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Avitable’s rules for life

I’ve had this post idea from a post by Tracy in my drafts for a long time. Simply put, she came up with her rules for life. And now here are mine:

1. The world needs garbage men and house cleaners. It’s not classism or economic discrimination to pay people to do jobs that you wouldn’t do. It’s how the world works.

2. Everyone has an infinite capacity to love, and you will never run out of love for one person by loving another.

3. Once you realize that I’m almost always right, and that I’ve thought of everything, things will be much easier for all of us.

4. There’s no such thing as putting too much effort into proving a point.

5. Funny trumps all.

6. Everyone will disappoint you at least once in your life. Forgive them. It’s when it becomes a habit that you need to cut them out of your life.

7. Controlling your situation is the best way to make sure that you’re not caught unawares. “Winging it” is a good way to make sure that you end up looking like an idiot.

8. Words only have as much power as you give them. If you ignore them, they will lose all effectiveness.

9. No matter how bad things are for you, there’s always someone else out there who is worse. Look for the positive aspects first.

What are your rules for life?

(Once again, no radio show tonight. We’re still trying to recover!)

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114 Replies to “Avitable’s rules for life”

  1. Just Me

    Ugh…Im dealing with number 6….well all of these rules are the rules of my life as well…..but it still hurts.

    Heh, hi. I don’t comment much but well….hi 🙂

  2. Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy

    Oddly enough, I think I already use most of your rules for my life. Here are a few of my own:

    1.) TV does not rot your brain. If someone says it does, they aren’t watching enough.

    2.) If someone/life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt them in their eyes. Lemons make awesome weapons.

    3.) While you should respect your elders, you should not respect elderly assholes.

    4.) Ignore anyone that says you can not or will not do something. Unless it’s a law, then it is generally best to follow.

    5.) If someone goes on about a subject for too long, direct the conversation to poop. They will either shut up or find a new subject.

    6.) Never get drunk without knowing where you will sleep, how you will get there, etc.

    7.) There is no room in my life for toxic friends or people without a sense of humor.

    8.) If you can’t love someone, don’t pretend like you can.

    9.) When the going gets tough, crying is allowed. not publicly, but still.

    10.) Be nice to stupid people. They really just have no idea.

  3. bluepaintred

    7. Controlling your situation is the best way to make sure that you’re not caught unawares.

    and that’s fine until the part where you have to be in control of everything starts controlling YOU. When the thought of doing something spontaneous, something that hasn’t been planned days in advance, with lists and notes and research, terrifies you and sends you off to the corner where you hyperventilate.

    so. There’s that.

  4. Kiefer and Emo

    1. Assume everyone is smart/cool/well-intentioned/nice until they prove otherwise. Then throw them off the bus, spit on them, kill their friends and salt the ground you buried them in.

    2. When it’s 10 o’clock in Chicago, it’s 11 o’clock in New York.

    3. If you wait long enough, someone else will step up and be the idiot du jour.

    4. Sometimes the best answer is “I dunno.”

    5. Don’t let anybody live in your head rent free.

    6. If you screw up, blame it on Kiefer

  5. harmzie

    – Being yourself is easier than keeping up with the masks.

    – People are more inclined to tolerate stupidity, ignorance, and basic fuck-ups if they like you.

    – Even if you’re not stupid or ignorant, you’re going to fuck up (something). It’s best to have someone there who will tolerate it.

    – People are more inclined to like you if you make them laugh a little.

    – Respect and likeablity are not mutually exclusive.

    – Fear and respect are not the same thing.

    Umm… apparently I have a thing about needing to be liked. Did you like that?

  6. Faiqa

    I agree with these *so* much it scares me. These are MY rules, too, and I couldn’t have said it better. I think it’s why I like you so much, too.

    Still, #3 should be modified to “Once you realize Faiqa is right…”

    Nevertheless, well done.

  7. Jenn

    #1 You deserve the treatment you accept.
    #2 You have to laugh at yourself.
    #3 There is no excuse for being unprepared.
    #4 Stupid should be painful and emit some type of odor.

  8. Hilly

    1.) Free your mind and the rest will follow.
    2.) Try to enjoy the here and now…the future will take care of itself somehow.
    3.) Live and let die.

    You think I’m kidding using song lyrics but actually, not so much. 😉

  9. Blondefabulous

    Be careful what you wish for… you may get it in spades!

    Try to be the person your dog thinks you are.

    Don’t ever think you aren’t a role model for you kids. They see EVERYTHING!

    Love like you know you’re dying tomorrow.

    After the year I’ve been having, I’m just trying to stick to these 4.

  10. Robin

    I love them all, especially 6. Everyone will disappoint you at least once in your life. Forgive them. It’s when it becomes a habit that you need to cut them out of your life. I think I may have to put that somewhere as a reminder.

