Yesterday, David Carradine was found dead, hanging in his closet. Today, I present you with a very special interview that took place almost immediately before the Kung Fu master committed suicide.
Me: Hi, Bill.
DC: Please don’t call me that.
Me: Caine?
DC: No.
Me: Shane?
DC: No. Those are characters. I am simply (waves his hand) David.
Me: Will you at least call me grasshopper?
DC: Asshopper is more like it.
Me: Now that we’ve dispensed with the pleasantries, let’s get to the interview. Were you glad that Quentin Tarantino gave you a chance to be relevant to anyone under the age of 40?
DC: What?
Me: I mean, none of us who were born in the 70s or later ever watched “Kung Fu”. There was that new show, “Kung Fu: The Legend Continues”, starring that other guy, but it was on USA or something and total cheese. Until Kill Bill, nobody my generation knew who the hell you were.
DC: I’ve been in hundreds of movies and television shows, though.
Me: Yeah, that’s true, but c’mon. I’d never even heard of “Shane” before I looked up your profile on IMDB. And with the exception of random guest appearances on popular television shows, you haven’t exactly shown up in high quality material.
DC: I was nominated for an Emmy for “Kung Fu” and a Golden Globe for “Kill Bill”!
Me: Nominated, but didn’t win. That’s like being someone’s second choice for a prom date.
DC: You are an insufferable young man.
Me: I’m not seeing a crack in the laid-back, lackadaisical David Carradine attitude, am I?
DC: Fuck off, you’re baiting me.
Me: I’m just trying to figure out why you squandered your new fame after Kill Bill. John Travolta was a has-been, too, and Pulp Fiction led to his Golden Globe win for Get Shorty, plus some excellent roles in Primary Colors, the Thin Red Line and Be Cool (we’ll forget about Battlefield Earth). You went from Kill Bill to an animated movie called “Hair High”? Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?
DC: (sobs) YES, OKAY? I’m too laid-back! I just take whatever comes along, and hang out in Thailand and have nothing but Buddhist teachings and auto-erotic asphyxiation to keep me happy. My film career just pays for my opium habit.
Me: That’s what I thought. Looks like it’s suicide again for you!
DC: What? (looks at me crazily)
Me: Oh, it’s just a quote from The Simpsons. Moe gets rescued by a gay man and says that it looks like his only out is suicide “again”.
DC: Get out! (sobs furiously)
Me: Thank you for the interview. I hope this is only a valley for you and that you still have a peak left in your career. I mean, I know it’s unlikely and all, but still, I hope it works out for you and people actually remember your name.
DC: OUT!
(Enjoy this? Check out my other interviews: Stephen Hawking and Caylee Anthony.)
Enjoy this post? Try these:My Interview with that Chinese guy who killed all the kids.
My Interview with John Lennon
My Interview with Adolf Hitler
Twitter: Faiqa
says:
1- I knew who David Carradine was before Kill Bill and I’m roughly the same age as you. He was relevant to those of us who watched quality 70s television when we were kids. Or whose parents refused to get cable.
2- Oh, God, hahahaha @ “asshopper.” Is that your subtle way of finally coming out of the closet?
3- lackadaisical? Really? Just because you know what that word means doesn’t mean you should use it. That was pompous, even for you.
4- I love my new commenting format, don’t you? (I realize this is *just* they type of shit that pisses you off.
5- You’re welcome.
6- I miss you. :heartbeat:
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@Faiqa, 1- I thought your parents were awesome? What type of awesome parents don’t get cable?
2- Yes. Want to go get your nails done with me?
3- Lackadaisical is a very common word. What’s pompous about it?
4- I don’t mind this style of commenting. Clearly you have a lot to say and it’s not like you have some venue of your own with which to express yourself.
5- No, you’re welcome.
6- Lunch again soon?
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do you only interview dead people cus if they were still alive they would sue? Can you interview my computer next and ask it why it keeps crashing in the middle if important PAM trades?
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@bluepaintred, what’s the fun of interviewing them when everyone else does? And your computer says that it’s too much porn.
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I remember Kung Fu! WTF?!
Loved him.
(Still – funny. Simpson’s quotes make it all better…)
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@Sybil Law, you do remember it? When it aired?
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@Avitable, I was born in 1971, and the show was on ’72- ’75, so yes – I actually do remember it! I watched it with my brother in the living room, when we made a fort. I specifically remember “Grasshopper”.
