Unless I come up with yet another genius and hilarious idea, this is my last post about #BlogHer. I may post a few of my favorite photos and I may discuss the “Vaginally Challenged: The Men of BlogHer” panel I spoke on at some point, but I want to wait for the audio to be available. I have uploaded all of the photos that I took (and that Britt took, since she broke her camera the first night and used mine a lot) on my Flickr here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/avitable/sets/72157621757851925/
I’m looking forward to this weekend, because I am still recovering from an unbelievable five days in Chicago. I haven’t read many blogs, haven’t replied to my own comments, haven’t gotten my work done, and haven’t even unpacked. If you looked like this, you’d feel the same way too:
- Horribly puffy eyes that won’t stay open caused by lack of sleep, plus Muskrat poked me in the eye with his penis.
- Rapidly expanding bald spot caused by being placed in high-estrogen, high-stress environment where I faced people that used to only live in my computer. Baldness not helped by the chunk of hair that Karen and Sam pulled out as a souvenir.
- Albino, sallow skin from last week’s spray tan washing off and from having my forehead repeatedly smooshed up against Kelly‘s and Anissa’s boobs.
- Glazed over eyes from trying to work, plus eyes are also worn out from the exercise required to simultaneously look at a blogger and smile while trying to peripherally read their nametag to see who the fuck they were. Eye muscles also strained from trying to pick out tiny bloggers like Ali and Casey in a crowd.
- Normal shirt with no offensive slogans because there are no people to oppress or demean in person. Online, I’ll still offend bloggers like Grace and Maria.
- Chapped lips from talking non-stop about BlogHer as if anyone is left who cares. Dehydration still occurring after my flight from Chicago to Florida, where I could have saved the trip and hung out with Angel, Angie, Shari, Melanie, Karl, Maria, and Izzy.
- Piece of cheeseburger still stuck between my teeth from the CheeseburgHer party. Probably photographed by Y and served by Lindsay.
- Unshaven scruffy stubble because I haven’t shaved my own face in three years and my barber was sick on Tuesday. Plus, I knew how much Deb loves a man’s stubble rubbing on her cheek when he hugs her. Of course, looking like a homeless man isn’t very good for impressing new bloggers that you met for the first time, like Sara and Renee.
- Almost empty container of hand sanitizer from trying to sanitize everything from bird flu, swine flu, baby influenze, mommy blogger’s madness, and other diseases that could have been picked up at BlogHer, most likely from Megan or Miss.
- Wrinkled shirt left at bottom of suitcase which is the only clean piece of clothing that I own. The rest of my clothing was torn off in the throes of passion by Victoria, Traci, and Pauline.
- Earpiece dangling from overuse from returning voicemails for work. It’s getting a chance to cool off before I start making crank calls to Heather and Linda. And heavy breathing and dirty talking with my sexy voice phone calls to Sue, Maggie, and Catherine.
- Perpetual darkness to simulate a cave-like environment after the horrible evil brightness of the Sheraton. Preparing myself to once again burst into flame when I go into the sun.
- (Not pictured)My testicles, which were autographed by Megan, Erin, Jenny, and Elisa and will never be washed again.
Just a quick disclaimer: I’ve tried to mention as many of the people that I met that I can remember off the top of my head over the last few BlogHer posts, but I know that there will be some people that I will forget. It’s not on purpose, and if you comment to remind me, that would be awesome.