Edna Prygyz – Project 2,996: Remembering 9/11

oldladyEdna Prygyz was born in 1908 and was survived by nine children, fourteen grandchildren, nineteen great-grandchildren, and one great-great-granddaughter.

She was horribly afraid of flying and it was likely that her death was painless, because she self-medicated heavily using a concoction of Valium, Thorazine, and Scotch, which typically resulted in Edna’s unconsciousness throughout her entire flight. It is foreseeable that she slept through the hijacking and the resulting crash.

Edna was traveling to San Francisco to visit her 88-year old boyfriend, Walter Flehm. According to the video of her funeral that I found on her gay grandson Kervin’s blog, Walter truly loved Edna and she was the best thing to happen to him after his wife Dot passed away in 1994. Unfortunately, from what I can tell, Walter was the only one who loved her. Here’s a quote from Kervin’s blog from September 11, 2006: “Today is the fifth anniversary of Nana’s death, and I will be celebrating once again by getting drunk on Hypnotiq and then going home and fucking Armando. Fuck you, Nana.”

It seems like Edna was a twisted, dark woman who delighted in mentally and emotionally torturing her children and her entire extended family. I was able to find stories that ranged from running over the dog that dug up her garden to trying to burn a tattoo off of one of her great-granddaughters with an iron. Kervin’s blog is replete with stories of her bitterness, bigotry, and pure unadulterated hatred.

In trying to write something about Edna so that people can remember her, I’m reminded of the adage that if you can’t say something nice, you shouldn’t say anything at all. There’s also “Don’t speak ill of the dead”. But, really? I mean, by all accounts, this was a vile, vicious harridan who has never been anything other than spiteful and miserable her entire life.

From the video of her funeral, it was obvious how disliked she was. The media outnumbered the actual guests 2:1, and even the officiant seemed to have difficulty thinking of neutral wording to talk about how universally disliked Edna Prygyz really was.

September 11th, 2001, may have had a lot of tragedy, but I think it’s safe to say that we should all be glad that Muslim extremists flew Edna into the World Trade Center that fateful morning. For once, the world was better off without such a dark soul. I hope you rot in hell, Edna Prygyz.

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154 Replies to “Edna Prygyz – Project 2,996: Remembering 9/11”

    • Avitable

      @B.E. Earl, do me a favor and don’t go back and read the posts I’ve written the past four anniversaries of 9/11, then. They’re rants, not gentle humor like this one. And I just read your post, so I know how affected you were by it.

  1. Crys

    Kervin? really?

    who looks at a newly birthed young life and says WE SHALL NAME HIM KERVIN?

    this disturbs me even more than Edna’s concoction of thorazine, valium and scotch. which of course i covet deeply at this party-time of the evening.

      • smokingpansies

        @Avitable,
        She sounds like a character from Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas and I quote:

        “We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers . . . and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls . . . Not that we needed all that for the trip”

        Don’t remember the song but it referenced Thorazine pretty prominently

  2. Staceylt

    Reading this caused me nausea. I had a real physical response to this. Seriously, Adam, this is too much. I tracked back to your last 9/11 post, and you are telling the truth. This is gentle humor by comparison.
    This post is not funny. It is fucked up. Perhaps it is the undercurrent of disrespect for America in general that is pissing me off, being the wife of a deployed soldier. Maybe I am extra-sensitive, but I really don’t think so. I have a very good sense of humor, and it takes a lot to offend me.
    Anyone who finds humor in this post is a sheep in your herd.

      • Staceylt

        @Avitable, I am sure I’m not the only one who went back and read other 9/11 posts here. You are disrespectful of all the people who were affected by this tragedy. You admit that an attack on your country that resulted in deaths did not bother you. You expect your readers to accept that and laugh about it. That is offensive to me.
        I do have a good sense of humor, but this goes beyond my comfort zone. I suspect a big part of your reason for posting such a thing is to make people uncomfortable.

        • Avitable

          @Staceylt, I’m not disrespectful. It’s sad that people died. People die every day, in many more numbers than the 9/11 attacks. This day has become an excuse for people to act out, and (1) I’m not going to mourn for people I don’t know and (2) I’m not going to treat their deaths as somehow more important than the deaths of others.

