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Unburden your soul

Church of Holy Avitableness

As most of you know, I have my own church – The Church of Holy Avitableness.

We don’t do mass. There’s no collection plate. We don’t have a church building. There are no vestments. I don’t even have a Holy Book!

What we do have, though, is CONFESSION.

It’s good for the soul. It’s good for the heart. It’s downright good for you.

And today on Avitable.com is Confession Day.

Today’s comments are for confessions. You don’t have to be specific. You can log out and confess as Anonymous. You can confess whatever sin you want, no matter how small or how momentous. Confess something that you’d never post on your own blog – you don’t have to worry about your readers seeing it here. Confess something that you’ve just wanted to get off of your chest. Confess something that you don’t really care about. You can make it a general confession about a sin, or you can make it a specific confession to a specific person who can remain nameless or be named.

It doesn’t matter. Just confess.

I’ll start:

Confession #1:

I totally stole this idea from Hilly.

Confession #2:

I once killed a koi pond full of fish by dumping gasoline in it, when I was a kid.

Confession #3:

I probably think I’m better than you.

Okay, it’s your turn. Let’s hear it!

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144 Replies to “Unburden your soul”

  1. Anon-a-miss

    So…I have this job that pays me LOTS of money. I hate it. I pretty much do as little as humanly possible. I come in late, leave early and take long lunches. And tweet. All the day long. I do enough to keep my boss impressed, but really, its laughable.

    I fucking hate it but I won’t leave cuz, um, money kicks ass.

  2. Kim

    I wished today that someone who was hurting me
    financially was dead.

    And then, just for a second, I wished that somehow
    I’d never known this person, even though it would have
    meant that I’d never met G and I wouldn’t have the good
    times along with the bad.

    And then I just wished I could wish it all away and go
    back to what it was before.

    Still waiting on that wish to come true.

  3. Sybil Law

    I wish certain people (beginning with my FIL) would move far, far away.
    That’s not so secret, but really, it’s all I’ve got.

    Oh wait!
    I wish a friend of mine would get on some medication because she’s fucking manic and it’s starting to make me nuts.

  4. Amanda

    I let the excitement of my promotion overshadow my concern for my manager with breast cancer. It’s awful to cash in on someone else’s tragedy, but that’s the only way for me to get ahead at this company.

  5. Faiqa

    SOMETIMES, I wish my parents and in laws would move to a remote desert island and that we only had to see them, like, once a year.

    Then, they buy me stuff, and I feel bad for wishing that.

    I’m a shallow, petty person in that way.

  6. floating princess

    I confess that I’m scared shitless to go to the Halloween party without having met anyone before.

    I confess that I love when Hilly does this and always come up with a huge list of crap to get off my chest.

    I confess that someone tries my patience to the point where I wonder if I’ll snap one day and smother them with their orthopedic pillow.

  7. Ashleigh

    On Sundays I usually go see the Mormon half of my family for lunch, and about 98% of the time I am either still drunk or hungover from the night before.

    I have a problem with saying no, that’s not okay- the people I work for underpay me and don’t work me as often as I was originally told, but because I know they are having issues right now I don’t say anything but ‘that’s fine’.

    It annoys the fuck out of me that my mom, dad, stepparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, mother in law and family friends all find me on Facebook and Twitter and add or follow me. Even more when they tell me how disappointed they are in the tidbits of my life that they hear about online. I would slap them if I could.

    anddd I wish I was a better blogger, but my life is boring and I don’t think how awesome I’m told that I am translates very well into a blog.

  8. Tracy Lynn

    I know I’m not better than you, but fully believe I’m smarter.

    I judge you if you lack pop culture knowledge.

    I am a recovering picky eater.

    There, Gorilla Boy. I hope you’re happy, I wouldn’t do this for anyone else, you know.

  9. Lynda

    1) I have eaten more chocolate in the past three days than I have since before I left my marriage.

    2) I am not sure I can make it to Florida this October, as much as I really want to. I’m still going to try.

    3) I sometimes think I am just destine to be alone for the rest of my life. Even when I was married, I wondered that.

    4) I totally hormonal right now, more than I have been in a long time, and if I didn’t just have Midol PM I would be taking it in the day too.

    5) I don’t have to be better than you. I just have to be awesome.

  10. B.E. Earl

    Confession #1 – I’m a bit disgusted by young Avitable for killing those fish.

