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It’s all relative

Just an excerpt of a frustrating, hair-rending, exasperating, interminable instant message conversation with a close relative of mine:

Me: you have some type of spam on your computer
Me: every now and then i get a random IM from you
Me: that’s some weird spam
Avitarelative: I know…
Avitarelative: something is up…
Avitarelative: I ran my antivirus for 3 hours
Me: it has nothing to do with antivirus
Avitarelative: then I ran ad-aware
Avitarelative: and that found 27 cookies…
Avitarelative: removed them…
Avitarelative: then I uninstalled windows xp and re-installed…
Avitarelative: still when I go to mozilla or internet explorer when I type in a URL it goes to a different ad site
Me: yeah, search for your hosts file
Me: go to c:\windows\system32\drivers\etc
Avitarelative: k\
Avitarelative: where is that?
Avitarelative: c drive?
Me: i just told you
Me: jesus
Me: c:\windows
Me: \system32
Me: \drivers
Me: \etc
Avitarelative: k it pulled up a black screen
Avitarelative: ok I see the files
Avitarelative: now what?
Me: double-click the one called “hosts”
Me: then open it in notepad
Avitarelative: k comes up with an open with box
Avitarelative: k open in notepad
Me: copy and paste it here
Avitarelative: its too big
Me: ok
Me: is there a line that says this:
Me: “# Start of entries inserted by Spybot – Search & Destroy”
Avitarelative: yes
Me: ok
Me: ignore everything after that
Me: copy and paste everything that’s before that
Avitarelative: its too much
Avitarelative: nothing is after that…
Me: there should only be one line
Avitarelative: bunch of wierd sites I never even went
Me: After it says “# Start of entries inserted by Spybot – Search & Destroy” there should be a bunch of urls on the lines past that
Avitarelative: theres a whole bunch of websites before the ” # End of entries inserted by Spybot – Search & Destroy”
Me: jesus christ
Me: I asked if there was a line that said “# Start of entries inserted by Spybot – Search & Destroy”
Me: not # End
Me: for fuck’s sake
Avitarelative: nice language
Avitarelative: yes there is
Me: ok, are you sure
Me: is it the same line that i just pasted?
Me: or is it a different line that you’re going to say is the same?
Avitarelative: huh?
Me: ARARARARRRGGGHHHHH!

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27 Replies to “It’s all relative”

  1. Squeaky Wheel

    That reminds me of my friend TD trying to give me instructions over IM for setting up my blog 2 years ago. We frustrated the hell out of each other, and for a couple of things I just sent him my password (he’s hosting my site, too) and let him go at it himself…lol.

  2. Poppy

    Keyword: IMAP

    That is only funny to me and a chick named April.

    Lesson you should have learned a long time ago: Don’t try to help others with their technology problems. People get paid for that shit.

  3. Avitable

    Sheila, well, this relative is in his late 20s and should know better!

    Stephanie, that’s what it would be like trying to help you with technical support, wouldn’t it?

    Metalmom, yeah, he’s subtle like that.

    Dave, but then I’d just have a piece of shit I could plug in!

    Faiqa, oooh, you are so funneh.

    NYCWD, he does work in the tech industry.

    Louise, it’s a good thing you don’t have a really high life insurance policy in your name, right?

    Becky, oh, I remember trying to get you set up so you could chat with me.

    Squeaky Wheel, at that point, that’s usually the best way to handle it.

    Grant, yeah, I usually just don’t reply to those IMs.

    Poppy, he came to me after having the tech guys at his work look at it for hours.

    Sybil, which one of you is the frustrating one? 🙂

    DB, yeah, I can’t even talk to my mom when it comes to using a computer.

    LMSS, did you tell her to put a stamp on the computer, write the address on it and stick it in the mailbox?

    Meagan, you would be guessing correctly!

  4. Tracy Lynn

    My dad knows just enough about computers to completely fuck them up. Add that to his total lack of listening skills, and it’s no wonder I’m on a handful of anti psychotics.

    My mom is a woman who, when asked by the mechanic what is wrong with her car, said When I put the key in, it won’t go. And she is happy with that.

  5. whall

    What’s funny is I hacked both of your computers and changed in real-time what you both were saying to each other.

    Here’s his side of the conversation:

    Me: you have some type of spam on your computer
    Me: every now and then i get a random IM from you
    Me: that’s some weird spam
    Avitarelative: I know, moron.
    Avitarelative: MYOB
    Avitarelative: porn now, can’t type
    Me: it has nothing to do with antivirus
    Avitarelative: STFU
    Avitarelative: one-hand typing, heard of it?
    Avitarelative: LEAVE ME ALONE
    Avitarelative: stop typing, Ahmoo!
    Avitarelative: *signs off*
    Me: yeah, search for your hosts file
    Me: go to c:\windows\system32\drivers\etc
    Avitarelative: WTF?
    Avitarelative: are you retarded?
    Avitarelative: go help your boyfriends

    And here’s his side:

    Me: I love you even though we’re related
    Me: I think of you often when I’m alone on my computer
    Me: I’m thinking of you now, and, well I have a confession
    Avitarelative: I know
    Avitarelative: something is up
    Avitarelative: I ran my antivirus for 3 hours
    Me: I borrowed your computer last time I was over
    Avitarelative: then I ran ad-aware
    Avitarelative: and that found 27 cookies
    Avitarelative: removed them
    Avitarelative: then I uninstalled windows xp and re-installed
    Avitarelative: still when I go to mozilla or internet explorer when I type in a URL it goes to a different ad site
    Me: I made a porno of myself thinking of you
    Me: I put it on your computer
    Avitarelative: k\
    Avitarelative: where is that?
    Avitarelative: c drive?

  6. Avitable

    Tracy, who’s better, your dad or mom?

    Whall, how’d you know?

    Mik, I can imagine.

    Christie, exactly.

    Stacey, hahahaha. Poor you.

    SciFi Dad, it’s a text file with one operable line in it. There’s very little that you can screw up.

    Shelli, I would absolutely go insane.

    BorysSNORC, but did you have to talk to people from NZ?

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