As most of you know, Ed McMahon died yesterday at the age of 86. And being the intrepid journalist that I am, I have his first posthumuous interview all ready just for you.
Me: Thanks for agreeing to speak with me so quickly after your demise.
Ed: Happy to be here, ha ha ha ha!
Me: So, you hosted The Price is Right for how many years?
Ed: Wha? That wasn’t me, kid. That was Bob Barker.
Me: Oh. Are you the Wendy’s guy?
Ed: No, that’s Dave Thomas!
Me: That older man from Golden Girls?
Ed: No, that was Bea Arthur.
Me: The guy who sells oatmeal and was in Cocoon?
Ed: Nope. Wilford Brimley.
Me: The salad dressing dude?
Ed: Paul Newman.
Me: The guy who said that smoking was bad?
Ed: C. Everett Koop.
Me: Chicken man?
Ed: Colonel Sanders
Me: Died for our sins?
Ed: Jesus
Me: Electric flying guy?
Ed: Raiden
Me: Subject of a Warhol painting?
Ed: Can of Campbell’s Soup
Me: Are you this?
Ed: That’s a tuna fish sandwich.
Me: Well, who the fuck are you then?
Ed: I was Johnny Carson’s announcer for thirty years.
Me: And Johnny Carson is . . .
Ed: The host of the Tonight Show!
Me: I thought that was Conan O’Brien?
Ed: Fuck this. I’m out of here.
Enjoy this interview? Check out my other interviews:
Stephen Hawking
Caylee Anthony
David Carradine
Martin Luther King, Jr.
(PS. Still no show this week. We’re having trouble coming up with topics!)
Enjoy this post? Try these:Chat Roulette
American Dad
Blind Man kills Deaf Man
You whippersnapper!
Hahahahaha
Poor Ed.
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@Sybil Law, I never saw the original Tonight Show. Did you?
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@Avitable, What? You never saw it with Ed McMahon?! You are like some kind of fetus!
So, YES – I saw it with Ed. Not the *original*, original Tonight Show, though.
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@Sybil Law, nope. I was too young, you old lady you.
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@Avitable, I think anyone who watched the original original original Tonight Show is dead. Or certainly not on the internets. Unless you count maybe that their life-support systems are connected to the master LSS in Denver through wireless.
Steve Allen >> Jack Parr >> Johnny Carson >> Lay Jeno >> Some failed writer for the Simpsons.
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
Hahahahaha… Tuna sandwich…genius!
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@Faiqa, thanks!
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so.wrong
so.funny
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@bluepaintred, wrong + funny = awesomeness.
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@Avitable, Oh! That’s how that works? I never was good at math…
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@bluepaintred, that’s how my math works, at least.
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Twitter: GingerSnaps
says:
“You are correct, sir!”
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@Ginger, heheh. How’d you like to die, knowing that phrase was pretty much your legacy?
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Oh-ho-ho, heyo!
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@Ron, I should have used that somewhere in the interview.
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I thought I’d have something half-way funny to say. But really, I’m just damn excited I know who Ed McMahon is. Now I don’t feel like such a kid.
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@Sarah, you DO? I am impressed!
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Twitter: LeSombre
says:
I think the only sad part of your interviews is that the deceased don’t get to read them. You should start doing them with people you think will die within the next week.
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@LeSombre, good plan! I’ll write Abe Vigoda’s right now.
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Twitter: Temptingsam
says:
I’m too young to remember the original Tonight Show. I do, however remember Ed from Star Search: TV’s original reality show. That show was so awesome.
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@sam {temptingmama}, yeah, but it led to all this shit reality TV we have now, so maybe he’s really the Antichrist.
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Wow. You never watched the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson ?
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@Paticus, I was 15 when he retired, and my parents weren’t late night TV watchers. I didn’t have my own TV either.
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@Avitable, that makes sense. I think I thought you would have watched it for the comedians.I never had my own tee vee either. what were our parents thinking ?!?
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@Paticus, oh, I would have if I was allowed to. I’ve seen clips from it online, of course.
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
This is awesome. Please never do an interview with Kevin. Thank you.
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@Robin, no? Not even after he dies?
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
NO mention of the big ginormous checks???
Wait.
Is this the big check guy?
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@Miss Britt, sigh. Yess, the big check guy. You and Sheila are like twins!
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lmao!
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@christie, rotfl.
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You seem to have a real knack for interviewing dead people.
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@Mrs RW, it’s not really a marketable skill unfortunately.
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If Johnny Carson had asked those questions, Ed McMahon would still be laughing.
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@chamblee54, he’s a bastard. A dead, rotting bastard.
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Julius Caesar was the salad dressing dude. And that wasn’t the real Ed McMahon – he was too sober.
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@Grant, no, Mr. Kraft is the salad dressing dude!
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Twitter: s_csr
says:
Oh! Oh! I know who this guy is!! I’m so proud of myself.
I never knew he was on the Tonight Show though. I only knew him as Big Check Guy. Speaking of which, he still owes me a check!
