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“You Lie!” – The Joe Wilsonizer

As you’ve probably heard, Representative Joe Wilson made an ass of himself by yelling “You lie!” as President Obama spoke about health care to a nationally televised joint session of Congress. His completely unprofessional immature outburst has embarrassed the Republicans greatly, causing many of them to denounce Wilson’s actions publicly. The more publicity-savvy Republicans, however, have found a way to capitalize on Wilson’s poor behavior by hiring him out for a variety of venues:

  • McDonald’s has hired him as a night manager where he directs the employees with a hearty “You. Fry!”
  • A busy New York Deli hired him to transmit orders from the counter to the butcher, and you can hear his enthusiastic “Two rye!” over the crowd very easily.
  • Terminix and Orkin are sharing Wilson to assist with their pest extermination efforts, as they’ve found his “Shoo fly!” to be particularly effective.
  • Wilson also teaches a basic journalism course at Kent State School of Journalism, although his curriculum tends to focus more heavily on “Who! Why?” and less on “What? How? When?” and “Where?”
  • A small province in China has pooled its resources to invite Wilson back to instruct their students in math after his aggressive “Chu. Pi!” worked such wonders.
  • As an early warning system for pinkeye in a school district in South Dakota, Wilson’s grating “Poo eye!” has proven to have reduced outbreaks by 25%.
  • Wilson has had amazing luck in teaching canines how to speak English using a very simple “Woof! Hi!” pattern repetition.
  • A small Aryan group in his home state of South Carolina has hired Wilson to speak at rallies, expecting only a simple “Jew die!” that will rally their organization.
  • A New Zealand slaughterhouse is contracting for his services in their sheep harvesting, as his “Ewe! Die!” is cheaper and more efficient than the sluicing machine.
  • The Men’s Wearhouse has retained him as a salesperson once he demonstrated how many sales he received with his simple “New tie!” technique.

And today’s obnoxious Halloween tidbit:

Tickets for this year’s Halloween party are now available for sale! Quantities are limited, but if you’re planning on attending on October 24th, go over to the Halloween site to buy your admission ticket now!

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57 Replies to ““You Lie!” – The Joe Wilsonizer”

      • avatgardener

        @Avitable, nah. it’s the opposite. This outburst (wilson) was really miniscule in the grand scheme of things. MainScream Media is making a mountain of it. And you, with your clever approach, helped make the entire thing small again. I suppose I could amend it to say “Man’s message of mis-speaking malcontent . . . ” which makes you the man discussing Wilson, and you make it all small again. that was my point. I could try to add some more descriptives in front of “man” too. Mensa or mild mannered or something like that.

  1. lceel

    Apparently, the Democrats have learned NOTHING from all those years of Republican domination of the House, Senate and Executive Branch. Instead of flooding Wilson’s OPPONENT in the next election with money, they should have given the money to Wilson – because all of the attention that Wilson has been getting (nice, negative attention) has been damaging to the Republicans and has taken some of the focus off of resistance to Health Care Reform – which is coming from Republicans, who, it would seem, are more interested in protecting their pocketbooks than the health of their brethren. They should really be working to keep Wilson in office.

  2. Valerie

    America’s Next Top Male Model host- “Hot Guy!”
    Air Force captain- “You Fly!”
    Announcer for the science show “Bill Nye!”
    By osmosis, it rubbed off on his wife- “Sex? Sigh”

  3. Clayton

    Prelude to an unromantic night of sex “You dry!”
    Sadist “You cry!”
    Obama’s response “Nice Try! You Vie ‘You lie!’ I sigh. Oh My- Not Shy. Good Bye Ass Pie!”

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