    Confession #2 – I’m beginning to wonder if you are a serial killer. Killing helpless animals is an early warning sign for sociopaths. Did you like to light fires in your youth? Did you wet your bed? Did you wet anyone else’s bed?

    Confession #3 – OK, I’m not really that outraged. For some reason I don’t count fish very high on my “cute animal” list. It’s not like they can snuggle. Still, dude…

    • Poppy

      Ooh, I got one!

      Confession #1: There is someone who has no idea, but I think of him as a fatherly figure to me, in the good way. And it makes me happy to interact with him. But he has NO idea. Cuz, well, I never told him and he’s probably not as psychic as I am.

      Confession #2: I’m not actually psychic, but I very much am very intuitive. This one’s not for Adam, he knows that already, it’s for the rest of you who I freak the fuck out by knowing stuff about you that you didn’t tell me.

  11. marymac

    Bless Me Father Avitable, for I have sinned. It’s been- er, like 20 years since my last confession.
    I confess that I have a huge crush on you.
    And that I think Dooce is overrated. (and yeah, whiners, I’m jealous of her. OK?!)
    And that some days I want to run away from my 4 kids, maybe to go to Canada to meet redneckmommy.
    Also, I shoplifted a bikini when I worked in retail 24 years ago. Wore it right under my clothes- and I WORKED at the store.
    Ok, better now. Off to say my 347 Hail Marys.
    Cheers!

  12. Hilly

    I confess that there are a few people on whom I’d like to open the fucking flood gates and just let loose. I’ve got so many things that I want to say to certain people but I smile politely because I’ve made it my mission to be wayyyy more classy than said people. Still, every now and then…on a day like today…when I don’t feel well…when I’m upset about things in my own life…I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, class be damned. However, I never will do this. I’ll just smile politely and walk away because it’s who I am. It’s how I’m made. How I was raised.

    Also, as long as I am being honest…I’ve really been hurt lately by the fact that Shawn seems to have gotten all of “our” friends in the divorce. Not one person “of his” has reached out to me or even tried to ask how the fuck I am. Of course, getting him to answer my emails or my text is somewhat of a chore as well so I have no idea why I am surprised. I think I believe in the good nature of people way too much.

    So yes, today I am disappointed. And sad. And pissed. And lonely. And I miss my ex-husband. Yanno, just today.

    Dude, maybe I will come back and confess when I am in a better mood, haha!

  13. christie

    For over 10 years of my life I was a vegan and an animal rights activist. During that time I had a “pet” rabbit who I tortured and killed.
    (tortured with food and only fed her 1/2 a carrot a day until one day she wasted away- I also never lined her cage so she was probably super uncomfortable).

  14. Badass Geek

    When I was in 5th grade, I got tired of being tormented by some bullies at school. I rummaged through my dad’s toolbox and took his box cutter with me to school for protection for a few weeks. I (thankfully) never brandished it, but it was empowering to know I had it on me.

  15. perpstu

    I confess that if I had my way, I would get rid of all but two members of my immediate family – one on my side and one on my husband’s.
    I confess that I look for an excuse every day to quit my job.
    I confess that I am relieved that my fucked up crazy friend hasn’t called me in 3 weeks.

    Whew!

  16. ADW

    I used to wish that certain members of my family would die. Then I would come up with inventive ways to kill them myself. I think I might have done some people in as a kid if I thought I could get away with it.

  17. Madame Confessionista

    -sometimes I masterbate while my husband is asleep next to me in bed.

    -I was extremely abused, verbally and emotionally, as a child but hardly talk about it. I hate it when people who were just spanked whine about how hard their lives are.

    -I witnessed a kid getting shot in my school and didn’t care

    -I’m curious to see who I’d be matched up with on EHarmony

  18. jen

    Thanks to you and redneckmommy, “twatwaffle” is my new favorite derogatory term.
    That said, one of my co-workers is the world’s biggest twatwaffle who wanders around most of the day gossiping but doesn’t get called out on it because her mom works here too. Hey, I might spend a few hours reading blogs and posting on Facebook, but I always get my work done and volunteer to do more, so I TOTALLY have room to talk shit.
    And despite what I might say about not caring how many readers I have at my blog (currently maybe 5?), I do want to be a better writer… but I lack motivation with pretty much everything I do, so I’m doomed.

