About two months ago, I was suffering from some serious Twitter fatigue. Since then, I’ve learned more efficient ways to use programs like TweetDeck and use filters, groups and other techniques to alleviate the pressure I felt. It’s worked great, and I’ve been able to participate in Twitter more actively without feeling pressure to do so.
In the last 60 days, though, I’ve noticed a trend with some Twitter users, who like to waste the time of each and every one of us by sending crap like this:
“Good morning, Twitter!”
“Just had my coffee, Twitter. Anyone want some?”
“Going to take a shower, Twitter.”
“Dear Twitter, I don’t want to go to work today.”
“Oh Twitter, what should I wear?”
“Just got dressed. I’m putting on my shoes now. Then I have to go to work.”
“At work and I’m already ready to go home. Sigh.”
“I’m tired. Is it nap time yet?”
“Time to go to lunch. Twitter, do you want me to get you some?”
“Sitting down at my computer. Time to play solitaire!”
“I’m leaving work and getting on the train now. I’ll be home soon, Twitter!”
“Mmmm, mmmm. Dinner was good.”
“My cell phone battery is dead. Guess I’ll have to charge it!”
“I’m tired. Good night, Twitter.”
If your tweets resemble that list, turn off your computer. Then go to the pound, trade the computer for a cat, name her Twitter, and then tell her all about your mundane day-to-day activities. Now you’ll be able to share all of your daily shit with Twitter and the rest of us don’t have to see it! Here’s a good rule of thumb. If it’s something that you would mumble to yourself or something that a lonely old lady would say to her cat, it’s something that you should refrain from tweeting.
Twitter is like a giant eternal party where you can step in and out of conversations with different people. Your goal for using Twitter (unless you’re a so-called social media expert) should be to be one of the interesting partygoers, not the guy who’s standing in the corner talking to a houseplant about his latest dice roll while playing Dungeons & Dragons. That guy? People will come up to him, talk to him for a second, and then leave as quickly as they can flee. The interesting person will find that more and more people engage him or her in conversation because they know they won’t have to hear about nap time or putting on socks or feeding the dog.
I encourage the rest of you to take the following action. Next time you read a mundane tweet, reply to that person and just say, “@mundaneperson, nobody cares. Tell your cat.” And then unfollow them. Only then can Twitter start to shine like the resource it should be. (Well, after we get rid of the new blog post tweets, the blip.fm tweets, the location tweets, the sponsored tweets, the re-tweets, and the twitter parties.)
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The Day That Twitter Died
Twitter: Who should you follow?
Twitter: Blogography
says:
RETWEET @avitable
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Twitter: Blogography
says:
#FollowFriday @avitable
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Twitter: Blogography
says:
My BrightKite Location: @avitable
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Twitter: Blogography
says:
I’m listening to BlipFM @avitable
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Ugh. I filter out blip.fm.
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Twitter: Blogography
says:
NEW BLOG POST: @avitable
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I laugh at all of these except the “New Blog Post” one, Senor Snarkadoo!
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
Thankfully, you didn’t dis how awesome it is to live tweet things like American Idol. Because it is really awesome to do so. People really care about your awesome opinion about every singer. It’s not annoying at all.
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And it’s also totally not annoying when people on the East Coast spoil shows for those of us on the West Coast. Nope, not at all.
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Twitter: nycwatchdog
on April 9th, 2009 at Thursday, April 9, 2009 @ 8:02 am
Stop your bitchin’.
Just because you currently live on the inferior coast doesn’t mean you’ll ALWAYS live there.
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Pffft, you are lucky I’m moving, mister…otherwise we’d have to go all East Coast/West Coast Rap Wars up in this bitch!
:dance:
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Dear Twitter, you sure look pretty today tweeples. I can see how sexy you are from here!
/gag
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
Are you on your period? You’ve been very out of sorts this week.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
Thank you for telling me what is un-interesting about Twitter. I already know that.
Now provide me with some actual evidence that Twitter is interesting to me in any way.
Real evidence.
Bitch.
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@avitable …I’m growing disinterested in your disinterests…
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@avitable, nobody cares. Tell your cat.
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But we already have the pussy called Facebook.
