It rolls downhill, gathering speed as it hugs the contours of my shoulders and back.
The quiet waits to be shattered by the sound of my AC
but instead it mocks me and the sweat continues to travel
Joined by its brothers and sisters, it becomes a river, raging across my skin
I beg the fan for some relief. It does its best. It’s not enough.
“Adam”, the pool calls seductively, “Come to me.”
A night of cool ecstasy, floating on a cloud
It’s worth the wrinkles that the morning will surely bring.
The Worst Twitter Party Ever
We can fix your life
Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
says:
No hairy ass photos?
FOR SHAME.
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@Sarcastic Mom, I did drop the ball on this one, that’s true.
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It’s been over 100 every day this week here. That’s not normal for the OC at all. Not only have I experienced Ass Sweat, but my cleavage sweat is out of control. I’m seriously considering around topless. Why can men do that, but women can’t? Not fair.
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Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
, August 30th, 2009: 12:09 AM
@Twenty Four At Heart,
Let’s start a trend.
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@Twenty Four At Heart, I think that women should be able to do that as well. I’ll support that issue.
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Words are worth 1000 pictures. No need for hairy naked pics with this.
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@Jared, I don’t know, it might enhance the post!
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We’re suffering from a heat wave out here too.
Substitute the ass sweat for boob sweat and you’ve just written the poem I’ve been humming in my head all day long.
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@Redneck Mommy, do you have air conditioning in Canada?
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lol – topless isnt encouraged in restaurants – no shirt, no shoes, no service. And everyone wants service… right?
IDK why i said that – but it was a nice poem.
-Aman
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@Only Aman, nobody wants to eat food and see moobs.
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I hate ass sweat, but I despise boob sweat even more. The high was 50 where I live today, and its in the 40′s right now. I’m wearing sweats and freezing.
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@Becky, I wish I was there right now!
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Fucking beautiful. Ass sweat has never been so sexy. Thank you for making my Saturday night – which has been otherwise BORING – worthwhile. *smooch*
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@Sassy, I’m glad that I was able to sweat my ass off for you!
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Twitter: kimt205
says:
As long as it doesn’t cause an ass sweat rash. I have Anti-Monkey Butt Powder and Boudreaux’s Butt Paste if needed. I’ll bring them to AvitaWeen. YWIA.
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@Kim, no sweat rash for me. I moisturize!
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I can handle all the boob sweat going around here, not so much the ass sweat. My problem is my forehead erupts into torrents when it is hot, I should take to wearing a headband!
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@Mik, then you can just bring the eighties back!
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As long as your definition of ass sweat means swamp ass…
There’s nothing better then that…
At all…
Well maybe boob sweat.
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@Jared, and by better you mean horrible, right?
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@Avitable, Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.
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Right now I am sitting in front of my lovely air conditioner in my bed room. I just thought you’d like to know.
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@Sarah, ooh, I hate you.
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Posterior perspiration poem paints pretty picture. Pool? Please!!
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@avatgardener, perhaps the pool postpones perspiration.
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Why do I always read your blog when I am eating breakfast? I need to learn.
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@Hilly, yes, why haven’t you learned this lesson yet?
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When you’re a pre-menopausal woman, you get to experience crotch sweat!
Another night — I wake up all wet
Nothing’s amiss! It’s simply crotch sweat
So things get a little soggy down there
It only requires a change of underwear
They say it’s common among old ladies — but wait!
Goddamn it, y’all. I’m only 48!
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@JD at I Do Things, I think you’re thinking of me and having nocturnal emissions.
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Not exactly a sunday morning breakfast poem. Just saying.
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@BOSSY, but when would it be appropriate, hm? Dinnertime?
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
Just as long as you don’t turn it into a performance art piece.
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@B.E. Earl, I think I’ve reached my artistic peak.
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Twitter: Greeneyezz
says:
You’ve raised Poetry to a whole new level.
Or was that lowered??
Funny stuff Adam. Very funny stuff.
~ZZ
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@Greeneyezz, definitely lowered.
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WTF?
Dude, I know you made this commitment to post something on your blog every single day, but – seriously? Couldn’t you have just reposted a cartoon or something?
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@Miss Britt, but it was soooo hot with no AC and all I could think about was sweat. I write what I know!
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Allow me to complement your work of art with a haiku:
Prickly beads of sweat
Roll down my back to my ass
Refrigerator
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@Grant, you have an ass refrigerator? Sweet.
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Twitter: s_csr
says:
I didn’t think I’d ever have nearly as much ass and boob sweat as I did when I was in Kentucky. Then I went to Florida.
But, like Mah Becky, it’s freeeeezing here so I think I’d much rather have your weather at this point.
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@Sheila (Charm School Reject), wanna switch?
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I am intensely grateful for our unseasonable, perfect, low 70s degree weather. I can’t stand sweating. (Well, unless it’s for a good reason. Sitting is not a good reason.)
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@Sybil Law, agreed.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
thanks for the reminder that i should never move to florida.
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@hello haha narf, the few days without AC are worth the days of awesomeness.
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Twitter: mrlady
says:
Dude. You should have smelled my pants last night after a day of flying with three kids. Seriously, I feel you, dawg.
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@Mr Lady, just drop your panties in the mail and send them my way. I’ll let you know what I think.
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kind of reminds me of boob sweat~~
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@charlene, very similar!
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you have been nominated for blogships 09!
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@charlene, I have no idea what that is.
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Ass sweat: Yet another scent that will never be released in one of those tree-shaped car air fresheners.
Right up there with Litter Box and Limburger.
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@Janna, and the world suffers as a result.
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Twitter: laurenacarlton
says:
This should added to the Texas state flag.
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@Lauren, Florida, too!
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Twitter: http://whall.org/blog
says:
I cannot believe you didn’t mention hair. Not once.
Where’s the Fairness Doctrine when we need it! THERE OUGHTA BE A LAW
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@whall, poetic license.
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