  19. Grant

    I had a crush on a fellow blogger. She struck me as being a near-perfect match for me, although not remotely what I would think of when describing my ideal woman (blonde, large-breasted, Florida woman – not remotely Japanese). I didn’t say anything because she was (is) married, although she had a completely rotten marriage to a guy who was in no way compatible with her. She hated it, but like so many people I’ve seen, she refused to leave or to even give a reason why she kept herself miserable (religion was not the excuse for once). I still keep in touch via e-mail and hope that she’ll eventually get the damned divorce already, even though I’m in no physical or financial shape to pursue a relationship.

  20. Hockeyman

    I have been statutorily raped. Several times in my high school years. Only it wasn’t rape in any way, that’s just the legal definition.

    I also despise working for my boss’s boss. She will lead my department into peril.

  21. Anonymous

    I’ve contemplated suicide in the past, but yesterday I actually scheduled it in my calendar.

    True, it’s 15 years from now, so there’s time to change my mind I suppose, but still, it’s scheduled.

  22. MomBabe

    I dropped my kids out of the preschool group they were in because I hate one of the other moms. It’s bad enough I see you at aerobics class and church, now I have to deal with you and your hellion on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s? I don’t think so. I would see them 6 days a week otherwise and I just can’t deal. My kids are totally sad, but I’m doing a happy dance.

  23. Jay

    Sometimes I read certain people’s blog posts and scream at the computer what total fucking idiots they are and that have absolutely no respect for them. Then, I leave a bland, generic comment of support.

  24. Melissa

    I desperately want to spit in the coffee of two of my co-workers. One for telling me I should move to Canada because I support health care reform and the other for telling me the reason I hate Glenn Beck is because he speaks the truth.

  25. thepsychobabble

    Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been a decade or so since my last confession.

    1)when I was younger, I used to secretly wish I could be Catholic. Not because I actually believe or anything, but because it’s so ritualistic and (to my naive younger self) romantic.

    2)I am pissed off at a lot of people currently, and I may be taking it out on everyone else.

    3)As much as I love my kids, being around them constantly with no break, is driving me batshit crazy.

  26. Chibi Jeebs

    – We sleep separately because of me (evidently I can’t sleep with ANYONE in my bed), and I hate it with every fiber of my being — I feel like a defective fraud. Part of what may bother me the most is the fact that he seems to be completely fine with (“fine” being matter of fact in that we both need sleep).

    – I’ve had it up to here with my HOA/the management company and I’m thisclose to letting the deck rot and fall off the fucking building. Hope they like the law suit(s).

  27. Anonymous

    I have SO waited for this post again.

    I am totally going to have affair with an old boss.

    I am not unhappy in my marriage, just with the sex part.

    I am contemplating the “open marriage” talk.

    Phew – much better

  28. My Name: Wish I Could I Could Tell You

    I think it’s stupid that my cousin kept her kids home the other day when Obama gave his “stay in school” speech. I think she is turned into a stepford wife and just does what her redneck husband wants her to do so that she never has to think for herself and therefore, nothing is really her fault. I think her husband doesn’t like Obama not because of his political party but because of his color. Had it been a white democratic man giving that same speech, I’m sure her kids would have been allowed to go to school.

    I wish I could say this out loud to my family and friends, but sadly most of them agree with what my cousin did so I just don’t say anything.

    Also, I hate that my assistant can’t multi task and I end up doing work I’ve asked her to do! It really irks me and yet I can’t do anything about it because she isn’t technically doing anything wrong, just not doing as well as I want her to do. And plus she is a ‘protected class’ and that means she will always have a job here as long as she wants one. I inherited her when I got this job.

    I hate that what some people call “growing” and “finding yourself” I call just being an adult and I want to say, “Welcome to the real world! Where have you been? The rest of have been here for a while. Sure it sucks sometimes, but you make the most of it or you die complaining. Your choice”

    I also don’t like when people aren’t honest with themselves… You can lie to me all day long. I probably won’t care because I don’t make it habit to care about other people that don’t pay my bills. However, when someone is lying to themselves and even I can see the truth, that really irks me. I normally can’t respect someone after that. If you don’t care enough about yourself to be honest with who or what you really are, then how on earth am I suppose to respect you or believe you? – Unless you pay my bills.

  29. No name needed

    I’m posting without a name but who are we kidding…you can find out who I am if you really wanted to.

