The Seminole County Fun Sheriff got off his nifty bike and strolled up to the car.
“Good afternoon, sir.” He honked his red nose. “My name is Sargeant Whizzbang and I am with the fun police. Do you know why I pulled you over?”
“No idea. I’m pretty sure I was only having a legal amount of fun.”
“That may be true, but you were overflowing with awesomeness. Too much awesomeness is a crime in this county.”
“I was? I mean, I know that I have a tendency to be pretty awesome, but I didn’t think I was awesome this time. I was listening to Avril Lavigne on my radio and even dancing a little bit. That doesn’t seem awesome to me.”
“Normally, since being a man in your thirties dancing to Avril Lavigne is the opposite of awesome, we’d let you off with a fun warning, but I can’t today.”
“Why not, officer? I’m sorry that I was exceeding the awesomeness, but I couldn’t help it. I exuberated past a totally downer truck.”
“Unfortunately, thanks to the budget crisis, we had a fun trap set up, and we’re not allowed to issue anything except LOLing violation tickets.”
“I really don’t think I was awesome enough for a ticket, though.”
“I clocked you at 90 zipadeedoodahs per hour in a 65 zph zone.”
“Well, that is pretty fucking awesome.”
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“LOLing violation” made me LOL to the point that I was issued a ticket of my own.
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@bluepaintred, those Canadian Mounted Fun Police are quick!
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Twitter: Blogography
says:
Which beats a visit from the fake real police.
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@Dave2, I have seen that – didn’t really think it was that funny.
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Twitter: Blogography
, June 26th, 2009: 12:22 PM
I guess I’m just a sucker for stories where people who think they’re above the rules get what’s coming to them in the end. It happens so rarely in real life.
I forgot that you’re the guy who plays his iPod on airplanes when the flight attendant says it’s time to turn it off. If there was a joke where the attendant said “sir, would you step out of your seat” and then beat you, I would probably find that funny too. I can see where you wouldn’t!
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@Dave2, I’m willing to pay my tickets when I get caught speeding. I know I’m breaking the law – I just don’t care, but I’ll pay the penalty.
And turning off your iPod on an airplane is just a stupid rule that is arbitrary and capricious. I don’t follow a&c rules.
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Motorcycle cop? You never had a fucking chance, no matter how much chesticle cleavage you tried to show. Sorry, man.
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@Undomestic Diva, I pulled out all the stops, too.
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You little speed-demon, you! Its people like you I laugh at as they’re being pulled over, while I continue on my merry way with my cruise control set at 65.
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@Sheila, it’s worth it when I only get caught once a year or so.
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My friend calls his wife the FPO (fun prevention officer), as in “I’d like to go out tonight, but I’ll have to check with the FPO.”
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@Dan, I know ‘someone else’ that does that.
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@Dan, I bet in your house, you’re the FPO, aren’t you?
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So you slowed down by the time he got the radar gun on you????
And i want to thank you for the Cheap Trick inspired earworm I have now…..The Dream Police they live inside of my head….
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@Turnbaby, yeah, I had started to slow down before he zapped me.
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I bet they use their discretion sometimes, like if you were on your way to Disney Land, crying, over awesomeness would be excused then.
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@SingleParentDad, I will try that next time.
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Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
zipadeedoodahs? and you guys think canadians are weird with their kilometres?
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@Karen Sugarpants, your kilometres and your loonies!
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Twitter: blondefabulous
says:
90 in a 65?? Whoa!
I thought our fun police were bad w/their trap at the 30zph zone here in Sarasota. I’ll have to be more careful when I head over your way next month.
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@Blondefabulous, I usually keep it around 88-95 mph.
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Avril-listening Avitable almost arrested (for) awesome-ness. Aptly atrocious!!
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@avatgardener, and arguably appropriate.
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heh, you drive like I do(when the babies aren’t in the car, and when I’m not driving the one that protests when you get past 75…)
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@thepsychobabble, anyone who protests can get another ride!
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
You should have come over to my county.
There is no limit to the awesomeness here.
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@Miss Britt, oh, I’ve been to your county. They cap out at awesomeness pretty damn quickly.
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Twitter: missbritt
, June 26th, 2009: 10:05 AM
@Avitable, Fucker
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You got a ticket?
It’s probably because of the Avril Lavigne.
(My last ticket was over 3 years ago – for a similar speeding violation, and if you just jinxed me I will hunt you down!)
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@Sybil Law, ooh, let’s see what happens. I bet you’ll get a ticket next week now.
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You know… you COULD drive the speed limit…
Out here, you would have been thrown in jail on the spot and lost your license for that (no sense of humor up here – anything 15 and over is an arrestable offense.)
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@Kyra, driving the speed limit is for suckers! It’s just a ticket – it’s all fun and part of a day’s work.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
Since it was LOLticket issued by the Fun Police, I assume you get to pay using Monopoly money.
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@B.E. Earl, that’s the plan!
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Twitter: ellemmes
says:
Are you sure the ticket wasn’t for listening to Averil? Her music is the anchor on my fun boat!
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@floating princess, what? Her music is awesome!
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Twitter: ellemmes
, June 26th, 2009: 10:21 AM
@Avitable, You’re right. I saw Averil and heard Evanescence…which is who I can’t stand. Averil is awesome. I stand corrected!