          • Staceylt

            @Avitable, This is disrespectful, not only of the victims and their families, but of Project 2996. No one asked you to mourn or to treat their deaths as especially important. You do understand that this is a soft spot for many people, and we get how you are beyond all that sentimental crap. Your point is made. You are above the rest of us silly Americans who like to remember and be respectful on this day.
            I’m not a troll. I’ve made many positive comments on your posts, and I would think that when I have a negative response, you might try to take it seriously. That shows me how much you value me as a reader.
            Now I’ve made a much bigger deal of this than it deserves, but there you have it. I guess I’m one of those idiots who act out.

  3. LiteralDan

    Crys, nice work on the Kervin comment.

    Adam, this is crazy, and I’m assuming it’s a joke, ’cause no matter how racist or homophobic an old lady is, everyone will say nice things at her funeral.

    It would be fascinating to see a remembrance like this of a real person, just for the raw honesty over the easier bland, empty words. Someday, maybe, someday.

  4. Blondefabulous

    Even though this falls just outside of my comfort zone, I too would like to see just one remembrance that didn’t use trite, over treaded sentiment to describe someone who perished in 9/11. They lived, so tell about their life.

    I bet Edna would have liked your tribute, had she been real.

  5. blogginbamagirl

    HA! I almost took it serious and was trying to figure out if it was your granny!! I’m an idiot.

    I don’t know what I find more amusing, the post or the comments. People, his header is him eating ice cream with Hitler “tact is for pussies” and THIS post surprises you?

  6. Jennifer

    A wee bit insensitive given the date, but I am glad that you made it up.

    Although, there are people that I wish dead that I feel the same about, so it was funny in that respect when I imagined them in place of Edna.

    And yes, I realize that made no sense.

    • Avitable

      @Hilly, yes, I could see why a post about a fake person that calls said fake person an asshole would be as offensive as Jesus fucking himself in the ass or talking about blowjobs. I think if you weren’t cranky, this wouldn’t even have ranked up there.

      • Hilly

        Except this has nothing to do with me being cranky. When I made my comment, there wasn’t even pissiness infused into the comment itself. It’s okay for me not to like this post, you know. It’s okay for me to think humor can go too far, you know. We’re not the same person, you know.

        I think it disrespects the 2,996 Project by making fun of it. I wasn’t going to say all of that but now, sir, you have forced my hand. Seriously though, I’ve been a part of this project since the beginning and don’t like the satire of it….which is FINE because it is my opinion. Mine.

        • Avitable

          @Hilly, I really wasn’t trying to be an asshole in my reply to you. I’m sorry, and of course your opinion is completely valid. I didn’t want to discount that at all. I’m sorry if that upset you. I didn’t know that this project was important to you.

  7. Amanda

    I don’t think you went too far. I understand it’s a sensitive subject for people, but pretty much everything is a sensitive subject for someone. It’s unfair to expect you to tiptoe around everything because someone’s going to get their feelings hurt.

  8. CharmingBitch

    While her death wasn’t connected to an act of terrorism, the family of Dolores Aguilar has already made the point that all obituaries and remembrances aren’t full of sweetness, light and good times.

    http://www.snopes.com/media/iftrue/obituary.asp

    I am not sure making that point using domestic terrorism and horrific loss of life as a backdrop makes it funnier or any more valid. It certainly does not qualify as irony which you said was your goal.

    • Avitable

      @hello haha narf, well, it was supposed to be a funny “what if you were trying to write a 2996 Project post but all the info you could find was horrible info” post. Don’t think that came across as well as I thought when I wrote it!

  9. Faiqa

    And, now, for Faiqa’s annual guest post in the Avitable comments:

    I appreciate that different people have different levels of sensitivity about certain topics. But. What the hell do people expect when they stop by here on 9/11? That they’re going to be offered uncharacteristic memorializing or large doses of patriotism? That’s just … a little silly and naive.

    Personally, I’m too in awe of how clever this idea was to be completely offended by it. You touch on a fascinating human condition regarding memorializing, patriotism, and remembrance. The truth is that someone probably *was* relieved at the loss of someone’s life in this event. Grief is a messy and nuanced emotion and I think if people got our their own way, they might see that this post highlights how your satire is always grounded in a sensitive and highly developed intellect. (Oh, good, now you’re going to be even MORE insufferable for the next few days because I said you were smart.)

    In terms of 9/11, I think it’s ironic that we’re still arguing about the semantics, the conspiracies, the politics, and the international ramifications of this situation when we haven’t properly grieved for the event as a nation. Going to war, my friends, is not grief. And, it is my sad realizations, that it is too late for us to give the victims of this incident their proper due. We were too busy shaking our fists when we should have been bowing our heads.

