Morality is subjective

Memorial Day – Dead Soldiers Only Need Apply

Happy Memorial Day, everyone. What’s Memorial Day again? Well, it’s like Veteran’s Day, except instead of honoring the survivors, we’re honoring the ones who died. Why haven’t we merged these two holidays into one by now? I mean, it’s not like the soldiers killed in action can be in the parades, unless it’s Zombie Memorial Day, in which case, they’ll be trawling for brains instead of sitting in a parade.

So let’s just have one holiday for both the survivors and KIAs. It can be on a Sunday, so that way we don’t lose another day of mail delivery, banks being open, and another day of work. I mean, these are all American ideals that these men and women sacrificed for, and to have a day where businesses and the government is closed seems counter-intuitive. And we don’t want to single out either group, so we’ll come up with a new name that covers both of them. I suggest “Big Stick Diplomacy Day” or “War Day”. Or maybe “The Government Doesn’t Support or Protect Me Nearly As Much As I’ve Supported and Protected It Day”.

Have I mentioned that I hate stupid holidays that shorten the workweek and fuck everything up?

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75 Replies to “Memorial Day – Dead Soldiers Only Need Apply”

  1. Shash

    I’d normally agree with you, but this holiday makes the days left in school for me 9 instead of 10, and Summer just that much closer. So I’ll take it, thankyouverymuch!

    A zombie parade? If I wouldn’t be so afraid for my life, that would be cool to see! 🙂

  2. Grant

    I never got off Veteran’s Day, even being a vet, and now I don’t get off Memorial Day, so they can just cancel both for all I care. If I have to go to work, I want the post office delivering my NetFlix discs and the local Asian restaurants to be ready to serve me rice. Oh, wait, most of them do stay open for all holidays. Feckin’ heathens.

  3. Janna

    Better yet, we could condense all the holidays into one and just call it “Everything Day.”

    People could wear stupid costumes and eat turkey and look for groundhog shadows and give presents and kiss the blarney stone and send annoying heart-shaped cards and do patriotic junk and save the environment and take their daughter to work and talk like a pirate.

    Hallmark might have a problem with it, but who cares.

  4. RebTurtle

    I’d say something like, “You really crossed the line,” but if that were the case your life would be like driving down a highway with horizontal stripes. When everything you say is offensive, eventually those of us that are left have been desensitized. Someday someone is going to strap you down in a chair and purify your brain “Clockwork Orange” style.

      • Lin

        @Avitable, I’m fairly sure the banks being open and mail delivery are not the American ideals that soldiers fight and die for. Again, I’m torn between being offended and not offended. I’ve read your blog long enough to have an idea of who you are (or as well as one can through a blog). Living on an Army base, being married to an Army soldier, seeing firsthand what it’s like to when someone loses a husband, son, soldier… I guess maybe this post of yours hit me closer to home than others. That’s all.

        • Avitable

          @Lin, well, they fought for the ideals of capitalism and democracy, so shutting down capitalism and suspending government functions seems intuitive.

          What’s offensive? I didn’t say that they don’t deserve our respect, just that having two days – one for the survivors and one for the KIA, seems redundant and inefficient. Shit, Independence Day should just cover any and all military holidays.

  5. SciFi Dad

    In Canada, November 11 is called Remembrance Day, and covers both surviving and fallen soldiers.

    However, we celebrate Queen Victoria’s birthday every year in May so as to not miss out on a stat.

  6. Princess of the Universe

    I have to say, you’re the only person I’ve ever heard of who doesn’t like long weekends…bizarre.
    And yeah – what SciFi Dad said – Remembrance Day – on one specific day (November 11), so it doesn’t even necessarily constitute a long weekend.

  7. cat

    Sorry, Adam… I think the only peeps who will agree with you on having fewer holidays are fellow employers ; ) But I definitely agree that it’s odd there are two separate days… there should be one Gratitude Day… thanks for risking your life or giving up your life for the country. That would cover the dead and the living.

  8. Cissa Fireheart

    As the wife a military member, and former military myself, I have friends & family who *have* died and so this holiday, to me, is respectful. Change the day or not, it still should be honored. I am slightly offended that you think that the dead and live veterans should all be rolled into one day. It’s disrespectful for both. The men and women who have fought, lost their lives, and some who have come home injured so badly, they did that to protect so many freedoms that you have taken for granted, it’s sick. We all take it for granted.

