For those of you who read me and are not going to BlogHer, I apologize in advance. I’ve written a few posts over the next week that will be a bit more centered around the conference, but hopefully there are a few little tidbits scattered within that will still make it worthwhile to read.
On Wednesday, I will be arriving in Chicago to attend a conference of personal/life bloggers that is 95% women. There will be around 1400 people in attendance, and it’s likely that less than 10% of those people will have any idea who I am. This means that there will be a lot of people whose only interaction with me will be a brief hello, leaving no real impression of who I am.
So here’s a brief introduction, followed by some information where you can find me at BlogHer if you’re so inclined to seek me out.
Avitable is my last name. It is pronounced “Uh-VIT-uh-bull.” Here is a video that may be helpful:
My name is Adam Heath Avitable. I am a lawyer who never practiced law. I am a huge movie and TV buff. I’m a computer geek. I like comics. I am not what you would call a “guy’s guy”. I don’t get my hands dirty. I couldn’t fix a car if I had to. I get my eyebrows waxed. I love the Gilmore Girls and Sex and the City. I would rather talk on the phone for hours than watch sports. I would rather stab myself in the eye than watch sports, to be honest.
I post on this here blog every day of the week. Most of my posts are humorous, although that may be a subjective opinion on my part. I try to reply to every single comment that I receive, and the 100th comment is just as important to me as the 1st. I’m also on Twitter and Facebook, but I think that Twitter makes lazy bloggers even lazier, and doesn’t have the sense of community and togetherness that blogging does.
I have a very dark sense of humor, and I’m quite crude. I post naked pictures of myself, including in a Letter to my Body post that modeled the ones done by so many women through BlogHer last year. If you can’t handle sarcasm, a healthy disregard for modern conventions, and infantile humor, you probably don’t want to read me. I’m sure there’s a nice righteous Christian blog that can help you be a better wife, SAHM to your fourteen children, and Palin 2012 supporter.
If you’re coming to BlogHer, I’ll be arriving on Wednesday afternoon and staying until late Sunday. If you have my cell phone, you can text me anytime. If you don’t have my cell phone and would like the number, please say so in the comments and I’ll email you. And if after all of this, you’re still interested in meeting me, here are a few places where I know I’ll be:
1. Come hear me speak and get free swag! On Saturday, from 10:45 AM until noon, I am co-hosting a panel at BlogHer with two other male bloggers, Jim from Busy Dad Blog and Matthew from ChildsplayX2.
The panel is called: Vaginally challenged bloggers – the men of BlogHer. It’s a panel BY men FOR women. We want to talk about your male readers – about our expectations, our interests, and our likes and dislikes when it comes to blogging and the blogs we frequent. Our panel will be moderated by the lovely, sarcastic, sharp tongued Miss Britt, and should prove to be entertaining for any of you who come.
If you’re not enticed to come just to hear me, Jim, and Matthew speak and be scolded by Britt, maybe we can bribe you. The first 150 people in the room will get free swag! What other panel can promise that they’re going to give you shit just for listening to them? Plus, if we get enough demand, I’ll have to get on the table and do a strip tease.
For the attention deficit among you, that’s Saturday, from 10:45 AM until 12:00 PM. And if you’re still on the fence, here’s why you should join me and my two dads instead of going to the other sessions running concurrently (should I mention that I mean this in good-natured fun?):
- TravelBloggers as Boundary-Breaking Evangelists – The only thing that would be more boring than reading a travel blog would be listening to travel bloggers talk about how awesome they are.
- Advanced Social Media, Syndication and Stats – “Social media” is one of the stupidest terms to join common usage. It’s media. All media is fucking social.
- Hope and Change in Action – Oh, look, women have changed the world. Amelia Earheart, Rosa Parks and Marie Curie called and said that you should wait until you do something real.
- Blogging as a Homeschooling Tool – Yeah, those kids are going to be fucked up anyways. No point.
- Women of Color and Marketing – Sorry, Kelly, but mine’s going to be much cooler.
- Geek Labs: Stats for Word Nerds, Twitter Basics: How and Why, Apache Servers Are Your Friend, .htaccess for Bloggers – C’mon people, read a fucking book or tutorial. And if you can’t figure out Twitter with all of the explanations and videos out there, maybe you should just give up on using a computer.
2. Come hear my best friend speak about her vagina! On Friday, from 10:45 AM until noon, Britt will be co-hosting a panel about really personal blogging. It will without a doubt be the funniest, most entertaining panel there, and only losers would go to a different session during that time.