    And here we are eight years later, still shaking our fists and jumping on the opportunity to berate someone about how they aren’t expressing *their* feelings on the subject in an appropriate manner instead of expressing it in ways that we deem appropriate and worthy.

    As for taking offense personally to this… well, I’m STILL too busy being offended at the fact that my rights of privacy as an American citizen were violated in the name of this event and that most Americans stood by and watched it happen, and that many of them even supported it the singling out of their fellow citizens in the name of national security. I’m still offended by the fact that the people who perpetrated this event were not punished adequately so that political factions in this country could promulgate their own agenda.

    I would never tell someone what they should be offended about, but, personally, I sort of envy the people who lack the wisdom to be offended about matters regarding 9/11 that supersede the content of this particular post.

  10. Sheila (Charm School Reject)

    After I read this in my email, I told my bff that you have only offended me twice – the Jesus picture and your Easter Bible verses. While this post did not offend me, it kind of disgusted me.

    But now I’m too busy laughing at myself to be pissed or whatever because I actually freakin’ googled this bitch because I thought it was real.

  11. Nina

    I’m accustomed to looking past your savage embellishments and because I thought this was real, I began to feel all the typical obit reader grief. Edna may have been a bitch most days, but nobody is all-bitch, and besides, Walter loved her.

    Now that I know you made this up, I’m disappointed. This project was an interesting one, and I wish you’d channeled your energy into finding an original slant on one of the real victims. Instead, this tastes like you’re pissing on 9/11, Project 2996 and your gullible readers.

    • Avitable

      @Nina, it definitely wasn’t my intention to piss on anything. I was trying to be clever and funny and see what would have happened if one of the 2996 was someone who was actually a shitty person. I think it may have missed the mark a bit.

  12. christie

    I’m an Army wife. Though my husband will be out of IRR in less than a year I will always be an Army wife.

    He spent over a year in Iraq- away from me, and his new born son- because of September 11th.

    And I thought this post was hilarious. We can still remember- we can also have a sense of humor.

    I don’t feel violated or offended by this post. I don’t know- maybe if I was a nicer person I would. I guess I’m just a terrible, horrible, vile beast for laughing at what is obviously a joke.

  13. Faiqa

    I got cut off?
    … were smart.)

    In terms of 9/11, I think it’s ironic that we’re still arguing about the semantics, the conspiracies, the politics, and the international ramifications of this situation when we haven’t properly grieved for the event as a nation. Going to war, my friends, is not grief. And, it is my sad realizations, that it is too late for us to give the victims of this incident their proper due. We were too busy shaking our fists when we should have been bowing our heads.

    And here we are eight years later, still shaking our fists and jumping on the opportunity to berate someone about how they aren’t expressing *their* feelings on the subject in an appropriate manner instead of expressing it in ways that we deem appropriate and worthy.

    As for taking offense personally to this… well, I’m STILL too busy being offended at the fact that my rights of privacy as an American citizen were violated in the name of this event and that most Americans stood by and watched it happen, and that many of them even supported it the singling out of their fellow citizens in the name of national security. I’m still offended by the fact that the people who perpetrated this event were not punished adequately so that political factions in this country could promulgate their own agenda.

    I would never tell someone what they should be offended about, but, personally, I sort of envy the people who lack the wisdom to be offended about matters regarding 9/11 that supersede the content of this particular post.

  14. floating princess

    Sometimes I find comments more interesting than actual posts. This is one of those cases. I don’t mean that your post wasn’t interesting, but it was geared toward lighting a comment fire and it did just that. I love what Faiqa said.

    I, too, would like to see an honest memorial someday. Had I been the one to write the obit for my ex-MIL I could have written something very similar, if I could find the cajones.

      • lydia

        @Avitable, You are talented, funny, thought provoking and (sometimes) a tad tasteless in my eyes. I don’t always agree but I’m not so narrow minded that I can’t take you for exactly who you are *and* enjoy it!

        • Hilly

          @lydia, I don’t think it’s “narrow minded” for a person to say, “Ya know, this is not okay for me”. You can accept that someone is a certain way yet still have personal boundaries when it comes to what behavior you find acceptable…especially when you know the person in real life and are not usually someone who gets themselves worked up over nothing.