    Here’s my many confessions:

    1. I’m an active drug user. I love them. I rarely buy them and they have not even once effected my work/ability to provide for myself. I simply like them. I’ve taken a 30mg slow release morphine today as a matter of fact.

    2. I once pulled my dog’s labia (is that correct on dogs?) apart to see if I could see her womb. I was young but it makes me feel dirty to this day cause I made her do it.

    3. I might say I do something often (naughty things) but I’ve probably done it once and just want you to try it.

    4. I was attacked by a bunch of lesbians this weekend. They wanted my clothes off. I actually did not let them do it. (confused look on my face)

    5. I probably want to make out with you.

    6. I miss my mom more than I care to admit and secretly, I have nightmares that involve her screaming and pleading with me to help her and I can’t. I also think if she can see me after death, she’s disappointed and probably would not like me much. I’m a great person, honestly, and she would love that part of me but she wouldn’t LIKE me.

    7. I refuse to talk to my dying grandfather because I believe he is stalking me.

    8. The worst thing I did in hs was publically spit in a girls drink and watch her drink it. I felt terrible later. On the other hand, I wish I had gotten into more trouble.

    9. I have tested positive for HPV.

    10. Before I realized how damaging it was, I would tell people that I was touched in my naughty bits by family members to get attention.

  30. DanjerusKurves

    I have a horrendously short attention span. I am good for about 2-3 hours, maximum, in a social setting before I get bored out of my mind. In most cases, it’s more like about 10 minutes before I want to shove an ice pick through my ear and into my brain rather than continue to pretend to be interested. Job interviews should take 20 minutes, not two bloody hours! Ironically, I’m a very witty and entertaining person — but, again, that has to fit within my boundaries and I’m actually pretty anti-social for about 75% of my life. On the rare occasion that I pick up the phone, I can babble for about 15 minutes before I run out of steam and interest. If patience is a virtue then I am the consummate sinner!

  31. AJC

    1. I hate my job. I avoid doing work unless I absolutely have to. My boss is mean and annoying and a control freak. I fantasize about hitting her and quitting
    2. Sometime I wonder how much better my life would have been had I decided to not have my kids… I know horrible but I AM TIRED
    3. I dislike most of my friends. A LOT. I put up with them because they are a good distraction to how boring life can get
    4. I lie. I enjoy it. I am very, very good at it and it makes me proud. Sometimes I even lie for no reason, just to see if I can get away with it.
    5. I am with my boyfriend more because he is good in bed and WAY LESS because he has a good personality. He’s kind of a douche but amazing in bed and keeps me from getting bored. Oh, and I cheated on my horrible gambling husband with him, I am now divorced.

    Yes, that feels much better now. I am a selfish and very bad person, I know. But no one can accuse me of being a boring person!

  32. Me

    I hate my father-in-law. I will not miss him at all when he dies.

    I hate talking on the phone. I pretend to enjoy it because I think my friends do.

    I’m accidentally losing a lot of weight because of stress. I pretend to be concerned like I’m supposed to be, but I secretly like being skinny.

  33. Anon

    Despite still being married for 10 years, I have never told my husband that I was raped when I was 15. I did, in fact tell him point blank one time, but he told me to stfu & that the ‘joke’ wasn’t funny.

    Also, when we dated, I used to put my anti-anxiety meds in my husband’s milkshakes. When I stopped making milkshakes, he became 10x the dooshnozzle he was before, and I started giving him non-medicated shakes since I did feel a bit bad about that part. He’s still an ass.

  34. daysgoby

    I do that thing where you secretly hold the phone away from your ear and pretend you’re listening when my mother calls and spouts off some ridiculous Conservative Republican thing. It’s either that or go freaking out of my mind. She and my father raised me to be a Democrat (they’re both ex-hippies, for Christ’s sakes) and when she married my step-father she just…morphed…into this Rush Limbaugh loving, fan of Bill O’Reilly, (she doesn’t understand computers. So she decides she’s going to buy my step-dad a signed copy of Bill-O’s new book. Who does she call to walk her through the process? GUESS. I think I died a thousand deaths that day.)Obama-is-superbad-news-oh-god-I-just-hope-Jesus-takes-me-home-before-his-polices-force-me-out-in-the-street irrational person, and I’m finding it harder and harder to be civil to her.

    I talk to her because I think it would kill her if I cut her off (she’s not well and lives two thousand miles away) but I CANNOT go on like this.

