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In the year 2057

Yesterday was my grandfather’s birthday. He was born in 1929, in a world without television or computers. A world where communication was done through community telephones and letters. Where you got your news from the radio and the newspaper and the world seemed almost incomprehensibly large.

Here he is, 80 years later, and he uses a computer, sends email, surfs the web, uses his cellphone, plays with the Wii, microwaves some dinner, watches movies on his flat screen TV, and can sell a Hummel on eBay to someone in the UK and send it to them so that they get it in a matter of days. He does it unflappably, and it makes me wonder. When I’m 80, what technological advances will there be? Will I be able to adapt as well as he has or will I resist against the tide of time like a stubborn reed?

In the year 2057, will there still be keyboards, or will all computer commands be given via a voice recognition interface? Or will we go the other way and will any surface have the potential to be a tactile surface to type, move items around, and interact with your computer?

Will cars still have wheels or will we have finally invented that flying car that was supposed to have been here? Will we need gas stations? Will our car recognize our face and adjust everything accordingly?

Has our population exploded beyond our planet’s capability to support them? Have we started colonizing space or have we infringed upon freedom by limiting reproduction and weeding out the weak and stupid? What’s the new type of person who’s being discriminated against now?

How many McDonald’s will there be worldwide? Will they still serve the same type of food or will we all be eating genetically engineered beef that’s grown in a vat? Will a Big Mac cost $200?

Will the Rolling Stones finally have retired?

Does the military still use normal weaponry, or have we moved onto disintegrating rays and phasers? Do we need troops anymore or are all battles fought by robot soldiers and remote weapon control? Are gay robots allowed in the military?

Is there a worldwide WiFi network? Has the government given up on cracking down on piracy and started embracing pirates to get the word out about their product if it’s good? Are there bad areas of the Internet where you’ll get attacked by net gangs? Are there anymore trolls now that anonymity is a thing of the past?

Can I get laser eye implants yet? How about a cybernetic arm? Have we finally beaten cancer? Or AIDS? Or premature ejaculation?

Does Dane Cook have a star on Hollywood Boulevard? What about Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Uwe Boll or Harvey Levin?

How will I adapt? Will I be as impressive as my Papa? I can only hope.

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71 Replies to “In the year 2057”

  1. headbang8

    A Big Mac will cost $200. An Apple Mac will cost $4,627,599.99

    The army will consist of ONLY gay robots. Uniforms turn them on.

    Public WiFi will still only be availaible in airports and Starbucks.

    The Rolling Stones will retire in 2023, but a virtual-rality band, the Stone Colds, will roll on.

    Premature ejaculation will still be a problem.

  2. cat

    Happy Birthday, Gramps!

    I personally think the biggest boom will be in the medical field… biotechnology… have you heard about the lab that re-grew the end of a man’s finger using this pixie dust stuff? Incredible! (On Oprah and in the papers)…

  3. B.E. Earl

    In the year 2057, I will be 91. Or a memory. That’s about all I can tell you about 2057.

    But if I am still around I will be extremely pissed if we aren’t flying around in Jetsons vehicles. Hell, I’m kinda pissed off in 2009 that we don’t have those yet.

  4. Finn

    I imagine that the reason your grandfather made to 80 is his willingness to embrace change. If you have the same open mind you’ll probably live way past 100.

    And I still don’t think we’ll have flying cars.

  5. Faiqa

    I hope you’re living in a landfill. Preferably filled with the items you refused to recycle. While, I and my progeny will be living in a clean and beautiful environment because we actually gave a crap about the future. 😀

  6. Kevin Spencer

    Where the hell are the flying cars actually? I was so lied to when I was a kid. We’ll have flying cars in “the future”, flying cars by the year 2000 I tell you. Ugh. This is one disappointing future let me tell you. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to use my jetpack to… oh that’s right, we don’t have them either. Bastards.

  7. Jill

    I think we’re going to start going backwards one of these days. Our kids’ kids will be called the Benjamin Button generation and in 80 years everyone will be reading newspapers, they bought from a kid on the street corner wearing a jaunty cap, and riding horses. Write it down…

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