There comes a time in every man’s life when he tries to suck his own dick

“There I was, fourteen years old, laying on my back on the edge of my bed. Naked. My legs arcing over my head, my hands slowly pushed my back further and further until my shoulders and elbows were the only support for my entire body. My neck ached as my erect penis got closer and closer to my face. I closed my eyes and stuck my tongue out as far as it would go. My hands pushed my back just a bit further, until all of my weight rested precariously on my neck. And then, right as my tongue and penis met for the first time in my adolescent life, my dad called my name from downstairs. In the resulting wave of panic, my entire weight came crashing down and I fell on my neck, a naked sweaty boy, in the gap between my bed and the wall. Protesting the concerned voices of my parents downstairs, I assured them that I was fine while I nursed a bruised neck that hurt if I turned my head more than 45 degrees. . .

And that’s the day that I tried to suck my own dick!” I proclaimed loudly to the consternation of the women in the room.

“Oh. My. God.”
“Lalalalalala. I can’t heeear you.”
“That is not normal.”

“Yes, it is.” I protested. “I bet a lot of men have tried to do that at some point in their lives.”

“You’re fucking retarded!”
“Are you kidding?”
“You are a moron.”

And that brings us here. Men, fill out the poll anonymously. Women, ask your husbands or brothers or fathers or sons and fill it out on their behalf. Forward this post around. Retweet it. Share it. Let’s see if we can get enough votes to determine whether or not most men have actually tried to suck their own dick!

Men, have you ever tried to put your own penis in your mouth?

View Results

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77 Replies to “There comes a time in every man’s life when he tries to suck his own dick”

  1. gorillabuns

    Well, thank you for the getting to know my husband portion of the evening. and no, he tried but almost succeeded. and NO, I’ve never been able to lick my own boob, if this is going to be part II of this questionnaire.

  2. MFA Mama

    Ummmyeah, so I really didn’t need to know that about the man in my life. Y’all are sick. And yes, I can like my own boob (double-jointed and on the busty side) but it’s not the same at ALL.

  3. CharmingBitch

    They all measure them and almost all of them try to suck them, of this I am certain.

    I refuse to believe the freaks and weirdos I have slept with/dated/married are THAT unique or imaginative in their special alone time endeavors.

  4. CP

    My present husband has not. I know for a fact that my second husband tried to, unsuccessfully, when he was a teenager. My first husband was a gymnast and showed me that he could do it.

    He was divorced by me shortly thereafter.

  5. SarahV

    I called my brother and asked him because I remembered he always had a big dick. He said he hasn’t tried but I don’t think I believe him. If he did though, I doubt he would have had any problem reaching it. Yes, it was that big.

  6. hello haha narf

    also? why do some men find it sexy for a woman to lick her own nipples? i’ve done it because he asked, but felt silly. didn’t feel nearly as good as it does when someone else is doing it.

    and why on earth am i sharing this with the internet? sheesh.

  7. Grant

    So, women don’t find it odd that we would get ourselves off by hand, but if we use our mouths then it’s weird? I think most guys I know tried as adolescents, but we all failed. I’ve heard that Ron Jeremy can manage it, but for most guys you have to be porn-sized to pull it off.

  8. melissa

    too many times in my life have I heard men talk about a dog’s ability to do this, that I believe (whether or not they will admit it) that a majority of men have attempted this at some point.

    I know a kid who says he is able to because of a car accident and missing ribs. I imagine a man would prefer not to have to the work himself though…am I not correct?

  9. Jay

    To show how stupid most men are, almost all of us have tried this, but then when we went to college we laughed at the guys taking yoga classes. We didn’t make the connection until it was too late. Flexibility is the key!

  10. Nenette

    I’m totally with @hello haha narf — Licking one’s own nipples really is nothing compared to having someone else do it. Not even close.
    I guess that’s not the case with sucking ones own dick, since there are so many how-to websites dedicated to it. Not too many how-to websites on licking ones nipples. Interesting.

  11. Clown

    I think what’s more surprising to me is that this was the first time for any of those 3 to hear about this considering how many times you’ve brought it up around me. That’s not even counting any of those weird bets you tried to make with me. Seriously… Issues.

  12. Faiqa

    You know, I came back to check the results and am shocked at the number of men who have tried this. Then, I realized that you’ve probably been stuffing the ballot box. You should totally move to Afghanistan and run for President.

  13. grumble girl

    I think if I guy can do it, then he should, no? Do what you want with your own bits… if I were limber enough, I’d probably try doing myself, but I’m pretty sure I’m not nearly bendy enough to get anywhere close. Maybe THAT’s why all the chick I know take yoga classes… interesting.

    • Dickie Maxx

      @Jason, Most men can learn to do it. Being skinny helps. Having a large dick also a plus. But really it is humanly possible for most men with practice.

  14. headbang8

    Call me one of the 14%. But not any more.

    I am absolutely astonished that your female friends and readers have acted with such revulsion. Men explore their bodies sensually just like women do. And enjoy meeting physical challenges–seeing what their body is capable of. Why not?

  15. Poppy

    Every man I know has either tried or fantasized about it and when he couldn’t accomplish the goal made someone else do it for him.

    I hear it feels really good.

    But I’m not going down on myself. That’s what men are for.

    And vibrators.

  16. JoAnne

    I tried as a teen and got close. Close enough that the temptation made me keep trying. Within a few weeks I got more limber and found better techniques. It was a euphoric moment when I first felt my lips and penis meet. It took much more practice before the overall result was worth it! Just barely reaching is not enough! I got better at it and could get quite a bit into my mouth. More depth when it was soft because I was thick when hard and it made it hard to get my mouth open wide enough when the position forced my chin so tightly against my chest. Suck my own from my teens into my early 40s. In my case I must have had a bi side because the real pleasure was feeling and tasting my cock. More so than my original thoughts of how good it would feel to have my charger co sucked. If you want to know more email me at nylonsblack@outlook.com

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