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@Sheila (Charm School Reject), big check guy, eh? Sigh.
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Funny! I didn’t know all that stuff about him either. I just knew him as the Publisher’s Clearinghouse check guy, too (who ironically went bankrupt or something). RIP, Ed!
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@cat, you didn’t know he was the announcer for the Tonight Show?
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@Avitable, well I guess that part did sound familiar… it was like, “oh yeah, that’s right”… but I kinda forgot about it. I’m assuming you’re now working on tomorrow’s interviews with Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett.
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Heyo!!!!!!
Show topics? I got show topics.
How about you speak of your ability to commit (like to a radio show) or something.
OR TELL ME HOW YOU ARE LOSING WEIGHT YOU SHIT! (P.S. You’re looking good!)
Disclaimer: Please excuse my pre-menstrual highly-strung bi-polar attitude as I retire back to my recliner with a blanket, chocolate, and wine. Carry on.
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Twitter: s_csr
, June 24th, 2009: 3:15 PM
@Stephanie, Best Comment Ever.
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@Sheila (Charm School Reject), Thank you…I’m here all week.
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@Stephanie, losing weight? What are you talking about? Crazy.
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@Avitable, srsly? I say this with love in my heart and a smile on my lips…you know what I’m talking about, you lying fucker.
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Twitter: mooshinindy
says:
hee! ig ots him confused with the spay and neuter syour pest zuguy too!
ur reilly funny on teh drugs.
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@moosh in indy., ur reilly funny on droogs too.
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You forgot to ask if he was the guy who showed up every Christmas.
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@Lynda, that’s my weird uncle Jack.
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Wait… Ed McMahon knows who Raiden is?
Damn. Carson’s sidekick was a Mortal Kombat-playin’ motherfucker.
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@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, yeah, I thought it was impressive that he knew that too.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
I dunno what it all means, but I could really go for a tuna salad sammy right about now.
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@B.E. Earl, you are correct, sir!
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
You are so weird.
You could just go on summer hiatus.
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@Poppy, weird? You don’t like my interviews? Maybe we should do a summer hiatus. Hm.
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Twitter: poppycede
, June 25th, 2009: 6:18 PM
@Avitable, so when you tell me I’m weird I’m supposed to think that’s nice of you but when I call you weird you think I hate what you say?
TYPICAL.
Michael Jackson isn’t dead, btw. He’s just resting.
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@Poppy, I think I call you “quirky”, not “weird”, which is more endearing!
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Twitter: poppycede
, June 25th, 2009: 6:21 PM
@Avitable, no, I call me quirky in defense of you calling me weird. I keep all my emails. Don’t make me prove it.
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Twitter: poppycede
, June 25th, 2009: 6:22 PM
@Avitable, GMAIL search results for avitable + weird = 34.
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@Poppy, that must be email from when you called ME weird!
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Twitter: poppycede
, June 25th, 2009: 6:28 PM
@Avitable, somehow I still really like you as my friend despite the fact that you always tell me I am wrong. Why is that…
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Twitter: poppycede
, June 25th, 2009: 6:28 PM
@Poppy, and by like she means adores, like an adoring fan, but who’s counting.
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@Poppy, because you know I adore you right back!
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Twitter: poppycede
, June 25th, 2009: 6:47 PM
@Avitable,
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
This is another great interview. I like it when you interview dead people.
By the way, I’m disappointed in the lack of show tonight. I actually quit working and come on here expecting a hyperlink leading me to some “Clearly You’re Retarded” action.
Y’all could’ve talked about whether or not we should be doing anything about what’s going on in Iran, since the media likes to talk about how little our President is saying/doing. Should we say more? Should we sent Jimmy Carter and friends? Does anyone give a shit?
Have y’all ever done “Should be scrap ‘don’t ask don’t tell’?”? Or, “Should we pay reparations to anyone?” or “Should we still have quotas? If so, in what contexts?” or “Should intelligent design be taught in public schools?” or “Should we legalize some drugs? Which ones?” or “Does the abortion issue even matter anymore? Why is it always THE litmus test?” or “Should Avitable spend more time washing his chode every morning?”
These are the topics in which I have strong interests.
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@muskrat, I think we agree on most of those issues and therein lies the problem.
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
Looking over the above, it’s readily apparent that I’m not wearing my glasses. Hopefully, the meaning behind the typos is apparent.
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
Sorry–this is a question a friend of mine and I are thinking about right now, for reals:
“A friend of yours if out of town for a few months on a project, and he’s having an affair. You’re friends with his wife, too. Do you tell her?”
Wondering if it’s our place to butt in, whether she wants to know or not, etc.
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@muskrat, who are you friends with first? That’s the real question.
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
I can’t wait to see what you write for Clinton, Bush or Obama. Oh wait, is there another living President? No, not one worth a damn.
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@whall, so Clinton is worth a damn but Carter’s not? Hm.
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I liked this interview more than the MJ interview. It seems Ed just couldn’t take it anymore.
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@martymankins, the MJ one was a bit too creative, maybe.
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