On Monday, the FTC announced that bloggers must disclose any payments that they receive from companies for reviewing their products. This isn’t a law, but it’s the federal government’s official interpretation of the law, which means that bloggers who fail to disclose could open themselves up to lawsuits after December 1st.
Some people are upset about this opinion. They see it as a slippery slope and think that the FTC is overstepping its bounds. I, however, think the FTC hasn’t gone far enough! Here are some new regulations that I’d like to see also being enacted as of December 1st:
- Anyone who reads a blog or online article that allows comments must comment using information that can be easily and clearly traced back to them, even if it’s a pseudonym that is tied to them. Commenting with a fake name or completely anonymously can result in fines of up to $10,000 per occurrence and a judicial order prohibiting computer use for up to 10 years.
- No blogger may post a photo that they’ve taken without keeping a signed release on file of all people who appear within. Photos that contain trademarked images, such as logos, may only be posted if the blogger obtains a release from said trademark holder.
- Surveys and memes that require in-depth personal information are suspect and prohibited unless the blogger has documented proof that (a) said survey or meme was created by the blogger in question; and (b) no answer on said survey or meme can be used for the potential theft of identity of the blogger answering said survey. A blogger who has his or her identity stolen has no legal recourse if it is discovered that he or she filled out and published any survey or meme within the last four years.
- All links within the content of a blog post must have appropriate disclosures with regards to the material agreement between the linkee and the linker. If no such material agreement exists and the blogger was linking to a location as a courtesy, this must also be disclosed.
- A blogger is held completely responsible for all content on his or her site, even content published by a third party in the form of an advertisement or a comment. Each blogger must keep a clearly posted comment policy that must be seen and agreed to, via a checkbox or other means, before a commenter can leave a comment. If an objectionable comment is published, the blogger has 24 hours to remove the offending comment and ban the IP address of said commenter.
- Trademarked words are no longer allowed for use in any content created by a blogger unless said blogger has permission on file to post said trademarked language. This includes words such as “Kleenex”, “Q-tip”, “Dooce” (or variations such as “dooced”), “Tweet”, “Twitter”, “Follow”, “Skype”, and “Blogger”.
- Any site that uses profanity or contains nudity must implement procedures to prevent such site from being visited by those aged 13 or under. For every use of profanity or nudity, a fine of no less than $10,000 per violation will be imposed if a minor is exposed to objectionable content.
- Other objectionable content that is deemed dangerous to minors is improper grammar. Bloggers must ensure that, at all times, they use “your” and “you’re”, “it’s” and “its”, and “they’re”, “there” and “their” properly. This is not a conclusive list, but use of any phrases that are grammatically incorrect can damage the education of minors, and unless procedures are implemented to prevent minors from seeing such damaging content, fines may be assessed.
- All content that can be considered disparaging, insulting, belittling, or otherwise defaming, even if it’s true, must be accompanied with a release from the object of said content. For example, a rant about your spouse must be accompanied by a release signed by your spouse that he or she has approved the content you have created. Failure to include such release may result in criminal penalties.
- Any and all discussion of medical terminology, including diagnoses, examinations, treatments, not limited to physical ailments but also mental health, is now prohibited. Violation will result in prosecution of practicing medicine without a license.
- The concept of truth in advertising has been extended to blogging as well. Any blogger found to be participating in bait and switch tactics will be subject to heavy fines. For example, if you have a post titled “Wordless Wednesday” and there are material words in your post, this would be considered deceptive blogging. Creating hysteria and anger by writing fake posts about federal agencies giving draconian opinions about blogging would also be considered deceptive blogging.
This is your chance to write to your Congressperson or Senator about these FTC opinions and make your voice heard. Show the FTC that you want more regulations and a much stricter blogging experience!
You can write to the FTC at the following address:
Federal Trade Commission
Consumer Response Center
600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20580
You can also call and voice your displeasure at their lax attitude by dialing 1-877-FTC-HELP (1-877-382-4357).
Viva el revolucion!
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oh good lord, please don’t give the gubimentz any ideas!
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you must be a lawyer. because this looks like something my dad would write. and i didn’t understand a word of it.
i think the ftc should just start fining anyone who has a dot com linked to their name. it would just be easier.
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Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
says:
SHIT. I have a picture of some guy’s naked ASS on my website! This just means more work for me.
Thus, I am against it.
Now I must go back to sitting here drinking a beer while I scratch my ass and think about taking photos of my bewbs.
(I bet that is EXACTLY what you’re doing right now.)
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
There ain’t no rules in a knife fight:
Butch Cassidy: No, no, not yet. Not until me and Harvey get the rules straightened out.
Harvey Logan: Rules? In a knife fight? No rules.
[Butch immediately kicks Harvey in the groin]
Butch Cassidy: Well, if there aint’ going to be any rules, let’s get the fight started. Someone count. 1,2,3 go.
Sundance Kid: [quickly] 1,2,3, go.
[Butch knocks Harvey out]
See?
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This is a sincerely considered list! Thanks for taking time out of your day to compile it.
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Remember that time you ejaculated while in the school library?
People should just remind themselves of that fact when you start sounding lawyery.
