Back in June, I wrote a post that gave some examples of tweets we may have seen if Twitter was always around. I thought I’d revisit this topic today.
Twitter, for those of you ancient ones who think a feed reader is a magazine about grain and corn, is a microblogging site where people can tell the world what they’re doing, reply to other people who are saying what they’re doing, and enjoy a global nonstop conversation. It’s been around for a little over two years, and there are politicians, corporations, and celebrities using it alongside us common folk.
But what if Twitter had been around for longer than two years?
MamaCass I’m hungry. Should I have some soup or a ham sandwich?
9:45 PM Jul 29th, 1974 from BBSMamasPapasFan45 @MamaCass Definitely the ham sandwich.
9:52 PM Jul 29th, 1974 from BBS in reply to @MamaCass
HarryReese Well, my experiment of mixing peanut butter and castor oil is a disaster. I’m a ruined man.
4:23 PM Aug 2nd, 1918 from teletypeBHershey @HarryReese Have you tried chocolate instead?
4:59 PM Aug 2nd, 1918 from teletype in reply to @HarryReese
HappyInHiroshima I lost my job today. And my wife told me she was cheating on me. Today couldn’t get any worse.
7:59 AM Aug 6th, 1945 from teletypeColPTibbets @HappyInHiroshima Give it 15 minutes.
8:00 AM Aug 6th, 1945 from teletype in reply to @HappyInHiroshima
SharonStone Running a little late for the shoot today. Can’t believe I forgot my panties! Oh well, NBD.
6:46 AM Nov 20th, 1991 from web
J_Iscariot Oh man! The new iPhone comes out tomorrow but it costs thirty pieces of silver. I’m so bummed!
1:11 PM Feb 13th, 32 from messengerCaiaphas001 @J_Iscariot, dude. Call me.
6:45 PM Feb 18th, 32 from messenger in reply to @J_Iscariot
ChrisReeve Wish me luck in today’s horse riding competition!
9:15 AM May 27th, 1995 from AOLDanaR @ChrisReeve Good luck, my Superman!
9:22 AM May 27th, 1995 from AOL in reply to @ChrisReeve
Enjoy this post? Try these:BuddyH Anybody up for a fun party trip to Fargo?
11:32 PM Feb 2nd, 1959 from teletypeRitchieV @BuddyH I’ve never been in a small plane before. I’m there!
11:38 PM Feb 2nd, 1959 from teletype in reply to @BuddyHBigB @BuddyH @RitchieV Hell yeah I’m up for it. I’ll bring the beer!
11:42 PM Feb 2nd, 1959 from teletype in reply to @BuddyH
Even More Twitter Through History
If we always had Twitter
The Worst Twitter Party Ever
Twitter: themuskrat
says:
This is tasteless, but brilliant!
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@muskrat, taste and tact – both for pussies.
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Twitter: themuskrat
, August 12th, 2009: 12:20 PM
@Avitable, I had to come back and read this again during my post-deposition lunch at my desk. I love the 1945 and the 0032 ones best. Brilliantly offensive.
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@muskrat, I’m trying to be sensitive, not offensive!
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Poor HappyInHiroshima.
If only he’d been subscribed to the white house blog.
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@Miss Britt, El Oh El. You get a gold star
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@Miss Britt, it was all in a private post, though.
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Dude. You had to bag on Christopher Reeves? I’m so kicking you in the shin next time I see you.
Superman is ALWAYS off limits dude.
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@Redneck Mommy, actually, his name is Reeve, no “s”. I know this because I was the man’s biggest fan. I actually teared up when I went online to find the right date when he was paralyzed. But if I can’t mock the things that are sacred to me, I can’t mock the things that are sacred to others. And now I’m sad again!
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@Avitable, My whoops on the extra S.
And no mocking Superman.
No mocking disabled people.
No mocking insane people.
Anything else, go nuts.
Wink.
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@Redneck Mommy, everything in the world is open for mocking. I blog with integrity, which means I have to be an equal opportunity mocker. Now where’s my badge?
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NBD…what is that? Do I need to have seen the movie in question to know?
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@bluepaintred, it stands for “no big deal”.
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@Avitable, To be a cool person in the interwebs, that’s something I should have known, huh?
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@bluepaintred, or maybe just draw logical inferences from context.
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lol
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@Fantastagirl,
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
“zzzz, oh sorry, your Twitter talk put me to sleep.”
See what I did there?
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@B.E. Earl, hahahahaha! Nicely done.
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Twitter: HeadlessMom
says:
@HarryReese @BHershey wtf are you thinking? chocolate and peanut butter? GROSS!
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@Headless Mom, wait. You don’t like chocolate and peanut butter? How is that possible?
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Twitter: HeadlessMom
, August 12th, 2009: 12:08 PM
@Avitable, I’m not even so big on the chocolate alone, but it’s mostly the peanut butter. I know. What kind of woman am I?
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@Headless Mom, what kind of HUMAN are you???
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Twitter: Blogography
says:
No tweet from David Carradine? You, sir, are losing your touch!
