Late last night, a neighbor down my street, Phillip Spicklefritz, passed away at the age of 94. While he may not have been famous, I thought he deserved an interview as well:
Me: Thanks for joining me Phil.
PS: So, this interview? Does it go on the radio? The picture box?
Me: No, no. It goes on the Internet. I’m only a journalist on the Internet.
PS: The “Innernet”? What’s that? Ha! Sounds like some kind of tire.
Me: Well, to move on, is it true that you wrote a letter to Cary Grant where you called him a “cad”?
PS: I sure did! He was a hippie, too! But at least he was better than that homo-
(There is a banging at my door. Someone shouts “Ah . . Let me in!”)
Me: Who is it?
Unknown Person: It’s Teddy Kennedy. Open the dooah!
Me: Wait, how do I know that it’s you?
Unknown Person: I ah just died on Toosdey.
Me: Lots of people died. Let me ask you – what’s your favorite soup?
Unknown Person: The ahnswah is chowdah.
Me: And how would you get your vehicle into a designated waiting area?
Unknown Person: Umm, ah, you would ah pahk the cah?
Me: Okay, and what do you think about Marilyn Monroe?
Unknown Person: She was ah hooah who could ah ruined my brothah!
Me: Finally, what do you like on an ice cream sundae?
Unknown Person: Ooh. I love jimmies! They ah wicked awesome!
Me: Hm. Well, I’m not convinced. You could be some Southie who wants to rob me.
Unknown Person: Oh, fahk you you fahking mother fahkah! I was ah Senatah fah the United States of Americker! This will be yooeh fahkin’ lahss!
Me: I’m calling the cops if you don’t leave now!
Unknown Person: Fahn. I’m outta heah.
Me: Now that’s over, Mr. Spicklefritz, let’s get back to our interview.
Enjoy this interview? Check out my other dead celebrity interviews: