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Watch Adam’s Head Explode

Someone who is not at all my younger 25-year old brother manages to almost make my head explode using only good old-fashioned ignorance and Yahoo Messenger:

NotMyBrother: why would someone I am doing an install for want to write me a BOA check from their company for a vehicle which is through their company and he won’t make it for cash?

NotMyBrother: its a 2006 lincoln navigator I am doing a full-blown install on on saturday morning.

NotMyBrother: for a guy that owns an avaition insurance company

NotMyBrother: they insure leer jets etc.

adamheathavitable: because he wants his company to pay for it

NotMyBrother: so if its cash they wont?

NotMyBrother: the check made out to cash

adamheathavitable: if it’s made out to a company, it’s easier for tax purposes

adamheathavitable: for cash, it’s not

NotMyBrother: TAX?

NotMyBrother: like 1099?

NotMyBrother: me

adamheathavitable: yes, NotMyBrother. that’s what happens when a business pays for a service from another business

NotMyBrother: So he will cause me to get audited with a $500 install?

adamheathavitable: yes, exactly

adamheathavitable: the irs is going to bang down your door

adamheathavitable: because this guy is making sure he does his taxes legally

adamheathavitable: jesus christ

NotMyBrother: Frank has been writing me checks for the past 4 years…and never claims me.

NotMyBrother: How does that work?

adamheathavitable: i’m sure he does

adamheathavitable: when he does his business taxes, every amount has to be accounted for

adamheathavitable: all of those checks are considered as being paid for services rendered by another company

adamheathavitable: that’s how it works

NotMyBrother: He pays his detail for the past 10 years with checks and its all under the table. His detail guy doesnt get taxed lol.

NotMyBrother: o ok, but not to the individual as a tax

adamheathavitable: if he writes a check, it’s not under the table

adamheathavitable: you don’t even understand how it works, so don’t get yourself worked up over stupid shit

NotMyBrother: if he’s writing check then that will screw me in other words and frank has been screwing me for 5 years then….he told me that its under the table

adamheathavitable: you’re both idiots

NotMyBrother: you are making it seem like he is claiming me 1099

adamheathavitable: THERE’S NO SUCH THING

adamheathavitable: FOR FUCK’S SAKE

adamheathavitable: ANYTIME ANYONE GETS PAID BY CHECK AND IT’S A BUSINESS, THERE IS A RECORD OF IT.

adamheathavitable: your company IS an independent contractor of WHOEVER you do work for

adamheathavitable: and if they want to file a 1099 for their own business taxes to show what the money was spent on, that’s their right

NotMyBrother: o

adamheathavitable: ok, i need to go before i reach through the computer and slap you in the head.

NotMyBrother: crap…I will have to turn down a $500 + install for this saturday

NotMyBrother: That sucks.

adamheathavitable: why do you have to turn it down?

adamheathavitable: yes, turn it down

adamheathavitable: turn down money

adamheathavitable: i don’t give a shit

adamheathavitable: don’t ask me another tax or business question ever again

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67 Replies to “Watch Adam’s Head Explode”

  1. Turnbaby

    It’s a rule–no matter what the profession in which you have a level of expertise a family member will call and ask you a question and then argue idiotically about the answer you give.

    I cannot tell you the number of times this has happened to me. Sigh.

    • Avitable

      @Turnbaby, as I’m sure you know, even as a law student, my family would ask me for legal advice and then ignore the paltry assistance I could offer. I’ve stopped providing it for most of them now.

    • Avitable

      @Poppy, the more frustrating aspect is his tendency to ask advice and then completely ignore anything I say because he assumes that he knows more than I do. Maybe when he reads this post, he’ll stop asking finally.

  2. bubblewench

    My brother and father are both CPA’s. And while I understand what your brother and you were discussing, knock that up a few notches to tax credits and write-off’s and I’m just like your brother. And I have conversations with my bro & dad just like this. I usually just agree and do whatever they tell me! (Hey, I’m a little smart!)

  3. Nenette

    You are to be commended for continuing the conversation after you uttered the words “jesus christ”. I would’ve stopped right there. Or threatened to get all stabby on is ass if he uttered another word.

  4. Sybil Law

    Hahahahahahaha!
    Oh. My.
    Yeah – can’t you people just pick up the phone so you can yell at him?!
    Man.
    I have had to explain things like that to my husband. It’s why I’m homicidal some days. ESPECIALLY during tax season.

  5. Finn

    So what you’re saying is that since you paid me for my, um, “services” via check there’s a record of it? Did you write anything in the memo section? Will you be issuing me a 1099?

  6. Jay

    I have a certain family member who is that way. He’ll ask a professional cpa/lawyer/doctor/golf pro whatever a question and then be like “I don’t think he’s right about that” when he doesn’t get the answer he was hoping for.

    Also, over the years I’ve known dozens and dozens of people who have talked big about “under the table” payments and every last one of them have eventually be busted for it. The problem with getting under the table payments is you are trusting the other business or person not to rat you out when they get busted. Believe me, they will. Even if they don’t, once the IRS nails someone, they take a look at everyone that person has done business with.

  7. the weirdgirl

    Wow, this sounds like my 25-year-old brother! Except my husband is the CPA so he has to deal with the questions. Though there was one time my brother AND my husband started arguing with me about pdf files. Both insisting pdfs were the standard for cameras. It’s pissing me off just thinking about it.

  8. Amo

    I used to have the same fucking conversation with my mom on a daily basis. Except replace “taxes” with “why is the sky blue” or “why did that ‘pocket ashtray’ burn my ass” and you’re there.

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