3. Parties – you’ll be able to find me at the following shindigs:
- People’s Party – Thursday, 8:30-11 PM
- Room 704 Party – Thursday, 10:30 PM – 12 AM
- BlogHer Cocktail Party – Friday, 6:30 – 8:30 PM
- MamaPopRocks – Friday, 10 PM – 12 AM
- BlogHer Cocktail Party – Saturday, 6:30 – 8:30 PM
- Cheeseburgher Party – Saturday, 10 PM – 12 AM
4. Registration Desk – From 7 AM until 10 AM on Friday and Saturday, I will be working at the BlogHer registration desk, helping get you registered for the conference.
5. Wherever Tanis, Casey and Kelly are. These three BlogHer veterans will help me survive the onslaught of estrogen by protecting me with their voluptuous breasts. Or so I hope.
See you at BlogHer!
Enjoy this post? Try these:Avitable at BlogHer 2009
What Do You Think About Men at BlogHer?
BlogHer 09 – If you could ask a man anything . . .
Twitter: s_csr
says:
So can I crash the parties on Thursday night?
I still don’t know if I am allowed through the golden gates to see yours and Britt’s sessions but if not, put your phone in your lap and set it to vibrate and I’ll text you constantly from the Lobby.
Then I’ll meet you in the bathroom on the east side of the bar.
Here’s to hoping there is a bathroom on the east side of the bar.
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@Sheila (Charm School Reject), if there’s no bathroom, just meet me under the table.
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Twitter: CountessMo
says:
I’m new to the wonders of Avitableness, but it seems inevitable that our paths will cross at BlogHer. I tweet with Matt a lot and plan to go to your panel. Now that I know there’s swag *and* you, how could I miss it?
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@Maura – @MoBurns67, hope to see you there!
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Twitter: mooshinindy
says:
Yeah.
Thanks for that.
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@moosh in indy., for the intro? Or for talking about voluptuousness?
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Twitter: Temptingsam
, July 21st, 2009: 8:19 AM
@Avitable, Casey’s boobs are bigger in person. Skype doesn’t do them justice.
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@sam {temptingmama}, I feel so dirty thinking about this!
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Twitter: Temptingsam
, July 21st, 2009: 8:45 AM
@Avitable, you’re blushing, aren’t you? LMAO
I bet if you get out on the dance floor with her, she’ll trust them in your face.
I said thrust. Heh.
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@sam {temptingmama}, dude, I can’t even think about that! That’s so wrong.
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Twitter: Temptingsam
, July 21st, 2009: 8:52 AM
@Avitable, All these comments are going straight to her inbox as we type.
I said box. Heh.
She’s going to KILL me.
You know you can’t complain about a good set of tatas
onin your face.Reply
Twitter: mooshinindy
, July 21st, 2009: 8:56 AM
@sam {temptingmama}, you two. i’m shaking my head disapprovingly. AND YOU BOTH KNOW THE DISAPPROVING HEAD SHAKE.
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Twitter: Temptingsam
, July 21st, 2009: 9:14 AM
@moosh in indy., *snicker* I love you.
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Twitter: VDog
, July 21st, 2009: 2:22 PM
@sam {temptingmama}, it’s true, Casey’s boobs ARE bigger in person. Raur.
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Twitter: Temptingsam
, July 21st, 2009: 2:30 PM
@VDog, I know, right?! See Adam. I don’t lie. You’re in for a TREAT my friend.
(Too bad I can’t insert the bouncing boobie lady here.)
I said insert. Heh.
I hope you have fun!
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@bluepaintred, fuuuck, me too!
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I am quite sure your “expertise” on being a “man” will be highly entertaining.
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@Sybil Law, I suspect from the use of quotes that you are doubting my man-like abilities!
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Twitter: alotofnothing
says:
I will be in your room chanting for you to strip.
I guess I can also make it to your Vaginally Challenged Room to chant for you to strip.
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@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing], and then you’ll be chanting for me to put it back on as quickly as humanly possible.
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Twitter: Blogography
says:
Oooh… you’re up against Mocha Momma? That’s a tough break! Good luck!
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@Dave2, I know! She’s going to suck away all of my audience.
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I have to live blog the mommyblogging panel at that time on Saturday. Boo.
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@Miss Grace, boo indeed. That panel is going to be booooring, too!
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
I hate personal blogging and I hate women.
No wait! I love both of those things!!!
Especially boobs.
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@B.E. Earl, there will be plenty of boobs, that’s for sure.
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Twitter: sendchocolate
says:
can’t wait to meet you, Avitable! Blogher rocks, and parties are even better. You make me laugh and I so enjoy mostly lurking, with the occasional comment left here.
Tina
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@Tina@SendChocolate, well, thanks for lurking, and I’ll see you in a couple of days.
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i’d go just to see the strip tease.