  11. Jay

    1. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
    2. You’re responsible for raising your own kids.
    3. If you don’t like something don’t watch/read/listen to it.
    4. Don’t hit someone unless you’re sure they won’t get back up.
    5. If you screw up, it doesn’t make you weak to admit to it and apologize to anyone you might have hurt.
    6. If someone refuses to accept your apology it becomes their problem and you should just move on.
    7. Buy low and sell high.

    I might have to make this into a whole blog post of it’s own.

  12. Starfish

    Rule #1….I make the rules.
    Rule #2….I am the only one allowed to change the rules.
    Rule #3….I am the ruler of all things chocolate.
    Rule #4….Its all about me!
    Rule #5….I have the sole right to change any rule at any time and do not have to give an explanation or notify you in any way, you better just be aware that things will change and I am going thru menopause so get over it.
    Rule #6….Go Away don’t bother me.

  13. Jess

    It makes no difference how hard you try to stop it. You WILL sneeze. Cutting it off only means that it will happen later and at a point that is less advantageous. (I’m thinking this is much like farts. But I’m a chick. So I wouldn’t know. We don’t do that.)

  14. Fantasy Writer Guy

    Pretty good rules, overall. Here’s mine.

    1. No torture scenes allowed in movies.

    2. No barf scenes allowed in movies.

    3. No Sylvester Stallone allowed in movies.

    4. No bitching about other people’s behaviour allowed. Fix your own goddamn behaviour.

    5. No wiping your boogersnotses on the bathroom wall above the urinal. Who the fuck are you people who do that?? Avitable??

    6. No tribalism allowed. people are the same all over. And girls and boys are the same except one has a penis and one has a vagi-hoo-hoo.

    7. And no religion, too.

  15. chamblee54

    A few days ago I got a chain email. It was a list of 45 rules for life, written by a 90 yo lady in Cleveland OH. If she was so smart, what was she doing there?
    Anyway, the next day I wrote a reply.
    Today, I have been busy on a project, and did not look at your site until after midnight. It is probably too late to get comments on my rules for life. That is how the cookie crumbles.

  16. Marinka

    I so want to be the type of person who doesn’t like rules, but I like your rules. A lot. Not like crazy stalker a lot, but a lot.
    And I like that you didn’t bend to the pressure to have ten rules.

  17. muskrat

    1. When in doubt, fuck.
    2. Always wish for more wishes.
    3. Never bet on the white guy.
    4. Never date a woman with a dagger tattooed on her body.
    5. Never…no…always check your references.
    6. You don’t need a patch on your arm to have honor.
    7. “X” never marks the spot.
    8. No points for second place.
    9. In a pinch, get me Rex Kramer.
    10. Never be afraid to stand on your desk to stand up for someone you admire.

    Okay, none of these is original, but they’re good nonetheless.

  18. Stacey

    I really like #2. I’d say some of my rules for life are:

    1. Most things aren’t worth getting upset over. Stop, breathe, and think. If you’re not still furious, let it go.
    2. The more you love, the more likely you are to get hurt. Give all the love you can anyway.
    3. To enjoy life to the fullest you have to be ready to look silly every once in awhile.
    4. Everybody is cool to someone. Everybody is also uncool to someone.

    There are probably more but that’s the best I can do on a Saturday afternoon.

  19. Gina

    Rules for life (some of which I am still working on…):

    1) Action expresses priority [Look at your calendar – are you spending more time with your job than your kids? More time with your friends than your girlfriend? These are realities (actions) that express your priorities clearly].

    2) Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. (Oh how I need to learn this and stick to it…)

    3) The friends you can call at 2 in the morning in tears are your real friends.

    There are those rules I can think of now. I am sure there are way more. 🙂

  20. Dan

    I know I’m very late to this, but for some reason I’ve been thinking about this post a lot.

    Not as much as your dolphin porn post, that one’s got me through some dark lonely evenings, but still.

    The thing I’ve been thinking about is the funny trumps all rule. It’s something I saw Britt write a couple of times too.

    The problem i have with it is I don’t think it works. Because there is an issue surrounding “funny to who”. There are a lot of jokes that some people find funny, but others don’t find funny at all. racist jokes are a good example, but so are jokes made by playground bullies (of all ages) made at the vulnerable.

    Just because you make a joke that you and your contemporary’s find amusing, doesn’t mean to say that to someone else those comments aren’t psychologically damaging. And that surely can never be a good thing.

    The reason I’ve been thinking of it is that I initially agreed with you, and still do to some extent. And i can’t seem to rewrite it to fit my uncomfortableness with it. Because most jokes will offend someone, and that isn’t really a problem. It’s the ballance between offence/damage with freespeech/humour that I’m finding interesting I guess.

    I dunno 🙂

    • Avitable

      @Dan, “funny trumps all” doesn’t mean that you can say something hateful to someone and if it makes you laugh, it’s okay.

      It means that the person making the joke and the person who’s the subject of the joke both have to find it funny. And you can’t be mad at a joke made at your expense if it’s funny. Funny trumps all.

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