Avitable's rules for life
I've had this post idea from a post by Tracy in my drafts for a long time. Simply put, she came up with her rules for life. And now here are mine:
1. The world needs garbage men and house cleaners. It's not classism or economic discrimination to pay people to do jobs that you wouldn't do. It's how the world works.
2. Everyone has an infinite capacity to love, and you will never run out of love for one person by loving another.
3. Once you realize that I'm almost always right, and that I've thought of everything, things will be much easier for all of us.
4. There's no such thing as putting too much effort into proving a point.
5. Funny trumps all.
6. Everyone will disappoint you at least once in your life. Forgive them. It's when it becomes a habit that you need to cut them out of your life.
7. Controlling your situation is the best way to make sure that you're not caught unawares. "Winging it" is a good way to make sure that you end up looking like an idiot.
8. Words only have as much power as you give them. If you ignore them, they will lose all effectiveness.
9. No matter how bad things are for you, there's always someone else out there who is worse. Look for the positive aspects first.
What are your rules for life?
(Once again, no radio show tonight. We're still trying to recover!)
Posted in 
Ugh…Im dealing with number 6….well all of these rules are the rules of my life as well…..but it still hurts.
Heh, hi. I don't comment much but well….hi
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@Just Me, that is a hard rule, but it will be okay!
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heh and im the first one this time…who-da thunk?
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Oddly enough, I think I already use most of your rules for my life. Here are a few of my own:
1.) TV does not rot your brain. If someone says it does, they aren't watching enough.
2.) If someone/life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt them in their eyes. Lemons make awesome weapons.
3.) While you should respect your elders, you should not respect elderly assholes.
4.) Ignore anyone that says you can not or will not do something. Unless it's a law, then it is generally best to follow.
5.) If someone goes on about a subject for too long, direct the conversation to poop. They will either shut up or find a new subject.
6.) Never get drunk without knowing where you will sleep, how you will get there, etc.
7.) There is no room in my life for toxic friends or people without a sense of humor.
8.) If you can't love someone, don't pretend like you can.
9.) When the going gets tough, crying is allowed. not publicly, but still.
10.) Be nice to stupid people. They really just have no idea.
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@Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy, poop is the great equalizer.
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7. Controlling your situation is the best way to make sure that you're not caught unawares.
and that's fine until the part where you have to be in control of everything starts controlling YOU. When the thought of doing something spontaneous, something that hasn't been planned days in advance, with lists and notes and research, terrifies you and sends you off to the corner where you hyperventilate.
so. There's that.
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@bluepaintred, then you're not controlling it anymore, are you?
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1. Assume everyone is smart/cool/well-intentioned/nice until they prove otherwise. Then throw them off the bus, spit on them, kill their friends and salt the ground you buried them in.
2. When it's 10 o'clock in Chicago, it's 11 o'clock in New York.
3. If you wait long enough, someone else will step up and be the idiot du jour.
4. Sometimes the best answer is "I dunno."
5. Don't let anybody live in your head rent free.
6. If you screw up, blame it on Kiefer
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@Kiefer and Emo, I already blame everything on Kiefer.
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- Being yourself is easier than keeping up with the masks.
- People are more inclined to tolerate stupidity, ignorance, and basic fuck-ups if they like you.
- Even if you're not stupid or ignorant, you're going to fuck up (something). It's best to have someone there who will tolerate it.
- People are more inclined to like you if you make them laugh a little.
- Respect and likeablity are not mutually exclusive.
- Fear and respect are not the same thing.
Umm… apparently I have a thing about needing to be liked. Did you like that?
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@harmzie, nothing wrong with needing to be liked. I'm the same way.
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Hmmm. I have to think about that.
I really like 5&8 though.
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@Ashleigh, I have Britt to thank for the wording for #5.
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I agree with these *so* much it scares me. These are MY rules, too, and I couldn't have said it better. I think it's why I like you so much, too.
Still, #3 should be modified to "Once you realize Faiqa is right…"
Nevertheless, well done.
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@Faiqa, how about "Once you realize Faiqa and Adam are both right"?
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Really need to get you a trackback link.
http://misfitduck.com/archives/1316
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@DaDuck, I'm working on a redesign.
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Poppy's rule for life: Live yours, and let others live theirs.
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@Poppy, that can be hard when people's lives are intertwined.
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And #9 is so much the truth. :-/
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@Poppy, that's how I've always looked at it.
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Nine out of ten people you meet exist solely for the purpose of getting in your way.
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@SciFi Dad, I'd even go as high as nine and a half!
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#1 You deserve the treatment you accept.
#2 You have to laugh at yourself.
#3 There is no excuse for being unprepared.
#4 Stupid should be painful and emit some type of odor.
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@Jenn, stupid people should definitely have an odor or be painted purple or something.
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Wow.
It is both affirming to see how much progress I have made with you and a little overwhelming to see how much work there is still left to do.
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@Miss Britt, you'd better get to work on me!
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1.) Free your mind and the rest will follow.
2.) Try to enjoy the here and now…the future will take care of itself somehow.
