Avitable Interviews Dead Celebrities

My interview with Ed McMahon

As most of you know, Ed McMahon died yesterday at the age of 86. And being the intrepid journalist that I am, I have his first posthumuous interview all ready just for you.

Me: Thanks for agreeing to speak with me so quickly after your demise.

Ed: Happy to be here, ha ha ha ha!

Me: So, you hosted The Price is Right for how many years?

Ed: Wha? That wasn’t me, kid. That was Bob Barker.

Me: Oh. Are you the Wendy’s guy?

Ed: No, that’s Dave Thomas!

Me: That older man from Golden Girls?

Ed: No, that was Bea Arthur.

Me: The guy who sells oatmeal and was in Cocoon?

Ed: Nope. Wilford Brimley.

Me: The salad dressing dude?

Ed: Paul Newman.

Me: The guy who said that smoking was bad?

Ed: C. Everett Koop.

Me: Chicken man?

Ed: Colonel Sanders

Me: Died for our sins?

Ed: Jesus

Me: Electric flying guy?

Ed: Raiden

Me: Subject of a Warhol painting?

Ed: Can of Campbell’s Soup

Me: Are you this?

Ed: That’s a tuna fish sandwich.

Me: Well, who the fuck are you then?

Ed: I was Johnny Carson’s announcer for thirty years.

Me: And Johnny Carson is . . .

Ed: The host of the Tonight Show!

Me: I thought that was Conan O’Brien?

Ed: Fuck this. I’m out of here.

Enjoy this interview? Check out my other interviews:

Stephen Hawking
Caylee Anthony
David Carradine
Martin Luther King, Jr.

(PS. Still no show this week. We’re having trouble coming up with topics!)

82 thoughts on “My interview with Ed McMahon”

          1. @Avitable, I think anyone who watched the original original original Tonight Show is dead. Or certainly not on the internets. Unless you count maybe that their life-support systems are connected to the master LSS in Denver through wireless.

            Steve Allen >> Jack Parr >> Johnny Carson >> Lay Jeno >> Some failed writer for the Simpsons.

  1. Funny! I didn’t know all that stuff about him either. I just knew him as the Publisher’s Clearinghouse check guy, too (who ironically went bankrupt or something). RIP, Ed!

      1. @Avitable, well I guess that part did sound familiar… it was like, “oh yeah, that’s right”… but I kinda forgot about it. I’m assuming you’re now working on tomorrow’s interviews with Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett.

  2. Heyo!!!!!!

    Show topics? I got show topics.

    How about you speak of your ability to commit (like to a radio show) or something.

    OR TELL ME HOW YOU ARE LOSING WEIGHT YOU SHIT! (P.S. You’re looking good!)

    Disclaimer: Please excuse my pre-menstrual highly-strung bi-polar attitude as I retire back to my recliner with a blanket, chocolate, and wine. Carry on.

      1. @Avitable, so when you tell me I’m weird I’m supposed to think that’s nice of you but when I call you weird you think I hate what you say?


        Michael Jackson isn’t dead, btw. He’s just resting.

  3. This is another great interview. I like it when you interview dead people.

    By the way, I’m disappointed in the lack of show tonight. I actually quit working and come on here expecting a hyperlink leading me to some “Clearly You’re Retarded” action.

    Y’all could’ve talked about whether or not we should be doing anything about what’s going on in Iran, since the media likes to talk about how little our President is saying/doing. Should we say more? Should we sent Jimmy Carter and friends? Does anyone give a shit?

    Have y’all ever done “Should be scrap ‘don’t ask don’t tell’?”? Or, “Should we pay reparations to anyone?” or “Should we still have quotas? If so, in what contexts?” or “Should intelligent design be taught in public schools?” or “Should we legalize some drugs? Which ones?” or “Does the abortion issue even matter anymore? Why is it always THE litmus test?” or “Should Avitable spend more time washing his chode every morning?”

    These are the topics in which I have strong interests.

  4. Sorry–this is a question a friend of mine and I are thinking about right now, for reals:
    “A friend of yours if out of town for a few months on a project, and he’s having an affair. You’re friends with his wife, too. Do you tell her?”

    Wondering if it’s our place to butt in, whether she wants to know or not, etc.

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