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@Danalyn LOL
I refuse to tweet because of all the twits out there. (That, plus I have no friends because I’m the girl in the corner talking to her cat.)
I’m with Earl, tell us why it’s interesting.
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Dave2, RT @Blogography I have a new blog post and I’m listening to http://blip.fm and you should follow @snackiepoo #followfriday.
Amanda, yeah, liveblogging television is also another easy way for me to unfollow someone.
Hilly, someone’s said that? I must have missed that one!
Faiqa, no, this is what I’m like when I’m feeling good with the world!
BE Earl, that’s the hardest thing about Twitter to explain. Right now, for me, the coolest aspect of it by far is the celebrity use. Reading Jon Favreau while he sends twitters and takes pictures as he’s in the first couple days of shooting Iron Man 2 is fascinating to me.
RebTurtle, too bad, I’ve got a million of them!
Danalyn, can I just name your pussy Twitter and talk into that instead?
SPD, no, Facebook is the monster under the bed.
Cap, see my reply above. It’s also something that once you get into, you can start to see the interestirng aspects of it.
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Twitter: blondefabulous
says:
So I’m a Twitter retard as well? Oh man! Guess I should just delete all social accounts and just talk to my two dogs and one cat until my children turn my brain into mush.
:woohoo:
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:lmao: :clap:
Seriously. If I unfollowed everyone who twittered like that, I’d lose some of my favorite people! But I go nuts when I read, “Good morning, Tweeters!”, or shit like that – it makes me INSANE. It’s the main reason I can’t stand Twitter. One of my best friends uses Twitter to tell us she’s can’t decide what to eat every day, or how she’s feeling, and – well – basically everything.
I love her, but her life is simply not that fascinating.
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Twitter: nycwatchdog
says:
Best Twitter Post evah.
You should submit this to TwiTip.
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Twitter, you look hot. Can I stroke your fur?
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Tell Your Cat is Bossy’s new favorite expression.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
Unfollow.
Fuck.
I seriously hope nobody reads this and thinks “Oh no! Avitable thinks I’m boring! Someone thinks I’m annoying!”
So what?
If you don’t like my blog posts – don’t read them. You don’t like my twitter posts? Unfollow me.
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I only worry when I think you think I’m boring Britt. Heh.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
UPDATED COMMENT:
I’m sorry, apparently the only appropriate comment is
OH MY GOD I KNOW! I HATE THAT TOO! ADAM YOU ARE SO AWESOME!
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I’m betting that somewhere there is a lesbian Asian schoolgirl who has never heard of twitter and is telling all of her fantasies to her cat. The gods of irony are like that.
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Twitter: s_csr
says:
Stop being all cryptic, just unfollow me already you big bastardly bully.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
:finger:
Love,
The woman who just Tweeted “Good morning” and apparently sucks, but looks like this: :sexytime:
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Blondefabulous, just save the mundane stuff for the dogs and cat and tell us about the interesting stuff!
Sybil, I think I might start unfollowing people like that.
NYCWD, your suggestion has been followed. I doubt they’ll post it.
Always Home, that’s if you have a pussy named Twitter, not a cat.
Bossy, it should be on a shirt or bumper stickers everywhere.
Britt, I’m sure that there are people who, if I unfollow them for annoying me on Twitter, will think that it means I don’t like them or like their blogs, because they can’t separate the two. So I’d rather write something like this to give them a chance to change before I unfollow them!
Britt, thank you, I am awesome.
Grant, but if she’s a lesbian, she won’t like you!
Sheila, bastardly is a great word.
Finn, it’s funny you say that. I read your tweet this morning (“Good morning boys and girls. It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.”) and thought, she’s going to think I’m talking about her. But you took something that is mundane and made it more interesting.
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Twitter: msmegan
on April 9th, 2009 at Thursday, April 9, 2009 @ 11:10 am
Today I made it interesting. But I’ve just done “Good morning” before too. Of course I’m willing to admit that it’s boring and do it anyway.
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As long as you still :heartbeat: me. :sex011:
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Twitter: msmegan
on April 9th, 2009 at Thursday, April 9, 2009 @ 11:15 am
Absolutely. :cocksuck2:
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I’m the freak at the party who would actually enjoy talking with the D&D guy.
