I. Hate. Puking. Before I had lap band surgery, if I ever felt like I had to puke, I would swallow my gorge and do whatever it took to prevent myself from vomiting. I figured that it was mind over matter, and if I could calm the savage seas of my stomach until it calmed down, I’d be fine.
Now I don’t have that luxury. See, the lap band is essentially a small band that fits around the top of my stomach, creating a four ounce pouch at the top. Since the nerves that tell your brain that you are full reside in the top of the stomach, merely four ounces of food creates the mental sensation of being full, and that feeling lasts for 4-5 hours. If you eat more than four ounces of food, or don’t chew your food enough, it will get caught as it tries to pass through the band, and you will be forced to vomit. There’s no mind over matter. Nothing you can do to convince your body to settle down. The only way that food can leave your body is back through your mouth. And that fucking sucks. But, for the most part, if you chew slowly and avoid really stringy foods, and don’t overeat, you won’t have to vomit.
If only that was it. But no, there’s more! The band is filled with saline, and there is a line from the band through my body that ends in a port under my skin about a foot below my left nipple. You can’t see the port from the outside, but you can feel a small hardness under my skin. The band’s saline slowly dissipates over time, so once every two months or so, the surgeon must inject more saline to tighten the band and keep the pouch as close to four ounces as possible. Most people who fail using the lap band do so because they do not go in regularly for adjustments and over time, they are able to eat more and more food.
The downfall to the adjustments is that your stomach muscle undergoes some swelling for 24-48 hours after the adjustment. This means that even liquids can be hard to swallow, and you must take very small sips.
I had an adjustment done on Monday (I was also under 300 pounds for the first time in probably 10 years), and it took me all day on Monday to drink a milkshake (quick aside: because you can only drink liquids after an adjustment, it’s important to get calories – protein shakes, gatorade, juice, and yes, milkshakes). The swelling got worse by Monday evening, which is normal. It usually takes about 8-10 hours for it to start being affected. By Tuesday morning, I wasn’t in the mood to eat or drink anything. I tried to eat some soup at lunch, but it was too much effort, so I stopped off and bought Gatorade.
And here I sit, 7:30 on Tuesday night, having only been able to drink about half a cup of Gatorade. An hour ago, I puked nothing but foam up for five minutes solid for no other reason than the adjustment was tight enough and the swelling was enough that even liquids have problems passing through the band. And I try to sip small, tiny sips of Gatorade so that I can get some type of nutrients.
I know the swelling will go down and I’ll be able to eat and drink soon. But right now, I’m hating life. And hating puking, although I don’t fear it quite as much. So I guess that’s one good thing.
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i’m so sorry to hear this, adam. i’m the person who cries for my mommy when i puke so i hate it too. i really hope you get to feeling better soon!
under three hundred though…..CONGRATS!!!!=)
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@Maddie Marie, oh, I bawl my eyes out when I puke, too. It’s very pathetic to see, I’m sure.
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Congrats on the weigh in under 300! That is a significant accomplishment! But I also hope you are feeling more comfortable real soon and able to resume some normalcy of eating.
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@Pop and Ice, me too – it even feels a bit better this morning and should get better throughout the day.
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Twitter: SarcasticMomLC
says:
Puking is near the top of my list of things I ABHOR. I also avoid it at all costs, always have. So many friends have told me, “Bah, just stick your finger down your throat, puke, and then you’ll feel better!” in the past. I punched every one of them in the throat just for suggesting I purposely puke.
Wish you weren’t feeling pukey, my friend.
But I saw something good in there – congrats on being under 300! That rocks.
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Twitter: WWScissors
on October 14th, 2009 at Wednesday, October 14, 2009 @ 1:12 am
@Sarcastic Mom, I am one of those people who, at times, would absolutely love to just stick my finger down my throat and puke to feel better. However, I am the type of girl who can tickle her uvula and still not initiate ye olde gag reflex. I’d make an awesome porn star. (Holy shit, I can’t believe I just said that!)
