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The Fun Police

Might be delayed a few minutes. 90 in a 65.

The Seminole County Fun Sheriff got off his nifty bike and strolled up to the car.

“Good afternoon, sir.” He honked his red nose. “My name is Sargeant Whizzbang and I am with the fun police. Do you know why I pulled you over?”

“No idea. I’m pretty sure I was only having a legal amount of fun.”

“That may be true, but you were overflowing with awesomeness. Too much awesomeness is a crime in this county.”

“I was? I mean, I know that I have a tendency to be pretty awesome, but I didn’t think I was awesome this time. I was listening to Avril Lavigne on my radio and even dancing a little bit. That doesn’t seem awesome to me.”

“Normally, since being a man in your thirties dancing to Avril Lavigne is the opposite of awesome, we’d let you off with a fun warning, but I can’t today.”

“Why not, officer? I’m sorry that I was exceeding the awesomeness, but I couldn’t help it. I exuberated past a totally downer truck.”

“Unfortunately, thanks to the budget crisis, we had a fun trap set up, and we’re not allowed to issue anything except LOLing violation tickets.”

“I really don’t think I was awesome enough for a ticket, though.”

“I clocked you at 90 zipadeedoodahs per hour in a 65 zph zone.”

“Well, that is pretty fucking awesome.”

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94 Replies to “The Fun Police”

      • Dave2

        I guess I’m just a sucker for stories where people who think they’re above the rules get what’s coming to them in the end. It happens so rarely in real life.

        I forgot that you’re the guy who plays his iPod on airplanes when the flight attendant says it’s time to turn it off. If there was a joke where the attendant said “sir, would you step out of your seat” and then beat you, I would probably find that funny too. I can see where you wouldn’t!

        • Avitable

          @Dave2, I’m willing to pay my tickets when I get caught speeding. I know I’m breaking the law – I just don’t care, but I’ll pay the penalty.

          And turning off your iPod on an airplane is just a stupid rule that is arbitrary and capricious. I don’t follow a&c rules.

  1. Kyra

    You know… you COULD drive the speed limit…

    Out here, you would have been thrown in jail on the spot and lost your license for that (no sense of humor up here – anything 15 and over is an arrestable offense.)

  2. Faiqa

    Everyone knows that Seminole County is an unusually intolerant regarding awesomeness. It’s not hard to be awesome here, in other words. In fact, I heard that the NATAP (National Association of Totally Awesome People) is filing suit.

  3. Hilly

    I’ve actually been driving the speed limit every time I come to and from your house because the freaking freeway is CRAWLING with those damned state troopers! Don’t they have something better to do?

    • Avitable

      @Hilly, I always look at the cars ahead of me. If they brake, I’ll slow down, because even cars going the speed limit hit the brake when they see a cop. This happened here, too, but I wasn’t paying attention. Had I been, I would have been fine. Argh.

  4. Poppy

    Did I mention I got clocked at 81 in a 65 right as I entered VT on my last trip? The NY plates guaranteed me that ticket. Good thing he caught me going around a curve so I wasn’t going quite so fast…

  5. Valerie

    On Sunday I was pulled over for speeding- but he let me off. First time. He said have a good breakfast with your father. Nice. I totally could not afford a ticket right now.

  6. whall

    You’re lucky. At least they don’t do random awesomeness tests where you work or where you live. I swear, it’s like once a month they have this quota, and they’re all KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK and make us get out of bed and out on the lawn just to watch our awesomeness take place.

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