    You should feel honored that these men and women have made it so that you can say the things you do, when they can’t have that day off, or run a business, or see their families and enjoy a day off of work when they have worked so hard. Shame on you for thinking it’s just a day off. It’s much more than that, and you should be respectful. We ALL should be. Because in reality today is not given the respect it should be.

    -end angry Navy Wife rant-

    I’m kinda torn. In a sense, from a business perspective, I see your point. But seeing as I haven’t had a paid legal holiday from *my* company since Christmas, I’ll take this day off and not complain.

    But I still think today AND Veterans Day are still important for this country. They are days we should remember *why* we have what we have. And be thankful we are still alive to honor those who have served.

    • Avitable

      @Cissa Fireheart, we only need one fucking day to do so. Honoring soldiers is honoring soldiers, regardless whether or not they died or made it out alive. Two days is ridiculous. Where’s the day off for cops or firefighters or EMTs? Where’s the day off for school teachers?

      And making it so that it’s a pseudo-holiday, where some people get the day off and others don’t, is just stupid. The government should be open during holidays like this.

  9. B.E. Earl

    I think we should have a day off every week to celebrate those who have served our country. Soldiers, teachers, police, firefighters, ice-cream vendors…all of them.

    But really only because I like long weekends.

  10. Susan

    Flag Day. Forth of July.
    What the hell is Labor Day.
    Washington’s Birthday, Lincoln’s Birthday and Presidents Day.
    Columbus Day- He didn’t even land in America.

  11. Fantastagirl

    I disagree with you – but then – that shouldn’t surprise you.

    Memorial Day matters… not only to me, but to many people who have lost loved ones in the military…. and Veterans Day matters…

    Please tell me you are just ticked off that you have to pay your employees – btw there is nothing that says you have to give this day to your employees as a paid day off. You aren’t a public company, or a entity of the City, County, State or Federal division… just give up your boss of the year award, and make it an work day – or they can take a day of vacation, if they don’t want to work.

    So what if your employees think you are an ass – the rest of the internet already does!

  12. Andrew

    I enjoy knowing that as a currently deployed soldier, that if I were to be killed in action, that I have given you the right to speak your mind and minimize and sacrifices of over 1 million fallen soldiers since the birth of our nation. We might as well just combine the holidays considering no one really wants to attend a zombie parade anyway. Thanks.

    • Avitable

      @Andrew, while I appreciate your dedication to your country, I’ll say an opinion that I’m sure will be very unpopular. Unless you or any soldier fought in World War II or an earlier war, your dedication to the US military has nothing to do with protecting freedom or our “American way of life”. It has to do with imperialism, and with our military being mistreated and used to fight wars because we have presidents who want to have a dick-measuring contest. I might even argue that our local police, firefighters, and medical personnel are the ones protecting our way of life.

      I would never serve in our military. I’m not nationalistic and I don’t see the point. However, every death is regrettable, and anyone who dies in any type of service deserves remembrance, as do the people who still continue to serve. That’s why a day like Canada’s “Remembrance Day” makes much more sense.

      Besides, the zombies. Everyone knows that with Obama in office, nobody will be allowed to buy shotguns and then we’ll all be screwed because we won’t be able to go for the heads.

      • Andrew


        Your opinion is yours to be had. Go for it. Your blog clearly states that tact is for pussies, indeed. I am not always a tactful person. But you are an American as well, and my service is to OUR country, not just mine. The comment you make pays no respect or homage to the WWII vets that you support either. All I would ask is in one instance, when it comes to the remembrance of soldiers from any era, that one would use a little, just a little tact. Please do not make light of those who have died; many in terrible, horrific, and painful deaths in service of our national interests. Interests that you may disapprove of. Again, that is fine. Go for it. I am anti-war as well. I have been three times. It sucks. I don’t agree with it all either, but i have a basis in which to formulate such strong opinions, as I am here. Since I am just a tool of an imperialist war-machine I will not expect your support. I will continue to do my duty. I will serve the constitution and the people. My fallen comrades, past, present or future do not deserve your disrespect. They did their duty.

