A while ago, I wrote a post about the Washington Post Mensa Invitational. The Invitational called on readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. I came up with my own group of words and in the comments, many of you came up with ones that were more clever than anything I could think of.
Here are some of the examples from the Mensa Invitational:
- Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
- Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
- Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
And here are some of my new additions to the dictionary:
- Lemson: A life lesson that leaves a sour taste in your mouth.
- Artane: A work of art that is only understood by a few.
- Cateat: The warning you give your feline before kicking it.
- Eballient: Extremely enthusiastic testicular activity.
- Odiumb: An intense hatred or dislike of stupid people.
- Peejorative: When you really have to urinate and everything you do trying to get to the bathroom makes it worse.
- Tactiturn: Choosing to stay silent because you don’t have anything nice to say.
- Grandeloquent: Expressing normal terms of measure (e.g., Small, Medium, Large) in pompous ways.
- Sequine: Pertaining to gay horses.
- Scuntilla: A small vagina.
- Dietribe: A bitter rant about why your diet isn’t working.
- Spithy: So concise and forceful in speech that you spit while you talk.
- Abscure: When your stomach muscles are hidden by a layer of flab.
- Virtusoso: A performer who really isn’t all that exceptional.
- Irancor: Deep anger and ill will towards a country in the Middle East.
Do you have an altered word that you think is better than these? Take any dictionary word, and add, subtract, or change ONE LETTER, and give the new definition in the comments.
Enjoy this post? Try these:Don’t be an asshope
Words can be fun, you ignoranus.
I have lazy-brained readers. Oh, and there are prizes.
Twitter: s_csr
says:
I’m not awesome so I wouldn’t be able to come up with something if I tried. Which I won’t because I’m also lazy.
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@Sheila (Charm School Reject), more like “lamey”. Lazy AND lame.
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Twitter: s_csr
on August 3rd, 2009 at Monday, August 3, 2009 @ 2:08 pm
@Avitable, See? It was staring me right in the face and I still didn’t catch it. Avitawesomeness FTW.
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Snort is the new snot. Just sayin’.
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@VDog, just because I like you, I’ll pretend that makes some type of sense.
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Those are great!!
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@Pgoodness, thanks – any to add?
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inAvitable – incapable of being Av-oided or Av-aded .
Use it in a sentence, please. OK.
“She was always misplacing her favorite toys. So when she lost her 12-inch dildo, she just knew it was inAvitable.”
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Twitter: elizawhat
on August 3rd, 2009 at Monday, August 3, 2009 @ 10:54 am
@B.E. Earl, Clearly that’s the best word out of this bunch. I should so not be reading this while at work! (But I can’t help myself!)
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@B.E. Earl, and what exactly does “Avaded” mean?
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@Avitable, well the Oxford definition was “incapable of being avoided or evaded” and I took some liberties.
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@B.E. Earl, but is “avaded” when you run away from Avitable?
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@Avitable, you don’t have to run. Sometimes you can just quietly slip around a corner or behind a hedge. But yeah…it means giving the Avitable the dodge.
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One I created through a spelling mistake at work:
Enginerring – the ability for highly educated and well paid IT professionals to design and implement systems that are completely wrong.
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@Grant,
I may have to borrow that.
As an engineer, I find that word… really funny.
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@Grant, very nice – that one should be a real word. See: Windows Vista.
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I use my tacticurn skills on a regular basis. My momma taught me right.
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@thepsychobabble, you clearly have proper etiquette.
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The lemson for me here is that I’m clearly too dumb to think of any as brilliant as these. BOO.
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@metalia, I appreciate you not showing me up with your awesomeness on my own blog.
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B.E. Earl took mine, but I have a different definition…
Inavitable… The inescapable certainty that Avitable will find some mundane meme or dorky challenge and so vastly improve upon it that it actually becomes entertaining.
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@Dave2, and then I’ll tweet about it fourteen million times!
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pimpous- The act of being outrageously pompous much like a pimp might be.
Example: Larry is acting cocky today. Dude is pimpous.
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@Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy, see, I would say that pimpous means someone who is acting pompous and haughty even though they have a huge pimple that they’re unaware of.
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Various vocabulary variations verily vex vain, vacuous and voluptuous visitors. Viagra, veal, vegetables, and vodka for Victorious ‘Vitable.
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@avatgardener, a list of “v” words? That’s pretty lazy for you!
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I’m totally using sarchasm.
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@Robin, that’s one of my favorites.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
these always crack me up. although i am totally not brilliant enough to come up with any myself.
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@hello haha narf, sure you are! I suspect you make up new words on a regular basis.
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
Adoof : The apathetic feeling that arises when a doof tries to recycle games that were lame-o to begin with. Not bad for a pregnant retard, eh?
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@Faiqa, not too shabby. “Doof”, though?
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
Love these, but I can never come up with my own.
Have you ever read New York Magazine? They used to have this great contest every month that is similar to this.
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@Finn, I bet that if you sat down with a list of words, you’d come up with some awesome ones. You’re pretty fucking clever.
