As you’ve probably heard, Representative Joe Wilson made an ass of himself by yelling “You lie!” as President Obama spoke about health care to a nationally televised joint session of Congress. His completely unprofessional immature outburst has embarrassed the Republicans greatly, causing many of them to denounce Wilson’s actions publicly. The more publicity-savvy Republicans, however, have found a way to capitalize on Wilson’s poor behavior by hiring him out for a variety of venues:
- McDonald’s has hired him as a night manager where he directs the employees with a hearty “You. Fry!”
- A busy New York Deli hired him to transmit orders from the counter to the butcher, and you can hear his enthusiastic “Two rye!” over the crowd very easily.
- Terminix and Orkin are sharing Wilson to assist with their pest extermination efforts, as they’ve found his “Shoo fly!” to be particularly effective.
- Wilson also teaches a basic journalism course at Kent State School of Journalism, although his curriculum tends to focus more heavily on “Who! Why?” and less on “What? How? When?” and “Where?”
- A small province in China has pooled its resources to invite Wilson back to instruct their students in math after his aggressive “Chu. Pi!” worked such wonders.
- As an early warning system for pinkeye in a school district in South Dakota, Wilson’s grating “Poo eye!” has proven to have reduced outbreaks by 25%.
- Wilson has had amazing luck in teaching canines how to speak English using a very simple “Woof! Hi!” pattern repetition.
- A small Aryan group in his home state of South Carolina has hired Wilson to speak at rallies, expecting only a simple “Jew die!” that will rally their organization.
- A New Zealand slaughterhouse is contracting for his services in their sheep harvesting, as his “Ewe! Die!” is cheaper and more efficient than the sluicing machine.
- The Men’s Wearhouse has retained him as a salesperson once he demonstrated how many sales he received with his simple “New tie!” technique.
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“Ewe! Die!” Total win.
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@Capricorn Cringe, rhyming is fun!
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Twitter: Barking_Mad
says:
“Ewe! Die!” ought to be his best money maker!
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@Audrey at Barking Mad, maybe if he makes enough, he’ll do that full time and stop being a Congressman.
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Twitter: kimt205
says:
Got to love the whole Freedom of Speech thing.
GBA.
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@Kim, you mean that Wilson has the right to act like an ass?
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Twitter: kimt205
, September 14th, 2009: 1:12 PM
@Avitable, Yea, that gives EVERYONE the right to look like an ass!
It’s the American way !
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Twitter: blondefabulous
says:
Looks like he and Kanye went to the same etiquette school.
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@Blondefabulous, I almost worked Kanye into my post, too.
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Dude, why?
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@avatgardener, nice.
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Mis-speaking malcontent makes mountains into molehills. Meanwhile. . . . .
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@avatgardener, isn’t it “mountains from molehills”?
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@Avitable, nah. it’s the opposite. This outburst (wilson) was really miniscule in the grand scheme of things. MainScream Media is making a mountain of it. And you, with your clever approach, helped make the entire thing small again. I suppose I could amend it to say “Man’s message of mis-speaking malcontent . . . ” which makes you the man discussing Wilson, and you make it all small again. that was my point. I could try to add some more descriptives in front of “man” too. Mensa or mild mannered or something like that.
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@avatgardener, geeze, explaining them is ugly. i don’t think I’ll do that anymore.
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@avatgardener, hahahaha. Think of all the effort you put into alliteration that could be used feeding stray puppies instead!
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What about tourism for Du.Bai!?
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@Sybil Law, nice one!
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
Or announcing that dessert is served to the band Foo Fighters. “Foo…Pie!”
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@B.E. Earl, yes, well, everyone knows they like cake instead.