3.) Live and let die.
You think I'm kidding using song lyrics but actually, not so much.
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@Hilly, how about "When I think about you, I touch myself"?
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Be careful what you wish for… you may get it in spades!
Try to be the person your dog thinks you are.
Don't ever think you aren't a role model for you kids. They see EVERYTHING!
Love like you know you're dying tomorrow.
After the year I've been having, I'm just trying to stick to these 4.
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@Blondefabulous, those four seem like a good start.
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I think my husband lives by rules 5 and 9.
#8 is true- but difficult to follow
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@christie, rules aren't always easy to live by.
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@Avitable,
true true- it's a difficult, and every day struggle. But I try my best to follow that one.
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Nice rules! #2 sounds like it belongs in the Swinger's Guide Book, lol.
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@cat, I guess it does! Didn't mean it like that.
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I have to agree with you on these. Well, except the one about you being right.
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@Nobody™, except that is the one that is the most true.
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@Avitable, well fine, I'll agree with it then, but only because it's your blog.
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in the words of doc brown: if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. also, in the words of me: there's no such thing as too much cheese.
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@ali, or chocolate.
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I love them all, especially 6. Everyone will disappoint you at least once in your life. Forgive them. It's when it becomes a habit that you need to cut them out of your life. I think I may have to put that somewhere as a reminder.
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@Robin, testing the reply function.
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@Avitable, oh it worked? good.
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@Robin, you must have been doing something wrong!
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Love these and completely agree, but must add:
1. Never take anything personally.
2. Never assume.
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@Finn, those are good ones, too.
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I'm a big "don't sweat the small stuff" kinda guy.
And, of course, it's all small stuff.
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@B.E. Earl, I sweat the small stuff all the time. It's all in the details.
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Excellent. Minus #3. Insert my name there. Or Faiqa's.
:lol
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@Sybil Law, oh, you know I'm always right.
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Good stuff. Especially #5.
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@Atomic Bombshell, that's the one that has gotten me in the most trouble!
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I think mine are pretty similar to yours, only, with ME as the one who's almost always right.
But I guess if you and I agree on most things, that's not necessarily a contradiction.
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@Miss Grace, if we disagree, we settle it through arm wrestling.
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@Avitable, Deal. But just so you know, I was the school arm wrestling champion in 7th grade. I even beat all the boys. True facts.
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@Miss Grace, that is hawt. Really.
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@Avitable, That's totes how I lure the boys.
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@Miss Grace, well, it's working!
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1. Don't take yourself too seriously.
2. You're responsible for raising your own kids.
3. If you don't like something don't watch/read/listen to it.
4. Don't hit someone unless you're sure they won't get back up.
5. If you screw up, it doesn't make you weak to admit to it and apologize to anyone you might have hurt.
6. If someone refuses to accept your apology it becomes their problem and you should just move on.
7. Buy low and sell high.
I might have to make this into a whole blog post of it's own.
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@Jay, feel free – it's a good idea!
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Be kind. Without fail, try and be kind to everyone.
Also: eat omelets naked. Because how could you go wrong with eggs, cheese, and genitals?
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@Aunt Becky, and a fork!
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Just hope Amy does misinterpret #2. You're talking about self love, right?
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@always home and uncool, yes, of course.
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This list can't be complete because there's nothing about anal sex with Asian schoolgirls.
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@Grant, that's my last rule. Forgot to write that one down.
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I agree with # 5 all the way !
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@Heff, that should be everyone's rule.
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I love 2, 6 and 8.
You are a sweetheart. Who knew?
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@Stephanie, am not!
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Oh great. And now I have to go find another blog topic instead of stealing yours like I was gonna. WHY MUST YOU MAKE MY LIFE SO HARD?
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@Tracy Lynn, my job is to make your life hard!
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@Avitable, And you don't think I can do that myself?? Silly Avitable.
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My #1 rule is: Don't forget to take your finals unless you actually want to repeat that class. Yeah, talk about having a blond moment.
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@Sarah, wow. That is impressive.
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Rule #1….I make the rules.
Rule #2….I am the only one allowed to change the rules.
Rule #3….I am the ruler of all things chocolate.
Rule #4….Its all about me!
Rule #5….I have the sole right to change any rule at any time and do not have to give an explanation or notify you in any way, you better just be aware that things will change and I am going thru menopause so get over it.
Rule #6….Go Away don't bother me.
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@Starfish, I will have to fight you on the chocolate rule.
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re: #3, easier does not always mean better
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@whall, easier is always better!
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these are totally not what i expected of you.
i love that you often pleasantly surprise me.
well, you not so pleasantly surprise me as well (i'm still scarred from two girls and a cup).
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@hello haha narf, I have other, meaner rules, too.
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My list could not possibly top your list (thus my acquiescence on #3).
You are wise, sir. Of course, I knew that. 'da hell? I didn't learn anything here!
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@John, I'm a wise ass, actually. Big difference.
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It makes no difference how hard you try to stop it. You WILL sneeze. Cutting it off only means that it will happen later and at a point that is less advantageous. (I'm thinking this is much like farts. But I'm a chick. So I wouldn't know. We don't do that.)
