A conversation with a friend reminded me of this story, which I should have told several months ago but never got around to it.
Late one December night, coming home from Britt’s, I had to stop by our corner Walgreens for toilet paper. I walked in and stopped at the massive tower of boxes of candy canes that capped one of the aisles. About four boxes deep and stretching almost all of the way to the ceiling, the tower called to me. Amy loves candy canes, so I thought that I’d pick up a box for her to eat and use to decorate the tree simultaneously.
The tower was too tall to reach the top, so the only way to get a box was to pull it from the bottom. The bottom was at least four boxes deep and had at least ten boxes side by side, so I just chose the middle bottom one, pulled it out, and continued down the aisle to get to the toilet paper.
As I turned the corner, I saw a little old lady who couldn’t have been younger than 80, clutching her basket like one of the fourteen cats she undoubtedly kept at home, walk up to the display, apparently contemplating a candy cane purchase. I hadn’t stepped more than one step out of sight when I heard it.
“KKEEEEERASHAMBOOOM!”
Peering around the corner, I saw the old lady almost completely buried in candy cane boxes. One foot stuck out of the pile, reminiscent of the Wicked Witch meeting the business end of Dorothy’s house. As I watched, dumbstruck, two managers ran up and began to help her to her feet. Her hair wild, glasses askew, looking as if she and the resident lothario down at the rest home had just bumped uglies, she seemed very disoriented. Much like one had just been struck on or about the head by hundreds of boxes.
I quickly grabbed the toilet paper, snuck around the back of the store, and checked out.
***
In other Avita-news, tonight at 9 PM is another new episode of “Clearly, You’re Retarded”! LOST finale, SHMLOST shminale!
Tonight’s topic: Are we a shallow nation?
Does someone who’s attractive get more opportunities than someone who’s ugly? Is that fair or right? Do you give someone who’s dressed nicely more credit than someone who’s not? Does dressing up affect your own attitude and personality?
If you listen live, you can join everyone in the chatroom where there is usually a lively discussion going on that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. You can create an account at Talkshoe and download the Talkshoe Pro software or just listen as a guest. I recommend downloading the Talkshoe Pro software because even though it still has problems, it seems like the problems are more minimal with it. Hope to see you there!
Compartmentalizing
Hey little girl, want some candy?
You know you’re a Redneck Mommy when
:lmao: :lmao:
WHY did you not take pictures of this?!
And woohoo – show! :woohoo:
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@Sybil Law, I was too busy escaping!
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FIRST!
It’s been ages since I’ve been first! :sexytime:
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@Sybil Law, it’s something to which everyone should aspire.
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Ha ha! Love your story…so sounds like something I would do (esp. the “going on my merry way” part). I figure right about now I will be struck by lightning!
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@Allison, I’m surprised that I haven’t yet.
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Twitter: blondefabulous
says:
:lmao:
mas3: :lmao:
I can see that happening!
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@Blondefabulous, so did their security cameras, I’m sure.
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A friend’s uncle once took one of the bottom gallons from a pyramid display of adhesives/solvents/something. The display crashed, many gallons opened, and the store had to be evacuated.
He *did not* leave the store looking as if he’d been bumping uglies with anybody.
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@delmer, he stayed? Brave man.
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Candy canes are ace, candy cane towers that bury old ladies, genius.
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@SingleParentDad, if only I’d planned it!
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I’m sure you did that on purpose. The Kandy Kane Killer strikes again!
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@Grant, you made the acronym like that on purpose, didn’t you?
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
You should have been all like “Hey, Lady! Why don’t ya leave some for the rest of us!”
Or like “Hey, Lady! Whatcha got back home? A sweet tooth the size of yer ass?”
Or even “Hey, Lady! If ya want to suck on something, why don’t you suck on…”
Nevermind that last one. Okay?
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@B.E. Earl, well, I did say that last one, but even before she buried herself.
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
You’re such a liar. You totally helped her. Right? RIGHT?!!
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@Faiqa, ummm…
/looks away
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Twitter: s_csr
says:
:sexytime:
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@Sheila (Charm School Reject), that’s not even a real comment, Wonder Whore!
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
Nice one, don’t tell me you hadn’t secretly hoped something like that would happen.
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@Robin, it hadn’t even occurred to me! I wish.
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This totally sounds like an interesting show and I think I’ve guessed correctly regarding who is taking which side. Which means I may halfway agree with both of you. We shall see!
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@Hilly, in the end you knew I was right, even if you didn’t make it through the whole show, right?
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Ha ha, that’s probably the most action she’s seen in awhile. What an exciting (if not terrifying) day for her!
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@cat, well, I don’t think the candy canes had sex with her, so she didn’t get that much action.
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Twitter: perpstu
says:
BWAHAHAHAHA! :clap: :lmao:
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@Popping Bubbles, :angel:
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I’m getting some strange looks from my co-workers right now. That was a good laugh. Thanks for that.
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@lydia, anytime. That’s what I’m here for.
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You will be eating ice cream cones with Hitler in hell. No question about it.
P.S. – there is no ice cream in hell. : )
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@John, but it was an accident! Doesn’t that count for something?
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HAHA! That’s awesome.
I love your topic for tonight… should be a good conversation.
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@dawn, it was. Did you listen?
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I am sooooo giggling about you slinking out of the store with the TP under your arm.
I don’t think it’s restricted to the USA–there are studies that show ‘attractive ‘ people are given preferential treatment–hence the moniker ‘attractive’
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@Turnbaby, it’s not whether or not they receive preferential treatment – it’s whether or not it’s okay. And I say yes!
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i probably would have done the same thing!
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@ed, it seemed the only prudent action.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
This story reminds me of a really dirty cartoon I read in Playboy when I was a kid.
:sex014:
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@Poppy, I don’t even want to know!
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Twitter: poppycede
, May 17th, 2009: 7:06 PM
@Avitable: That, my friend, is a first.
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I’m disappointed that you didn’t get involved in some way.
And when I first read this it sounded like in all of the commotion you snuck out of the store without paying for your toilet paper.
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@Jason, I did get involved! I caused it.
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I laughed so hard I think a little bit of wee came out!
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@Lee Brookes, wee? Are you a four-year old girl?
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@Avitable, If you want me to be there better be some fudge brownies in it :boobs3:
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@lee brookes, and a sucker, too!
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@Avitable, for a sucker as well I want puppies
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