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@gorillabuns, it’s better to view my strip tease on an empty stomach, so don’t eat immediately prior.
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BlogHer sounds like a great place to pick up chicks, but it’s just too far away. Get a few e-mail addy’s from attending Asian hotties for me. Tell them I’ll pay extra if they dress like schoolgirls with bunny ears an make a YouTube video of them making out.
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@Grant, I’m not sure what the Asian Hotty contingent will be like.
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Twitter: ashleighlynne
says:
I’m jealous that I’m not going and don’t get to meet everyone, sad!
However, the fact that you love the Gilmore Girls and Sex and The City makes me happy.
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@Ashleigh, me too. I love my Lorelais.
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I would love to see you and Britt together. I’m guessing it would be non-stop laughter.
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@MariaV, I don’t know about non-stop. That’s a lot of pressure!
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Twitter: _scifidad_
says:
I probably learned more about you from this post than I have reading most of what you’ve written in the past year or so. Seriously.
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@SciFi Dad, that’s not true at all! You’ve seen more than this information even with my 100 Things post.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
while i have seen the video before, i still watched it again. cracks me up. although it is your dancing you video that is my go to smile inducer on a bad day.
don’t get me wrong, i’m not a hater of all things blogher, but i just don’t get it. regardless, i hope it is everything you want and more!
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@hello haha narf, I know you don’t get it. I hope it’s a blast too!
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
crap. i forgot to make fun of you for the #blogher in your post’s title.
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@hello haha narf, I did that so it would show up on Twitter with a hashtag.
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Twitter: Temptingsam
says:
Send me your cell #. I’ll take care of you too.
And P.S. Wherever Casey is, I am too so you’re not getting rid of me all weekend.
And! The two of us together? We may actually get Casey swearing!! (When she tells us to fuck off maybe)
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Twitter: karensugarpants
, July 21st, 2009: 8:29 AM
@sam {temptingmama}, he has no idea what he’s in for eh?
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Twitter: Temptingsam
, July 21st, 2009: 8:34 AM
@Karen Sugarpants, Oh, and he thinks he’s scared us all with the bestiality porn?
Just wait Mr. Avitable.
This weekend will be your Karma.
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Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
Can’t wait to meet you dude. It’s seriously one of the highlights for me.
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@Karen Sugarpants, same here!
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Okay, so you’re saying that we should spend 90 minutes of our lives getting to know to what men what out of women’s blogs?
Actually that does sound fun.
What’s that swag again?
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@Mom101, it’s just something basic and fun.
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Uh… I was going to say “I’m so there” until I saw you were up against Kelly.
As you are well aware, Kelly quietly keeps all my secrets. I’d like to keep it like that.
So I’ll just have to bump into you at one of the parties you are going to.
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@Veep Veep, sigh. You’ll be missing out!
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Well, shit. Now I have to bring my push up bra.
If you beat me with attendance to your panel then I’m just going to have to smoosh your face into my Bionic Breasts.
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@Mocha, is that supposed to be a bad thing?
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Twitter: momofali
says:
My excitement for this conference just went to an entirely new level. I’m working the registration desk with you on Friday morning! I’ll bring the liquor.
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@Momo Fali, sweet! I’ll bring the cock ring.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
Travel blogs are boring?
Really?
How many of them are you subscribed to in your feed reader, dick?
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@Miss Britt, oh, I don’t mean YOUR travel blog. Just the rest of them!
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
I’m so sorry I’m going to miss this. Just watching Britt bitchslap you three would be well worth the price of admission.
I hope it’s a blast; I can’t wait to hear all about it.
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@Finn, it may be recorded – I’m not sure.
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Twitter: alimartell
says:
I can’t wait to see you (and Casey’s boobs) TOMORROW
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@ali, shit, no reason to wait. I’ll show you my boobs right now.
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I’m really super looking forward to meeting you.
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@Maria, me too. Super duper.
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Sounds fun. I’m bummed I’m not going cuz I would KILL to see that striptease!!
Hallie
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@Hallie, we’ll see if we can get it on video.
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Have fun, take notes for lots of stories.
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@Summer, will do!
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
“I apologize in advance. I’ve written a few posts over the next week that will be a bit more centered around the conference.” You can take your apology and shove it up our Avitaass.
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@Faiqa, you have an Avitaass too?
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Enjoy your time in my city. I won’t be there because I am too busy getting ready for my wedding next week. I will be there spirit.
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@Christina, wedding, shmedding!
