Today is my friend Tanis‘s 34th birthday. She’s a Canadian, but I don’t hold that against her. Over the last year, she and I have become good friends, and we have gotten to know each other pretty well. I think I “get” her and I know she “gets” me, and yet she keeps trusting me to send her packages that she can’t get shipped to her home in the middle of the ass-end of nowhere. She is a blonde, so I guess that’s her excuse.
In the course of our friendship, we’ve shared several secrets with each other. It’s a part of trusting someone, obviously. I’ve told her where the bodies are buried, and she’s told me about her years on the Tijuana donkey-fucking circuit. We’ve really built a circle of trust, which is why I was surprised by what I found Friday night.
I was just doing my typical Friday night tranny pornathon, which I do from 11:00 PM until midnight, when I came across this photo. It obviously shows that there is one huge secret that Tanis hadn’t shared with me yet:
For Bug
AvitaWeek 2008: A Message From Mother Avitable
Sunday tired Sunday
Twitter: bellaventa
says:
::hides eyes while laughing really hard::
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@Robin, horrible tattoo, isn’t it?
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Ohgawd. ::dies::
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@MFA Mama, I know! It took me like five extra minutes to jack off to that!
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JEEBUS TANIS !!! My retinas are fried…and really, you need to tell your tattoo guy that’s he’s frigging overcompensating. : )
And Adam I’m so sorry. I hate you used up alot of your bandwith for this ho. Hee. ; )
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@Kim, oh, my bandwidth has been used for much, much worse!
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You’re a genius.
Happy birthday Tanis!
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@Capricorn Cringe, heh. Thanks.
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Twitter: 5and1
says:
Laughing so hard! I can’t wait to see how she repays you!
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@Sandi, you know, she keeps saying that she’ll get me, but she never does. I think she’s afraid.
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Jesus Christ I’d rather be avitaballed.
Much love to Tanis on her birthday!
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@Undomestic Diva, hm, when’s your birthday, Megan?
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This is excellent.
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@Fairmaiden327, excellently horrible, you mean.
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Happy Birthday! You really should have that checked, I’m thinking you could get really rich. Reality TV has nothing on you!
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@Diana, The Doggy Mommy, she’s reality TV in her own right.
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Umm, if she is your friend, I’d hate to see what you’d do to an enemy.
I take that back – I would Love to see what you would do to an enemy.
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@fuzzarelly, oh, I wouldn’t waste all the time, effort and love!
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i like your smile in this photo because you don’t have dead eyes!
lots of times, you only smile with your mouth ^___^
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@liquid, that’s usually when the demons take over.
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Wow. You put a penis on Tanis for her birthday. Please just continue sending me delicious treats like popcorn. Because HOLY SHITBALLS. You just put a penis on Tanis.
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@Mocha, wait – is that a challenge?
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@Avitable, not at all. Really. The popcorn is FINE.
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Twitter: floatingprncess
says:
Holy Wangdoodle Batman! I am never telling you my birthday.
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@floating princess, oh, just wait until we meet. Then you’ll share it all.
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The horror!
That tattoo artist should be shot.
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@Mik, I know. What a hack!
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Twitter: laurenacarlton
says:
Good lord. Now I have to delete my temporary internet files so that my husband doesn’t think I’m looking at tranny porn. First is was #avitaballed, now this?
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@Lauren, no, you should share it with him and say, “Look, honey, it’s “our” tranny porn.”
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You just made baby Jesus cry.
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@Mr Lady, as long as I made Shannon laugh.
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Holy crap, Adam! You can’t put up pictures like that in the internet!! I mean for fuck’s sake, her shoulder strap is down and one of your eyebrows is bigger than the other one. Don’t you ever worry what people will think about your judgment when you post stuff like this?!!
The tattoo, however seems perfectly fine to me.
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@RebTurtle, I know. I am ashamed.
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I think I’d sue my surgeon if I were “her”. They f’ed up the tits and…dude…where are your balls? Happy Birthday!
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@Denise, well, it was a series of photos I found, and there were definitely balls there. I think they’re just hidden a bit.
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Twitter: CorrinRenee
says:
I can’t stop staring. I want to, but I just can’t.
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@corrin, embrace the tranny. Love the tranny.
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i’d still do her…or let her do me…or whatever.
happy happy RNM
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@tony, and that’s the attitude I’m looking for!
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yeah, you’re right – she wears glasses, you’d think that would come up at some point
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@furiousBall, precisely. I’m so hurt!
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
thankfully i am not more hungover or that would have really hurt.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TANIS!!!
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@hello haha narf, not a good wake-up call?
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Bwah ha ha ha ha!
Glad I turned the screen since my kid was sitting next to me. Don’t need him asking uncomfortable questions at 9 in the morning.
Happy birthday Tanis!
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@Blondefabulous, my blog should never be read with kids in the background! Heh.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
Is that photo real? It looks real. That’s a really great Photoshop job if not. (I am no authority on Photoshopped or Not, btw.)
Happy birthday, Tanis.
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@Poppy, you mean, like is the penis real? Oh yeah, this is a series of photos that I found – that dick is totally real. Tanis’s face has been photoshopped onto it.
