As most of you know, John Hughes died on Thursday. Known as a recluse in life, he’s not much different in death, and it took me a few days to snag this exclusive posthumous interview with him:
Me: Thanks for joining me, John.
JH: No problem. Glad to be here, man. I mean, you had to shackle me to this chair to interview me, but that’s okay.
Me: Sorry about the restraints, but you’re so elusive to interview! It’s okay, though. I am your number one fan. There is nothing to worry about.
JH: That’s cool. It’s always nice to meet a fan.
Me: My favorite movie of yours has to be Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. I’ve seen it a hundred times if I’ve seen it once.
JH: That one was a lot of fun to write.
Me: Why didn’t you ever make a sequel?
JH: What?
Me: I mean, with a movie that popular, don’t you think that you should have capitalized on it?
JH: Nah, man. I told my story. Ferris had his day off, lessons were learned, people grew. It was done.
Me: I’ve always had this dream of a sequel, though.
JH: Nothing I can do about it now, dude.
Me: Just imagine it being 20 years later. Ferris Bueller is a corporate drone and a single dad. Cameron is a radio talkshow host dating a different woman each week, and Sloane is a wealthy single socialite. He decides that it was such a nice day that he couldn’t go to work, so he takes a day off of work, sneaks his son out of school (where Principal Rooney is still in charge) and goes for an adventure with his oldest friends. You could call it “Ferris Bueller Calls In Sick”. Hm? Hm?
JH: That sounds like complete and utter claptrap.
Me: Well, it would be claptrap. Unless you wrote it. Because if you wrote it and infused it with the same humor, gravitas and character development as the original, it would be the best sequel ever. After Aliens, The Godfather Part II, and Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. And Empire Strikes Back.
JH: It would only work if Matthew Broderick, Alan Ruck, Mia Sara, and Jeffrey Jones came back.
Me: Well, of course, and how could they stay away if you wrote a high caliber script?
JH: It doesn’t matter. I’m dead. Sorry. And now I’m depressed. Interview’s over, man.
Me: Um, no it’s not. I have better plans for you. I am going to help you write a new script.
JH: You think I can just whip one out?
Me: Oh, but I don’t think John, I know. Now let’s not be a dirty birdy and start writing, hm? Don’t make me motivate you and make everything all oogy!
JH: I am not. Writing. A. Fucking. Sequel.
Me: Oh, John. I guess we’ll have to do this the hard way now, won’t we?
JH: Oh Jesus. Put down the sledgehammer! I’ll write, I’ll write! ARARARRRGGGHHHH!! My knee!!!
Me: Do you feel more motivated now or do I have to bring out Mr. Ax?
JH: (sobbing) No, I’ll write it. I’ll write your sequel.
Me: Oh yay! Ferris is going to live again. Happy day happy day!
Enjoy this interview? Check out my other dead celebrity interviews:
Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett
Walter Cronkite
Billy Mays
Ed McMahon
Stephen Hawking
Caylee Anthony
David Carradine
Martin Luther King, Jr.
My Interview with John Lennon
My Interview with Henry Gibson
My Interview with Phillip Spicklefritz
Twitter: whall
says:
Don’t forget Superman and Star Trek.
I SAID… DON’T FORGET SUPERMAN AND STAR TREK.
Do I have to bring out Mr. kryptonite-laced photon torpedoes?
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@whall, oh, good point. I totally neglected those two.
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Twitter: s_csr
says:
I don’t care if he came back from the dead to write the sequel. I’d still refuse to see it.
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@Sheila (Charm School Reject), have you ever seen the original, little girl?
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Twitter: s_csr
on August 11th, 2009 at Tuesday, August 11, 2009 @ 10:05 pm
@Avitable, Dude. I may not know much about obscure and/or old stars that you interview….I leave that shit to losers like you….but dammit I know my eighties movies. I can quote that shit like no one’s business. Screw that Walter guy and the big check guy – John Hughes is the legend here! For realz.
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@Sheila (Charm School Reject), well, you retain a little cred with me, then. Just a little.
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I would totally see a Ferris sequel.
I mean, I would hope it came out on a Friday and that you would be paying for it. But if you paid for it, and bought me popcorn, I’d totally see it.
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@Miss Britt, but can I do the old popcorn bucket trick?
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Brilliant blogger bludgeons Broderick’s Bueller’s begat-er.
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@avatgardener, bravo.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
Misery loves company.
Oh, and if they did a sequel with Jeffrey Jones I guess they would have to make sure that no underage kids were in any scenes with him. Because he’s a perrrrvvvvvv!
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@B.E. Earl, yeah he is.
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
I’d rather see a “Lunch Club” in which everyone visits Bender in prison.
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@muskrat, oh, everyone knows that Anthony Michael Hall’s character is the one who would end up in prison.
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I think the sequel works, in the it’s the end of the world and we should all shoot ourselves in the head kind of way.
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@Robin, so it should be post-apocalyptic?
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bwahahahahaa!!!
*love* the Misery spin on this one.
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@christie, I’m glad you got that. I’m not sure most people did.
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I think a sequel would work, but only if Cameron was an ex-con. Because, you know, after kicking his fathers Porsche through the plate glass window of the garage, it was a slippery slope into a life of crime.
