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Ode to that guy riding a scooter

Ode to that guy riding a scooter:

Powder blue scooter
puttering through traffic
40 mph just out of reach
Buddy, does your mother know
that you’re gay?

Ode to my client who is a moron:

Oh client, my client
Your brain is surely dead
I’ve gnashed my teeth
I’ve rolled my eyes
Yet empty is your head
Listen to my words
Open your wallet
And give me all your bread

Ode to the person working the drive-through window at McDonald’s:

Enriching the world
One french fry at a time
A perfect melody
of salt, fat, and potato
(just add mayo)

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80 Replies to “Ode to that guy riding a scooter”

  1. Deontologist

    First off, I agree with bluepaintred: Anyone who puts mayo on fries prolly also kills puppies and beats up special needs children in his spare time.

    Secondly, I submit that it’s prolly safe to assume that a grown man riding a scooter is gay regardless of the scooter’s color. The fact that he owns the scooter is a red flag in and of itself. I mean, what color could a man’s scooter be that would make you think he’s NOT gay? What color would be masculine enough to not call his sexuality into question? For me, all scooter colors are equal. All my male friends who own scooters are gay, irrespective of the paint color.

    I’m not trying to nitpick here, I’m just deconstructing your art…and calling you a scooter racist. There. I said it.

  2. Dave2

    Are you trying to start a blog war with Banal Leakage?

    That last “Ode to the person working the drive-through window at McDonald’s” was good right up until the last line when it transcended into sheer genius. Bravo Mr. Avitable. Bravo.

  3. Amy

    I always assume that grown men on scooters have lost their drivers licenses due to repeated DUIs. Never considered homosexuality as an option… I have so much to learn about gay culture.

    Mayo rocks on fries, and I’m not even Canadian.

  4. Nanna

    Oh thenk God! Mayo is the preferred condiment for fried. Ranch is a Johnny come lately (although good – just not authentic).

    And me, I tend to think that guys on scooters are like tree hugger people. Or just able to laugh at themselves.

  5. Finn

    I wish you’d been writing these when I worked at McDonald’s. It would have been a refreshing change. Have you ever mixed the mayo with ketchup? Perfect on Chik-Fil-A waffle fries; I think McDonald’s fries are perfect as is, without anything but the perfect amount of salt.

    Now I’m hungry.

  6. Jay

    I would like to get a scooter, but I don’t want to look gay. So maybe if I put a lift kit on it and HUGE tires and then paint flames on the sides I would look manly enough while riding around? Oh and I’ll wear leather chaps like Harley riders do. That should work.

  7. whall

    Ode to bearded commenter with hawaiian shirt avatar

    Why must you always copy?
    You engage
    You take what a blogger does
    and attempt to make it your own.
    The Me-tooism.
    The xeroxicity;
    Your comments are like a fax:
    Almost recognizable;
    A shabby copy.
    Your delusion at efficacy is sad.
    Pity I have for your attempts.
    About the only satisfactory
    you possess is the shared trait
    of liking mayo.
    With fries.

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