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@Jess, neither do I.
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Pretty good rules, overall. Here's mine.
1. No torture scenes allowed in movies.
2. No barf scenes allowed in movies.
3. No Sylvester Stallone allowed in movies.
4. No bitching about other people's behaviour allowed. Fix your own goddamn behaviour.
5. No wiping your boogersnotses on the bathroom wall above the urinal. Who the fuck are you people who do that?? Avitable??
6. No tribalism allowed. people are the same all over. And girls and boys are the same except one has a penis and one has a vagi-hoo-hoo.
7. And no religion, too.
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@Fantasy Writer Guy, I don't know about that "boys and girls being the same" one.
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A few days ago I got a chain email. It was a list of 45 rules for life, written by a 90 yo lady in Cleveland OH. If she was so smart, what was she doing there?
Anyway, the next day I wrote a reply.
Today, I have been busy on a project, and did not look at your site until after midnight. It is probably too late to get comments on my rules for life. That is how the cookie crumbles.
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@chamblee54, that's why you put the cookies in milk.
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Heh! I only have one rule for life: there are no rules!
just live your life to the best, and treat everyone equally – unless they're douchebags.
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@Sarcastica, douchebags need love too!
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Of course your love for one person doesn't diminish when you love another.
But I'm just saying that when Sean Connery or Jensen Ackles comes in and sweeps me off my feet? Well, my love for you may be put aside for a few days.
I'm just sayin'…
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@Coal Miner's Granddaughter, being put aside is okay. I've done that too.
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Thebest of the rules for life is now up.
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@chamblee54, nice job compiling them!
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I so want to be the type of person who doesn't like rules, but I like your rules. A lot. Not like crazy stalker a lot, but a lot.
And I like that you didn't bend to the pressure to have ten rules.
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@Marinka, crazy stalker a lot is okay with me too. Need my address? My bedroom window faces the west.
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Just so you know, you are totally my new favorite person. How the hell haven't I found you before this?
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@Aunt Becky, I think you have commented here once before maybe. But now you must go through all my archives. It's mandated.
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1. When in doubt, fuck.
2. Always wish for more wishes.
3. Never bet on the white guy.
4. Never date a woman with a dagger tattooed on her body.
5. Never…no…always check your references.
6. You don't need a patch on your arm to have honor.
7. "X" never marks the spot.
8. No points for second place.
9. In a pinch, get me Rex Kramer.
10. Never be afraid to stand on your desk to stand up for someone you admire.
Okay, none of these is original, but they're good nonetheless.
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@muskrat, #9 made me lol.
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I really like #2. I'd say some of my rules for life are:
1. Most things aren't worth getting upset over. Stop, breathe, and think. If you're not still furious, let it go.
2. The more you love, the more likely you are to get hurt. Give all the love you can anyway.
3. To enjoy life to the fullest you have to be ready to look silly every once in awhile.
4. Everybody is cool to someone. Everybody is also uncool to someone.
There are probably more but that's the best I can do on a Saturday afternoon.
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@Stacey, except that I'm always cool. To everyone.
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Rules for life (some of which I am still working on…):
1) Action expresses priority [Look at your calendar - are you spending more time with your job than your kids? More time with your friends than your girlfriend? These are realities (actions) that express your priorities clearly].
2) Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. (Oh how I need to learn this and stick to it…)
3) The friends you can call at 2 in the morning in tears are your real friends.
There are those rules I can think of now. I am sure there are way more.
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@Gina, those are excellent rules to live by, if you can stick to them!
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I'm going to have to get me some of those astronaut diapers so that I may sit and read your archives. Sleep? What's sleep?
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@Aunt Becky, exactly the attitude I like to hear.
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Just posted mine, great idea!
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@Rachael, thanks. I'll check yours out.
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I know I'm very late to this, but for some reason I've been thinking about this post a lot.
Not as much as your dolphin porn post, that one's got me through some dark lonely evenings, but still.
The thing I've been thinking about is the funny trumps all rule. It's something I saw Britt write a couple of times too.
The problem i have with it is I don't think it works. Because there is an issue surrounding "funny to who". There are a lot of jokes that some people find funny, but others don't find funny at all. racist jokes are a good example, but so are jokes made by playground bullies (of all ages) made at the vulnerable.
Just because you make a joke that you and your contemporary's find amusing, doesn't mean to say that to someone else those comments aren't psychologically damaging. And that surely can never be a good thing.
The reason I've been thinking of it is that I initially agreed with you, and still do to some extent. And i can't seem to rewrite it to fit my uncomfortableness with it. Because most jokes will offend someone, and that isn't really a problem. It's the ballance between offence/damage with freespeech/humour that I'm finding interesting I guess.
I dunno
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@Dan, "funny trumps all" doesn't mean that you can say something hateful to someone and if it makes you laugh, it's okay.
It means that the person making the joke and the person who's the subject of the joke both have to find it funny. And you can't be mad at a joke made at your expense if it's funny. Funny trumps all.
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