        • Avitable

          @Andrew, I didn’t see anywhere that I was disrespectful. It’s not disrespectful to have a sense of humor about a topic. My grandfather passed away, and he had a Purple Heart. Still made a zombie joke there, too.

          In fact, I even wrote a post making light of Caylee Anthony’s death, who was a three-year old girl. She was someone who didn’t willingly sign herself up for something where she knew she might be injured or killed. Why would I take it easy on anyone?

          Once again, I respect the decision of people to join the military. I respect the service to their country. And I haven’t said anything contrary to that.

          • Andrew


            My mistake. I should have picked up on the subtleties of your initial post. I surely didn’t read it that way.

            After having seen people, not just soldiers, but Iraqi children, men, women, Afghanis, Kosovars, Serbs, and Albanians shredded by artillery, sniped, beheaded, and blown to pieces by suicide bombers, I have a hard time accepting jokes about such a topic as a death. When we bury our loved ones after they lived a long full life, we celebrate their memory. We tend to come to terms with it pretty fast. I would expect someone who lives in a time of constant world-wide warfare vicariously to be able to become de-sensitized and poke fun. Truth is that there is nothing worth joking about when children are mutilated by land mines, co-workers bodies wrecked by shrapnel, or innocent people slaughtered while they are shopping for today’s produce. Seeing a human being turned into something reminiscent of roadkill is horrific and makes the absolute worst horror film pale in comparison. It even makes for a worse “topic” for someones sense of humor.

            I am sure that I will not get through in any way, but it has been a successful way to pass an evening here.

            As for the zombies and shotguns, make sure you have one before the law goes into effect.

          • Andrew

            BTW, If I could pay one compliment; I do enjoy the comment while I wait for the post to submit. Very funny. It is in keeping with the nature of your site.

          • Avitable

            @Andrew, I’ll concede that you’ve seen worse things than I have. However, you can’t tell me that there aren’t plenty of people with you who don’t use a morbid sense of humor to deal with what they see. My mother’s sense of humor is the only thing that keeps her sane when patients die on the table.

            Thanks for commenting and giving your opinion. Any reasonable voice, even one of dissent, is always welcome.

  13. whall

    It will be a dark day in history when, once all our guns are gone, many of our males are on ridalin, and 75% of Americans are on the gov’t teat (instead of 50% now), that America becomes ripe for invasion and takeover by China, Soviets, Koreans, or Iran.

    But that darkness will be lightened a little bit from the small sliver of glee I will experience while I see you experience a tinge of guilt for shitting on our veterans in days past.

      • whall

        @Avitable, I used profanity? holy CRAP! That just goes to show you the extent to which our world is crumbling. Up next, Venkman discusses possible trends of canine/feline cohabitation.

        By combining the honorifics, you essentially take something significant away from each of them, in effect dissing both groups. The gratitude set aside (recognition) for members of our society willing to serve our country, defend the constitution and lay down their life (human sacrifice, as also foreshadowed by Venkman) is called Veterans Day. Separately, the gratitude for those that _actually have_ given their lives for our country is called Memorial Day.

        To me, Veterans Day is a joyous & respectful pat-on-the-back combined with “Hey, soldier, thanx for keeping us free!”

        To me, Memorial Day is a somber & serious hand-on-the-widows-shoulder combined with “Solder, we will NEVER forget the price you paid for our freedom.”

        I, for one, will never choose to do the disservice to either of these groups by asking them to reduce their allotted gratitude by half. They are separate. They are sacred.

        As mentioned above, you don’t need to participate in the “day off” aspect for your business. You choose to. And the simple ability to have a choice is something I think you take for granted when you express your views against guns and complaining about 2 holidays in this post. Did Ray have a choice when he was supposed to have an empty mind? I don’t think so.

          • whall

            @Avitable, Maybe we should combine Mother’s Day and Father’s Day into one and make it “Parent’s Day.”

            Maybe we should combine Saturday and Sunday together to make it “Weekendday.”

            And now you’re suggesting we combine your radio show with my pool league. THAT’S TAKING IT TOO FAR!!!!


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