Just when you thought I was done with my BlogHer posts, I drag you back in. Rather than trying to remember every single person I met last weekend and risk hurting feelings by leaving someone out, I’m going to try a little experiment.
I have a stack of 50-60 business cards that I got from different bloggers whom I met during the conference. I’m going to pick out 10 random ones, and write a limerick about each one.
10. Piper of Love:
There once was a redhead named Piper,
She seemed quiet and not at all hyper.
We said hi a few times,
And did a few lines,
And she got taken out by a police sniper.
9. Momo Fali:
I encountered dear Momo Fali,
Giving blowjobs in a dark alley,
I paid her tons of dough,
To fuck my ass real slow,
And scream that my name is Sally.
8. The Bitchin’ Wife:
Amy is known as The Bitchin’ Wife,
Tall and hot and sharp as a knife,
I would have loved to chat,
Talked about this or that,
But I was afraid she’d end my life.
7. Shauna Glenn:
Shauna’s an enigma wrapped in a riddle,
She’s petite and tiny and cute and little,
Her sarcasm bites,
I love how she writes,
And she’s too classy to show me her tittle.
6. Motherbumper:
I met a blogger whose name was Katie,
Soaking wet, she can’t weigh more than 80,
She looks like Winona,
That gave me a bonah,
Which I ran up and poked into Mr. Lady.
5. Citizen of the Month:
The blogger named Neil Kramer,
Could have been much, much lamer,
He made my top ten list,
Of people who are Jewish,
(No, they’re not all the samer.)
4. Alphamom:
There once was a blogger named Isabel,
Who ran a CheeseburgHer party quite well,
She paid everyone off,
If they as much as coughed,
And she may never get rid of that burger smell.
3. Amalah:
There’s a blog out there called “Amalah”,
It should always be pronounced the same-a-lah.
The author, Amy Storch,
Is so hot she’ll scorch,
And I doubt she remembered my name-a-lah.
2. Mrs. Fussypants:
The blond curly woman drew near,
In her eyes I saw glistening tears,
Before she started to run,
I told her I’d stop making fun,
And she used language that would burn your ears.
1. Redneck Mommy:
There once was a redneck named Tanis,
Who actually had quite a large penis,
She said “eh” and “aboot”,
And was good for a hoot,
Until she stuck her dick in my anus.
All of these are completely true, except for the parts that aren’t.
Enjoy this post? Try these:Less than 2 months until BlogHer. Are you going?
If I Won The Lottery
My Interview with #BlogHer09
Twitter: fandpinlv
says:
If I could stop laughing I’d be hurt at my omission. But then again, I should probably thank you for forgetting me.
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@Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas, oh, I didn’t forget you – I picked these cards at random!
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Awesome. Now I’m off to introduce myself to Momo Fali.
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@Matthew, bring a lot of cash.
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Hey hey hey – respect the blog wife. Or at least send me the video.
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@BusyDad, I’m her blog gigolo.
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If my iPhone wasn’t beeping at me that it’s battery is nearly dead, I’d have a VERY witty thing to say here.
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@Christine, pfft. Excuses, excuses.
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Twitter: VDog
says:
Huzzah for the great Avitable/Fussypants make-up of 2009!!!
Maybe we’ll make it off the blacklist now.
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@VDog, she and I are totally BFFs now.
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Less-large lounge lizard launches limericks lambasting ladies, lovelies, losers. Laugh, laugh, laugh laugh.
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@avatgardener, lesbians like limericks.
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I HAVE MADE IT! No one ever writes me poetry dude. Especially poetry that includes the word boner. And the fact that you could fit anus into that one about Tanis, brilliant. Loved meeting you but even more so, love that I now have a picture of you naked.
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@katie ~ motherbumper, you deserve poetry, but only poems with “boner” in it. Otherwise, there’s no point.
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It was the coke dude, it makes me an introvert.
Had I known a sniper had me in his sites though, I would’ve gone ahead and flung that damn swag bag at the back of your head like I wanted to
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@Piper of Love, you know you just wanted to fling your panties at my head, too.
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@Avitable, you’re a silly boy. I wasn’t wearing any.
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@Piper of Love, something that would have been useful to know last weekend!
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Twitter: AmazingGreis
says:
LOL, those are great. LOL
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@AmazingGreis, they’re not my best work, unfortunately.
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I may be too classy to show you my tittle, but I’ll sure as hell show you my penis!
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@Shauna, oh, who HASN’T seen that?
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@Avitable, I fuckin heart you. And, my penis throbs every time I think about you.
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@Shauna, mine too, baby. Mine too.