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@Badass Geek, that’s true. Either that or he just became a serial killer who never got caught.
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What was “Raiders” a sequel to ?
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@Paticus, shit. My error. Pretend that says “Superman II”.
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It would be interesting to hear you interview a porn star, so I think you should whack one of the Jennas next. I’m still proceeding under the assumption that you are knocking off celebrities so you don’t have to think of any new bloggy ideas.
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@Grant, there’s more than one Jenna?
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Perfection.
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@Sybil Law, well, I wouldn’t say that.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
heehee, you said claptrap
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@hello haha narf, why is that funny? And John Hughes said it, not me!
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Twitter: mooshinindy
says:
So this is where I say that John Hughes doesn’t have a body as an immortal being and therefore you cannot sledgehammer him into writing a sequel. This proves three points.
a) you’re a bully.
b) it’s best that there was never a sequel.
c) obviously John Hughes went straight to heaven for bringing us Ben Stiller saying “BUELLER? BUELLER?”
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Twitter: _SciFiDad_
on August 11th, 2009 at Tuesday, August 11, 2009 @ 11:55 am
@moosh in indy., I think you mean Ben Stein… Stiller was a kid when Ferris Bueller was made. (And now Casey will use her hormonal powers of telekinesis to set me on fire.)
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Twitter: mooshinindy
on August 11th, 2009 at Tuesday, August 11, 2009 @ 12:46 pm
@SciFi Dad, Aw, suck. I was born in the wrong generations of Bens.
I don’t even care to defend it.
You guys are all old.
The end.
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@moosh in indy., how does that prove three points? Don’t make me get all lawyerly on you!
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Twitter: mooshinindy
on August 11th, 2009 at Tuesday, August 11, 2009 @ 10:20 pm
@Avitable, today is not a good day to die avitable.
not a good day at all.
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@moosh in indy., all you have to do is admit that I’m right!
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Twitter: _SciFiDad_
says:
I totally think you should start drafting this script, or at least a few story-boards.
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@SciFi Dad, it could totally be the best movie ever.
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Twitter: GrandeMocha
says:
I wanted to be Molly Ringwald in the 80s.
I used to torment my father that I was going to be a going to be a midnight fry cook at Denny’s. I think Cameron or Ferris end up that way in the credits.
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@GrandeMocha, that would be an awesome job.
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I could never buy Matthew Broderick at Ferris again. He lost all respect from me when he married My Little Pony Parker.
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@ali, omg I love you for that.
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Twitter: perpstu
says:
As long as a sequel is in the works, how about 36 Candles? Fantastic in Fuschia? Molly Ringwald needs more work, she has two more mouths to feed!
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@perpstu, she has THREE mouths?!?!?
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I always think of the movie Misery when I hear the phrase #1 fan.
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@Lynda, sigh. One of the tags for this post is “Misery”. The whole interview is Misery.
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@Avitable, Oh, I understand that. It’s just the phrase #1 fan is what really sets it off for me.
By the way, I’m your #1 fan.
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@Lynda, well, fuuuuuck.
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lynda… ME TOO!!! hahahahah and this interview actually ended a bit like Misery did.
Avitable.. get over it dude. If there was a sequel to be made that would have been as incredible as Ferris Beuler’s Day Off the late great John woulda banked on it. Some things were not meant to be sequelled. Or sequinned.
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@Twinkie, it was written to be just like Misery. That was the whole joke!
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Didn’t they make a Ferris Beuler TV show? I’m sure they did. Hang on….google….
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferris_Bueller_(TV_series)
yup. No John Hughes though
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@Dan, never saw it, and from the sound of it, I don’t want to.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
I don’t know why, but I don’t have a frame of reference for John Hughes’s voice, so I’m using Kevin Smith’s.
Ferris is where I learned the word “catatonic” and there is such a thing as sexy even if your face is wonky.
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@Poppy, in my head, I heard a cross between Peter Fonda and the Dude from Big Lebowski.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
Oh, and that Chicago eats sausage.
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@Poppy, Abe Froman, sausage king!
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John Hughes died? JOHN HUGHES DIED? HE DIED????? DEAD??? That’s the last time Bossy goes camping — so much happens while she’s shitting in the woods.
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@BOSSY, yes. It is sad. I lit 16 candles in remembrance.
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
OK. Fine. You get a Ferris sequel. But where the fuck is my “32 Candles”?!? And what about “Prettier in Pink” where Duckie comes out of the closet and decides he looks so much better in pink than Andie?
Be that way.
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@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, I’ll have him work on those next.
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fucking rude. this JUST hit my feeds. there goes my cleverly thought out “OMG FIRSTTTT!!1″ comment
also. you are kinda creepy, you know that, right?
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@bluepaintred, I’m creepy? Why’s that? I mean, besides the obvious.
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Great interview and I loved the Ferris sequel, although I thought it was going another direction there for a bit (“well, you did it with the Home Alone theme with multiple sequels, why not a Ferris sequel?”) but instead, Mr. Sledgehammer did the posthumous damage instead.
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@martymankins, yeah, I decided to go the Misery angle instead.
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Twitter: elizawhat
says:
Nice Misery reference. (:
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@Elizabeth Kaylene, thanks!
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