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@Dave2, I plan on revisiting this idea occasionally.
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Twitter: Bellaventa
says:
Damn, this is worse than Jesus Fucking Christ. And I am still laughing.
Wow, I am deranged. ::wink::
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@Robin, this is worse? I don’t know about that.
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you, sir, are either brilliant or demented. Frankly, I’m not sure which it is.
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@thepsychobabble, well, I know I’m brilliant. I think it might be both.
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Have you done one from Jesus before?
SonOfGod Getting a weird vibe from @JudasKiss . Supposed to meet up tonight at Gethsemane to talk about it. Hope it goes well.
6:52 PM Mar 11th, 33 from CarrierPigeon
JudasKiss @SonOfGod Don’t worry about it. Everything will be fine.
6:57 PM Mar 11th, 33 from CarrierPigeon in reply to @SonOfGod
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@Badass Geek, no, the Judas Iscariot one up there was the closest one I did.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
i don’t know why, but i can’t stop giggling at HappyInHiroshima.
something is wrong with me.
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@hello haha narf, yes. You are sick and twisted!
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hahahahahahaa!!!!!!! I like the MamaCass one the best
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@christie, of course, it’s a myth. She actually died of a heart attack.
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Revisiting old topics? I’m guessing your latest celebrity victim escaped your death trap. When I get stuck for topics, I post pictures of hot Asian women. You should try it. There is not enough of that on the Internet.
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@Grant, I’ll keep that under advisement.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
*snorts* Classic.
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@Finn, I could do these all day!
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Castor oil?!
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@Nenette, yeah, haven’t you ever heard of it? It used to be fed to kids to help them have regular bowel movements.
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@Avitable, yeah, I’ve heard of it. They told me to take it when #2 wouldn’t come out… as in my second child, NOT the *other* #2. Although, as you also metioned, it can be used for that as well.
Okay, I should’ve said “Castor oil and peanut butter?!”, or something to that effect.
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@Avitable, as in “why did you choose castor oil?”
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@Avitable, other than the obvious “I was being funny, of course”…
okay, I’ll just shut up now…
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@Nenette, well, this made me laugh, if that helps.
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Hahahahaha!
I love your strange, demented mind! It started with the MamaCass one, and stayed funny. The mix of characters was especially funny!
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@Sybil Law, I try to keep it diverse.
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Twitter: s_csr
says:
And now I’m going to have to listen to Buddy Holly for the rest of the day and lament the day the music died
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@Sheila (Charm School Reject), you could just listen to Weezer’s Buddy Holly song, which is much better than any shit that Buddy Holly, Richie Valens or the Big Bopper ever came up with.
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Well I am glad that judas at least got something good out of the deal…what do you still get a 3G network in hell?
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@mountainmomma18, it’s actually an 8800 baud modem.
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
These are my FAVORITE!
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@Robin, yeah? Thanks!
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
How I wish the new ObamaCare policies supported the tactectomy procedure, so I could get mine removed and be as funny and tasteless as you.
I keep trying, but I fail. Kind of like the guy in Right Stuff… played by whatshisname Ed Harris. You know, couldn’t cuss at all even when he tried.
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@whall, what’s tasteless? Jokes about people who died decades ago?
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
MelvinSchnozwattle47 Guys! I’m just a few minutes late! Don’t start the signing without me! The hooker wouldn’t leave!
9:07 AM Jul 4th, 1776 via messenger
JHancockBoss @MelvinSchnozwattle57 No problem. We’ll hang.
9:10 AM Jul 4th, 1776 via messenger
ThomasJ @JHancockBoss No f-ing way that douche is signing his name to MY declaration.
9:11 AM Jul 4th, 1776 via passed note
JHancockBobb Word
9:12 AM Jul 4th, 1776 via gang sign
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@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, very nice!
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
A perfect mix of dead people.
What’s your obsession with death? Perhaps that is our best bonding experience. You should ask my brother about that time we saw War Games. I am sure I’ve blogged it before, but never from my big brother’s perspective.
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@Poppy, seeing people tweet about something before you know they die is just damn funny!
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
That Christopher Reeve one — ouch! I’m too young to get a lot of these other ones though.
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@Elizabeth Kaylene, I wasn’t alive when Mama Cass died, when the Big Bopper died, or when Hiroshima was bombed either!
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Twitter: alotofnothing
says:
This could be its own site.
Damn, I’m feeding the ego now aren’t I?
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@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing], the ego is always hungry!
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You have the most brilliant mind on these internets. I’m damn sure of that.
Give it 15 minutes. Fucking hysterical.
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@Miss, well, not most brilliant. Definitely top 10, though.
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History Tweets Rule. : )
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@John, I do enjoy doing them!
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Twitter: annieology
says:
So wrong yet so funny!
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@annieology, that sums me up pretty well, too.
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Okay, those were too funny. My favorite? Wait 15 minutes….priceless.
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@Carolyn, yeah that one is a bit dark and twisted.
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