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i wish i was part of the welcome-wagon when you arrive in chicago. (bc seriously, you deserve one!) sadly, i’ll be working (or sitting at home wondering if your plane has crashed into the lake, depending on the time you’re scheduled to arrive).
i do hope i’m able to meet you sometime during this convention, though i won’t be attending. i’m not yet a “cool” blogger.
sheilacsr and myself were talking last month about stealing you away and going to the transvestite strip bar in the city.
let me know if you think you could squeeze that into your schedule!
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@melissa, it would be nice – I’m not sure how time I’ll have free, unfortunately!
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I hope people get to meet you and find out that you are not some sort of prick like a lot of people think because they ASSume incorrectly. You’re a big teddy bear sweetie-toosh who has a heart of gold!
(Bwahahaha, bet you wish I would have stuck to the rules this week now, don’t ya?)
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@Hilly, damn you for reading my blog!
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I’m going to be missing Adam Heath Uh-VIT-uh-bull. I know your posting will more than likely slow if not halt while you’re at Blogher, huh? Pooh.
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@lydia, nope – I have posts scheduled for the entire weekend.
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@Avitable, Whew. Won’t be dealing with withdrawals. Good.
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
Just bought a plane ticket! I’m getting a “Lobby Con” ticket from someone, so I’m not sure if I’ll be able to attend your session or not…probably will have to catch it on the screens from the lobby. If you can pull any strings to get a fellow male blogger in there to support you and Jim (and the other guy whom I don’t know), that’d be great.
You and Britt are the only bloggers there whom I’ve met in real life, so I’m hoping to see you at some of the events you listed above. I already have your cell.
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@muskrat, awesome – can’t wait to see you!
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
Dammit, I want to go! Have fun, and maybe take some video to post later on?
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@Elizabeth Kaylene, there should be some video, I’m sure.
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I hate BlogHer and everyone who goes to it. That’s my way of protecting myself from the pain and heartbreak I feel over … not being able to go to BlogHer. I’ll be with you in spirit though. Hateful, jealous spirit.
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@Jen, I hate it too. Hate hate hate.
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I too despise watching sports. This will be a very misrepresented male panel unless Childsplayx2 comes decked in Lakers gear or something. Maybe we should just open the panel by smashing beer cans with our foreheads or chest bumping. Just as insurance?
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@BusyDad, that might be a good plan. Otherwise, how will the women be able to tell us from themselves?
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Unless you’re handing out pubic hairs for your swag, it’s hardly worth the effort of showing up.
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@Kris, well, maybe that IS the swag!
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Twitter: Zoeyjane
says:
I’m pretty bummed that I won’t get to see your panel, cuz I’ll be live-blogging the travel session. Thankfully, you’ll be able to laugh your self into undescended testicles at Britt’s ROYO, which I’m one of the speakers of. I figure she’ll be funny, Genie will be all intellectual and I’ll be the person to drives everyone to the nearest xanax.
Looking forward to meeting you – I wanna see how the rep matched the person!
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@Zoeyjane, I will be at yours, so that will be fun!
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
BlogHer attendees! Don’t watch the video! Ignore it! The proper way to pronounce Avitable’s name is….
“Hey! Will you hold my purse?”
That is all…
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@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, ha – you iz veddy funneh.
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Holy shit… did anyone ever make it through that answering machine message long enough to actually leave a message?
Sure wish I could attend Blogher. I’d go to your session for sure. Have fun!
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@Jeff, I actually have an abridged version of that one – it’s not quite that long.
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Twitter: shellimil
says:
Have fun. I say that tongue-in-cheek, though, because I don’t know how you will because I am not going to be there. I know you’ll miss me. You better think of me at least once, muthafucka.
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@Shelli, I will think of you at least two times. That’s my guarantee.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
I do not forgive you.
Going to BlogHer on my birthday. *TSK*
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@Poppy, I know. I’m sorry. You’ll forgive me next time you go to Dawg’s parents’ house!
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Twitter: poppycede
, July 21st, 2009: 10:34 PM
@Avitable, I forgive you already.
TWO-ARMED-HUG.
Yes, you can totally buy my affection.
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If I were going to blogher I would totally go to your panel and I would bump you (but I would have to tell my husband you’re gay so he wouldn’t say ‘you did what with who?’) but alas I will not be at blogher and it is not because I would really rather poke my eye out then spend 3 days with a whole convention of women, I gots big plans- but have a very good time!!
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@mountainmomma18, just tell him I like the Gilmore Girls.
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
That reminds me. I need to stock up on Palin merchandise.
And you finally wrote something stupid. All media is social?
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@whall, yes, commercials, tv, the internet, even print – it is all social.
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Twitter: fandpinlv
says:
Digits please, dude. Not that I actually want to talk to you. I’m just gonna sit across the room and send you weird stalker messages.
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@Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas, damn – I didn’t see this until after BlogHer!
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