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@Sarcastic Mom, that’s how I’ve always been. Force myself to puke? Fuck off! Heh.
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Congrats on under 300!!!
Sliming and foaming, my least favorite things in the world to do…
A tip from me, don’t ever think you can drink soda…I’ve learned that lesson lately. Dumb girl.
Reminds me, need to make Dr. Appt. Haven’t been since the Spring…
Signed…been there, done that…January 24, 2008.
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@Julie @ Angry Julie Monday, it’s strange how it affects everyone differently. I can drink soda pretty easily, and when I’m feeling normal, I might have one a day.
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Oh Adam I’m sorry, that sucks. I’m the same way about puking….I’m like the Seinfeld episode where Jerry hasn’t puked since ninety-something….I hope you feel better soon.
But congrats on the weight loss anyway. : )
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@Kim, yeah, I was like that too! Until I had the surgery, I hadn’t puked for almost 7 years, and then before that, it had been at least 10-12 years.
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Twitter: floatingprncess
says:
I guess I’m weird, I don’t mind puking as much as a lot of people. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t like it and I don’t do it on purpose, but it usually serves a purpose and I will hopefully feel better afterward. I know that’s probably not the case for your situation, and I really hope you feel better soon.
Congrats on the fabulous weigh-in!
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@floating princess, I know other people who don’t mind especially if it will make them feel better. I wish I was like that!
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The only time I have ever minded throwing up is if I am in public or if it falls on a day I haven’t scrubbed the toilet. I often fantasize about bulimia as a way to control my weight, but since Ive heard so many horror stories I have yet to try it.
I hope the swelling goes down very very soon Adam, and congrats on dropping below 300.
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@bluepaintred, oh I can’t even imagine puking into a dirty toilet. That’s horrible. And don’t become bulimic – it rots your teeth!
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I just read all the background just now. I think I started reading your blog right after you posted that. Truly impressive story. Sorry to hear you’re having a rough time, but it sounds like overall you are kicking a whole bunch of ass.
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@Shane, thanks.
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Twitter: Amanda234
says:
1. Wow, congrats on the under 300! Way to go.
2. I don’t mind throwing up, especially if I’ve been drinking, but really, anytime. It doesn’t bother me.
3. “swallow my gorge” almost made me throw up
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@Amanda, maybe if I drank, I’d get more used to puking as an avenue to make me feel better, although I don’t know.
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Dude, that sucks. I’m sorry.
BUT. Congrats on being under 300! That’s definitely something to be proud of.
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@Chibi Jeebs, yeah, I’m pretty happy about that. In between puking.
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Under 300 is AWESOME.
The puking is not.
I hope this settles down soon.
In other sucky news, NO ONE wants to work for me the night of the Halloween party. I might have to call in and tell them I’m PUKING!
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@Little Miss Sunshine State, you must call in sick and come to the party. No excuses!
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Welcome to your first trimester, only that band is made of human. You have my sympathies.
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@Mr Lady, well, if this is what it’s like, so much for my plan to become the first pregnant man.
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Twitter: WWScissors
says:
Yay for the great weigh-in! Boo for everything else. I had no idea that lap-band surgery was such a pain in the ass to manage. Here’s a dumb question: is it permanent? Or do you use it until you’re at the weight you want to be and then gradually release it? Or remove it?
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@Lynn (Walking With Scissors), over time, your stomach will shrink enough that you can let the band stay very loose and eat normally – you just have to be careful about not getting back into bad habits. You can have it removed, as well, but that requires more surgery, which always has its inherent risks.
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Yuck. And also Yea! So, um, yeah.
Heh.
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@Headless Mom, exactly how I feel.
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puking? ain’t no thang. go you on getting under the 300 lb mark.
i know *nothing* about lap band surgery and/or adjustments, but are you sure that you should still be yakking foam and slime? like, the 48 hrs is almost up, does it get better slowly or all of a sudden? just asking, just concerned, is all.
