone else’s!

  65. Poppy

    What the hell did I just walk into?

    Crying out loud.

    In VT everyone breastfeeds. But my rule is I’m only comfortable watching the same people breastfeed who I’d be comfortable having a conversation with while they peed or showered.

  66. Poppy

    I just said this, and it posted, but without my avatar, and now it’s not here anymore:

    What the hell did I just walk into?

    Crying out loud.

    In VT everyone breastfeeds. But my rule is I’m only comfortable watching the same people breastfeed who I’d be comfortable having a conversation with while they peed or showered.

  67. whall

    I “get” your awkwardness, Adam, but it’s mainly because if I encounter a breastfeeding woman, covered up or not, I always feel like the guilty one and I worry about what the mother thinks of me, even though my primary thought is to give privacy and respect. I bow to the breastfeeding mom because I, like many, understand and agree with (and support!) the bond, the proper nutrition, the bolstering of immunities, the “naturalness” of it all, and what I would consider a basic right of a mom to feed her child no matter what else is going on.

    I also “get” your need to spill out your discomfort and make it known. You’re expressing your first amendment right to vocalize your awkwardness. I mean, if you don’t tell people what you like and dislike, how else can they please you? You make it known, and that’s cool.

    If I read it correctly, you were just expressing an opinion. You are not calling out the cops or the judges or the lawmakers to stop them from doing it. You’re imploring them in a colorful and profane way to pay attention to their surroundings. You’re only talking. You’re not trying to FORCE them to submit to your idea of a perfect society.

    And that’s why I like this post. It’s not like you think your opinion should be law.

    That’s the trouble with half the people in the world – they automatically think that if you have an opinion on something, you want to force that opinion on others. Take homosexuality for example. (A) I don’t like it. Not one bit. It creeps me the hell out. But I’m not interested in (B) passing laws or making others conform to my way of thinking. But so many people learn (A) about me and AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME B).

    Tolerance is a big word and works both ways.

  68. Avitable

    Whall, wait. Is that sarcasm? Because I totally think that if everyone elected me world ruler, we’d have a better world.

    And you need to meet more people who are gay. I think your exposure has been so limited that you might fear something that’s really nothing at all.

  69. Coal Miner's Granddaughter

    OK. Here’s my two cents late in the game (as usual).

    I breastfed my twins, but never in public. If I fed them separately, it took an hour, so I always breastfed them simultaneously. And that is impossible to do, in public, while covering yourself. So, they got formula or pumped breastmilk.

    But with J-man? It was so easy, and I breastfed him at restaurants, playgrounds, where ever! And I covered myself with sort of a poncho-cover thingee. And I don’t understand why all breastfeeding mothers can’t do the same thing. I think it’s a wonderful thing for a mother to be able to provide for her child because it is the best food for your baby. But, please, buy a cover. Most maternity clothing stores have them. And they’re not expensive. Hell, my friend Kristi, if found without hers, would strategically place napkins so you couldn’t tell what was going on.

    So, I think women should cover themselves when breastfeeding. But, I also think that those people who have issues even when the mother is covered (because I’ve seen assholes complain about breastfeeding mothers even when the mother in question is covered) need to just get over themselves and their hang-ups.

    That is all.

  70. SpaceCasie

    :sex011: Had to add that smilie because it rules.

    I just finished breastfeeding. I didn’t particularly like it, but I did it because I am a cheap ass.

    I’d always cover up. I get what Adam is saying here, even when one of my FRIENDS is breastfeeding in front of me, even if it’s just the two of us, I still have no idea where to look.

    But, I really could give a shit. It’s not going to ruin my day. :jerkoff2: That one kicks ass too.

  71. Catherine

    Being a current lactating momma to my six week old daughter :boobs3: I do have to say that I am very PRO-covering it up. I have an apron looking thingie from Target (http://www.target.com/Munchkin-Jelly-Bean-Nursing-Wrap/dp/B001QKBJCQ/qid=1239598853/ref=br_1_2/181-4905205-0739011?ie=UTF8&node=383822011&frombrowse=1&index=tgt-mf-mv&rank=price&rh=&page=1) cheap..and it covers everything.
    I do also wear a camisole underneath my shirts so when I have to lift up my shirt..you only see the cami. So..honestly I try to be polite to others. But I have breast fed in public and been completely covered up and been insulted. But I have also seen uncovered people that make me want to just hurl… because my kid’s dont need to see that.

  72. Willie G

    Everything about this blog reeks of indiscretion, disrespect, offensiveness and lack of toleration for the concerns and beliefs of others.

    Now you want to be taken seriously about what YOU find offensive?

    Classic.

  73. Avitable

    Lexi, doesn’t seem that hard to me, either.

    SpaceCasie, well, it won’t ruin my day. It’s just creepy.

    Catherine, being polite and considerate – is it so hard?

    Willie G, why would you ever think that I want to be taken seriously? Well, except now – if you find the blog offensive, why do you come?

  74. kay

    Well with the law on the side of breast feeding in public, there is nothing anyone with a negative attitude to this can do beside think their negative thoughts. I wouldn’t give any concern to anyone who doesn’t like to see this and nor should anyone else. Most people are fine and accepting, there are the odd ones who might like it in a sexual way-so what since there are those turned on by ankles etc., still forgetable and the upset like this writer who is immaturely affected worth even less thought. He’s entitled to his reaction and his suffering at such sights, it’s his problem and no one elses.

    That said I do think the one curtesy breast feeding women ought to give is not to take their breast feeding baby out to venues which are clearly set out for adults to have a relaxing evening without the wimpering of a hungry baby, the shuffling around and even burping and changing a baby who might not settle as well out of their home surrounded by strangeness.It’s not the breast waiters send the woman to the toilets for, but the crass carryings on around an upset confused infant. Expressed milk and a babysitter is the proper considerate option for all, especially the infant.
    Excluding that scenario let ones like the writer simmer or grow up and breastfeed baby with confident disregard and without worrying about extra discression. Even the law is onside here.

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