Single Parent Dad wrote two posts detailing his top ten movie characters and, knowing that I need blog fodder constantly, tagged me to list my own. Without further ado (and in no particular order of preference):
Name: FERRIS BUELLER (played by Matthew Broderick)
Movie(s): Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Strengths: Smarter than adults. Rules don’t apply. Hot girlfriend.
Weaknesses: Bad wardrobe. Sister who knows his secret.
“The question isn’t “what are we going to do,” the question is “what aren’t we going to do?” ”
“I do have a test today, that wasn’t bullshit. It’s on European socialism. I mean, really, what’s the point? I’m not European. I don’t plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they’re socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still doesn’t change the fact that I don’t own a car. . . .Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism’s in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, “I don’t believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.” Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I’d still have to bum rides off people.”
Name: MARTIN BLANK (played by John Cusack)
Movie(s): Grosse Pointe Blank
Strengths: Deadpan hitman. Sociopath with morals. Great with a pen.
Weaknesses: Too healthy. Wants to quit his job.
“They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they’ve all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? “I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How’ve you been?””
“I was sitting there alone on prom night, in a goddamn rented tuxedo, and my whole life flashed before my eyes. And I realized finally, and for the first time, that I wanted to kill somebody. So I figured since I loved you so much, it’d be a good idea if I didn’t see you anymore . . .They’re right behind us. So I was in the Gulf last year, I was doing this thing anyway. And I came up over this dune, and I saw the ocean… and it was on fire. The whole thing, on fire, and it was beautiful. So I just sat there and watched it, and that’s when I realized there might be a meaning to life, you know, like an organic power that connects all living things, God, Yahweh, I dunno.”
Name: WEDNESDAY ADDAMS (played by Christina Ricci)
Movie(s): Addams Family and Addams Family Values
Strengths: Twisted and dark. Goth before it was cool. Emo without all the cutting and crying.
Weaknesses: Afraid of sunlight.
“Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character and the Aristotelian unities.”
“You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, you will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d’oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, “Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller.””
“I’m a homicidal maniac, they look just like everyone else.”
Name: TY WEBB (played by Chevy Chase)
Movie(s): Caddyshack I and II
Strengths: Rich eccentricity at its best. Master of zen. Great hats. Master of bon mots.
Weaknesses: Very irresponsible. Maybe too much money.
“Don’t sell yourself short Judge, you’re a tremendous slouch.”
“A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish.”
“You don’t have to go to college. This isn’t Russia. Is this Russia? This isn’t Russia.”
Name: SUPERMAN (played by Christopher Reeve)
Movie(s): Superman I, II, III, and IV
Strengths: Invincible. Super fast. Super strong. Wholesome.
Weaknesses: Suit is a little gay. Too susceptible to a green rock.
“I’m here to fight for truth, and justice, and the American way.”
“I never lie.”
Name: LEELOO DALLAS (played by Milla Jovovich)
Movie(s): The Fifth Element
Strengths: Martial Artist. No shame. Gorgeous. Just needs love. Supreme being.
Weaknesses: Small language barrier. Might break if you put too much weight on her.
“Big Badda Boom.”
“I do not know love. I was built to protect, not love.”
Name: JUNO MACGUFF (played by Ellen Page)
Strengths: Sarcastically brilliant. Knows what she wants. Excellent at outside furniture arrangement.
Weaknesses: You might not understand the words that are coming out of her mouth. The hamburger phone is so ’80s.
“No, this is not a food baby all right? I’ve taken like three pregnancy tests, and I’m forshizz up the spout.”
“Wait… No! I mean, can’t we just, like, kick this old school? Like, I have the baby, put it in a basket and send it your way, like, Moses and the reeds?”
“Yea, you just take Soupy-Sales to prom I can think of so many cooler things to do that night. Like, you know what Bleek? I might pumice my feet, uh, I might go to Bren’s Unitarian Church, maybe get hit by a truck full of hot garbage juice, you know? Cause all those things, would be exponentially cooler than going to prom with you.”
“Hi, I’m calling to procure a hasty abortion…”
Name: RACHEL JANSEN (played by Mila Kunis)
Movie(s): Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Strengths: Strong and beautiful. Adventurous. Not afraid to take on Hollywood power celebs.
Weaknesses: Directionless. Thinks a man who stops a blowjob mid-blow is a bad person.
“Yeah, you know, there’s so few personal shoppers and pet therapists. Gosh, it’s such a hard life.”
“I can see your vagina from here! I can see your hoohah!”
Name: MALLORY KNOX (played by Juliette Lewis)
Movie(s): Natural Born Killers
Strengths: Trashy in a good way. Great shot. Not afraid to claw her way to the top, or to the outside, whatever the case may be. Committed to her man. A romantic at heart.
Weaknesses: Daddy issues. Trashy in a bad way. Teensy bit volatile.
“I do. ‘Til you and I die, and die, and die again. ‘Til death do us part.”
“You stupid bitch? You stupid bitch? You stupid bitch? Mickey, that’s what my father used to call me! I thought you’d be a little more creative than that!”
“That’s the worst fuckin’ head I ever got in my life! Next time don’t be so fuckin’ eager!”
Name: DANNY OCEAN (played by George Clooney)
Movie(s): Ocean’s Eleven, Twelve, & Thirteen
Strengths: Smooth, collected, and cool. Manipulative but charming. Always has a plan. Confidence man beyond reproach.
Weaknesses: Lets his emotions get in the way of the job. Cries when Oprah is on. He gets caught a lot.
“Cause the house always wins. Play long enough, you never change the stakes. The house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet and you bet big, then you take the house.”
“It sure as shit ain’t sad.”
“You shook Sinatra’s hand. You should know better.”
Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox, Back to the Future I, II, III)
Leon (Jean Reno, The Professional)
Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)
Betelgeuse (Michael Keaton, Beetlejuice)
Thomas Crown (Pierce Brosnan, Thomas Crown Affair)
Today’s obnoxious Halloween reminder is to let you know that almost half of the tickets for the party have been bought! If you are planning on coming to the party and can’t buy your tickets right now, please email me at adam at avitable dot com and I’ll hold one for you. If you can afford it right now, don’t wait any longer. Go buy your tickets before they’re sold out!
Oh, and I still need vacation photos. I need 15 more people to submit a photo of them with or without their family in front of anything – just the basic type of photo that you would take during a vacation. Go here to submit one today and participate in the party, even if you can’t make it!