It's not always about being funny.

Censored, part deux

Last year, I saw a post on Shelli’s and Jasmine’s blogs that I stole. And now I’m stealing it from myself.

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say or That I Should Say to Certain People:

  1. You showed how little you thought of our friendship when you disrespected my friends.
  2. You’re creepy and weird and I don’t like you.
  3. Stop making excuses for your inability to commit to something. Just admit that you can’t do it.
  4. I wish you would stand up for yourself more. You’re totally worth it.
  5. You ooze creepy and icky and I shudder when I think about you interacting with other people.
  6. I wish I felt more emotion about your situation, but I can’t really bring myself to care.
  7. Thank you for letting me help – that actually helped me as well.
  8. I just don’t like you. I don’t care that I’m supposed to.
  9. I honestly wouldn’t care if you died. I think you deserve it.
  10. I hate that you’ve wormed your way into my life again, even tangentially. Fuck off.

And here’s a disclaimer – if you’re reading this, it’s not about you.

What things would you say?

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61 Replies to “Censored, part deux”

    • Dickie Maxx

      @Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy, You should totally tell people that. I think it would totally make your day more exciting. In fact I think I am going to make that my goal to say that to three people this week that need to hear it.

  1. Jennifer

    I would like to add:
    “You were born, raised and obtained a college degree in the United States, yet you regularly butcher the English language. Think before you speak.”

  2. Breigh

    Dammit I thought I knew who was creepy and weird but they would be reading this 😛 So I guess I was wrong.

    I’d do this on my blog but most of it would be aimed towards my in laws and they DO read my blog. Plus, even if it wasn’t about them they’d assume it was and hate me for it more anyway.

    I hate censoring myself on my blog so much now because I fear them 🙁

    Sorry, got off track there hehe

  3. Kiefer and Emo

    1. Go piss up a rope.
    2. I love you so much I want to eat you.
    3. I didn’t do it.
    4. The part about not doing it was a lie.
    5. Go fuck your mother.
    6. Oh she’s dead? Well that never stopped you before.
    7. What condom?
    8. You remind me of a spring butterfly that flaps its wings in Peru and three days later there’s a hurricane that knocks out Haiti and a lot of beaten up black people show up in Miami and now look how we’re fucked, you ASShole.
    9. Dance. DO IT NOW.
    10. If you weren’t around I’d probably be sober by now.

    Our problem is that’s just one person…

  4. Lynda

    #4 could be about me.

    I saw this last year on Shelli’s blog, but I didn’t have the nerve to post it.

    I think the big thing I would say to someone (not you, though) is:

    Your twisted little mind has lead you to believe that the world revolves around you, but your head is so far up your ass that you don’t even realize it isn’t going to stop for you.

  5. Miss Britt

    Wait a minute – one of these IS about me! So, you lied. And everyone should take that as a sign that the rest of them could TOTALLY be about them!

    Although, I don’t think it’s very nice of you to call Jared “creepy”. Damn.

  6. S

    We were very close friends and when my life started going good and moving forward…you disappeared. Was it because you couldn’t stand the fact that your life is so shitty?? Get off the computer and go make YOUR life happy. You can do it.
    But, for the record, that was really a crappy thing for you to do to me and our friendship. I guess you weren’t the friend I thought you were.

  7. Jay

    If I had a dollar for every time a woman said #5 to me I’d be soooo rich. Kidding! Kinda.

    Here’s mine…

    Look, I love you, but you’re not emotionally stable. You need some professional help. If your insurance plan doesn’t cover it, I’ll pay for the therapy. You won’t be able to move on with your life without it.

  8. Stephanie

    1. Not everything is about you.
    2. You are slowly killing yourself, and all of us who love are dying as well.
    3. If you are going to drink the Kool-Aid, don’t live in denial.

    4. PULL UP YOUR MOTHERFUCKING PANTS…NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR UGLY-ASS UNDERWEAR, AND YOU MAY BE ABLE TO ACTUALLY WALK NORMALLY INSTEAD OF SPREAD-LEGGED AND CROOKED.

    Ahem. :loser:

  9. Becky

    1) Your baby is fugly
    2) You don’t have cancer, so stop acting like you do
    3) You looked like a cheap whore at your wedding
    4) I think you’re a bitch
    5) Stop lurking around my blog mocking everything I say

    Man, I needed this. I want to do it on my own blog but I’m too stupid and everyone I know reads it.