You fucking youngins…..
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@Sybil Law, ooh, you’re OLD! :lmao:
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Now Michael Hutchence won’t have to use a belt to choke himself; he and David can take turns strangling each other in heaven.
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@Ron, I forgot that that’s how the lead singer of INXS died!
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In his defense, shooting Uma Thurman in the head is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of role; there’s really no uphill from there.
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@Jay, that’s a good point. Clearly, it was all downhill from there.
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It creeps me out that people go and hang themselves. I feel as if people should be way more creative with the whole situation.
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@Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy, I agree. Hanging is so 1800s.
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First thing Dh said was ‘Yup, auto-erotic asphxyiation.’ and it was pretty damn obvious (even to me). Cause I just don’t think like that. Well, unless they find you ‘that way’.
:poke:
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@Mari, if you’re going to go, that’s the way to do it.
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I saw every episode of “Kung Fu” at least twice…but that’s true of everything they ran on the SuperStation….
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@Alex, I saw several episodes in reruns, too. I also watched Full House, though, so there’s no accounting for taste when I was a kid.
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Twitter: Kapgar
says:
Bait! Bait! Bait! Bait! Bait!
Great interview. You should be proud.
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@kapgar, I was just being an investigative journalist, like every blogger should.
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Twitter: bubblewench
says:
You’re making me feel old. I watched Kung Fu when it was on the first time!
Great interview!
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@bubblewench, man, how old are you?
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I’m with Mari… that’s the first thing I thought of… it was definitely some sort of kinky sex act gone wrong. I mean, c’mon… Thailland. That’s where all the freaks go to get their kicks.
Nice interview. How fortuitous you were able to snag one ; )
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@cat, I know. I was lucky to get in there like that. Right before he offed himself.
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Asshopper is my maiden name
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@furiousball, from the Derbyshire Asshoppers?
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
I only knew who he was before Kill Bill because I had a friend in high school who was obsessed (seriously) with the new Kung Fu or rather the younger guy in it. I mean, really, she had problems so what does that say for his fans? Granted, she wasn’t his fan she was a fan of the other dude.
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@Robin, I remember watching the new Kung Fu show. It was pretty bad.
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Maybe his death will give him a sort of Jimmy Dean immortality.
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@Grant, the guy who makes the sausages?
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don’t put your limited tv knowledge on everyone else, fuckerton !
i watched kung fu with my mom!
(they’re now saying something about his hands being immobilized by the rope. foul play or PR spin?)
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@liquid, on reruns, you watched it!
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@Avitable, in reply to your post
i’m under 40
i knew who he was
i was also a fan.
i am also someone who watched the show (in re-run, NOT with a time machine) and some of his other works.
i’m sure there are lots of people who did too so you must have expected these kinds of responses when writing the post.
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@liquid, yeah, but you’re weird.
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death race 2000 is one of my all-time favorite movies. he played frankenstein.
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@carla, maybe I’ll have to watch that.
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So so wrong in a totally right way.
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@BOSSY, that’s me in a nutshell.
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Twitter: nycwatchdog
says:
You know, you could be held liable for his suicide if this conversation happened on MySpace.
Since it was in person though, you should be all good.
Or are you?
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@NYCWD, I may have just opened myself up to a ton of liability!
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You’ll get yours in the afterlife, my son.
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@always home and uncool, as long as it’s not a naked masturbating David Carradine.
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@Avitable, Actually, he’s just take you from behind.
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@always home and uncool, I’m not a small Thai boy, so I think I’m safe.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
Did my earlier comment get caught in your spam blocker?
Kudos if it did. It was fucking filled with spam. Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam…
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@B.E. Earl, actually, it must have disappeared into the void. What did you say?
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You are an insufferable young man.
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@John, moi?
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BBBWWWWAAAHAHAHAHA!
Now that’s some funny stuff right there.
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@rory, thanks for the visit and comment.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
So did he die of auto-erotic asphyxiation, or what?
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@Poppy, I left after the interview. So I don’t know!
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to see Carradine at his best, you must watch “Death Race 2000″ :violent018:
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@Fantasy Writer Guy, that sounds strange that you must see Death Race 2000 to see the best of anything.
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
1. You forgot to pimp your interview with MLK’s ghost
2. I was born in 70′s and knew him way before Kill Bill. But yeah, reruns.
3. I like-ah Faiqa’s comment style
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@whall, you’re right! How did I forget that one? Thanks.
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