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@Stone Fox, depending on the swelling, sometimes it can take a little longer than 48 hours. This morning, it feels better – not 100%, but better.
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Strength, Adam.
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@headbang8, thanks.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
Is this forever?
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@Poppy, over time, I’ll have less frequent adjustments, and I also plan on talking to him during my next appointment to see if he has any suggestions.
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whoa. i had no idea so much was involved — so much suck, that is.
hopefully it’ll pass soon.
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@Crys, yeah, it’s already feeling a bit better. Thanks.
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I do know some of what you are talking about. I had a full gastric bypass 3 years ago (though I wish the Lap band was an option then becuase I have a bunch of problems now) and I still puke all the time. But I cannot really take in any dairy and sugar combination becuase I get terrible “dumping”. So for me, things like milk shakes, pudding, ice cream, and most yogurts are a death wish.
Congrats on your progress!
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@Karen, I’ve been lucky because very few foods bother me. I’m sorry to hear that you’re having problems now.
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I don’t know. You, bent over the bowl…strikes me as kind of sexy.
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@CP, you’re totally a top, aren’t you?
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I’m so sorry, Adam. It sounds miserable : ( Hope the adjustment effects wear off soon…
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@cat, it is miserable. I already feel a bit better today, though.
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I almost threw up just reading this, anything about puke makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t know if I could handle all that, that sounds so fucking awful!!
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@Robin, it’s been the worst part to get used to.
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Oh Adam. I’m sorry it’s been so rough lately. I’d rather have explosive diarrhea all day than puking.
When I was pregnant with Hudson I was barfing constantly, AND! not only was I barfing I was peeing my pants because I would be retching so badly.
Pretty picture, right?
Thinking about you friend. I hope it gets easier. *hugs*
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@sam {temptingmama}, same here – I’d rather shit my brains out than puke any day.
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I have to say thank you for the insights into what people who do the lapband surgery have to go through. I had no idea. And what you’re telling me (us, sorry) sucks. However, being under 300 has to be major, for you. Congratulations. And somehow, I don’t think it’s necessary to tell you to hang in there. Somehow, I’m sure you will.
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@lceel, yup. With my nails dug deep.
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Congratulations on being under 300! What an accomplishment!
I’m sorry about the puking. My son has as stomach disorder that makes him puke and I see how uncomfortable he is. He used to puke literally hundreds of times a day until we got him on the right medicine. I feel for you and hope it settles down soon so you can get some nutrients in and not puke.
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@radioactive tori, wow, I can’t imagine having a disorder like that. He must be very brave.
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Hey wow, congrats on being under 300 pounds. That is so awesome! In fact it’s super radical badical, even.
Sorry you actually had to puke like the rest of us commoners.
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@Hilly, I know – I should go shop at Walmart next!
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Gia’s sister was just up here last week to get an adjustment on her lap band. Not a fill, but actual surgery. Her band “pro-lapsed” is what I think they call it. It had slipped and it wasn’t in the correct position. So they took all the saline out of the band and waited to see if it went back to the proper position. It didn’t. So the cutters had to go back in and reset it.
Gia had bigger problems with her band, but that was back in the primitive days of lap banding. What happened to her pretty much never happens anymore.
Congrats on the puking and the losing of weight!!!
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@B.E. Earl, the newer bands apparently have fewer slippage issues, but that’s one of my big fears. Was she getting regular adjustments or not following instructions with regards to overeating?
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@Avitable, She was really into it and getting super-regular adjustments. It was on the last one that the doctor noticed the slippage. Or she did when she still couldn’t keep anything down after a few days. I forget which. So they loosened it and asked her to leave it alone for a few months before doing anything. Which is what she did. Got it fixed last week. She’s doing great now.
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Awesome on the under 300lbs thing!! That is so totally cool. I guess there will be less of you for me to meet when I go to Avitaween!