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Twitter: momofali
says:
Aw! Thanks for the mention. I can only hope my priest reads this.
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@Momo Fali, what’s his email address? I’ll send it to him.
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Twitter: theBitchinWife
says:
And I thought YOU were the intimidating one.
I’m so glad I accosted you on that first crazy night, but sad I didn’t do it again on Saturday night when I actually could’ve maybe had a conversation with you. The Men of BlogHer panel was brilliant, one of my top three BlogHer moments.
Limericks are a low art and I’m not surprised to find that you’ve brought them to a new level. These are hilarious. The last one for Tanis was the best!
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@amy @ bitchin’ wives club, yeah, you give off an intimidating vibe- I am glad we got to talk briefly. Next time, we’ll just have to bump crotches to break the ice.
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You know, listening to you moan about bumping Winona in your sleep was.. well.. awkward.
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@Miss Britt, now Katie will think I’m a pervert!
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
I keep trying to write haikus and mine suck, so do yours but in a good way.
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@Robin, are you kidding? These haiku suck! Because they’re limericks.
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
Dammit, I suck, I meant limericks. I can’t do haikus either. So much for my professional writing degree.
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@Robin, try knock-knock jokes.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
I just read that BlogHer 2010 will be in NYC. Does that mean that you are planning on coming to the big, bad, smelly Apple next year?
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@B.E. Earl, yeah, I’m actually thinking about it. It sucks!
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Twitter: MarinkaNYC
says:
Pure genius. And it’s not my fault that nothing rhymes with “genius”.
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@Marinka, it does if you’re clever and make up words like “meaniest” and “cleaniest”.
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Hahahahahaha
Tittle made me laugh! (Well, they all did, but tittle in particular!)
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@Sybil Law, “tittle” might be my new favorite made-up word!
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Twitter: perpstu
says:
ROFL! Well done!
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@perpstu, I wasn’t very happy with the finished product.
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True to form and hilarious.
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@sizzle, I try.
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Damn. I’m not sure if I’m happy that I didn’t give you my business card or completely bummed out about it.
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@Karly, bummed out. That’s the proper answer.
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You were on a real roll up until 7.
You’re a natural, really. I’m glad you saw a lot of hotties.
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@jordie, number 7 was genius!
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Twitter: lceel
says:
OMFG Had I known … had I known. I would have been here ages ago.
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@lceel, see? You’ve been missing out.
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
There once was a limerick that sucked.
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@whall, so what are you trying to say, hm?
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See if you can get BlogHer2011 held in Atlanta. I may be well enough then to attend.
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@Grant, there’s a blogging event in Atlanta this weekend. Are you going?
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Twitter: Barking_Mad
says:
Only you could come up with something think this. And that’s probably a good thing. *lol*
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@Audrey at Barking Mad, that is definitely a good thing.
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Twitter: Barking_Mad
says:
WTF did I just write. I meant, Only you could come up with something LIKE this…Oiy, too much coffee and not enough sleep.
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Twitter: an_bhean
says:
*snort*
Yeah, yeah, I’m supposed to be all ladylike and genteel, but you make me laugh so hard that I start snorting.
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@The Driftwood Collector, you? Ladylike? I’ve seen you drunk.
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Did you not meet anyone who was a bit blunt?
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@SingleParentDad, blunt? Is that some of that UK slang?
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@Avitable, I don’t think so, I was going for more what it may rhyme with.
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Twitter: mommy_wins
says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I think TRM’s poem is best!
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@Colleen – Mommy Always Wins, that was a good one.
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My sides actually hurt from laughing so much. What talent! I wish I could have gone
I wanna meet you guys *sniff*
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@Sarcastica, some day we’ll all meet!
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so honored. Meeting you was a highlight.
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@Isabel, you’re a delight. Look me up if you’re ever in Orlando.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
Are they really business cards if there’s no business behind them? Shouldn’t they be called blog cards or something?
You’re in love with Redneck Mommy. That’s adorable.
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@Poppy, I call them Personal Recognition Identifying Card Keepsakes. And I’m totally in love with YOU!
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Twitter: alotofnothing
says:
I’m sad, and at the same time glad, you didn’t put out my name.
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@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing], oh, you’re totally sad.
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(blush)
I made Adam’s ears burn? Sweet!
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@Allison Worthington, hearing that language? Yes, you did. BTW, I saw a photo that you said was for me.
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Tittle? TITTLE?!?!
Oh, Lord.
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@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, it’s the little things in life that make us laugh, eh?
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Twitter: HeadlessMom
says:
It was lovely meeting you in Chicago. These are great!
Oh, and I’m late. (Heh. Only late in getting here to say hello!)
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