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Twitter: ellemmes
on October 7th, 2009 at Wednesday, October 7, 2009 @ 11:44 am
@Clown, I just learned that chai hurts like a bitch when snorted. Thanks for that.
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Twitter: jurgen_nation
says:
Avitable, will you marry me? You rock, solidly.
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Is the FTC gonna police the world?
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Twitter: theBitchinWife
says:
This list gave me a heart attack.
Thanks a lot.
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Twitter: missbritt
says:
Bring it on! The more rules, the better!
(Can I get an editor in the process, too? That would be awesome.)
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I’m taking the liberty of adding:
Anyone using the tagline “I ___ so you don’t have to” must provide a link to my site and pay a fee of $50 for every use. So far, everyone has been following this rule; I just wanna make it official.
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Always the lawyer…
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@Sybil Law, and see… I was thinking just the opposite.
“Someone must have they’re lawyer pants on tonight”… or shorts… since we are talking about Adam here…
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@Tori Blaine, That’s the opposite?!
But you’re right- he’s definitely wearing shorts, if anything! Hah…
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I wonder what kind of person would go out of their way to sue someone over non-disclosure on a blog? Noooo, we don’t live in an overly litigious society. Not at all.
And it’s a good thing that our legal system isn’t backed up with criminals who have committed actual crimes where people really get hurt so that we have the time and money to pursue these severe acts of injustice.
Ahem.
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
fuck, my boobs are all over my site. i’m in trouble.
how about we forget the ftc and you just spank me.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
Oh, do send this to the FTC. Can’t be on too many watchlists, can you?
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Don’t they have a twitter site we can use to contact them?
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Well sarcasmed!
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too many big words- it hurts my head…
hehe
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fuck, my blog is the one place I can let go with cursing. What the fuck am I going to do now, curse in real life as my daughter learns to talk. great, now my kid is a potty mouth. jesus Christ won’t someone think of the children?
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Twitter: bobutler
says:
It’s ‘Viva LA revolucion.’
You’re welcome.
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Also, posts full of bullets should be registered as firearms.
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Twitter: Kapgar
says:
I’m fine with the rest if you’re willing to negotiate on the one about photo releases. I may just be fucked in that regard.
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Twitter: s_csr
says:
Oh Adam.
Don’t you know that you are supposed to want more government involvement in our day to day lives? Three cheers for bigger government! ::hip hip hooray:: ::hip hip hooray:: ::hip hip hooray::
Oh wait. No. Nevermind.
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I’ve already written to them to seek an appointment on the Blog Licensing Standards Committee. Oh, the power. Heads and headers will roll!
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Sometimes I forget how much you rock. Silly me.
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Undoubtedly, some FTC minion will be presenting your bullet points at a meeting later this week. Hopefully, he’ll give full disclosure on where the ideas originated.
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
Oh. Fine. Just outlaw my butt itch story.
I hate you.
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Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
I loves being a Canadian.
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Twitter: elizabethbarone
says:
…The only time not getting paid to review stuff gives me an advantage.
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RRRrrr.
Well the FTC can go F*ckThemCelves!
I shall forward my concerns to the asshats @ http://www.NYET
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Ahhhhhhhh, man. We get away with a lot.
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This doesn’t sound legal enough. You’ll have to add a few more “therefore” and “whereas” clauses.
I guess I’ll have to shut down my blog now, pay a hefty fine or spend the rest of my life behind bars paying for my blogging misdeeds. We wouldn’t want the government to bother with real criminals commiting real crimes.
I love breaking the rules, the more laws the better. I’m a rebel like that.
Yeah, that’s me, I’m a badass blogger
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Twitter: mooshinindy
says:
I love it when you speak lawyer.
P.S. What does my IP say? “IN THE AIR?”
Because THAT would be awesome.
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Twitter: nycwatchdog
says:
You almost had my support.
Until your line about you’re.
Fucker.
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Twitter: MrsLoulou
says:
Oh my God… I LOVED THIS! I think this should be published in like, Time magazine. Seriously, hilarious. I love how you included Dooce under trademarked words. Haha! And I too hate when people spell ‘there’ ‘their’ ‘they’re’ wrong! WHY DO PEOPLE STILL MAKE THIS MISTAKE?! It irritates me! And no anon comments, I hate that too. And so funny about Wordless Wednesday – there is always text to go with the pictures! And like an above commenter said… I love being Canadian!
I think we get away with a lot more here. Or maybe not. Maybe I just don’t go by the rules!
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Twitter: mrlady
says:
Great. My blog would never survive this. Which, I think, means I’m doing it right.
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Ohhhhh, this is tooo haaaaaard.
I quit.
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Twitter: shellimil
says:
I was wondering how long it was going to take someone to address all these things.
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Twitter: shellimil
says:
Why must my witty and insightful tripe take so long to post? It’s not like I haven’t commented here before. Or met you in person. Or kissed your ass a few times…
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Good Lord. Google Reader suggested your site for me to read. Meaning, I read this and had to click through to your site to make sure you were being satirical. You scared me for a bit.
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With this current congress and president you better get all your gun licenses ASAP before they take all our rights away.
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