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Twitter: s_csr
on April 9th, 2009 at Thursday, April 9, 2009 @ 11:14 am
Cool – you can hang out with me and LeSombre
LOL
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Twitter: LeSombre
on April 9th, 2009 at Thursday, April 9, 2009 @ 7:55 pm
Indeed
And I’m allergic to cats.
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
I agree with all of this, but don’t get all cocky thinking I think you know what’s best. Cause I don’t. I would like to get rid of blip, generic daily information tweets and location shit, argh. The blog post thing, I’m not sure i know anyone who doesn’t do that.
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Twitter: Amanda234
on April 9th, 2009 at Thursday, April 9, 2009 @ 1:03 pm
I don’t do it. However, I apparently don’t have blog posts anymore, either
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Twitter: hismuse
on April 9th, 2009 at Thursday, April 9, 2009 @ 1:07 pm
I miss your posts. I’ve actually noticed that a lot of my blog readers come from twitter so it’s doing something right.
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Twitter: alotofnothing
says:
@avitable OMG that is teh funneh! LOL ur so rite on there! #twitterparty ur perfect & we r all ur minions
:jerkoff2:
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Twitter: blondefabulous
says:
I was being facetious. (sp?)
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Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
Have you seen this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeLZCy-_m3s
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
you cocksucker, did you unfollow me? or filter my drunk ass out?
:boobs2:
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Twitter: Jayman3768
says:
I’m eating a chicken sandwich for lunch, reading @avitable ‘s blog. (Gotta put the space between the “e” and the “‘s” otherwise people couldn’t click your name and go to your Twitter page.)
Ever notice that the people you really want to stalk never do the location complete with google map thing? So very annoying.
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Coming out of lurker status to say that I just can’t stop visiting your website. That and I think I love you. Just a little bit. Why does it feel like I’ve committed a sin by admitting that? :angel:
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
LMFAO at Dave!
My favorite Twitter-er is fireland/Joshua Green Allen. He truly uses Twitter as a once-a-day micro-blogging tool. And he leaves me in stitches.
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
oh! also all the bright kite stuff. I don’t need to know your every location
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
You are such a fucking control freak. I will use twitter how I see fit and if you don’t like it you can a) lick your own slit; b) unfollow me.
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This is why I don’t use Twitter. All my tweets would be boring crap like:
“Having a hard time typing s because Dante’s a shithead and broke my keyboard”
“Nothing in the fridge except condiments and drink mixers. You can tell a man bought the groceries.”
“Boss offered to punch me in the face. Long story.”
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Twitter: LeSombre
says:
Dude,
I’m so getting you in a D&D game next time I come to Florida.
I’ll Tweet about it.
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The blip.fm ones and when people twitter their tv shows annoy the hell outta me. other than that, tweet whatever you want. If I don’t like it, I’ll unfollow you.
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Have you noticed that some bloggers do this kind of thing, too, only not as briefly?
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Now I’m totally only going to tweet shit like this just because I KNOW you’ll want to hear it.
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Twitter: bubblewench
says:
Ok, yeah, I’m guilty.. But, I’m not turning off puter and I lready have 5 cats, but I will make an effort to be more interesting..
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Atomic Bombshell, no, this isn’t one of those fun guys who plays D&D like LeSombre, but the loser who can’t talk about anything else!
Robin, the blog post notification works well, actually, I agree.
Angie, oh yeah – the textspeak! I hate that shit!
Blondefabulous, and I was just joking!
Karen, yeah. Pretty funny.
Hello, never!
Jay, I agree. Damn @avrillavigne.
Lydia, loving me is not a sin, unless you forget to email me pictures of your breasts.
Heather, I tried the once-a-day thing. I should try that again.
Amanda, the location stuff drives me crazy. Who cares?
Poppy, I don’t have a slit!
Stacey, you should totally use Twitter!
LeSombre, only if I can play as a naked dwarf. And do it as a LARP.
Nobody, unfollowing does work well.
Jason, I unsubscribe from those blogs quickly.
Sarah, ooh, bitch!
Bubblewench, just call one of your cats Twitter.
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
I’m leaving a comment LOL #avitableannoyances
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Whall, I forgot to mention those Utterli tweets too!
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