  15. Miss

    My first thought (before I googled looking for Kervin’s blog)(which you TOTALLY should have made up) was that ONLY Adam would end up with this crazy bitch for the 2,996 project. Here you had me thinking that fate did work in mysterious ways because if she were real, she’d be the perfect person for you to write about.

  16. Karen

    Yeah. Not my cup of tea. I am offended but MUCH less so than last year. I just hope that you truly know how lucky are to have not been effected by the events of 9-11. Some of us were not so lucky.

  17. Clown

    You like to push buttons and you like attention. We all know that. I like to think that I know you a bit better though and that you’re not truly this awful of a person that you’re still defending yourself for disgracing the project.

    We’ve known each other for years and have laughed together at a lot of stuff that, well… Most people would probably drop their jaw at and not to either of us again if they knew. Still, I’m more offended than perhaps anything you’ve ever posted. Yes, more than the drawing depicting Jesus having gay homosexual intercourse with another Jesus. It hurts me personally because I know, or at least hope, that you are not a bad person. You are a great guy with a lot of facial hair to offer. Still sometimes there is a clear line in the sand that should not be crossed. In summary, even though Project Runway has moved from Bravo to Lifetime, you have no right to speak ill of it. Lifetime is more than just Hallmark movies. Now, they a have a top ranked realty show/competition and you have no right to think bad thoughts of it.

  18. Summer

    I know you were just being yourself with this post but I just don’t see the humor in it. I will agree that after someone dies nothing but good things are said about them. “They were the best,most wonderful person in the world” etc.

    Any other day this would’ve been funny but I don’t think today was the day to post it. I also wouldn’t have made it seem like she was a real person and part of Project 2996. 911 is still a raw nerve for many people and I feel that it’s a day that should be remembered and acknowledged in a respectful manner. Maybe it’s just me, it’s not in my nature to go out of my way to offend or upset people.

    • Avitable

      @Summer, it wasn’t my intention to acknowledge the day in a disrespectful manner – merely, to find the humor in a situation that doesn’t have much and ask “what if one of the 2996 had been an asshole?”

  19. NYCWD

    Is it wrong for me to tell you that this cracked me the fuck up on what has, is, and probably always will be a depressingly somber day?

    If it is wrong… then I’m not feeling like being right.

    This cracked me the fuck up.

    Thanks

  20. Maria

    For a split second, I saw the title and I really thought that you were taking part in the project, seriously. Then I realized that I was reading Avitable.com.

    No, I didn’t like it. But I knew what I was in for when I came to your blog today. 🙂

  21. Poppy

    I do not care for this post. I know if you had lost someone that day you couldn’t write this. I’m glad that this cracked up the man who responded to this event and who lost so many, but last night I saw a lot of still very hurt people and I just cannot accept into my heart that this particular event shouldn’t be respected as a tragedy of lives lost.

    PS – This lady is not dead. I saw her last night at a memorial dedication for an EMT who died at ground zero. You cannot top this crassness, especially since it’s the truth.

  22. Elizabeth Kaylene

    I can’t imagine actually being related to someone like that, though I am related to someone who comes pretty close.

    The ironic thing her, in my opinion anyway, is that if someone participating in this project was assigned a real asshole like Edna, they would probably forgo mentioning the bad. I think a lot of people have romanticized 9/11 a little — as would happen in any other tragedy. For instance, have you ever gone to a funeral for someone, and someone who hated the person who died shows up and even does a eulogy? Or a funeral where someone who didn’t even know the person who died shows up and cries all over themselves?

    I think we do have to remember 9/11, but I’ve seen a lot of people get very, very personal about it when they weren’t actually affected by it. (You could argue that we were all affected, but my opinion about what actually happened on 9/11 is a lot different from most people’s opinions.)

    Anyway. I’m gonna get off your soapbox now and go stand on my own. I feel a blog coming on…

  23. karamg

    Of course someone is going to not like this, or not get it or whatever,that is their right. Just like it is my right to never ever be able to stop laughing at this ever. Ever!!
    Go Kervin!!

  24. Buzz

    Adam,
    Love your blog – your banner pic alone is worth the price of admission (really, worth more than the price of admission since it’s free – close to double that, in fact). This was among my favorite posts and brought back fond memories of my paternal grandfather’s funeral (he was equally beloved, though sadly all too real). For those who found it in bad taste, well – I would imagine they came to the write place. I would think the banner and tag line made that abundantly clear. Again, great post.
    Buzz

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