I hate puking too. With the exception of bulimics, I don’t know anyone who does like it!
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@Blondefabulous, well, most people don’t like it, but they’ll do it because they know it will make them feel better. I won’t even do that!
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Okay, so you cry, too, when you puke. The last time I barfed, I moaned and cried on the floor, getting louder and louder until it finally was loud enough to wake up my wife so I could get some sympathy.
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@Badass Geek, heh. I totally bawl. I’ve always joked that it must sound like this: “BLARRRGGGH hoohoohoo BLARRRGGGGH hoohoohoo.”
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Blargh. So the band makes you an unwilling bulimic. I hate puking too, so I feel your pain, man! Hope you feel better soon.
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@Yellaphant, thanks.
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Twitter: Faiqa
says:
Yaaay under 300 lbs!! I’m really proud of you.
Also? Are you *sure* you’re not pregnant. Refer to yesterday’s comment to get the full effect of the funniness.
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@Faiqa, you, my dear, are chock full of funniness.
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I always said I’d make a shitty bulimic. (Well, ok, I could do the binge part easily enough if chocolate and vodka were involved.) I simply cannot stand to puke. I’m in the realm of praying for death, retching until I have petechiae in my face and cheeks (you know – those little broken blood vessels), and to top it out I’m a LOUD puker, so of course the entire neighborhood hears me both barfing and crying for my mommy.
I’m hoping things regulate for you soon. Puking blows chunks!
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@Kris, I’m pretty loud too. All in all, it’s pretty fucking undignified!
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Oh, and WTG!!
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Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
Yay for under 300!
Also, nobody LIKES puking. I hope you stop puking soon. Puking puking puking. xo
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@Karen Sugarpants, thanks. Me too!
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
considering the amount of alcohol i have consumed in my life, i’m no stranger to hurling. also? i get car sick. oh yeah…no stranger to puking. guess i am trying to say it isn’t the worst thing in the world. hanging one’s head in a toilet bowl pretty much is, though. blech!
but back to you! yaaaaaaay, you for being under 300!! sorry that it comes along with such icky times. other than adjustment periods, how do you feel physically? all in all, you are glad you did the surgery, right?
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@hello haha narf, After reading I’m wondering the same thing. You are glad you did the surgery, right, Adam?
Hope you’re tip top soon. Sorry to hear about the puking and such. No fun.
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@lydia, yup – still glad!
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@hello haha narf, totally glad that I did the surgery, yes. It’s worth any of these little speed bumps.
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Twitter: perpstu
says:
Woohoo for the under 300 news! Boo for the pukeyness. I hate throwing up more than anything in the world. I hope it’s better today!
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@perpstu, yeah, me too. Worse thing ever.
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
So when I see you next week and give you a hug it will be the port and not that you’re happy to see me?
Sorry you’re feeling crappy, but congrats on going below 300; that’s amazing!
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@Finn, well, it will probably be both. Expect to be poked, woman!
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I feel you, which I mean in an anal sex plus a reacharound kind of way. :p Actually, I know what it’s like to have to readjust your life to deal with a medical condition. I think I finally have the shart attacks under control, but I have to be mindful of my diet and physical activity every day.
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@Grant, I think I’d prefer sharting over this. Puking is the worst thing in the world.
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
I admire your tenacity and courage to go through this…it doesn’t sound fun. I have a family member who’s considering it, and I talked about “my friend Adam” who’s doing it. I would direct her to your blog posts like this, if only they weren’t so foul (to be fair, I don’t direct any family members to my blog, either).
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@muskrat, if she has questions, please feel free to give her my email address. I’d be happy to talk to her about everything.
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Twitter: Jayman3768
says:
That’s rough. I think anyone who undergoes this procedure and endures these things and sticks with the program like you have is an inspiration though. Congrats on being under 300!
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@Jay, thanks. I think sticking to it is all you can do if you’re going to do something as drastic as surgery.