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Twitter: lceel
says:
Apparently, the Democrats have learned NOTHING from all those years of Republican domination of the House, Senate and Executive Branch. Instead of flooding Wilson’s OPPONENT in the next election with money, they should have given the money to Wilson – because all of the attention that Wilson has been getting (nice, negative attention) has been damaging to the Republicans and has taken some of the focus off of resistance to Health Care Reform – which is coming from Republicans, who, it would seem, are more interested in protecting their pocketbooks than the health of their brethren. They should really be working to keep Wilson in office.
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@lceel, that’s a good strategy. When are you running for office?
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Twitter: LeSombre
says:
Wal-Mart Greeter: “You, Hi!”
LOLcat capshuneer: “U Haï!”
I got nothin’.
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@LeSombre, it’s early and a Monday.
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lol. I love it. He would serve well in any of those capacities.
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@Carolyn, I know – I’m a genius!
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
“small” aryan group in south carolina? probably a HUGE group…
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@hello haha narf, well, it’s small because they’re the only ones who know how to spell “Aryan”. The rest of them spell it “Aireon”, and that’s a huge group.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
Me! High!
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@Finn, I don’t believe you.
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I want to know how “how” made it on the list of W’s.
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@Grant, whomever made that list was apparently dyslexic.
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He could also work in a bakery, relaying orders for “Two Pies!”
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@Badass Geek, or helping people figure out how to calculate the area of a circle.
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Twitter: Jayman3768
says:
He could get a job working the men’s restroom in fancy restaurants. He could offer people a hand towel after they wash their hands and yell “Hands Dry!”
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@Jay, ok, that actually made me laugh out loud. Nice one.
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
I love your silliness. Except for the “Jew die” part. That was horrible. But it can be overlooked when “Poo eye” is involved.
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@Elizabeth Kaylene, well, he IS an uber-conservative Republican from South Carolina, so he fits right in there.
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
Huh. I just saw him driving around at the local high school in a golf cart screaming, “YOU HIGH?!”
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@faiqa, heh. Wait, is that a movie reference I’m not getting?
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Twitter: Faiqa
, September 14th, 2009: 1:03 PM
@Avitable, it’s a SCHS reference. while you and your geeky friends were playing computer games and trying to build yourselves a robot girlfriend in the AV room, the rest of us were being chased down by assistant principals on golf carts.
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@faiqa, hey, we were playing Leisure Suit Larry, which is an R-rated porno game, thank you very much! Was it Vance who was chasing you down? All the assistant principals (and the principal) loved me, so they would never have chased me down.
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Twitter: perpstu
says:
“Ewe! Die!” Best line ever. I am going to walk around shouting it out at random times just for fun.
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@perpstu, they may label you “Sheepkiller” if you do that!
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Twitter: hismuse
says:
Pizza Pie!
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@Robin, the first word can only be one syllable. Those are the rules!
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
“Quantities are limited”???? FOR REAL?! Email me the details on this, please.
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@Poppy, well, I can’t sell infinity tickets!
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Twitter: poppycede
, September 15th, 2009: 6:09 PM
@Avitable, you can, you just choose not to. For a very good reason.
EVERYONE, AVITABLE LIVES IN A CASTLE, BUT IT’S NOT AS BIG AS THE WORLD. BUY A FUCKING TICKET.
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I laughed out loud upon reading this. Sooo funny. He could also get a job as a weatherman – ‘Blue. Sky.’
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@Selma, hahah – very nice!
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
I heard he was going to get a job at Huntsville, TX hollering, “YOU! FRY!” when death row inmates are killed.
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@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, heh. Good one.
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America’s Next Top Male Model host- “Hot Guy!”
Air Force captain- “You Fly!”
Announcer for the science show “Bill Nye!”
By osmosis, it rubbed off on his wife- “Sex? Sigh”
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@Valerie, it rubbed off, eh?
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Prelude to an unromantic night of sex “You dry!”
Sadist “You cry!”
Obama’s response “Nice Try! You Vie ‘You lie!’ I sigh. Oh My- Not Shy. Good Bye Ass Pie!”
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@Clayton, nice one!
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