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@floating princess, oh, I like Evanescence, too.
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I knew there was a reason to feel guilty when I give concerts in my car.
Damn!
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@Maureen at IslandRoar, don’t want to attract the fun police.
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That is not full of The Awesome.
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@Aunt Becky, that’s okay – I’m willing to pay the price when I get caught.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
Ticket? What is that?
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@Finn, liar.
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Twitter: msmegan
, June 26th, 2009: 9:58 AM
@Avitable, Am not.
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@Finn, that’s impressive. Especially because I know that you don’t drive too slowly, either.
How many roadside blowjobs have you had to give, though, hm?
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Everyone knows that Seminole County is an unusually intolerant regarding awesomeness. It’s not hard to be awesome here, in other words. In fact, I heard that the NATAP (National Association of Totally Awesome People) is filing suit.
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@Faiqa, you’re totally the president of NATAP, aren’t you?
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Twitter: s_csr
says:
I got a ticket for doing 90z in at 65z before as well. I didn’t have my cape on the show that I am the Captain of Awesome and he didn’t think my id was real. I hope you have learned a very valuable lesson. Never leave home without your cape.
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@Sheila (Charm School Reject), I will remember that.
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At least you remembered to put your clothes on this time : ) Otherwise, double the tickets, double the fun!
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@cat, yes, there was no naked driving this time.
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all you have to do is bribe those guys with a slinky or a ball in a cup game
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@furiousball, he didn’t want my slinky balls.
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I’ve actually been driving the speed limit every time I come to and from your house because the freaking freeway is CRAWLING with those damned state troopers! Don’t they have something better to do?
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@Hilly, I always look at the cars ahead of me. If they brake, I’ll slow down, because even cars going the speed limit hit the brake when they see a cop. This happened here, too, but I wasn’t paying attention. Had I been, I would have been fine. Argh.
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Ouch. How much was the Funfine? Do you have to do AwesomeTrafficSchool?
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@Little Miss Sunshine State, it’s like $300. I’ll probably do the Super Happy Terrific Traffic School.
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Why are there so many state troopers in the area surrounding your home? Have you been neglecting to pay your funfines? Are you going to be taking a trip to the fun palace (ie: Prison)
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@Effete, they love to prey on tourists.
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lmao…
90 zippideedoodahs…
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@christie, that’s what the fun police call them!
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there should be a special unlimited zipadeedoodah lane
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@liquid, I agree. And only I should be allowed in it.
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Twitter: Temptingsam
says:
Don’t listen to those fun police, I think you’re all kindsa awesome – despite your love for Avril.
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@sam {temptingmama}, in my heart, I know that Avril is awesome too.
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
The fun police came after me too on Monday, apparently talking to Manly Man in the car is over the fun limit…I had no idea.
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@Robin, did you get a super fun ticket?
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Twitter: hismuse
, June 26th, 2009: 10:11 AM
@Avitable, I got a super fun warning.
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
The fact that you took the time to snap a photo as you got pulled over makes me giggle. I now pronounce you addicted to blogging!
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@Elizabeth Kaylene, I try to document as much as I can!
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Avril….I’m pretty sure they will probably double you fine and revoke your awesomeness permit.
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@Starfish, yeah, that does diminish the awesomeness quotient.
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Twitter: mooshinindy
says:
not awesome.
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@moosh in indy., well, it would have been more awesome if I had broken 100.
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Twitter: alimartell
says:
I’d really like to hand out some LOL violation tickets. I’m just saying.
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@ali, would those be tickets for people trying to be funny and failing miserably? If so, can we just give Dane Cook the LOL Death Penalty?
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You should have driven faster instead of stopping.
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@Lynda, next time I will try that!
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Did he at least strip tease for you while writing your ticket?
Because that’s a whole lotta fun right there.
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@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, if he really was the fun police, he would have.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
Did I mention I got clocked at 81 in a 65 right as I entered VT on my last trip? The NY plates guaranteed me that ticket. Good thing he caught me going around a curve so I wasn’t going quite so fast…
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@Poppy, didn’t you explain that you weren’t a flatlander but a native?
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Twitter: poppycede
, June 26th, 2009: 9:50 AM
@Avitable, yep, I told him I was on my way home. Vermont is a cold place in many ways. And this is why NY is now my home.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
did you at least offer to blow him?
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@hello haha narf, I was speeding and got caught. I don’t mind paying my dues in that situation.
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According to the news this evening, Michael Jackson has died. Now we will all be waiting impatiently for the outstanding Avitable interview with him.
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@Julie, I’m happy to have obliged – did you see the post?
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On Sunday I was pulled over for speeding- but he let me off. First time. He said have a good breakfast with your father. Nice. I totally could not afford a ticket right now.
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@Valerie, well, that was nice of them! Did you flash him your rack?
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well zippiddeedodah-yay! tickets suck buckets!
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@Julie, I don’t mind. I was speeding, after all.
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
You’re lucky. At least they don’t do random awesomeness tests where you work or where you live. I swear, it’s like once a month they have this quota, and they’re all KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK and make us get out of bed and out on the lawn just to watch our awesomeness take place.
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@whall, I’m so confused. All the awesomeness befuddled me.
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