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That sounds pretty miserable. I’m sorry you have to go through that.
Congrats on being under 300!
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@dawn, thanks.
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Twitter: nycwatchdog
says:
Unlike on The Office, I don’t mind watching other people puke.
There’s just something about seeing them feebly pray to the porcelain god in complete and utter weakness (usually from their own indulgences) that make me feel sympathetic to them.
Until they get it on my boots. Then it’s fucking on like Donkey Kong.
But none of that is neither here nor there… because I tend to think the fact your under 300 lbs (and therefore lighter than I am) makes it worth it.
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@NYCWD, it is definitely worth it, no matter how much I hate puking.
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Better than a hangover puke. Sort of a health puke. Hang in there, Adam.
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@always home and uncool, yeah, but a hangover puke makes you feel better, right?
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@Avitable, Until you wake up and find it all over yourself.
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I don’t know anyone who LIKES to puke. Well, okay- there are some people.
Anyway, I hate that you have to go through this – hope you feel better soon!
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@Sybil Law, thanks.
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That blows goats, dude. I’m in the pro-puking camp myself. Hope you feel better soon.
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@Holmes, so you like puking or you see it as a necessary evil that you’ll willingly undertake if you feel bad?
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@Avitable, Yeah, I should have been a bit clearer about that. I just meant that I appreciate the relief that comes with a good yak. I’m not one to gag myself, but when my stomach starts churning and urges me towards the porcelain, I don’t argue.
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Somebody may have pointed this out already, but sometimes the doctor has to take out a little of the “top up” saline. I know this because a co-worker in my last job had the same surgery so we talked about her experiences every day for over a year. Sometimes she had to sleep upright in a chair for a couple of nights just to get through.
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@DanjerusKurves, yeah, the band was adjusted a bit too tightly. I went back today and had him re-adjust and I’m a million times better.
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It’s ok, my little crumpet. I will hold you til you can eat again.
It’s ok that I call you ‘crumpet’, right?
Seriously though, feel better.
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@The Demigod, heh. Crumpet, eh. I like the sound of that.
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Oh I hate puking as well. But its worth it, isn’t it? I mean under 300! Woot!
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@melanie, it is worth it in the long run, yeah.
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I am well-versed in that mind-over-matter thing. I do whatever it takes to NOT vomit at aLL COSTS. I could medal in breathing exercises.
I am SO sorry. this is such a shitty side-effect. thinking of you.
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@ali, should we have a “who can avoid puking”-off some day? I wonder which of us would win!
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Congrats on achieving the under 300. I’m sorry you have to suffer through this side effect though.
I don’t mind puking because I usually start to feel better afterward.
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@MariaV, yeah, there is that benefit, that you feel better after. I still hate it.
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Eeeeek! I refuse to throw up. Last time was three years ago and before that it was like, seven years or something. I’d rather have a cut that needs stitches. I’ll FEEL better? SCREW YOU. I’d feel better not puking, thanks. This is most of why I don’t drink to inebriation.
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Twitter: Beccas4
says:
I’m so sorry, I hate puking too. My partner has actually only thrown up once in the 3 and a half years I’ve known her because of her ability to use mind over matter. Good luck with everything!
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plenty of positive, praising post-ers parade puking parables.
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@avatgardener, Veritable Vendela vomits to victory.
(she’s a supermodel, meaning skinny which Adam will be in time)
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Hooraaaays for the weight loss!
Boooooos for the pukeage.
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Waaaaaaahh. Boo freakin’ hoo.
You’ve been puking. I feel so fucking bad for you.
You know what I had to do today? I had to force a delicious red velvet cupcake with cream cheese icing down. It was so tasty I could not stand it. You talk about hating to puke, I hate eating delicious things! I think I’m going to go make some bacon and try to deal with how wonderfully crunchy and awesome it is. I’m the one really suffering!
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Twitter: elizawhat
says:
I have a huge problem with puking. I would rather go through painful torture than throw up. You are really freaking brave. I hope everything smooths out soon!