  10. SingleParentDad

    1. Your shit stinks and you can’t piss straight.
    2. Your mother wears a snow blower

    Oh, are these supposed to be things you would like to say, but haven’t?

    Shite, I’ve wielded 1 a few times, and Johny 5 beat me to number 2.

  11. Elizabeth Kaylene

    “Stop babbling about yourself. I don’t care how much weight you’ve gained or lost. You lost my respect the second you pretty much told me I will never amount to anything. As far as I am concerned, we share no blood.”

    Someday, I actually am going to say that.

  12. Avitable

    Amanda, I’m sorry but you’re creepy! 😀

    Shamelessly Sassy, I know some people I could say that to.

    Paige, use them!

    Valerie, you’ve lost me. Do you mean against Margashit?

    Marty, it’s so true. Heh.

    Kim, you have a situation?

    Karen, gutted hedgehog basket? BWAHAHA!

    Fantastagirl, I know someone who I should say that to, as well.

    Jennifer, that seems like it could apply to many recent college grads, too.

    Breigh, well, maybe I might have lied a bit about some of them not being about people who read this.

    Kiefer and Emo, was this when you dated Sophia Loren?

    Liquid, it’s true. New disclaimer: If you read this, it might be about you!

    Sarah, face-punching is a lost art, it’s true.

    Carolyn, that is Postsecret worthy!

    Lynda, there are a lot of people who don’t stand up for themselves who should.

    Hilly, thief! Absconder! Scoundrel!

    Crystal, only the really bad ones.

    Sybil, I encourage thievery in all forms.

    SciFi Dad, well, fine. They’re all about you!

    Britt, damn it. You ruined the illusion of safety that people could feel!

    Whall, that made me laugh. Nice.

    Robin, well, they’re not all about one person.

    NYCWD, and you know me – I’m totally passive aggressive!

    John, ha!

    S, doesn’t that feel better now?

    Grant, yours were pretty damn interesting.

    Finn, maybe that’s true, but I totally didn’t know it.

    Jay, that’s no way to talk to your dog.

    Lexi, that’s when you have to resort to face-punching.

    Hallie, Michael Chiklis?

    Moosh, you are a total illusion-destroyer.

    Chris, that should apply to thousands of people.

    Liz, do you still post on your other blog?

    Popping Bubbles, steal it and make it your own.

    Sheila, but I was talking about you!

    Stephanie, I love your #4.

    Janelle, all 10 of them are about you! 😀

    Becky, I wish I could tell people that their babies were ugly.

    SPD, did you just make a Short Circuit quote?

    GrandeMocha, I’ve said that to people. And I meant it.

    Dawn, yes, yes they are.

    Ginger, go ahead and do it!

    Elizabeth, whoa.

    Poppy, and they’re not! And if I wore pants, I’d look hot in them.

    Atomic Bombshell, sociopathic tendences have a bad reputation.

    Jen, punching seems to be a theme in the comments here.

    Jess, you’re saying that to Dog the Bounty Hunter, aren’t you?

    Theresa, save them for your last day of work.

  13. Becca

    Sometimes, only sometimes, the world does not revolve around you.

    It does not matter to me that we are family, because it never mattered to you.

    That part where they said we were supposed to receive unconditional love from our parents, that was a great big damn lie!!!

    Thanks Avitable, that was rather cathartic! :finger:

  14. Rachael

    1. I don’t trust you, think you are a liar and a bum, and wish my friend would divorce you.

    2. You have an anger problem and you need to go to therapy even if your husband won’t support you.

    3. I am so much smarter than you. Shut up.

  15. Gina

    1. You are a complete b*tch and I will not feel remotely bad if you go to jail for being a [literal] whore. F*ck you.

    2. You need to listen to Jesus’ teachings if you are going to proclaim to be a Christian and FORGIVE. Being hateful is NOT Christian.

    3. You are exhausting me!

    4. Wake up! We are f’ing perfect for each other! Open your eyes!

    5. I am afraid of hurting you.

    6. I regret what happened between us and wish I could erase it from reality entirely.

    7. I miss the friendship we once had.

    8. Stop being such a nosey, negative person!

    9. My cat doesn’t like you this says a lot more than you may realize.

    10. Why are you friends with someone you know has been hateful and horrible to me (and when I do not deserve her wrath)?!

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