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Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
It’s traunny up here. that useless U just keeps popping up!
Happy Birthday Tanis, you scamp you!
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@Karen Sugarpants, for a second, I actually believed you!
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GAH! My eyes! My eyes!
I mean, Happy Birthday, Tanis! You sure look… good……
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@Sybil Law, who doesn’t love a good tranny?
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Actually on second though (yeah, I looked again, are YOU really gonna judge me?) where ARE her balls? I call fake. Tanis has a big swingin’ pair!
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@MFA Mama, good eye!
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Happy Birthday Fellow Canadian!!
Hey Avi, wanna send me packages too?!
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@Breigh, can you handle it?
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Twitter: GrandeMocha
says:
Happy Birthday Tanis! I can’t wait till you see this.
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@GrandeMocha, she loves me, no matter what she says.
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OH MY GOD.
I’m speechless.
You fucker. I’m the ugliest damn transvestite EVER.
And dude. When I get my own damn penis, you can bet your jiggly ass cheeks it’ll be longer than that wee thing.
*runs off in horror*
I’d tell you that I love you but I’m too busy checking to see if I actually look like that and examining my girl parts.
Oh. And I’m going to FUCKING KILL YOU.
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@Redneck Mommy, I still think it’s amazing that he photoshopped your head onto his body.
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@RebTurtle,
LMAO!!
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@RebTurtle, I wish I had those tits!
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@Redneck Mommy, that cock is a good 7-8 inches! I think. And you keep making these idle threats. Sigh, so boring! Happy birthday, darling.
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Tranny’s? Really? I didn’t picture you as the tranny type.
I hope Tanis gets you back good.
And does she tell you she ships stuff to you because Fed Ex can’t find her place? Hmm. I have stuff shipped to my American friends because I don’t want to pay duty. I think you’re getting duped, man.
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@Carolyn, that’s probably what it is, that sneaky bitch.
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I thought it’d be bigger.
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@Nenette, the tattoo? I know, right?
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@Avitable, of course.
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Hmmm…Obviously photoshopped, because I know for a fact that Tanis has a WAY bigger dick than that (happy birthday sugar)
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@Miss Grace, it just feels like that when it’s in your ass. Trust me.
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Dude, she’s gonna get you for this one. Ahem. And it will be oh-so-amusing to watch. I just can’t believe she didn’t tell you about the damn tattoo. How cruel of her.
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@Kelly, I know – our dynamic has completely changed now.
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Funny!
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@Bre, thanks.
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I’m impressed!!! Are those boobs real? ‘Cuz I’m TOTALLY turned on!!!!
Oh wait. No balls. Ack. Totally ruined it for me. I like a girl with balls — and I was quite certain at least TANIS had balls.
Oh well. Happy Fuckin’ B-Day anyhoo.
lurves ya!
Moon
PS Yeah, the tacky rose tat sux balls — oh wait…I guess *that’s* where they went ::wink wink:: Love the belly ring tho’
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@Moon HalloranLeady, there are balls – they’re just hiding!
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Ha! Awesome.
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@Maria, and when’s your birthday, hm?
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
*THUD!*
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@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, you passed out from the passion, right?
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I got really close to the picture to see what design of the belly button ring was. Then I realized that my mouth ended up even closer to a ball-less dick. Oh dear.
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@Been there, Done that, it’s not ball-less – that’s just the angle. See? http://www.avitable.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/001_13.jpg
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Twitter: perpstu
says:
Well. I just….there are no words. Tanis shares so much and it’s like we don’t know her at all. I hope she gives you a vagina for your birthday!
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@perpstu, well, I don’t want hers. It’s too well-used. And stretched out.
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Geez, I’ve been afraid to come back here since I got “Avitaballed,” but I decide to put all that behind me (in the form of a lobotomy) and what do I find when I return? Someone with one of those awful French “white-tip” manicures. I fucking HATE those. They really make a girl look cheap.
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@JD at I Do Things, yeah. What a cheap whore!
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Funny, I always thought Tanis was better hung than that. ;P
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@Kris, she carries herself like a well-hung tranny.
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I’ve spent way too much time staring at that picture and what I want to know is:
where are its balls? shouldn’t it have balls? Was it so cold out (in whatever the fuck) that they are all shriveled up and hoisted up into its butt?
WHERE ARE THE BALLS??
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@Well Read Hostess, here they are: http://www.avitable.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/001_13.jpg
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@Avitable, I am so sorry I asked.
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
No wonder she wanted to sit in my lap at BlogHer instead of letting me sit in hers.
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@muskrat, she was afraid of her secret getting out. And poking your ass.
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Twitter: habanerogal
says:
Hope this isn’t the photo from her passport because that would get her banned from the US-eh for sure.
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@habanerogal, just from the shoulders up.
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SO… there I was, surfing through Google images, looking for some ideas for my next tattoo. I am thinking about Martin Luther’s seal, the so-called Luther Rose when I see some sort of mutated… with a dick, no less, picture of my pal Tanis, the RedNeck Mommy herself.
Oy.
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