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Wow…I’m proud of you for being so diligent about getting the band tightened, despite how heinous it is. Now I feel like a loser for crying about my lack of wine, bread & caffeine.
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Oh Adam. I’m so sorry you felt miserable. Gah. I really hope you feel better.
And I can’t tell you how damn proud I am of you for dropping below 300. GOOD on YOU!!!
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Wow – congrats on the weight loss. That’s fantastic. The puking? Sucks. I’m really sorry you have to deal with that. My BIL is going thru a similar thing right now. He is really looking terrific though and his confidence is soaring as his weight decreases. It’s awesome how empowered he’s become. I am sorry you feel awful, but I think it’s wonderful what you’re accomplishing!
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I had the full bypass two weeks ago, and I totally feel your pain with the puking. It is uncontrollable, and with the small amount I am allowed and able to put into my body I do alot of foaming too. It sucks, and I am glad it passes for you quickly
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I don’t mind puking because it’s often a result of drinking too much and I’ll end up feeling a lot better after.
The Lap Band sounds like crap! You should have taken my advice and gone on the Chocolate Pudding and Crack Cocaine diet!
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@Dave2, You drink? Somebody here has been saying you are straight edge.
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@Clown, Well… only when I go to Halloween parties where I have to fly out at 7:00am the next morning…
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Puking, for any reason, is never good. 5 mins straight is harsh.
Look at it this way, you had a cool blog post that had 120 comments.
Seriously, hope the swelling goes down soon.
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Dude, you’re under 300 now? That is wicked-awesome. Good for you!! So sorry for the case of the pukes though… I just HATE puking, (but in my case, that’s usually from imbibing too much hooch AND smoke at the same time – I’m an asshole that way sometimes) but I hope you feel better now… I’m so stoked for you. Go Adam, go, Go, GO!!!
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Congratulations on your weight loss! It sounds like such a high price to pay though…physically. I know you would have done your research and that this was the best intervention for you, but do you have to endure this the rest of your life?
I hope you’re feeling better soon.
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Twitter: s_csr
says:
I don’t *like* to puke, d’uh, that’d be cah-razy and even I’m not that fucked up.
BUT I will say that after a while, you get used to it and can puke anywhere. I only know this because of pregnancy puking – I was a constant vomit spewer the entire time, both times.
and yes, that does rot your teeth.
Oh! And, ya know, congrats on being a light weight
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Oh, my dear, I’m sorry you felt so pukey. Are you feeling better today?
I try to avoid throwing up too. It’s just so exhausting. More exhausting than the illness I’m suffering through. Except when it’s alcohol related.
So happy that you’ve moved below 300. Very happy. Congrats.
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I’m sorry you’re going through this. There is something to be said about the reality of this surgery — to be one THOSE commenters — it’s probably helped people to see the reality of what lapband surgery is… (not a magic solution.)
Will they keep doing that forever? Or will they it loosen once you hit a target weight?
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I’m really late on commenting. I had no idea you had lapband. I have not known anyone that overweight having lapband and being so successful. I’m very impressed — but then again, you’re a very determined guy. I’m sorry you are having the puking problem!! I had gastric by-pass three years ago. Totally different on some levels,but weight-loss surgery nonetheless. I was impressed to see that you have NO scars. I know it was laproscopic, but still. Mine was as well, but then again, different surgery. Good luck, Adam.
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Twitter: whall
says:
I’m commenter 127. Doesn’t that mean I win your lap band when you’re done with it? I don’t want to pay for a new one, so I figured if I won this here blog contest, I get yours.
PS: I didn’t read any of the previous comments, like your blog rules state.
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I’ve been wondering how the whole lap band thing works. I can understand it a lot better now. And Gatorade. Poor guy.
Congrats on being in the 200 club! I was a member for many years. You will be in the 1′s before you know it!
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*hugs* I hate puking too.
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