    I’m up for political DEBATE, fine, but NOT being told I’m WRONG SO WRONG EVER SO WRONG NOT RIGHT IN ANYTHING THIS MAN WILL KILL US ALL AND I HOPE YOU DON’T TELL ANYONE YOU VOTED FOR HIM.

    Last week she told me that given the current political climate, I should probably not tell anyone I’m an American. (I live in Canada.)

    Father Avitable, please don’t tell me to honour my father and mother! Because I will die a thousand deaths.

  35. Someone So Anonymous

    There’s this girl who talks about her boyfriend on Twitter all of the time. I know them both. I want to punch her mouth whenever she talks about him.

    Also — there is a man in the blogosphere that I had sex with. He’s a coward and a liar. I can’t watch Top Chef because one of the contestants reminds me of this man. I’m thinking about punching him in the mouth too.

  36. Poppy

    Dude, those are NOT confessions I haven’t heard before. You need to confess something REAL to me! (Is there even anything left for you to confess????)

    Hmm… confession: … … … … Let me think on it, cuz I’m coming up blank on things I’d put on your damn blog to confess over.

  37. Capricorn Cringe

    I worry that I actually am a sociopath. Then I worry that I’m not a sociopath.

    Also? I have to call my mother every day or she will worry that I’m suicidal. Once, when I didn’t call her back when I said I would, she came over to my apartment and used her key to get in. I’m still pissed about that.

    That’s not much, but I can’t believe I just typed that where other people could read it.

  38. Sodapop

    I am angry and resentful towards a friend and am having trouble dealing with those emotions. I feel like they abandoned me when I needed them the most and was going through a rough patch. Instead of giving me a shoulder to cry on, they basically turned their back on me and our friendship has pretty much been non-existent since then. It breaks my heart AND makes me angry.

  39. christie

    Oh! I thought of another one. I guess not so much a confession as something I’ve been meaning to get off my chest.

    A few years ago, when I was still doing The Really Fucking Stupid Blog Awards one of the categories was Porn King (I think it was porn king we’re talking about… anyway) All the nominees had come in and it was the voting time. But Dawg wanted to be a nominee… and I said no. I can be severely ocd (and am on meds for it) and a rule is a rule. I might’ve been ruder or bitchier than need be- for that I’m sorry.
    And for all this time, I think Dawg hates my guts. And maybe that thought has upset me more than it should. But there you have it.

    Oh- and Dawg did not win the award he won out of pity. He made a comment that he thought he won out of pity… I assure you Dawg- you won fair and square. I tallied em up and you were the winner by a few votes (I don’t remember how many).

    so that’s my confession- I secretly think Dawg hates me and has voodoo dolls of me.

  40. Charissa

    I’m too much a coward to actually confess what needs confessing in my life! And I’m not sure which I’m more ashamed of, that I can’t confess or that I did what I did…

  41. fuzzarelly

    I confess that I don’t know how to post a picture to go with this post.

    I confess that I started a new blog of erotica, and am interested in other people’s stories.

    I confess that another man, not my dear husband, has been making nice to my lady parts.

  42. Some Chick

    I confess that I want to be in the next Hot Blogger calendar.
    I confess that my husband isn’t romantic at all and that upsets me.
    I confess that I sometimes wish I had a different life.
    I confess that I love your blog and am too chicken to post these under my real identity.

  43. CP

    i confess that i have the greatest husband on the planet. he’s thoughtful, romantic, smart, sexy, funny and amazing in bed.

    but i also confess that sometimes, i think about my ex-boyfriend when i masturbate.

  44. Like I'm Gonna Tell You

    Until 3 weeks ago I was still sleeping with my exhusband. Even though he has a girlfriend, I decided it didn’t count because we used to be married, and quite frankly, I like sex, but don’t want to find a random guy to screw.

    I sabotaged my exhusband’s last 2 relationships because I wanted more time with him.

    The only reason I’m not still sleeping with my ex is that I met someone new 3 weeks ago. The ex has no idea about him.

    I’m playing the “poor, sad exwife” card with my ex because I can guilt him into buying me things and doing just about anything for me.

    I know I should feel more guilty for all this, but I don’t.

  45. martymankins

    I once chopped up a neighbor’s bush to build a fort with my friends. It was during the day while they were at work. They came home to find this mess with my friends and I looking on. I don’t think they ever found out who did it.

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