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The spell checker in my Google Chrome browser doesn’t offer a suggestion for Reintarnation, so it must already be in the dictionary.
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@Badass Geek, apparently it’s part of common vernacular now.
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hmmm…. I got nothing.
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@Miss Britt, pfft. I expect more from you.
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Twitter: elizawhat
says:
It’s too early to be witty. *hides under desk*
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@Elizabeth Kaylene, what an excuse!
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Twitter: elizawhat
on August 3rd, 2009 at Monday, August 3, 2009 @ 3:22 pm
@Avitable, It’s all I’ve got.
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pretard – v. slowing down in advance, n. someone less advanced than a preschooler
skintillating – adj. able to hold attention due to skimpy outfit
genieus – n. someone who magically acquired his/her talents
crumps – n. shooting pain in your butt cheeks from overexertion
oafmeal – n. the breakfast of idiots
I have to get back to work now…
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@Johnny, I think “genieus” is my favorite – nice job!
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Twitter: perpstu
says:
Fantastic! If it wasn’t so early hear on the left coast I would be able to whip out a few of my own. Maybe after a pot or two of coffee!
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@perpstu, I’ll wait with bated breath.
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My favorites are: Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it and Abscure: When your stomach muscles are hidden by a layer of flab.
You teach me so much, Adam.
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@sizzle, I am an educator at heart.
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An unhappy cramper: One who possesses the inability to use the facilities on a camping trip.
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@Jenn, can you possess an inability?
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This totally reminds me of Douglas Adams’ The Meaning of Liff… have you read? I’m sure you have. And I’m so not good at this sort of thing, so I’ll just it to you, the expert – totally hilarious!!
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@Loukia, I actually haven’t, but I’ll check it out. Thanks for the recommendation!
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Oh my god, stop being the funniest human alive. Seriously.
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@Mr Lady, whatever. This post wasn’t even that funny. I just wasn’t feeling it last night.
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ONE letter? Crap, then my entry of “Drunklexic” won’t make the cut.
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@the slackmistress, nope. Neither will my “insomnesia” – when you forget to go to sleep.
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Douchegag – What I do when the HOA douchebag sends out another ranty e-mail in which he vomits all over my Inbox.
And that’s all I’ve got.
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@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, heh. You should share that one with him.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
No, I do not.
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@Poppy, oh I would hazard a guess that you have a whole slew of new words that you use.
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Dislexic = someone who always messes up a good yo mamma joke. Something like that? It’s a start.
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@BusyDad, how about someone who accidentally insults himself when trying to insult others?
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Prosticution=Death at the hands of a prostiute.
Also, I am new here and people tell me all the time I look like Kyra Sedgewick.
Please don’t hold it against me.
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@Zak, I don’t think you look like her. And that’s a good thing! How about “being judged by a hooker” for an alternate definition for your word?
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
Avitaqle: an elixir one takes at night to quell coughing and initiate drowsiness but has the unwanted side effect of causing an awakening to facial hair and misuse of the word “retarded.”
hangrover: having too much to drink one night and waking up curled up next to the dog (i know i bent the rules on the lettering with this one).
sydomy: sticking your schlong in an androgynous person’s ass.
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@muskrat, I love “hangrover”! And I use “retarded” properly, if politically incorrect.
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Fartastic. Rather self-explanatory, I would think.
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@lceel, yes. I think that one speaks for itself.
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jackit – a coat you masturbate in? I don’t know, I’m terrible at this. I just think “virtusoso” is the cutest thing ever.
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@Jen, cute??
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@Avitable, There’s probably a word for people like me. People who think odd or innapropriate things are cute. It might be a by-product of parenthood.
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Crap i think my eyes just popped out of the socket rather than be subjected to anymore new made up words….they are funny though.
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@mountainmomma18, I expected a valuable contribution from you on this post, too.
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I might if I wasn’t so jet lagged. Or maybe I really wouldn’t, in which case the jet lag thing comes in really handy to avoid facing my own laziness and stupidity.
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@Elisa, yeah, it’s a good excuse.
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Memorrhoids- Itching, burning, painful memories. Generally involves a “Walk of Shame”
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@Jenn, oh, that’s a great one!
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@Avitable,
Sadly, I speak from experience.
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Twitter: whall
says:
Obalma – Magical healing lotion that promises to cure any disease.
Shitler – Poking your nose into someone else’s business so much you want to control whether they live or not based on their socially redeeming qualities.
Nosie O’donnell – see “shitler”
Pain – Yuletide Sarah Palin (get it? Noel?)
Mhetorical Question – when you ask an question that requires a bland answer
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@whall, okay, “Pain” was pretty damn clever. Even if they’re not dictionary words.
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e-tard: a person who is stupid, even over the internet. this includes anyone whose Facebook or Myspace statuses/comments include “lol!!!!!1!1!!” or “omgwtfppl??!?!!1!!11!”
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@Stone Fox, that one might be a real word already. And if not, it should be!
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